"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."--- Marilyn Monroe

As is always the case with all moments of spectacular pleasure, the euphoria fades into reality, and reality becomes impossible to believe.

Zia doesn't know pain, but she is aware of the world slowing down to a crawl. Reality is something that's disjointed, because the ground beneath her doesn't exist and neither does the sky. People can't levitate, but her body feels as if it's floating. The sounds of her heartbeat and the passion-fueled gurgles of pleasure aren't there anymore, but nothing hurts and there is no sadness.

She looks around, afraid to move a muscle, and not knowing where she is. Her first thought is that Brian was right, and there's a place called Heaven that feels weightless and smells a bit like baby powder.

A pink-clad figure stands in front of Zia. She looks unfamiliar and yet, Zia would know her anywhere. The girl is the lovely and delicate kind, dressed in a modest pink gown that reminds her of the kind of demure young lady she'd have wanted her son to take to the prom. Long blonde hair and striking emerald eyes call attention to the curves of her body, a girl whom nature had fooled the world into calling a woman a bit too soon.

"Ava..." Zia trails off, not sure what to say. "You look so different. You're beautiful, but different. When Eleni said an angel might come for me, I didn't think it would be you."

"I'm not an angel, Miss Zia. I never was, not anything close. The funny thing about Death is that people remember you as perfect. If you die, you're an angel. If you live, you're a sinner." Ava stretches out her hand. "Come. It's time for us to go now, please".

Zia looks at Ava, half in shock. "This is a trick, isn't it? I see you because I'm dying, but I don't see the real you. I can't remember things the right way. I only met you once or twice but you were very different, Ava. You made me feel---well, I felt very threatened. I wouldn't feel that way about a pretty young girl, younger than my son is."

Ava shakes her head. "It is not a trick and this is really me. It's been a long time, Miss Zia. I don't get any older here. You've had many birthdays since the last time you saw me. I'm still Ava."

Zia stares, and she can feel her hands trembling. "No, Ava. That's not it. I could never forget what you looked like or who you were. You were a woman, not a girl. You were going to destroy everything I loved, that's how desirable you were. You weren't this innocent-looking person. You're just a child, Ava. Is this a cruel illusion to punish me?" A sob escapes Zia's throat, and she tries to wish the Ava-like apparition away. "I deserve it. I do. Tell me how to make the trick stop and I'll do it."

"This isn't the trick. Those days were the trick. This is what I looked like, beneath everything." Ava looks down at herself, and smiles brightly. "Pink is my favourite colour. I couldn't have it because it made me look too young. I could be anything but that."

Her eyes look wistful. "There was a famous old movie actress named Ava. They made me look like her. They made my hair black and my lips red and put me in clothing they said was called provocative. I thought that was a good thing to be, but it turns out it wasn't so much."

Ava smiles a little, her face changing expressions as she remembers. "I think they did a good job, but maybe I was never fooling anyone at all. People see what they want to see, Miss Zia."

Zia blinks, hoping this entire scene is a dream. There is no Heaven, and it's all just an illusion. If Heaven were a real place, she wouldn't be looking at an angel who says she isn't one. She wouldn't feel such grief. "I wish I had understood. I didn't understand this part of the story, Ava. I thought it was so simple. Nothing is simple, and I made so many mistakes."

Ava shrugs. "It doesn't matter. Would anything have been different if you'd seen me like this?"

Zia feels her eyes fill with tears, the heaviness of the lids. "Yes---and no. I don't know the answer to that, Ava. I'm sorry."

The young woman smiles prettily, holding a hand out to Zia. "It wasn't your fault. It's no one's fault, really. Maybe it's mine and I don't know that yet. I was twenty-one for a long time. No one ever believed it, but no one cared, either."

A reply comes slowly, and Zia hears her words stuttering. "I c-c-are, Ava. I care a lot. I was so jealous of you. I was so angry at you for so long, and it never went away. It seems petty, feeling that way about a girl who could have been my daughter."

Zia's lovely blue eyes fill with tears, remembering she has a son, one who hates her. He has always hated her, and she'd rather bear his hatred than tell him the truth. She knows that she's given him one more reason in coming here. "How old are you?"

Ava shrugs in a pretty, indifferent way. "Things like that don't matter anymore. You'll see. It's very irrelevant here. I was sixteen when I left the Parish. Sometimes, people have to leave early."

Zia feels herself sink down, hugging Ava's legs with the little strength she has. "Sixteen? Ava, I knew you..."

Ava interrupts with a sharp tone. It isn't unkind, but it's the sort that silences the world in its pain. "STOP! Please stop saying those things. I don't have to remember too much while I'm here if I don't want to, and I don't want to. The only thing I want to remember in that town is Keegan, and it will be a long time before I see him again. I won't let him come here early like I did. He leaves me the prettiest flowers."

Zia's tears run down her cheeks, landing on Ava's pretty pink prom dress. "Ava, please forgive me. There was so much I didn't know and I still don't know the truth about everything. Some of the things I know make me feel sick. It makes it easier, in a way, saying goodbye. Everything is so wrong back there, so twisted and broken."

She looks up at the wide green eyes and the perfect, doll-like hair. "Ava, please say you forgive me?"

"You're not saying goodbye, Miss Zia. Well, you can if you want to. You didn't seem to want to do that. Do you want to stay here with me? If it means that much to hear the words, I forgive you." Ava's hand reaches down to Zia. "Can you stand on your own, Miss Zia? I know you are hurting and tired and we must go before it's too late. I can't carry you but you can lean on my shoulder and when I start flying, you'll go too."

Zia looks at Ava's hand cautiously, uncertain about everything. Did she really want to go back to a world that hurt someone like Ava? After a moment of consideration, she takes Ava's hand, and suddenly feels like she has sprouted wings.

Ava's face lights up with pure happiness. "Thank you, Miss Zia. The last person I visited, she didn't know me and when I offered my hand she said no. She was so stubborn and it kind of hurt my feelings. Now she is--well, she got stuck. I didn't want that for her. You won't do anything like that, I hope. We'll be safe together where we're going."

The child-like whisper that is Ava's voice makes Zia smile. "No wonder everyone loved you so much. You're the gentlest person I've ever met." Zia feels her own voice fade, as soft as Ava's. "Is it true about the souls? Am I saving someone?"

"I don't know if it's true, but there are a lot of souls stuck on that line between leaving and staying in the Parish lately. You aren't the only one. You're just the one who needed me the most. I could see you, Miss Zia."

Zia blushes, wondering how much Ava could see. "Ava, you should be careful. There are things in the world you don't want to see." She feels an overwhelming urge to protect this girl from everything tainted and ugly in the world.

"I've already seen them. There's not much I didn't get to see, even if I didn't want to." The words fell on Zia's ears like a thousand daggers through the heart, though there was no bitterness in Ava's voice. It would make it easier if there were.

"The Parish is losing its balance, so people suffer too much. Bad things will happen if it doesn't change. It's not as simple as counting souls or obeying laws." Ava's voice is urgent. "Miss Zia, please. We have to go, now. It might be the very last chance to make things right again."

Zia pushes herself to her feet, realising the pain is back. "Ava..I can't...." She wants to scream but she feels like she is suffocating. "It was so beautiful for a while. Why can I feel...again....? Pain. It's scary. I don't like it."

Ava puts an arm around Zia's shoulder. "We stayed too long, Miss Zia. We're going now, before it's too late. If we stay too long, you start to fracture and crumble. I can't watch over you like that. The only way to keep you safe is away from your shell. I promise, I'll take care of you."

Zia's eyes are panic-stricken, pleading with Ava for help. "I don't deserve it. I hurt you."

She tries to speak further, but she can't. Zia tries to move, but she can't. She feels like a statue. Ava's soft voice echoes inside her ears. "Don't worry. They will all remember you as an angel too."

As she grasps Ava's arm, Zia feels like she can fly. As her feet leave the earth for the last time, Zia Tibideaux finds every last fibre of strength in her fragile body to let our an ear-piercing scream.

"Shhh. I forgive you."

A soft voice whispers the words as Zia flies through the night, but it isn't Ava's.

Zia looks down upon the city and sees a younger version of herself, so vibrant and full of life. Her arms wrap around a man crying into her shoulder, and finally, her hand moves through his hair in a soothing motion.

"Shhh. I forgive you."

The words are like ice water in Zia's veins, and she stops mid-flight. "Ava, don't do this to me. I don't want to see this."

The blonde-haired girl smiles sadly in response. "I wasn't there, Miss Zia. You're seeing your memories. If I wanted to harm you, I'd show you mine."

Zia starts to shake, cold and suddenly terrified. A familiar white door opens briefly, then closes again. "I don't want your memories, Ava. I don't want my own. Isn't that the point, that we're going to some better place than this?"

Pain shoots through Zia's body, but she can't let Ava pull her along anymore, not without knowing the truth. Ava's voice is soft, but there is a firmness about it. "You don't leave your demons behind just because you move on, Miss Zia. This is hurting you more than it needs to. We have to go."

Zia stares, unblinking. "You said you forgive me, Ava, but how can you see that memory and not hate me?"

Ava's gentle smile fades, settling into an expressionless line. "It isn't easy, is it, Miss Zia? Forgiving a killer takes a special kind of person. I haven't been able to do it." Her shoulders seem to slump slightly.

"You're the last one who knows the truth. I have to forgive you because I can't do anything else. I forgive you to ease my pain, not yours." Ava's expression is a frank, matter-of-fact one.

Looking at the face of the sweet, lovely creature who offers forgiveness, Zia's tears flow freely. She can hear the strong voice with the lilting accent echoing in her ears. There will come a time you have to choose, Eleni's voice reminds her.

"Ava, I can't--I can't go. After everything Eleni has done for me, I can't fly away. I can't sit on some cloud somewhere with you waiting for the people we love to die. My family needs me." The sensation is almost unbearable as Zia forces out the words. "Aubrey Parish is my home. It's not an easy home, but it's mine and it's yours. We have to go back."

A shadow of sadness crosses Ava's face. "You're in pain, Miss Zia. You've brought more pain upon yourself than you can bear just to stay in a world that will only give you more. The pain you feel right now is literally tearing you in two. One of you will go with me, and one will go back. You'll be incomplete until you die--again. Why would you choose that?"

Zia's eyes close, the sensation of fire ripping through her. "Ava, are you hurting me? Please stop. Please. I'll make things right somehow, just let me go. I have to go home. I choose home."

Ava looks at Zia with melancholy eyes. "I don't want to be forgotten either, Miss Zia. One day, though, they will all forget. They have to, or they can never be happy. If you want to make things right, tell Keegan the truth. Tell everyone. Tell him you saw me, and I forgave you."

"Ava, sometimes, the truth destroys people. I can't--"

A scream escapes from Zia's throat, but it is too dry and too tight for it to be heard. She is certain the angelic figure is torturing her. It is an instant later that the pain subsides, and she feels herself floating above the world with the pink-clad Ava. "You can, but you won't. That is your choice, Miss Zia. It was always your choice, and you chose everything but the truth. You always chose against me. I still forgive you."

Looking down as they fly over the river, an endless-seeming thing, Zia sees a figure that looks exactly like her falling straight down into the Parish. It is a gruesome sight to behold, watching someone fall who couldn't be stopped from jumping. "Is that me, Ava?"

Ava nods, her lips pressed together. "That is the Miss Zia who wanted to go home. We can't save her anymore. The Parish is her home, not mine. It's not yours, either. We belong to the River Of Souls now."

Zia looks down one last time at the figure that descends into the home she'd always known and loved.

"She's never known anything of life outside that tiny Parish. For her, it will always be the most beautiful place in existence."

Ava's voice is strangely silent, though she flies side by side with Zia over the long stretch of river that leads away from the Parish. Finally, with a soft sigh, Ava's voice emerges as a tiny whisper.

"I envy her."