I finally transferred to a different school (boarding, this time) after JS3 (9th grade). It felt like a relief for me, because I had to spend the last two years walking on eggshells and being timid, while struggling with my inferiority complex.
I was thankful it seemed like a fresh start for me. I didn't know anyone at this new school, nobody knew me, my mom got me padded bras (even though I had still not developed breasts that deserved a bra) and most importantly, this new school's uniform had a flare shirt instead. It was a relief that my bum wouldn't be paid attention to, because the skirt was not tight or straight.

Everyone seemed nice and I saw a couple of slim girls like me, but I was still low-key anxious. You don't expect my self confidence to magically come back, do you?
Being the new girl at this school was a roller coaster. The students in the school were very few, so it was easy for the news to spread that there was a new girl. Some people were nice, some people were snobby, some people just kept on trying to access you, which made me feel weird. I had chosen to go into this school with a high guard, but somehow, I started buying the niceness and attention I was getting from people and lost the guard completely, which was the beginning of my fuck up. I completely loose-guarded.

Somehow, I became a pushover. I was in a desperate quest to boost my confidence, earn friends and whatnot, that I started people-pleasing, lying to look cool and letting people treat me anyhow. It became evident to me at some point that I was making a fool of myself but it was already too late to correct the impression. The fact that they could ride on me was already registered in their heads, that I felt like whatever I tried to do to stop it would not be taken seriously.
I decided to carry on with the people pleasing and validation seeking, but things got worse cause I became hated and bullied. My classmates—girls and boys, seniors, everyone. I think I was even a joke to the juniors.

I can never forget all the times my class boys made me cry by making reference to how ugly I looked or how weirdly I walked or how "flat" I looked. On one occasion, my teacher even told one of the boys that in the future, I might be hot and he'd like me after years of bullying me in school. He'd said "God forbid", and I did too. But his own hurt me more. Did he think that there was no possible way that I could ever be good enough?

~>•
The class girls weren't left out in the bullying. I remember being called a ruler by one of them. So basically, at that point in my life, I had been called a drawing board and a ruler. Isn't that lovely?
I felt so suppressed in that school, that I loved it when I was home. At least nobody thought I was a ruler or a drawing board there. Except my mirror.

The mental stress was so much that I had to write a letter to the senior boys (11/12th graders) to please forgive me for whatever I had done wrong.
They started being nice to me for a while, until I had to cut off all hair to a point where I was almost bald, because it was growing unevenly and I wanted it to grow well.
The taunting came back in double folds. I was called every bad thing you could think of, including an idol.

The worst experience was the day I and a couple of girls went to fetch water from a tap near the school compound and those senior boys were all sat nearby, talking and laughing out loud. Unfortunately for me, while heading back with my bucket of water, I fell right in front of them in a dabbing position and they all started laughing and making ambulance noises. It was so humiliating because even the girls laughed. I had always wondered why girls liked to laugh when boys are making fun of their fellow girls, but you'd never see a guy laugh when a girl is making fun of a fellow guy. I felt so bad, but still kept my cool and counted down to the day I was going to graduate.

Life in the school became better in SS3 (12th grade). My walls had started coming up, I was standing up for myself a lot more, my major bullies (the senior boys) had graduated and I had started speaking to a few of my classmates cordially. It felt like I was starting my rebranding process. I was going to launch it the moment I graduated.