Chapter 14

David

I'm so used to waking up for photo-shoots that even when I'm on a break from work, I still seem to wake up at 6am, only this morning, as I woke up I was quickly reminded of how very different this morning was from any other morning I'd experienced.  The feeling of another person tucked closely around my back with an arm over my waist was definitely unusual for me.  If I said I didn't like it, I'd be lying, big time.  I liked it very much, but it also brought with it a swarm of nerves.

Did he even want me to stay over?  I kind of just fell asleep, maybe he hadn't meant or wanted that to happen.  Sure, we spent the weekend together at his family's home, but that was different.  I was in a guest room and his family was there to keep things from getting uncomfortable.  Even when he came into the guestroom when I couldn't sleep, once I drifted off he must have left because when I woke up in the morning he was gone.  Maybe after spending so many days together he needed a break or space. 

I dreaded those awkward first moments that would invariably happen this morning.  I looked over and Elliott was still sound asleep so I carefully extricated myself from his arm and sat up.  I looked back and he hadn't stirred so I went to use his bathroom.  Once I was finished in there I got dressed and wandered into the living room to pace for a bit and decide what to do.  Do I leave?  Do I stay?

When he woke up we wouldn't have Emma bouncing around making us all laugh, or his mother to converse with, or Blake pouting; it would be just me and him and hell if I knew how to start morning after conversation.  I mean...it was different.  We hadn't had sex, so at least that wouldn't be adding to the awkwardness.

Hell, what am I saying, I rubbed my hands through my hair in frustration.  Didn't I want our relationship to eventually get there...here?  Wasn't that why I'd been pursuing him in the first place, because I like him?  I knew I didn't just want a platonic friendship, but I was so damn edgy and felt unequipped to deal with everything going through my head.

Then I did something really stupid.  I picked up my wallet and keys and left.

I know.  Way to go asshole.  I drove around for about 30 minutes just cursing myself.  I could go back, but I'd have to knock on the door and wake him back up to get in.  I looked at my dashboard, it was only just before 7:00, what if he didn't usually wake up this early. 

By now I felt really foolish, but even more, words like inconsiderate, rude, uncaring, selfish, idiot were all flowing through my mind.  I can't believe I left and didn't even leave a note, after everything he'd done for me; the weekend away, dinner, that massage which was like a spiritual experience in and of itself.  And I just left.  Of course, I couldn't leave a note, he wouldn't see it.

I pulled the car over and banged the steering wheel in frustration.  When I looked up I was in front of an old German bakery I'd passed a few times and always wanted to go into.  There was a picture of a hot steaming cup of coffee in the window and I realized maybe a little caffeine could help me think so I walked in.

There were a few customers ahead of me so I looked around while I waited, taking in all the beautiful pastries in the display case and just the warmth and hominess of the small shop.  When I got up to the front, I greeted the older lady and she smiled at me warmly.  "Vhat can I get for you today, Yung man?"

"Um..."  My mind when blank and I looked around, sighing in frustration.

"Eetz okay, you take your time, eetz a quiet morning."  I looked around and realized I was the only customer now.

"It's just...I don't know.  I don't know what to do." I blurted out.

She looked at me fondly with warm soft, bright blue eyes that looked like they'd seen a lot of the world.  "Maybe I can help, vhy don't you tell me vhat happened?"

I looked at her and she gave me a sincere smile and I found myself telling her everything...well not everything, just the highlights about this "person" I was starting to see and how I had spent the weekend with "them" at their family home and how I feel asleep at "their" house last night and just left before "they" woke up because I was nervous about it being awkward and now I felt awful for just leaving.

"I have a solution," she answered, "vhy don't I pack up some coffee and some pastries and you take zhem back and tell this person you like, that you went to get breakfast, dey vill never know unless you vant to tell zhem.  A little vhite lie betveen you and me."

"You think that will work?  He...Oh...I mean...they won't be mad?"

"No Dahlink, vell, maybe at virst, but once they see the delicious pastries I pack, they vill be fine."

"Oh...okay.  It's worth a try."

"Yes, my Oma always used to tell me, the vay to a man's heart is through his stomach."  She smiled with a wink and walked off to get a box for the pastries.  It suddenly occurred to me what she said and I turned away with a blush.

A few minutes later, Freya, which is what I found out her name was, had a box and a tray with coffee ready for me and soon I was on my way back to Elliott's apartment.  I had to press a button downstairs for the front door to be opened and I let out a breath I as I heard Elliott's voice through the intercom.

"Yeah?"  His voice sounded a little tired, but I couldn't detect any anger or bitterness, but then again, he didn't know who was ringing yet.

"Elliott...umm, it's David.  I...I have breakfast...sorry...I didn't leave a note or anything."

I heard the buzzer as his response and I opened the door and made my way to the second floor.  I saw that he had opened the apartment door already, so I walked in cautiously, ironically glad that he couldn't see my face which was a mixture of shame and fear.  I peeked around, but didn't see him so I went straight to the kitchen and placed everything on the counter.

"Elliott?  I'm sorry I didn't leave a note...I...ah...I didn't want to wake you.  I found this really great German bakery and the lady picked out a bunch of pastries...and coffee...I brought coffee too."

Elliott walked out of his room, his hair was wet so he looked like he'd just gotten showered and dressed.  His face was impassive as he tucked a shirt into his jeans.  He stopped just before he walked into the kitchen, pausing as if unsure what to do or where to go.

"Oh...here," I said, "coffee."  I opened the tab on the cup and took a step forward and touched his elbow, putting the cup in his hand as his arm lifted.

"Thanks," he said as he lifted the cup to his mouth and took a small sip.  "Perfect."

Elliott was quiet and it was making me more nervous.  I opened the box and started describing the different pastries and he chose a chocolate croissant.  I picked out a random one for myself and we sat down on stools around the kitchen island.

"You sleep okay?" Elliott asked.

"Yeah...like a log.  Um, thanks for the massage, it totally relaxed me.  Sorry I fell asleep on you, you probably weren't expecting me to hog your bed all night like that..."

"No, it was fine.  I like your company."

We ate in silence for a while before Elliott spoke again.  "So this bakery, was it very far away, you were gone for quite a while."

Busted.

"I was beginning to think you ditched me."

Really busted.

"I...ah..." I really didn't want to lie to Elliott so I decided to go for the truth, no matter how pathetic it sounded.  "Elliott.  To be honest, I kind of freaked out this morning.  I...I...For some reason, I got all nervous and was afraid that it would be really awkward...I mean, not that I ever felt that with you, but...my nerves got to me and I did leave.  I drove around for a really long time and then stopped to get a coffee." I  chuckled, remembering Freya and her motherly chat.  "It was this little old German lady who ran the bakery that convinced me to come back after I spilled my guts to her."

Elliott was quiet for a few seconds and I couldn't read the expression on his face, but then it turned into a smile.  "You were nervous?  Really?"

"Yeah...I'm...Elliott, I'm no good at this.  I don't know how to act, I don't know what to say..."

"But you're in front of the camera, in the spotlight all the time, how could you be nervous...THAT would make me nervous, to have all those people staring at me."

"But...I don't have to talk to them, I can just put up this wall...I guess that's why I'm a model, I only have to stand there and look the part.  If I do my job, they all just back off and leave me alone...well except for the hands that are constantly coming at me, fixing my hair or adjusting my clothing.  I have to just tune them out or I'd go nuts.  They treat me like an unfeeling mannequin, so I just become that...shut down."

"That doesn't really sound like the most fulfilling job."

"No, I guess not.  At the end of the day...I guess it leaves you pretty cold...and lonely.  Everyone thinks because there's all these people throwing themselves at you, that you couldn't be lonely.  But none of them want me, the person on the inside.  They just want the façade, the image that the marketing people create.  The guy in the pictures, and...that's not me.  If they knew the real me, they wouldn't be interested at all."

"I'm interested."

I looked over at Elliott.  I didn't know what to say to that. Once again I was tongue tied.

"I...I'm glad," was all I could stutter.

"Emma says you rarely smile in any of the pictures, you usually look stern or frustrated, sometimes sad...not obvious though, she said you do a great job, but if she looks hard enough, she can see it, just below the surface."

"Emma's very perceptive."

"She is, maybe because she's so often been my eyes, she's used to studying things very closely so she can describe all the details, she's very empathetic too."

"I feel like my smile looks stupid when it's not genuine.  Sometimes, when I work with people I like and they make me laugh, I can put out a decent picture with a smile, but most of the time it doesn't come naturally.  Most of the clients are looking for that brooding look anyway."

"So why do you do it, model I mean?"

"I don't know, I kind of got pulled into it by accident," I laughed, though it sounded hollow.  "A friend in college submitted my picture to a contest without me knowing it.  I got chosen for the competition and for some reason I let my friends con me into going and I won.  I don't know, it just sort of snowballed and here I am.  There are good parts...I get to travel, see lots of amazing places, it's not 9 to 5 every day, I get breaks like right now...the money's good.  I guess I figure I can do this for a few more years and have enough money saved to set myself up in something better...it's security...I've already had some feelers out about starting my own product lines.  My degree is in marketing, so it's I can move right into something behind the camera."

"I could be completely decked out in David-wear; head to toe."  I chuckled at the smirk on Elliott's face.

"Yeah, exactly.  Maybe if I get my own label I'll even expand to a line of Elliott-casualwear.  Low riding cargo pants with lots of pockets for tools..."  Elliott let out a laugh, and suddenly things felt fine between us again.

"Elliott, I'm really sorry about this morning.  I'm sorry I'm a nervous wreck and suck at this."

Elliott stood up and walked around the island to where I was sitting.  He reached out a hand and I took his in mine, leading it up to my face and kissing his palm before resting it on my cheek.  "Thank you for being honest.  Next time, just tell me you're nervous or however you're feeling.  I can take it."  Elliott gently caressed my cheek and then lightly dragged his fingers over my lips and then moved it over other parts of my face.  Looking at me, as he described it once.

"I know you can, it's just me...I guess I get insecure," I said softly.

"You don't have to be insecure with me.  Let me just put it out there, as clear as I can.  I like you David.  I like you a lot and I want to see where this goes.  I know you...well, you're not out, and I understand, I respect your choice, so I'm okay with whatever you feel comfortable with, but just know that we're on the same page here...or at least, I think we are?"

"Yeah...we are.  I like you too Elliott, this is where I want to be right now...and thanks."

"Hug it out bitch," he laughed and pulled me into a big hug.  I was a little confused and I think he could tell since I wasn't laughing.  "Umm...Entourage?" he said, "Ari?"

"I've never seen it."

"Oh...awkward..."

That made me laugh and I wrapped my arms around his middle, since I was still on the stool.  Elliott reached his strong hands down, placing them on my cheeks and pulled my face up into a soft, very sweet kiss.

"I'm going to have to go thank this German lady," he said when our lips parted.

"Freya."

"Freya...from Reinwald's Bakery on Prospect?" I nodded into his hands.  "I love that place, they make the best bread and those black and white cookies are my favourite.  She's an awesome lady! My Dad used to take us there every time we came in the city to see my Grandfather.  I take Emma there sometimes when she visits."

"So its kismet that I ended up there."

"Yeah, I guess so."

After breakfast I walked Elliott to his studio.  We decided to have lunch together since tonight was his regular movie night with Emma.  He tried to get me to go with them, saying that Emma wouldn't mind, but I knew how important that time was for her.  Elliott was more than a brother to Emma, but in some ways had filled in for their father after he died.

I spent the morning working out at my gym, I was on a break, but as soon as I got back, they would be expecting me in tip-top shape.  I knew I had a lot of men's fitness shoots coming up, so I was asked to bulk up a little more than usual too so I worked with my trainer on weights for longer than usual and we discussed a more robust workout schedule he wanted to put me on for the next few months.  Craig, my trainer, also gave me an eating plan so I was getting enough fuel (protein and complex carbohydrates) to keep up with the workout schedule and help with the muscle build.

I showered and dressed at the gym since I wouldn't have enough time to go back to my apartment before I was set to meet Elliott.  After grabbing the bag of protein shakes I had to drink twice a day according to Craig, I threw them in my car and raced back to the studio. 

Of course we had lunch at Kaley's and Laura had the chef make me a large steak, baked potato and salad while Elliott ordered their famous Club sandwich.

"A little hungry today," he chuckled after Laura took our orders.

"A bit, my trainer worked me pretty hard all morning and I'm on this new regimen to get ready for a bunch of shoots I have this Fall.  I have three covers for men's fitness magazines and a bunch of other spreads, so I need to build up my muscles for a few months, then I can go back to where I feel more comfortable for the Spring runway shows," I laughed.

"Your muscles felt pretty buff last night," he remarked, making me blush again.  How did he do this to me?

"I bet you're blushing right now," Elliott teased in his low, slight drawl.

"You have this way of making me feel like a 16 year old girl sometimes."

"Oh...that's not good...sorry."

"Nah, it's just me, this is kind of new for me."  Laura brought our lunch which saved me from further embarrassment to we could focus on our lunch.  Elliott told me about the piece he was working on and I could just sit and listen for a while.  After lunch, as I was walking him back to his studio my phone rang.  It was Marcie.

"Hey Marcie, how's it going?"

"David, where are you.  Can you come into the office for a little while? I need to talk to you." 

"Actually I'm in the neighbourhood, I'll stop by in about 20 minutes?"

"Okay, see you shortly."

"I have to stop in and see Marcie," I told Elliott.

"I thought you were on a break?" He asked.

"It's just a meeting, probably to go over job offers for the when I'm back."

When we got to the building I took the elevator up with Elliott, Blake was inside sitting at his desk when we opened the door which ruined my plans for a goodbye kiss since I wouldn't be seeing him until the next day.

"Hi Blake," I said as we walked in.

"David, what are you doing here?"  he asked in mock surprise.

"Just walking Elliott back after lunch, I'm headed out to a meeting."  I turned to Elliott, "have fun tonight with Emma, tell her I say hi."

"Okay, but before you leave..."

"Yeah?"

"This."  Elliott's hands reached up to my face and pulled me closer.  "Don't think my brother's presence is going to lose me my goodbye kiss," he whispered before pressing his lips against mine.  Afterwards I looked over and Blake was looking impatiently away.

"Umm...what about Blake?" I said softly.  We could no longer pass as just friends with his family anymore.

"I'll talk to him," he assured me.  "No worries."

"Okay.  Call me before you go to sleep?"

"Yeah."

"Bye Elliott."

"Bye David from the elevator," he said with a smirk.

——————

"David, you're a million miles away, so what do you think?"

I turned back to Marcie, her eyes were blazing with excitement.  "I don't know, it's a lot to think about," I said honestly.

"Of course it is, but it's just what we've been working for and a lot sooner than I expected.  The underwear line and then the video, interest in you is skyrocketing Davey.  You don't know how difficult it's been holding off on your bookings.  Now you have Max Damen wanting to work with you on a whole menswear line.  What's there to think about?  We were even throwing out names for the line and he liked Damen-James.  He wants you bad enough to let you have your name on the label.  Of course it's going to be a long-term commitment and there will be sacrifices.  You have to make sure you're up for this David."

"And where is he located? London?"

"His main office is in London, he has another line based out of Paris and one in Los Angeles.  He would need you to work out of the London office with him and his designers."

I simply nodded.  Stunned.  Yes, it was what I wanted, it was a path that would eventually take me beyond modelling, but London?

"And David..." Marcie paused.  "We need to be on a plane tomorrow to meet with Damen and his designers."

"What?!"