i ruined the one good thing
i had left in my life
by doing something stupid
i shouldn't have
but the pressure was getting to me

now you think i'm an idiot
you feel bad for me
i know you do
though you wouldn't admit it
i'm just the type of person
people tend to pity
because I'm weak
and unlovable
and i act so strange

i have a ruined heart
a tainted soul
i'm not who i used to be
and haven't been in a while
but we're supposed to change
but we still stay the same

i try not to act too sad
but honestly i'm in pain
and i have been for a while
i think we're all hurting
and i know we all hurt at some point
so i don't make a big deal of being in pain
because that would make me a wimp
and i don't like that feeling
i can't even talk to people
so why should i let people know
how broken my heart is

i can't think of anything
that makes me truly happy
i guess that's nothing new though
i listen to music and cry
because that's who i am
that's what i've done for so long
and that's what i'm doing as i write these words

i wish i could just blow myself up
like jd did in heathers
but i have one friend that talks to me
so i think she's the top priority in my life now
ellie is there no matter what
but friends have a tendency of leaving me
so who knows when she'll do the same
probably soon enough

i mess up everything i do
i don't know why someone hasn't killed me yet
it's not like any of the other people
i know in real life
want to put up with me
but they do for some reason
and i won't question it

i have more friends online
than i do in real life
because real life people
actually know me
and eventually realize
they don't like what they know

you won't talk to me anymore
and you know i'm a chicken
and that's the reason i've said nothing to you
you're the superior in the situation
so i must wait for you to speak
because i am nothing but a speck
but you're a raging fire