In the morning, after a shower, I decide to ditch the blonde wig and add a small amount of foundation. I feel odd about objectifying myself to the standards of beauty....doing this makes other women feel insecure and causes jealousy secretly doubled with envy. I never liked being that girl...even in high school. My memories swarm me back to a locker room. I sit on a bench, tying my shoes. A clique of teenage girls eye me down, throwing death stares at my sports bra, holding my size C boobs perfectly. My leggings shape my hips and ass nicely. "I bet she got work done." One girl says loud enough so I can hear her leering tone.

"Well, duh, the filler queen has lip injections too." Olivia, a girl I thought was cool, we talked a few times on the bus before...until I got gym class and out showed my shape. "Her dad's a Doctor, so it's free...no way she's a natural." Some girls would have snapped back, but I was raised to ignore ignorance and separate rumors from facts.

The saying stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, is my motto. So why am I letting random people on TikTok hurt me? Change me? I vowed not to let my looks get to me. I want to be more than a pretty face...yet I'm letting comment sections and numbers steer me away from my morals. Why...do I care after all? Do I want praise after all??

If my girlfriend has hope, shouldn't I? No...because it will end fast...like I said, social media stars have no longevity. I peer at my phone with a half tempted expression. If those girls back in high school thought I paid for my looks, does that mean I was above average?? Was that not an over-exaggeration?

Should I have observed myself in the mirror and accepted that I could have lived off my appearance alone? If I had, where would I be? I bet it wouldn't be a rented room in a bummy two-flat in the ghetto. I bet I could afford a computer for school instead of working from a small phone.

No way she's a natural, the teenage girl's words drone in my head. A natural what? A natural beauty...I think that's what she meant. I wonder if anyone else thinks I have fake beauty. My eyes stay on the phone, which is on my bed. I inch to the bed in my towel. I can take a quick peek, then go about my day. Just a few seconds. When the phone is in my hand, I return to the text link and stall on clicking it again.

"No..." I toss the phone back onto my bed. "No...I don't care. I need to get ready for work." Well, duh, the filler queen has lip injections too; the words from the locker room sound in my mind again. I grab the phone again. "Just this one time...then I'll get ready for work."  I visit the link.

The post has 6.877k hearts and 677 comments now. I read what everyone is saying about me.

Adrian: Snack 🤤

LillyK: Omg she's so hot!

Kristin: Definitely worth a read 😉

JoBro: 😳

CatnipBum: What's her insta...so I can slide in my library card 😏

MichaelJones997: Boner alert 🚨

KateHart: Omg, I wished I looked like that 😭

RachaelWilkinsBi: Looks like a movie star oml

IronMan3000: Beauty goals!

JasonLovett: THOES BOOBS🕵️PURKY PURKY!

SusanDawson: Meanwhile, I look like 🥔

WilliamFrank: @KayOlo22, this is the honeypot

JessicaTwilightVoice: Looks like she had work done...so not hot 🙄

AllisonGrey: Boobs look fake 👀

JamesHead: She's like a 6 😂

LipMeme: Beautiful goddess, bless me with that booty 🙏

ChrisEllen: A Pornhub career will follow soon 🤤

PollyWantsACracker99: Hot librarian 🥴 me horny now

HomerSimp: Meh 🥱 show her naked

DavidThompson: What's her name?? Worst OP ever no dets at all...

NinaBitch: Her skin is perfect...it glows 😫

CumberStrange: No fair, ugh...I'm so flat-chested 😢

XXX: Gorgeous babe suck my dick 🙃

Lindsey: Damn baby, those lips have their own place on a map, hmm

HotTotsScot: Her name? 😡

Vivjan: I'm hotter btw 👩🏾‍💻

HolyWaterThot: She aight 😑 chill...

CattyVamp: Give me some of ur beauty. I'm ugly 💀

SoloHolo: Life is bogus asf

No...this isn't me. Reading criticisms belong to another girl. Not me. Why did I even view it?? I could have gone without the feedback on myself. I know I'm attractive. I know that girls are jealous...although this opened my eyes to being envied. I never had that happen to me before.

That's new, but everything else is old news. I'm still amazed that the numbers increased. If only I got paid from views.

I stare at the cracked ceiling and my mattress in a bare room. I debate a possibility. Should I take on this boost and turn it into money?? Barnes and Nobel pays $11.82 to cashiers; I work full time and barely make $1k. That's nothing after rent and bills, plus ubering to work. My school check is the only thing that holds me over for food. I would like a change. But, I've been doing it for this long. I might as well keep going.

I get dressed in slacks, a blouse, and closed-toed flats. My hair is in its natural state, no wig. I almost wipe off the makeup I put on but decide to leave it. There's that curiosity again...I doubt I will be filmed again today. Last time I didn't even know I was being recorded.

On my way out the door, my eyes trail to a paper check laying on my mattress. It's an overdue notice. I only paid half since schools books had to be purchased. I need some overtime. I snatch up the check, knowing that the $337 is due by the end of the week. I'm literally living dime to dime. WiFi will have to be cut out...lights too. I can get candles and free wifi from restaurants. I gotta do something.

I could always ask for pity money from mom and deal with the criticism of a bad job and a rumor about eviction. She will spread this to my dad and brother as gossip. Needing extra money is a disgrace in my household. We're not poor, but there is a lot of judgment regarding handouts.

That's ironic because Jeremy's scholarship was a handout, yet my parents rejoiced. I don't have time for the drama. I guess I'll have to be an adult who struggles. Running back to your parents for help is degrading. I need to face these challenges and survive, that's all. I grab a protein bar and a bottled water from a case on the side of my bed. Before leaving, I look over the 12x12, black carpeted, windowless room with a glum expression.