ODETTE | MOETTI

I DIDN'T SPEND a second longer in that room than I had to.

As soon as Ms Laurel dismissed us, I dipped and tugged Lesedi after myself- or she allowed herself to be tugged by me.

I had an inkling it was the latter because I caught Neo call her name before we left the room. She only shot him a smile over her shoulder and then we were gone.

Since we now had thirty minutes of a break before Tutorial, I angled us towards the closest vending machine. Even though there'd be less food options to pick from, I'd rather suffer that than see Kaede again.

Lesedi leaned against the hunk of metal when we arrived, while I tried to look for any swimmer-friendly choices. "So what's the plan Ode? Plan when to jump him? We've been deprived of excitement these days."

I shot her a dry look before punching out the numbers for some fruit protein bars. "Have you seen the size of him? We could have other people help us and we'd still get beat. Anyways, I should be asking you what to do next."

"Guess we both don't know what to do next."

I would have just sighed at the sentence if that was all she'd done. Her fluttering eyelashes and grin made me chuck a bar in her direction. I ignored the fact that she caught it. With one hand.

Show-off.

"Let's just get to Tutorial." I turned down the corridor that would take us towards the South Wing.

The route we were on would take us the long way round to the classroom. I didn't want to risk Kaede seeing me. At all. The thought alone had my stomach in knots.

"Let's just get to Tutorial Les!" The deep voice she put on in an attempt to mimic me was so far from accurate that I snorted. "I'm hiding from Kaede Les!"

I scowled and my voice came out more biting than I'd meant for it to be. "And what if I am? Then what?"

I was a little worn from practice and skating this morning, not to mention exhausted from my earlier panic attack; my limit for her jokes was lower than usual. But as the embers of annoyance died in my chest, I clocked onto what she was doing: she'd switched tactics to irritate me instead of comfort.

It wasn't a secret that I coped better with my own anger than fear. For better or for worse, my parents had taught me how to bottle up the emotion all these years.

I couldn't even be mad at Lesedi for her attempts to help. Sure, it meant my fuse would light quicker, but it meant I'd survive the school day. I doubted that she'd intended for it to be a long term fix, just something to get me through the next six hours. She'd be there to pick up the pieces when I fell apart again after lessons. Her plan I'd pieced, played out in my mind and I swallowed.

"Les stop it."

An ache built up behind my eyes at how she seemed to know me better than I knew myself. I stopped walking but couldn't look at her.

A lump was in my throat. "I know what you're doing."

"Is it working?" She had the gall to sound unaffected, like my lashing out meant nothing.

"Lesedi." I couldn't focus on sounding stern when I had to bite down on my lip to stop it from trembling.

"What? It was a valid question." She came closer to me until I could smell her shea-butter lotion. "Hug?"

I looked up from the floor in a bid to stop the water welling in my eyes from spilling over. She was waiting patiently with open arms. I stepped into them before I knew what I was doing.

"Today's just going so wrong, I don't know what to do."

"I'd rather you let out anger in practice later today, than in tears in a class I'm not with you in." Her arms wrapped around me tightly and I tried to focus on the earlier frustration she'd kindled to stop myself from bursting into tears.

"You did your scary therapist-analysis on me during class didn't you." I muttered over her shoulder.

"How d'you know?" Her voice was light, like a lullaby and I held her tighter.

"I love you Les, I really do."

She rubbed my back. "I know you do and I love you too. Now I know I toe the line, but I'm not in the mood for getting two lates back to back. What about you?"

My lips twitched as I stepped out from her embrace. "I feel the same."

She took hold of my hand and led us the rest of the way to Tutorial. I felt drained so chomped at my fruit bar, hoping it would hold me till lunch. It didn't take long to finish and after I'd thrown the wrapper in the nearest bin, Lesedi was pushing her unopened one into my hands.

"Les—"

"You need it more than me, you're probably dehydrated too."

I acquiesced at her heavy stare, not wanting to verbally confirm or deny if she was right. I just thanked God for the snack and ate it on our way.

Bizarrely, we were one of the first to arrive to Tutorial. Our pastoral teacher for the class was Mr House, which was good. He was a relaxed guy who was still in his twenties. Curly, dark hair sat on the top of his head and he had blue eyes with smile lines at the corners.

He said hi to us as we entered the room before turning his attention to the powerpoint on the projector. It didn't take long for the rest of the class to wander in but I kept my attention on the room decorations. Different posters were pinned up on the wall about inclusivity and who to talk to about different problems. The walls were colourful and the yellow paint calmed me slightly.

I hope I didn't have to talk in front of everyone this lesson.

I took my water bottle out of my bag to give my hands something to do as Mr House did the register before starting the session. Thankfully, it wasn't an interactive one that would need him to ask questions. He only read off the slides or talked about his own personal experiences.

The topic was personal statements and even though he covered important points, I couldn't find it in me to pay attention. They were due by the end of November but I'd partially started mine alongside Lesedi in the summer. The knowledge that I wasn't starting from scratch was the only thing that quietened the urgency of the deadline.

My mind kept drawing back to Kaede and the knots in my stomach kept getting tighter and tighter.

Was there anything I could do to fix this?

It took my cousin's poke to alert me that the hour was over.

She tugged me along to lunch but made us go to the Pavilion instead of the canteen. I whispered her my thanks as she got us some baked goods and steered us to a quiet corner of the cafe, trying not to feel guilty at the situation I'd put her in.

What if she wanted to see the girls this dinner but I was stopping her? Why couldn't I pull myself together?

"Hey Odey?" Lesedi's voice was gentle as she passed me a cranberry cookie before throwing an arm around my waist. "Tell me what's on your mind. You've gone quiet again."

I relaxed in her hold, trying to ignore what was going on in my gut. "I feel like I'm holding you back from seeing the girls. Sorry."

She pulled me closer so she could look me in the eyes. "Babes, you are not holding me back or anything of the sort. If I want to comfort you, I'm comforting you, okay?"

She held my browns until I nodded and the twists inside of me loosened slightly. "Yes Les."

"Now," she stole a bite out of my cookie. "I'm feeling generous so I'll offer you two choices. One I give Captain Crimson a stern talking too or two, I ask Neo to convince him to keep quiet."

My chest warmed despite her the impossible options. And maybe because the nickname was referencing how he blushed in my presence.

I didn't deserve her.

Taking my silence as an agreement, she carried on with her offer. "He'd then realise the error of his ways of being anywhere near the court."

I tried not to smile. "But he's captain of the basketball team?"

She flashed me a grin. "He'd realise the error of his ways for being on the team full-stop then."

"Right." My lips tugged up at their own accord; Lesedi's thinking would always bring me amusement. "And if I don't want you to approach him at all?"

She thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "I'd mentally make him regret it."

A quiet snort escaped me and I was surprised at the amount of tension that slipped off my frame. I knew then that as long as I had her by my side, I'd be able to push through.

I'd handle the incident in the way I knew best; ignoring it and avoiding it.

✞

I shouldn't have, but I made dry-land practice a punishment.

It's where all my pent-up anger at how the day had unfolded went. Sure Lesedi had helped settle my anxiety earlier, but the worries had lingered in the back of my mind like shadows.

Everything about Kaede Hayashi, my parents, the looks at my hair, homework— it all slipped away until it became white noise and I was in my favourite place. Where it was just my beating heart and heavy breaths as I exercised my body in the school gym to its limit.

For a while, the strain on my muscles and sweat rolling down my skin was all that vied for my focus. Afterwards though, the effects hit hard. The soreness in my frame told me that I'd went a little overboard.

I could see it in the concerned furrow to Lesedi's brows as she did burpes across the room. Still, Remington couldn't make a comment after the hour long session as the team all went our separate ways.

She couldn't say I lacked this time around.

I was ravenous after the gym session, not to mention drained and less talkative. Lesedi was more than used to my behaviour when I stressed. She never questioned why I took it out through exercise; she understood it was the safest place I could.

It meant that she didn't press about my silence as we nipped to the dorm to shower and change. We had no more lessons and tea was next so I got into something comfortable. Lesedi looped our arms when we'd finished headed to the cafeteria.

We'd grabbed the wholegrain chicken pasta that was on offer in the swimmer's section and our separate drinks when she spoke up. "You want to sit with the girlies? Or just to two of us again?"

My lips lifted into a soft smile at the question.

She was always so thoughtful.

I couldn't help but yank her into a side hug, careful of our trays. "Thanks for asking Les, but yeah just the two of us. . . I think I'd be in a much better state to face them tomoz."

My thoughts weren't too loud that I needed chatter around me to keep me anchored. Plus, I didn't want to seem odd to the girls and trigger any questions that would pop my bubble.

"Good because I just had an idea of us eating on the rooftop."

I pressed my lips into a straight line in a bid to hide my smile. "In this weather? You sure we won't be blown away?"

It didn't seem like she was listening from her grin as she led me out the cafeteria. Unlike last time when I was basically asleep, I was wide awake and able to take note of how to get to the roof. It was placed in the West Wing, near the boys dorms. For obvious reasons, I hadn't truanted the area.

In the daylight, the staircase to the location was well lit and I was able to see just how archaic this part of the building looked. It was as if it was erected when the original castle was. The yellow stone withstood the test of time though.

After I took hold of her food tray, gave the emergency exit door a hefty push. This time around, I was prepared for the loud creak of the metal door. Cool air hit us whilst I passed her back her tray and we stepped onto the roof. My hoodie was thick enough to withstand the Whitborne elements and I mindlessly wondered what it was made off. I didn't have the opportunity to wonder for long when I noticed the other person here besides us.

A girl was stood with her back to the ledge, facing us. She hadn't noticed us come in, her attention on the sky she'd lifted her narrow chin up to see. A pencil slowly spun on her pianist fingers, like she wasn't aware of the trick occurring. My attention was soon drawn to the amount of pens in the breast pocket of her short-sleeved button-up. It made me realise she was responsible for the stationary dotted about on the floor.

Pens weren't the only thing on the ground; I spotted an art book opened up to a filled page. I couldn't make out the details from where I stood, but I could see sharp pencil strokes working together to make a face. It didn't look finished, yet still looked amazing.

Despite it being teatime, she was still in uniform— or what was left of it. Her blazer and waistcoat were nowhere to be seen. Instead a grey school jumper was tied loosely around her waist, hiding the rolling to her blue checkered, pleated skirt. Even with the manipulation, it only stopped at her knees.

Her bow was nowhere to be seen; the top two buttons of her button-down collar were open, letting me catch a glimpse of the Dior necklace resting against her dark skin. A grey lanyard was the only other thing to decorate her neck and tell me she was in the year below.

"Hey Clover." Lesedi's voice was the softest I'd heard it, but it still elicited a jolt out of the girl.

She was modelesque. Curls abundant and wild, speaking more for herself than her silent, poised frame did. It nearly hid her mixture of sharp and soft features. Her thin brows and delicate, rounded nose centred her hooded eyes that were smudged with mascara. Her medium-sized lips were pressed together in such a way they appeared much smaller.

She blinked a few times before glancing around, as if remembering herself. Once her dark eyes landed on us, it was as if a switch was pulled and she snapped into motion. She scooped up her book from the floor, nearly spilling more pens from her pocket in the process.

"Lesedi." A polite smile mused her lips but even I could tell it wasn't genuine, especially with the memory of her sombre expression from a few moments ago. "Please excuse me, I have to go. Do enjoy the roof."

She slipped past us with one last nod that acknowledged my presence. In a blink, she'd disappeared down the steps with the tapping of her loafers following after her. I stared in the wake of her abrupt exit, wondering if she was alright when Lesedi spoke.

"That's just Clover, she's always like that."

I followed her voice to find her sat in a corner with her back to the tall ledge where the wind couldn't touch her. I sat down beside her, finally putting a face to another person who used the space.

"I don't think she likes other people's company. Don't worry about it Odey."

I nodded and felt a little relieved that she didn't leave because of something we'd done. I waited until after Lesedi had blessed the food to ask any more questions.

"Who is she? D'you know?"

Lesedi took a bite of her pasta before responding. "Principal Osmond's daughter."

Damn, that was a title to carry.

"She's not in our year, is she?"

I knew there were some people in our year who wore incorrect lanyards for the fun of it, but I doubted Clover Osmond would.

"Yeah she's not, she's in Lower Sixth."

I hummed and silently sympathised with her. It wouldn't be easy trying to negotiate sixth form when everyone knew you were the principal's kid.

Lesedi only gave me so long to ignore my problems by worrying about someone else's. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly, I wish this morning didn't happen. I am feeling better though. As long as I don't think about the parents, it's not so bad."

The reminder of what I'd been ignoring made my mouth dry a little. The food on my plate, no longer looked as appetising as it did a few moments ago.

Somehow Lesedi noticed and squeezed my shoulder with a gentle, "Eat. We don't want you passing out."

I nodded and focused on replenishing my body than the taste of the food. I was halfway through my plate when a notification popped up on my phone. I'd placed it on the floor after I'd sat down so it was in sight, but didn't expect the decision to bite me.

Was that them?

Our eyes met and an unspoken agreement for her to check what had came up, passed between us.

I tried to still my racing heart but my stomach had already began to churn. I placed my fork back on my tray. I didn't want to eat anymore.

Using my passcode, she opened my phone and swiped away before saying, "It's not them."

Tension I didn't even realise my body was holding, evaporated from my shoulders.

She didn't hesitate to explain the reason. "It was from the swim team Teams channel. Marshie was telling us that we have a meet this weekend at Kings Cross Saints. We have to make sure to sign up to it."

At the words "swim meet", I leaned over so I could see it for myself. My screen agreed with everything she'd said and I wasn't surprised at her follow up question.

"Why does Kings always have the first meet of the season at their pool? We have a way better facility."

"You know how they are." I accepted the device when she passed it back after huffing. "They always try to one-up us and it never works."

Kings Cross Saints was the closest thing St Everfields had to a rival school— closest since most St Everfields' students didn't consider them anywhere near our level. They didn't have the resources or wealth we had. Saints' students were, yes rich, but not in the same way St Everfields were. Maybe they came from old money, but they didn't share the same income bracket as students here. Swimming-wise, I had to admit they had a good swim team, but not one that had won awards years in a row like ours.

"Our first swim meet of the year, what're your thoughts?"

I glanced over to Lesedi to find two-thirds of the food she'd started with on her plate— but her knife and fork crossed to say she'd finished eating.

"Excited. But you sure you're not gonna eat any more?"

Her eyes didn't shift from me as she shook her head. "No, my stomach hurts a little."

I wanted to bring up how she's said that the last time I'd asked but I didn't want to push.

"Do you want to go in now?" I glanced at the time on my phone. "It's a bit cold up here, I don't want us to catch owt."

Even from where we sat, a chilly breeze could be felt across the roof.

She seemed happy to move past the questioning and organised the trays so they were stacked with our utensils on the top one. I followed her lead as she got up and headed over to the door.

I hooked our arms as we descended the staircase. "There seems like there's something on your mind."

She'd been a bit quiet since I asked her about her food and I wondered where her thoughts were at. It wasn't like her to not eat, was she stressed about something? Was there something going on with Neo she hadn't told me about?

She paused before pursing her lips. "I'm not sure you want to hear it."

My lips tugged downwards at her hesitance; she'd always lent an ear to me and I'd hoped she felt I was here for her too.

"Try me."

"I'm thinking about how pretty basketballers are?"

Well, her original guess wasn't wrong.

I couldn't withhold my surprised snort. "This is just an excuse for you to talk about Neo, huh?"

She avoided my gaze. "No it's not, I'm just making an observation."

"Sure." The corners of my lips curved upwards. "And what's so pretty about basketballers?"

She muttered something under her breath but she answered. "Firstly they're taller than us, like babes have you met that many guys our age that are?"

I didn't even need to think before shaking my head. I'd only seen a handful and Kaede was one of the tallest of the bunch. He was the type of tall I had to crane my head up to see. That coupled with his broad shoulders and tapered physique would make anyone do a double take.

"Secondly, when did they all get such clear skin?" She turned her hitched brows to me. "Like damn, I don't know if its a requirement or if they all follow a specific routine- if they do we've got to get a hold of it."

I hummed in agreement as she went on. From the three basketballers we'd seen, they all had clear, glowing faces. The results were enough to make you consider switching sports.

"And third - and this could just be me because y'know I'm weak for deep voices - but they all sound good?

I laughed at her honesty and it took me a few moments to pull myself together. "It's a shame I can't say it's just you in your feels for Neo because you're actually kinda right."

She shot me a look as we walked through the hallways back towards the cafeteria. I gave her a smile that she rolled her eyes at and she scoffed.

"I'm always right."

"Still debatable."

"You still said I'm right."

I didn't respond as we finally reached the canteen so we could drop off our trays. Unsurprisingly, it was still semi-full and the hubbub of chatter washed over us as we entered. I trailed Lesedi to the nearest trolley so she could place them in and we could head back to our dorm.

We basked in comfortable silence for what was left of our walk— well most of it until we reached our dorm floor.

"All current issues aside, you know when you agreed with me earlier? It basically means Kaede's your type."

He's my what?

I swung my eyes onto my cousin as my mouth dropped. "Type? Girl, I don't even know the dude or owt about him."

She shrugged as if she hadn't just made my brain short-circuit. "You've seen enough to find him fit, you can't deny that."

Heat spread across my face ed up as I untangled my arm from hers and strode to our dorm door. "There's a big difference between me finding someone pretty and thinking they're someone I could settle down with."

This convo was going too far. I could barely in-vision the guy in my head without fear, I had no business thinking about him like this.

Unfortunately, she didn't stop the questions after I'd opened the door with my fob key. "I didn't mention anything about settling— are you already dreaming about domestic life with Kaede?"

Bloody hell.

I ignored her as I headed to my bed, trying to wipe the grimace from my features. I'd only just stowed away my irritation when the click of the bathroom door opened. I turned my head to find Jae responsible for the sound and felt my stomach drop.

How much of our conversation had she heard?

Actually, I didn't want to know. I doubted I could survive the embarrassment; after all, this was her ex we were talking about.

"To save you from any heartbreak, I don't recommend pursuing him."

Well that answered my question.

I itched my arm and tried not to melt into an embarrassed puddle by my bed.

Thank you lots Les.

But my cousin's eyebrows furrowed. "Why shouldn't she?"

Of course she'd still question that when I had zero interest in the guy. Well, in the negatives given how I was actively evading him.

Jae moved to pull out a headband from her bedside table. "He's focusing on getting drafted by an American team by the end of the year. So he won't even be in the UK by summer."

Her mentioning drafting, reminded me that the reason I'd come across him this morning at all was because he was practicing. On the second day of the academic year.

Had he been there on Monday too when I was at my parents' meeting?

The image of him in my head taking shot after shot made me believe he had. He seemed as determined to reach his goal as I was to reach mine.

Lesedi pulled the bobble out of her ponytailed braids before she lay on her bed, face held up in her palms. "How d'you know all this?"

Jae pulled on the band that stopped her ginger strands from touching her face. All her attention was directed to laying on her face mask in the large mirror on her table so she responded a few seconds after.

"We are family friends you know, being exes doesn't change that."

Lesedi gave a non-committed hum while she folded her arms behind her head. "Does Kaede ever run his mouth about people's business?"

I choked at her bluntness and I had an urge to smother myself with my pillow. "Lesedi."

"What? I'm just asking."

And that was the problem.

Jae scoffed from where she was doing the last steps to her skin routine. "Kaede doesn't let many people in to begin with. But he'd hate the thought of someone doing that to him, so I really doubt he'd do that to others."

My back muscles eased even though the words were directed at Lesedi. It provided some solace. At least if I avoided him, there would be less of a reason for him to talk about me to others, and more of chance that my parents wouldn't find out.

"So you two are exes huh? Doesn't seem like a messy break up."

If Les knew how to keep her mouth shut that is.

I didn't think before throwing my pillow in her direction. "Oh my gosh, stop being so lippy!"

Jae only waved her hand before placing her under-eye masks in place. "That's because it wasn't messy. It was a mutual agreement."

At least it wasn't a sore topic as I thought— but I'd still give her a stern talking to later.

Currently, she hummed and basked in the knowledge while I rummaged through my school bag. I barely followed the conversation after that as I tried to find my Physical Ed booklet.

Who Kaede had or hadn't dated didn't interest me. Whether he was likely to spread gossip was but that wasn't what was being talked about. In Jae's eyes, there was a low possibility of it happening but I didn't know if she was just saying that or if she was being sincere.

My  shoulders curled in on themselves as my brain brought up Father's incensed face on the night I got my scar.

I really do wish she was sincere.

EL SPEAKS !
  hey darlings thanks for the quick response 🤗🤍 yall enjoying these weekly updates?
  thoughts?? what do you think of clover?? 🤭 if i said she was a certain someone's love interest 😜 (i'm looking at the twin we're still waiting for 🙈) and YES clo does have her onw section on my pinterest on the court board 🙈🥱
  anyways VOTE and COMMENT it helps my book reach more ppl 🤭
  hope youse have had a good day 🫶🏽 rant to me if it wasn't 😠🫶🏽

( posted; 29/07/24 )