"What? What do you mean by you haven't seen him?" mom roared, surpassing a mighty lion and causing aunt to cover her ears, "How can you be this irrespo-"

"Can't you keep it low?" aunt yelled back.

"Not until you spill everything!"

"Okay! Okay! Stop yelling!" aunt picked up a lipstick from her makeup paraphernalia, scattered over the dressing table.

"Are you gonna tell me on not?" mom tapped her foot.

"Ah! Impatient as always," aunt began to stroke her lips, giving them the brightest shade of red, just like a red-vented bulbul's ass.

"Are you tellin-"

"We met through an app, okay? It's called 'What?Pat!'"

In case you are interested, What?Pat! is an application you won't find in Play-Store.

The name What?Pat! actually descended from two parent sentences.

They are . . .

What do you want me to do?

I want you to pat (me or my writing)!

Now, the authority can't actually give their app a name this big, right? Also, it's kinda lame.

So, they hid some parts and shortened the name as What?Pat!

If you are thinking it's a type of patting game, then you are wrong. It's actually a platform to inspire aspiring authors.

Wanna join? You are welcome. But . . . bubbly butt . . . there's a condition.

You have to use Lolcat language only.

I think you very well know what that baby is . . . but . . . lovely butt . . . I'm still gonna tell you about it. Or else, how will I lengthen my chapters?

So, according to uncle Google, it's a type of pet language . . . and blah blah blah . . . again blah blah blah . . . yet again blah blah blah . . .

I think it'll be better if I show you instead of telling.

So, look carefully . . .

This is English: What do you want me to do?

This is Lolcat: WUT DO U WANTS ME 2 DO?

Look again . . .

English: I want you to pat ( me or my writing )!

Lolcat: I WANTS U 2 PAT ( ME OR MAH WRITIN )!

You are getting it, right?

Then again . . .

English: Was this chapter funny? Will you come back for the next?

Lolcat: WUZ DIS CHAPTR FUNNY? WILL U COME BAK 4 DA NEXT?

For the last time . . .

English: Remember the cliffhanger I left in the last chap? You'll get the answer in a few moments.

Lolcat: REMEMBR TEH CLIFFHANGR I LEFT IN DA LAST CHAP? ULL GIT TEH ANZWR IN FEW MOMENTS.

Weird, right? But much less weirder than the name of Musk's son --X Æ A- 12 . . .

Was it a waste of time again? Sorry. . . less dialogue tags from now on!

My mom gaped like a goldfish, unable to talk.

"He also hasn't seen me," aunt abandoned the lipstick and picked up a sponge.

"Oh God! How can you fix your engagement with a complete stranger?" mom finally got her words back.

"He's no stranger! We've been chatting for six . . . no, seven days!"

"How could you? What if he's a serial killer?"

"Sister, you are insulting your brother-in-law!"

"Fuck that brother-in-law! He's coming with fifteen members of his family! Fifteen! Can you imagine? They are coming to loot us!"

"No, he's not! I know I haven't seen him yet . . . but our hearts are the same! I don't need that stupid list anymore. I . . . I have found my dream princess."

"Prince, you mean?"

"No," aunt shook her head, paying attention to her blush, "It's my fairytale! And I am the prince here. So, he's the princess."

Mom gave a facepalm, "Then what am I?"

"Maidservant."

"Ah!" mom was frustrated, "That guy will never marry you, hippo!"

"What did you call me?" aunt dropped her sponge. Putting her hands in her waist, she stepped closer to mom, "You lolling lizard!"

"Shut up! You pig!"

"You horse."

"Donkey."

"Monkey."

"Mealy worm."

"Dirty louse."

"Anaconda."

"King cobra."

"Cockroach."

"Rotten mouse."

"Bear."

"Fox."

"Stout bull."

"Healthy cow."

"Bug!"

"Ah! Shut up!" Aunt shrilled, "One more word and I'll tell mother the truth!"

"What truth?" mom blinked.

"That you are the one who stole grandmother's necklace!"

"W-What?" mom croaked, "What necklace? Whose necklace?"

"That ruby one!"

"Heh! What a-are you talking about? E-Everyone says grandmother's ghost took it to her grave! It was her favourite!"

"That's what everyone thinks! But I know the truth! I've seen you stealing it!"

"Eh? L-Liar!" mom stuttered, "Y-You don't have any proof."

"Oh really? Sister, you are not the only lawyer in this house! Do as I say, otherwise-"

"Fine!" mom barked, "What do you want?"

"Zip your mouth for now," aunt picked up her mascara, "And gimme those kitten heels you are wearing. They are cute!"

Early marriage. I think you are already familiar with this term. It means getting married before achieving maturity, before stepping on eighteen.

In this system, an immature girl is forced to do mature things. And as the girl is inexperienced and not wise enough, you can guess the results . . .

Swarm of babies will buzz around her --one will follow her while licking it's finger, one will tug at her loose maxi, one will be holding her hand, one will be occupying her lap, one will give her little kicks from the tummy . . . the activities can go on and on and on, giving a boost to the already worse population problem.

Oh! Are you thinking about high school love stories now?

Well, I admit that I don't really like the idea of two hormonal fifteen year olds taking the role of new Adam and Eve to save the humanity, in an apocalyptic universe . . .

But . . . all hail the butt . . . I do read teen-fics and I've come across a hell lotta books where the nerdy Eve becomes preggo right after her night of bed-breaking humbo-jumbo with her badboy-turned-goodie Adam. Some people even cheer 'Awww'.

But . . . baby butt . . . to give birth to a child is not an easy process. It's painful and can cause a hell lot of complexities in your body if you are immature.

But who'll teach that to the conservative fellas of our region, who consider their daughters nothing but some extra loads?

Now, why did I bullshit about another sensitive topic? It's because I wanna tell you about my grandma's mother.

You see, my grandma's mother got married at the age of seven. Then she gave birth to my grandma at the age of thirteen.

Yes, she survived. But . . . mighty butt . . . that doesn't mean everybody can.

Anyway, she didn't stop with my grandma. Her oh-so-romantic hubby blessed her with nineteen more children.

The twentieth child is a girl and oh-ho . . . she is younger than my aunt!

In the first chap, I asked you about young grandparents, remember?

Here you go. A young, beautiful woman who is younger than my own mother, is my another grandmother. Guess I just broke the stereotypes . . .

Anyway, three years ago, she was also invited in my aunt's engagement ceremony, along with her eighteen other siblings.

Now how should I describe her? I'm not really good at describing pretty women . . .

With corvine-black hair cascading down her back, a Mona Lisa like mystical smile decorating her oval face, a jade-green georgette saree highlighting her curves -- she was a bomb.

And the biggest thorn in the path of aunt's happily ever after.

Why? You see, this young granny of mine, had (and still has ) a very bad habit of stealing . . . other's husbands.

She had tried to seduce my dad too, in his wedding day. Dad had been ready to run way with flirty granny that very day, abandoning my mom.

But . . . magnificent butt . . . after getting a good punch from mother, my father had gotten his senses back.

Now aunt certainly didn't want her dream guy to repeat the same behaviour.

"Are you sure she is here?" aunt was adjusting her petticoat.

"Yeah. I just saw her trying to flirt with father again," I replied.

"Shit!" aunt stopped fiddling with the ribbons of her petticoat and swerved towards her cupboard, "She's gonna ruin my day. We need to stop her."

"How?"

Aunt began to take out all her clothes, emptying the drawers, "Bring her to my room. I will politely talk with her."

"Are you gonna offer her your jewelries?"

"What? Of course not!" aunt laughed, "Just bring her to me and you can have my iPhone for two weeks."

Irresistible offer. I couldn't refuse.

The house was busier than a beehive with people chatting, laughing, barking and waiting for the future husband to arrive.

That's why no one really noticed me when I lured young granny to aunt's room.

"Aunt! Young granny is her-"

Before I could finish my line, a cricket bat landed on my gorgeous granny's head, leaving her unconscious.

I stood there, silent, my eyes turning into ostrich eggs.

"Woooh," aunt let out a sigh of relief and took out her handkerchief, "Problem solved."

"What the hell was that?" I barked, "What if she dies?"

Aunt shrugged, wiping the handle of the bat, destroying her fingerprints from . . . the murder weapon?

"Darling," she gave a creepy smile, "Unlike your spongbob mom, I'm a skilled criminal lawyer. I know very well where to hit. So, keep quite."

"B-But you just hit your granny for a person you haven't even seen yet!"

"That's how love works, darling. In the craziest way possible. Now help me teleport her inside my cupboard."