Heads up: very foul language ahead.
Don't say I didn't warn you lol

Pearl: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Ivan: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents
Pearl: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
BigB: Actually I did the math, Ivan would have $225, not $0.15.
Ivan: Fam I'm right here....
Nafia : If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Pearl: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Nafia : Sorry I only have a dollar
Pearl: :(
BigB: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Ivan would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Nafia : If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
BigB: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Karn : Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
BigB: Apply juice to what
Zara: Directly to the forehead
Ivan: Great chat everyone

————

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Pearl: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
BigB: ...I did. I broke it.
Pearl: No. No you didn't. Ivan?
Ivan: Don't look at me. Look at Nafia .
Nafia : What?! I didn't break it.
Ivan: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Nafia : Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Ivan: Suspicious.
Nafia : No, it's not!
Karn: If it matters, probably not, but Zara was the last one to use it.
Zara: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Karn: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Zara: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Karn!
BigB: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Pearl.
Pearl: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Karn: Pearl... Ivan's been awfully quiet.
Ivan: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Pearl, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Pearl: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Pearl:
Pearl: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

——————

Pearl: Hewwo.
BigB: Hihiiiiii!
Ivan: Greetings, Humans.
Karn: Three kinds of people.
Nafia : I want pudding.
Pearl: Four kinds of people.
Zara: WHAT'S UP FUCKERS?
Karn: Five kinds of people.

——————

Pearl: I CAN'T DO IT!
BigB, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Pearl: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Ivan: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Pearl:
Pearl: I appreciate it,
Pearl: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Nafia : Pearl-
Pearl: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Karn: Pearl we gotta-
Pearl: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Pearl: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Pearl, motioning to Zara: NOT FUCKING THIS

——————

Pearl: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Ivan: >:O language
Zara: Yeah watch your fucking language
Nafia : OKAY WHO TAUGHT ZARA THE FUCK WORD?
Karn: 'The fuck word'.
Ivan: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Zara: Oh my god they censored it
Karn: Say fuck, Ivan.
BigB: Do it, Ivan. Say fuck.

——————

Pearl: Dumbest scar stories, go!
BigB: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Ivan: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Nafia : I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Karn: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Zara:
Zara: I have emotional scars.

——————

Pearl: Rules are made to be broken.
Nafia: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Ivan: Uh, piñatas.
BigB : Glow sticks.
Karn: Karate boards.
Zara: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Pearl: Rules.
Nafia:

——————

Pearl: Time for plan G.
BigB: Don't you mean plan B?
Pearl: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Ivan: What about plan D?
Pearl: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Nafia : What about plan E?
Pearl: I'm hoping not to use it. Karn dies in plan E.
Zara: I like plan E.

——————

Pearl: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
BigB: Okay, but what is updog?
Ivan: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Nafia : Not, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Karn: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Zara: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Pearl: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Nafia : You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Ivan: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
BigB: What's a henway??
Pearl: Oh, about five pounds.