CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Memory Lane
May 29th, 1979.

A few months had passed and summer was a few weeks away. Lily had made it home, and to be completely honest, James thought she would never come back. She knocked on their door on Christmas Eve and asked if she could spend the holidays with the Potter--of course, none of them refused the sweet red-head. James and Lily never talked about Daphne Rosier again, almost as if she was forbidden. Lily had refused to attend Daphne's classes, despite wanting to learn Occlumency. James hadn't been asked to go yet but he was dreading the moment he would have to because he didn't want to hide things from Lily, not anymore.

"Hello, my sweet family!" Sirius' voice echoed through the manor as James could already hear his mum chuckling as she always did whenever Sirius came home. "Mum, where's James?"

"Upstairs with Lily," she replied. The walls were thin so he could hear everything that was said downstairs. "Sirius, I have made you some pudding. Come sit, love."

James glanced at Lily's head that was resting on his chest, her lips were slightly parted and he could feel her hot breath on his skin. Her eyes were shut tight despite the sun pricking through the window. Merlin, he loved it.

"Lils, darling," he whispered, his hand running through her hair. One thing he had learnt was to be delicate whenever he had to wake up Lily Evans. "Sirius is downstairs," he notified as she groaned, bringing the sheets over her head.

"Is it only a matter of time before this wanker makes it upstairs?" She queried, more like mumbled.

James laughed, "My mum bought us time with some pudding, but it won't last."

"Alright," she muttered, sitting up. Lazily, she pecked his cheek and got out of bed to dress. "James?"

"Yes, love?"

"We should move out, somedays," she started as he frowned. "I do love living with Euphemia and Fleamont but don't you think we should move out? And, really live together?"

"Is it what you want? I mean, really want, Lils?" He asked softly as he dressed. "I do not want us to go too fast and--I want you to be okay with this."

Lily smiled, "James, trust me, I want this. If I am being honest, I have been thinking about it for a while since you know, I don't really have anyone waiting for me in the Muggle world...Petunia is with Vermont and my parents passed away," she said sadly as he bit the inside of his cheeks.

Their death had affected him too. James had seen them a handful of times, they had been nothing but kind with him. Especially, her father--he had shown James all this strange Muggle stuff that he had never seen before. Even during his few classes of Muggle Studies. It happened not too long after Christmas, Lily had visited the week before and told James they looked perfectly fine. Then, the next week, Petunia called and simply said 'Mum and Dad passed away in a car accident'. Lily's world seemed to have crumbled down and James had done his best to help her.

"You're my family now, James. I wouldn't want it another way," she admitted. "So, yes I'm sure I want to find a place we could call home."

James couldn't help but wrap his arms around his girlfriend and spin her around. Lily's laughs were the only sound he could hear as he spun her in the air, and quite honestly he could never get enough of it. Sure thing, James Potter was one of the happiest men alive.

That was until a non-corporeal patronus appeared in the middle of the living room as Lily and him sat on the couch. He glanced nervously at her before focusing back on the patronus in front of them. It had to be someone from the Order because very few knew where they both stayed.

"Potter," the voice echoed and James knew instantly who it was: Alastor Moody. "Meet me at the Three Broomsticks. Two o'clock. Do not be late."

The patronus faded away as Lily frowned, she looked quite worried, "Isn't it strange?" She then asked. "That he wants only you. Not us. But, you."

"I don't know, Lils," he looked down at the watch Lily had gifted him on Christmas, and sighed. "I should get ready or I might be late."

Lily hummed, "Go on," she smiled. "Moody hates when someone is late!"

"Right," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I love you, Lils."

"I love you too, James."

James couldn't think of any reason why he would ask for only him to come and at the Three Broomsticks. He hoped it was nothing too bad as he walked to the closest Apparating point he could think of. As his feet touched the floor, a strange feeling of nostalgia hit him--he could smell the chocolate shop down the road, the laughs of young students as they wandered the streets. He missed it.

"Potter," Moody spoke up as soon as James walked through the door.

Madam Rosmerta smiled widely at him, "Oi, James! It's been a while. How is Black?"

"Hello, Rosmerta," James answered. "He's doing quite alright. You know him."

She chuckled, "Oh that I do," she said, clasping his shoulder with her hand. "Alright, men. Two firewhisky on the house."

"Thank you, Rosmerta," Alastar replied before James could say anything. He motioned for James to follow him until they were clearly out of sight. "Sit down."

"You're not going to kill me, are you?"

He scoffed, "No, my boy. I could," he said. "You are probably wondering why have I asked you to come here, out of all the places," he spoke up as James hummed. "As you know, Evans hasn't made it to any Occlumency classes--I do not know why but all I know is that one of you two needs it. Considering your close relationship with Rosier, I made you come here."

"Moody, I can't," he was fast to answer, almost as if he was begging to not go. "It is because of my close relationship with her that I can't. If I may add, it is old history."

"There's a war, Potter. Do you reckon they care about old history?" He almost shouted and James almost jumped back in his seat, afraid. "Rosier is one of our most talented witches, it is not by accident that he chose her! Her only."

"Yes, but--"

"There is no but! Rosier will teach you Occlumency, if I ever hear that you are not attending the classes, you'll hear from me. Are we clear, Potter?" James simply gave him a nod. "The classes take place in Hogwarts. Seventh floor. It starts in exactly ten minutes."

"Are you bloody joking? I'm going to be late!"

James cursed under his breath as he ran up the same path he had used many times before when he was still a student. He loathed that Moody had obligated him to attend, he loathed even more looking so weak--unable to say no. After all, Moody was right. No one would care that he and Daphne had history. If he hadn't been pushed to do it, he would have said no and stayed with Lily because he feared that he would lose her, if she knew about it.

He knew that Sirius and Remus went. It was a surprise to know that Sirius had made up with Daphne. From what he had heard, Daphne was now coming almost every weekend with Fabian. Sirius seemed to like Fabian, too.

Walking through the corridors, he pondered if he really had to go or he could just turn the other way and head back to his house. But somehow, he found himself in front of the only classroom on the Seventh floor. The floor was dead silent, he couldn't even hear the birds chirping outside.

"James, you can come in," Daphne's voice reverberated from behind the door as his eyes opened wide. How did she hear him?

"Right," he replied nervously, pushing the door open. He set his eyes on her frame, gulping slowly at the sight of her. "Sorry, I might be a bit late..."

Daphne shrugged, "Moody told me you would be late," she responded.

He sat down and took a look around, "Am I the only one?"

"Occlumency lessons are individuals," she explained, clearing her throat. "It is a bit tricky and might take us time. Though, we can go faster if you're willing to meet me halfway."

He hummed, "Right, yeah. Of course," he answered, trying to shake away the same old feeling he had whenever she was around. "So, how does it work? Do you just dive into my mind and hope for me to do something?"

She chuckled, sitting on the desk, "Something like that. But first, I need you to explain it to you. Moody's orders."

James nodded his head, trying to show her that he was okay in making it work because he wasn't a fool. He knew that it was needed.

"As you may have heard, Tom Riddle is a Legilimens, which means he can see what is going on in your mind. What you're thinking of. Who you're thinking of...Occlumency prevents that from happening. It is ancient and also a great way to avoid being under the Imperius curse."

"Have you, you know, ever been under the Imperius curse?" James found himself asking because his curious nature got the best of him and all he wanted was to ask questions about who she was now. "I mean, sorry it's probably not appropriate."

She smiled, "No, no, all questions are appropriate in my class, Potter," she told him as he couldn't help but snort. "I've never been under the Imperius curse, I've seen some people being under it though. It is not pleasant."

"How do you reckon it feels like?"

She shrugged, "Empty? You're here but not really. You are fully aware of what is happening around you, and yet you are obligated to do things that you are probably not okay with. It must feel awful."

"Alright."

Daphne offered him a smile, "So, since you are a stranger to this practice, we will start with the easy way first. If you manage to get better then we will try to make it a bit harder, okay?" He nodded as she went on. "In order to resist a Legilimens, you will have to make your mind blank and empty."

"That is complicated," he said with a frown.

Daphne sighed, "I know but you can do it, James. You're smart and talented," she said, walking closer until she was standing in front of him. Her hand reached for his shoulder as she gave it a squeeze. "Breathe in, breathe out, yeah?"

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and gave Daphne the signal to start trying to break through his mind. He knew how complicated that would be because there was too much going on in his head, he knew that.

"Legilimens!" She shouted loudly as James jolted in his seat. He could feel her going through his mind, looking at certain memories and he had no power over her. All of a sudden, they stopped at a memory as if they were just stuck on it and bound to watch it. Perhaps that was James building up defences.

James felt his breath shortened as he reached the hospital. Just like every other day, he joined Lily for her lunch break but today as he approached the Hospital, he could only hear yells and cries. Turning his head to the other side of the road, he could see the known black smoke and hurried into the building.

His head turned to the end of the corridor where he could perceive Mary, her wand was pointing something or someone as she mumbled words he couldn't hear. As he finally stood next to her, he saw Daphne falling to the ground and despite the eyes on him, he ran to her.

"Daphne!" He shouted loudly but it seemed that she couldn't turn around to look or to feel. "Daphne, oi, can you hear me?" He watched as she moved her head slightly but let out a cough as soon as her body moved, "Mary, with what curse did you hit her? Mary, answer me!"

James was the one pulling back as Daphne's hands moved away from his head. She turned on her heels rapidly and cleared her throat. They both stayed silent as Daphne faced the other way. James didn't know how to react to this memory, it still brought him great pain to see her so unresponsive. At that moment, he thought he was going to lose her and he didn't know if there was a world where James Potter would be okay with losing Daphne Rosier.

"I'm sorry," she finally muttered. "It can happen sometimes--to get stuck on a painful memory," she added.

"It's fine," he lied gently because he could hear how sorry she was. "Did it happen with the others?"

Daphne nodded quietly, "I saw Sirius getting beat up by his mother, Remus seeing his dad leave and Emmeline seeing her mum die. I don't like having access to painful memories but it is the most effective way so it can never happen again," she explained. "You cannot allow yourself to think about Lily, your parents, your friends or even me--it could put us in danger."

"I know that!" He shouted angrily. "Don't you think I know that, Daphne?"

"Then do bloody better, James! Do you think I like being in a tiny classroom with you for hours? As if we were having those clandestine meetings again?"

James gulped, "I liked them."

"You can't say that," she warned him as she shook her head, disapproving. "So, so, bloody wrong, James."

"Why? Why is it wrong of me to say that I liked that moment of my life?"

"Because it is!"

He shrugged, "I don't think it is wrong. I liked meeting you in empty classrooms—"

"James, let's not," she cut him off, her lips forming a thin line. "Can we start again? You were getting the hang of it."

He nodded his head, doing the same things as earlier. He closed his eyes, breathed out and patiently waited for her to invade his mind. It went on for hours. The same word, the same path, the same frustrated grunt escaping his lips as he failed again and again.

Daphne pulled away as she saw a vivid memory of him and Lily, "Sorry," he said, his chest raising up and down. Clearly, he was flustered from the memory--even ashamed. "I'm really sorry that you had to see this, Daphne. I didn't mean to."

"James, it's fine."

He shook his head, biting his lower lip, "No, it's not."

"Let's take a break, yeah? I reckon we both need it," she said as he hummed.

He cleared his throat, clearly not wanting to spend his break in utter silence and spoke up, "How was Christmas? Did you see your parents again?"

"Oh," she said softly, not expecting it. "No, I haven't seen them in months--well, no, that is a lie. I have seen them but didn't talk to them. They are pissed at me," she snorted while shaking her head. "I spent Christmas at Weasley, a beautiful family."

"Right! Fabian's sister, isn't it? I heard she only had boys."

Daphne chuckled with a nod, "She did. There are four. Charlie, Percy, Fred and George. They are awfully cute, though."

"You know, Daphne, I am happy that you got to meet his family. He's a lucky git, isn't he?"

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Because he gets to have you, to have you on his arm and in public. All I ever hoped for. That is why he is a lucky bloke," Daphne opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off. "I'm not saying that I want this, what you two have. I wanted that at some point."

"I know," she replied quietly. "Ja--"

"And, sometimes, I found myself thinking of how fun it would have been, if you'd have been the one."

"Oh."

"Do not get me wrong, I do love Lily so bloody much but--"

Daphne stood up, her hands cupping his face as he went instantly silent, not used to feeling her touch anymore. Heavenly, that's how it felt. Her eyes scanned his eyes and for a mere moment, he was taken back to all the times her soft hands would caress his face.

"James, I--there is no need to justify yourself for loving Lily," she explained with a smile. "We loved each other but now we love other people, and it isn't wrong of us to move on. Find something better."

There was a pause and James thought, there was nothing better than us.

"I love Fabian and you love Lily. Aren't you happy? I know you are, I've seen it," she whispered, her hands still on his face. "Of course, it would have been fun, if you'd have been the one but--perhaps I'm yours and you are mine in another universe."

"In another universe, right," he repeated. He vividly recalled saying similar things to her during a date in Hogsmeade after a fight with Lily.

James remembered every single detail from this afternoon, to the blue sweater she wore and the smile she wore. He even remembered the things he had said to her, how he was hers in every universe and every other planet if they existed there.

Knocks echoed through the classroom as Daphne rapidly pulled her hands away and looked at the door. Soon, Fabian's head appeared in the frame as he gave her a soft smile.

"Hello you," he whispered, approaching her. His hand slid around her waist as he pecked her cheek, making her blush lightly. "Hey, Potter."

"Hey, Prewett."

"I'm waiting for you outside," he notified as he walked back out of the classroom, leaving them alone.

Daphne let out a sigh, "I guess we are over for today, James."

"He does make you happy," he uttered as she nodded. "I'm happy for you."

Daphne's lips curled upwards as he offered her a small smile, "Thank you. I'm happy for you too. Tell Lily, she can come here and try to learn Occlumency."

"I'll tell her."

"Oh, and James?" He hummed, turning to look at her. "If you want it to work, you need to suppress all these memories. Put them in a tiny little box on one side of your brain and just...forget about it whenever you are in danger. You are too good for this world, which makes it very possible to--see through you. You love feeling things and you are not scared to show it, so you need to work on that."

"Easier to say than to do," he said softly. "Alright, have a nice evening, Daphne. I'll see you soon I guess."

"Yes, you too."

As he walked away, he realised how much he despised walking down memory lane because he hated running into old and painful memories. Sadly, most of them included Daphne and he wasn't so sure that these Occlumency classes would help him somehow.

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authors note, ok we're back with a good and LONG update! so yay to me🤗

chapter from james' perspective, haven't done this since that chapter during their break PLEASE but i liked it 🥰🥰🥰 i hope you did too

much love mwah