The characters are from the book, and I never watched the holes movie. I may not remember all names correctly, so please forgive me 😭

****

Zero: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.
The Squad: Awwww-
Zero: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."
The Squad: Oh.

*****

Armpit: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Zigzag: wHat?
Armpit: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Zigzag: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

****

Armpit: Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Magnet: I boiled gatorade.

****

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Zigzag: I will not let you down.
Squid: Sounds fun.
Armpit: K.
Zero: No, I'm fucking not.
Stanley: Do I have to be?
Magnet: Please god, I am so tired.
Twitch: Why?
X-Ray: I can't see sh!t, so I'll pass.

****

Armpit, looking at their reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?
Squid: Well, that's you.
Armpit: Me?! Is that what I look like?
Squid: You don't know?
Armpit: Busy day.

****

X-ray: How long do you think it'll take?
Zigzag: I don’t know, three or four.
X-ray: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?
Zigzag: Yeah, maybe five.
X-ray: Five what?!

****

Twitch, teaching Zigzag to drive: Okay, you're driving and Magnet and Squid walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Zigzag: Oh, definitely Squid. I could never hurt Magnet.
Twitch, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

****

Squid: I wish I was a dinosaur.
Armpit: Why? Cause they're big and scary?
Squid: Because they're dead.

(Alan, do you need therapy???)

****

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
X-ray: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

(in my AU, Rex is more of a rude guy)

****

Armpit: Yeah, I don’t like people.
Magnet: Oh, well now that’s not fair Armpit. Have you met all of them?
Armpit: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards!

****

Squid: Hello Zigzag, made anyone cry today?
Zigzag: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

****

Magnet: What? I'm not aggressive!
Armpit: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
Magnet: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

****

Zero: A theif.
Stanley: Thief?
Zero: Theif.
Stanley: I before E, except after C.
Zero: Thceif .
Stanley: No.