[11] – If This Isn’t Love

Rory has always known that he was selfish. Not overly selfish like he didn’t share his food or money – no, nothing like that. He was selfish in the aspect that he wanted true love before he died.

Only selfish people would want that, right? Because if he did get true love, the person that loved him would forever be sad and strained because of his illness. And if he died while still in love? That would be completely horrible.

This was exactly why he was stressing about Jeremy.

He’d been so stupid. He’d originally agreed to go out with Jeremy, thinking that Jeremy was going to take what he’d wanted from the beginning – which was to sleep with him – but something must have changed because when they went on their first date, Jeremy had planted the softest kiss on his lips, right on his doorstep before bidding him goodnight.

It was everything he’d ever dreamed of.

And then one date turned to two and then two turned to three and now they’ve steadily been dating for two weeks now.

They still hadn’t had sex yet.

And Rory knew that Jeremy was falling for him. He wasn’t so naïve and blind to not know what was happening.

“Selfish,” he whispered to himself, his eyes brimming with tears, “I’m so selfish.”

How could he have been so naïve and hopeful? Did he really think he was going to live long? Despite his family’s and friends’ positivity, he knew it was just that – only words and feelings. He had the worst case and there was no guarantee that he was going to survive.

And here he was, about to make the person he’d admired and crushed on from afar, despite his player tendencies, he finally had him but he was so stupid in thinking that it would be a win-win situation. Just thinking about how much pain Jeremy would be in if he died made him feel like crying. How could someone put another person that they loved through so much pain? How could HE do that to Jeremy?

There was a tentative knock on his room door.

“Hey, you’ve been cooped up in there for some time now,” Jeremy’s cheerful voice came from the other side of the door, “you okay?”

Rory quickly wiped the tears from his eyes, calling out hoarsely, “yeah, I’m fine! I’ll be right out.”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting downstairs,” Jeremy replied and Rory could tell from how tentatively Jeremy spoke that he didn’t believe that he was alright.

Rory got up and walked to the mirror. He brushed his hair away from his face and scrubbed his palms roughly over his cheeks. He swallowed hard. He knew what he had to do. The best thing to do for Jeremy was to break up with him.

He knew he shouldn’t have let it go this far, but he was weak and had wanted Jeremy so damn badly, like he’d wanted nothing else. Jeremy was like that breath of fresh air after he’s been drowning. He was EVERYTHING. And he knew now was the time to let him go, now that Jeremy’s feelings weren’t as deep and intense as his.

He nodded sternly at his reflection to reassure himself that this was the right thing before heading out of his room and down to the kitchen.

Jeremy was sitting on one of the stools by the kitchen table, typing up something on his phone.

And as Rory looked at him, his throat clogged, he felt like he was walking off a cliff. He suddenly couldn’t breathe and the room was spinning.

Jeremy looked up and frowned in concern, “Rory? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rory replied, swallowing thickly.

There were black spots dancing around in his vision and he suddenly felt so very tired. He walked up to the counter to rest his head, closing his eyes and the next thing he knew, he was lying on his back on a stretcher and being rushed to an emergency room, a breathing mask over his nose and mouth. Jeremy was beside him, eyes misted over with tears that refused to fall and Rory felt his heart break into a million pieces before the nurses were stopping Jeremy and telling him that he couldn’t get past those big double doors.

*~*~*

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Rory?”

Rory clenched his teeth and refused to look at his doctor. His hospital room was decorated with flowers, roses and other presents willing him to get well soon which only meant that his family must have stopped by. He knew them though and knew that they would be back after he’d gotten some rest. Because his parents wanted the best treatment for him, they’d recommended a family doctor for his illness. Rory has known the man practically from the minute he left his mother’s womb and he was like family.

“You keep stressing about this and that’s what keeps bringing you to the hospital. That’s not a good attitude, especially with your illness and you know it.”

“Well I’m sorry that I can’t get over it,” Rory snapped, “if only it was that easy.”

“Rory, you know that’s not what I mean.”

“I know exactly what you mean. But how can I not think about it?” he asked, suddenly so very tired as he turned to face the man with white hair who was staring at him with that fond look of pity everyone he knew always had when it came to him. It annoyed the hell out of him.

It made him feel weak and useless and he swallowed, “when people look at me like you’re looking at me now, how can I NOT think about it?”

The doctor swallowed, “Rory, you can’t let this illness rule your life. The stress isn’t good for your health. You need to live your life like it doesn’t exist.”

“But it does exist,” Rory laughed bitterly before turning away again, pulling the sheet up to his chin, his stupid eyes filling with tears, “I think I want to be alone.”

The doctor sighed after a brief silence. “That blonde gentleman is still waiting for you in the waiting room. Do you wish to see him or shall I send all visitors away?”

Rory swallowed thickly. If he was going to break up with Jeremy, now was the time. Now was the time to show him that this was a lost cause.

“Please send him in. If my parents come later, please send them too,” Rory whispered.

He listened as the doctor got up and left the room. Swallowing, he sat up in his bed just as Jeremy came rushing in like his golden knight in shining armour.

“Let me help you with that,” he said and before Rory could protest, Jeremy had picked up several pillows and Rory was soon cocooned in their soft warmth.  

He sighed tiredly, “I’m not an egg, Jeremy.”

“I know that,” Jeremy replied and then he began to pace before he suddenly rushed to the bed, grasping Rory’s face in his palms and kissing him so hard Rory felt tingles shoot up all the way from his toes to the tips of his hair. “Please don’t scare me like that ever again,” Jeremy choked breathlessly after he’d pulled away, resting their foreheads together.

Rory curled one hand around his wrist, holding it tightly, “you should leave.” He was happy that his voice at least came out strong and firm, like he was sure of what he was doing. But on the inside, his heart was screaming; don’t go! And even though he meant what he was saying, he found that he couldn’t unwrap his fingers from Jeremy’s wrist.

He saw Jeremy’s eyes grow slightly wide and he knew that Jeremy could tell that when he said leave, he didn’t mean just leave the hospital.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jeremy replied stubbornly, his jaw set in a stern line, eyes hard.

“Well I don’t want you here. I want you to leave.”

“So that’s it then? Two weeks of mind blowing passion and you just want to blow it off like that?”

“Don’t act so butt-hurt,” Rory said, waving his free hand and trying to act like all this wasn’t affecting him, “you know why I’m doing this.” To his dismay, his voice actually trembled a little and he cursed himself for being weak.

“I’m falling for you.”

Rory stared at Jeremy like he was the reason the earth was spinning and at the same time like he was going to start the apocalypse. He inhaled sharply as the words replayed in his head like a mantra and he couldn’t even control the way his eyes got hot and blurry.

Jeremy shifted on the bed and cupped his cheeks, looking earnest, “hey, don’t cry.”

Rory sniffed and choked out, “You c-can’t,” and then he laughed tearfully, “God knows I’ve waited for so long to hear you say that. But I can’t do this. I can’t keep waking up every morning wondering…wondering if it’s my last –”

Jeremy’s lips suddenly covered his in another kiss, more bruising and punishing than the first and Rory couldn’t help his soft moan, his hand gripping onto Jeremy’s wrist like a lifeline.

“You can’t keep thinking like that you know,” Jeremy whispered huskily when he pulled away, “you’re with me now and we’re in this together. Stop making decisions on your own.”

Rory licked his lips and nodded, his throat too clogged to say anything in response. He closed his eyes and felt Jeremy wipe the tears away from underneath his eyelashes. He silently prayed to God for forgiveness because he couldn’t help being selfish.

He just couldn’t bear to let Jeremy go.

*~*~*

The dream morphed and shifted, blurring around the edges until Rory felt like he was falling down a bottomless pit. He was screaming and reaching out but the darkness was engulfing him, swallowing him down and just when it felt like he was going to hit the bottom, he woke up with a gasp, clutching his chest and panting so hard like he’d just run a marathon.

He stared at the ceiling, shaking lightly and trying to get himself back to earth and his brain to start functioning properly. Swallowing thickly, he glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It read 6:30 a.m.

“What the - ?” he whispered, collapsing back on his bed and staring at the ceiling. His heart was still racing, his breath still coming out fast and he knew that there was no way on earth he was going to be able to go back to sleep now.

He sighed and got out of bed, light already filtering through his curtains as he stretched and yawned.

For the past two weeks since he’d visited Frederick Stone, he hadn’t had any dreams or weird déjà vu moments until now.

That dream terrified him. It wasn’t more so the dream itself, it was the way it ended. He tried to remember exactly what happened but all he could see were flashes of white, red and blue and the sound of loud sirens blasting in his ears and then suddenly, deafening silence and the feeling of falling.

Since it was Saturday and he really didn’t have anything planned except dinner with Jeremy later, he decided to laze away until then. The flashes of the dream formed one solid image in his head and he couldn’t resist rushing down to his art room to get it down on paper. He picked up his iPod and earphones, quickly changing into his paint-stained overalls before heading to the room.

The house was silent, showing that Andrew was still asleep and Rory padded barefoot to avoid making any unnecessary noise. He’d been treating Andrew like an egg since his break-up and even though Andrew acted like he hated it, Rory knew he was grateful and soaking up the attention and extra care.

Rory was only worried now because the Spring break was over and Andrew was going to head back to school on Monday. He knew it was easy to convince yourself that you were over someone when you never saw them at all but the minute you see them again, all those feelings just come rushing back like a burst dam. He just hoped his brother was strong enough to face Valerie when the time came – he knew they were both going to need the closure to seal off their break-up permanently.

Rory pushed open the doors to his private studio and nearly moaned as he inhaled the scents of paint and old paper. He hadn’t been down here in so long but now that he opened the doors, it was like his inspiration just flew out of him like a breath on an exhale. He froze at the door realizing with a sinking feeling that he didn’t want to be here.

His heart was racing in his chest at the thought of all the dream-Jeremy paintings that filled the room. Another image flashed in his head, Jeremy screaming, doctors and nurses rushing about, loud monitors beeping and Rory gasped, blinking rapidly and clutching his chest.

He suddenly didn’t feel like drawing anymore. His own art studio abruptly made him feel claustrophobic and he quickly shut the door, holding the handle and resting his forehead against the cold wood, licking his lips and trying to will his heart to stop racing.

“You okay?”

He nearly jumped at the sound of Andrew’s voice and turned around to find him standing in front of his room, hair a bed ridden mess and grey sweatpants low on his hips. He was yawning and rubbing one of his eyes and Rory thought that made him look ten years younger.

Rory pulled away from the door he was holding, beaming brightly at his brother, “I’m fine. Just…yeah, do you want anything specific for breakfast or…?”

Andrew shook his head, yawning again, “’M just gonna get some juice and go back to sleep.”

Rory rolled his eyes and followed him to the kitchen, “you stayed up all night playing games, didn’t you?”

“Hell yes. I’m going back to that hell hole in two days, might as well make the most of what’s left of the holiday,” he grumbled in response, taking the entire carton of orange juice and shuffling back to his room, “you still going out tonight right?”

“Yeah,” Rory called and Andrew hummed before disappearing into his room.

Rory bit his lip, deciding that he wasn’t ready to make breakfast and headed upstairs. It was still early anyway. The sounds of sirens and the memory of the dream flashed in his mind once again and he felt his heart beat quicken a little in his chest.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled his laptop close and decided that it was time for another meeting with Frederick. He quickly emailed him, asking him when it would be okay for their second session.

He was surprised when he got an instant reply.

You hadn’t contacted me in the last two weeks since we met for the first session. I was getting worried that I scared you off. How does this coming Saturday sound for our next session?

Much appreciated.

Rory wasn’t too sure if Frederick was joking about the scaring off part but he decided not to mention it as he quickly sent an affirmative for Saturday before standing up and collapsing tiredly on his bed. He jumped a little when his phone vibrated and pinged, showing that he’d just received a text message. He was already smiling as he reached over for his phone, located somewhere under his pillow.

Wake up sleeping beauty! x

Rory grinned, snuggling into his pillows and texting back a reply to Jeremy; Believe it or not, but I’m actually awake :p x

Oh God, it’s the apocalypse!

Rory chuckled as he replied; ha very funny, I can wake up early once in a while, thank you very much! x

I know we’re meant to have dinner and all, and I really don’t want to sound clingy but do you maybe want to come over and spend the day at mine instead? Xx

Rory stared at the text, his heart beating a mile a minute. Spend the day at Jeremy’s? He must’ve taken too long to reply because his phone pinged again.

Know what, never mind! Ignore that last text x

His phone vibrated again.

I’ll see you at dinner :D x

No, Rory thought, his heart pounding hard, slamming against his ribcage as he quickly replied, his cheeks burning with a hot blush; I’d love to spend the day with you. That is, if you really want that x

I do.

Just those two words made tingles shoot up Rory’s spine and he couldn’t help squealing a little and rolling around on his bed. Ugh, Jeremy, what are you doing to me? He thought as he typed a reply; When would you like me to come over? x

Maybe during lunchtime? I’ll be making lunch ;) x

No thanks, I don’t want to die :p x

Oh wow, thank you so very much for that Rory Lewis, you made me feel like one in a million, thanks x

Rory laughed so hard he started hiccupping and had to take a few deep breaths to keep from choking.

I’ll see you soon, blondie :D x

Blondie??? Are you effing kidding me right now Rory? x

Rory didn’t reply, giggling as he got off his bed and decided to take a shower. Lunchtime felt so far away all of a sudden. He wanted to see Jeremy now.

*~*~*

“I’ll make lunch,” Jeremy said to himself mockingly, “seriously Jeremy Walker, what the devil made you even say that?” he growled as he added more salt to the concoction that was supposed to be a stew pot. He dipped the spoon into the pot and blew on it before taking a tentative lick.

It tasted like celery water.

He cringed and felt like the insides of his mouth were being sucked into his throat. God, it was awful. Jeremy couldn’t cook to save his life but he’d wanted to impress Rory, he’d daydreamed of seeing Rory’s flushed cheeks and happy face and the younger man rewarding him with a kiss and a look of pure admiration and it had gone straight to his head.

Now, he was probably making a huge bowl of poison without even realizing it and Rory was going to be here any second.

Feeling just slightly panicked and still overwhelmed with the need to impress Rory, he again added more salt and spices, stirring the concoction desperately. I mean, how hard was it to make stew anyway? Just how the hell did he get it wrong?

He ground his teeth, stirring the stew like it was a pot of hard, raw eggs.

“Jeremy are you sure you let the tomatoes boil for at least twenty minutes before adding the vegetables?”  Octavia’s voice floated out of his laptop.

“And did you boil the beef before putting it in? Because if you didn’t then you’ll have to cook the stew for more than forty minutes.”

“Did you even defrost the meat?”

“Oh my God,” Jeremy growled, just about ready to pull his hair out, “Octavia did you really have to add them to the call?” he hissed, glaring at the other girls’ faces in mock anger, “This was supposed to be just me and you.”

“Rude!” Amanda and Reina chorused and Jeremy only rolled his eyes.

“This is so pathetic,” Jeremy grumbled. Not only was he failing at making the stew, he’d had to call one of his older sisters for help. Amongst the triplets, Octavia made the best dishes in the history of making dishes. Her mum nicknamed her Ratatouille because of her keen sense for cooking, which was why he’d called her.

But he should have known that where one of his sisters went, the other two were bound to follow and now he was stuck with the triplets laughing and teasing him from Skype on his laptop while he suffered trying to cook for the first time in his life.

“You really think I’d let them miss out on you cooking for the first time in your life? Hell no!” Octavia giggled.

“Traitor.”

“I do it because I love you,” she teased and the other two girls giggled.

“This tastes horrible,” Jeremy mourned, putting the spoon in the pot and tasting it again before cringing, “ugh.”

“You should have called me before you starting cooking, you dope,” Octavia said with a roll of her eyes.

“I had a sinking feeling that this would happen if I did,” Jeremy replied, waving his hands at the three faces looking at him teasingly from his laptop screen.

“Well, if you’d just learned to cook when we were young, you know, just like the rest of us, maybe you wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

“Isn’t it cute, though? Jeremy playing house wife?”

“I didn’t even think he’d be the one cooking you know.”

“I’m still here,” Jeremy growled at them.

They giggled, ignoring him, “who do you think tops?” Reina giggled with a wag of her eyebrows and Jeremy paled.

“That’s it! I’m ending the call right now!”

Just then, he heard the doorbell ring and promptly felt like his soul had been flushed out of his body.

“Looks like the wife’s here,” Amanda teased, winking at Jeremy, “hope your stew tastes good.”

Jeremy stared at the pot, the spoon, the cooker and then at his sisters like they were all out to murder him and hovered a bit with indecision; should he switch the stove off? Was the stew okay?

“I’m ending the call and never in my life will I ask you guys for help again.”

“You need us.”

“We love you.”

“Are you planning on having sex with him tonight? The guys always cook when they want to get laid.”

“Sweet Jesus, how are you three even married?” Jeremy growled before ending the call, promptly ending their giggles. He quickly went offline because he knew that if he didn’t, they would be calling him back and the last thing he wanted was for them to harass Rory.

He wanted to switch the stove off but remembered what Amanda said about him boiling the meat. Deciding that it could wait five minutes, he quickly brought the spoon to his lips again.

He didn’t cringe as much as the first time and he was grateful for that at least, before dumping the spoon in the sink and rushing to the door. When he opened it and spotted Rory, he literally stopped breathing. That had been happening a lot lately. Rory made him feel like his chest was being constricted by iron bars.

Rory looked a little distracted though, so he asked softly, “hey, you okay?”

Rory glanced up at him and beamed, his voice coming out cheerful, “Hey! I’m okay, I’m fine.”

Jeremy frowned because he didn’t sound fine at all.

Rory’s cheeks tinted with a shy blush as he shifted lightly on his feet, smiling at Jeremy, “are you going to let me in or keep staring at me?” he asked teasingly and Jeremy could feel himself blushing too but quickly covered it up with a playful growl, dragging Rory into the house and making him laugh as he was gently pushed against the door before his lips were being ravished thoroughly.

Rory moaned into his mouth, wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s neck to keep him locked on the kiss but Jeremy almost laughed because he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. The kiss softened after a while as they thoroughly explored each other’s mouths, soft breaths puffing into each other’s faces.

After a while, Rory pulled back to whisper, “is something burning?”

“Oh shit!” Jeremy hissed, pulling away and rushing to the kitchen.

Rory walked after him and his eyebrows nearly shot into his scalp at the sight of the smoking pot on the stove. Jeremy put on some mittens and quickly grabbed the pot, pulling it off the stove and dumping it in the sink with a loud sizzle, the contact of the hot pot and the cool wet sink doubling the steam.

Jeremy felt like he was going to die. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, he’d never been so embarrassed in his life.

“Jeremy, were you actually trying to cook?” he heard Rory ask and he couldn’t quite place the tone of his voice as the bleached blonde made his way into the kitchen, “I honestly thought you were kidding.”

“Well, now you know I wasn’t.”

Rory noticed that Jeremy had really wanted to do this and he felt his heart swell in his chest. With a soft smile on his face, he walked up to Jeremy and cupped his cheeks so that Jeremy was looking at him. He leaned up to smack a quick kiss on Jeremy’s lips before whispering, “How are you so perfect?”

“By burning the stew.”

Rory was already laughing before Jeremy completed his sentence and Jeremy already felt better about the stew as leaned down to stop Rory’s laughter by kissing him hard.  

“We can order pizza,” Rory whispered against his lips in-between soft, passionate kisses.

“Sounds like a plan,” Jeremy replied huskily, pulling away from him, “I’ll just get my phone.”

“Why don’t you just order online?” Rory said with a raise of his eyebrow, glancing pointedly at Jeremy’s laptop.

“Right, you’re right,” Jeremy said with a flush, moving to his laptop and opening the browser. He slid into the kitchen stool, his foot tapping the floor distractedly.

Rory couldn’t stop staring at him. This was the first time he was seeing Jeremy dressed so casually. His feet were bare and he was dressed in a faded cream t-shirt and ripped grey jeans that hugged his powerful thighs and hips. He looked positively mouth-watering. When Jeremy bit his lip, looking more than lost on the Dominos website, Rory crossed his arms, his lips stretching into an amused smile, “you’ve never ordered online before, have you?”

“The process is so long,” Jeremy argued on a long moan, leaning away from the laptop, “it’s easier to order by phone.”

“Are you kidding?” Rory laughed, “They ask all the questions not to mention your money’s going and you can’t even customize what you want because time is running and the person you end up talking to ends up being an impatient little twat.”

Jeremy laughed and jerked his head towards his laptop, “Why don’t you come work your magic?” he bit his lip seductively after that and Rory couldn’t help the redness that crept into his cheeks.

“How are you even real?” he teased as he walked over to Jeremy, letting out a startled yelp as Jeremy pulled him into his lap. Jeremy’s hands slid up his chest and down his hips and then in-between his thighs, making Rory shiver uncontrollably.

He rested his hands on Rory’s hips, nudging his back with his nose as he asked, his voice muffled, “what type of pizza do you like?”

Rory could barely concentrate on the screen in front of him, unable to stop thinking naughty thoughts. Like if Jeremy would just slide his hands in front of his jeans again and unzip them –

He flushed and shifted, trying not to get hard as he shook his head lightly to focus on the screen.

Remembering Jeremy’s question, he replied, thanking the gods that his voice didn’t come out breathy, “My favourite pizza would be ham and pineapple.”

“Ham and pineapple?” Jeremy asked in surprise, “who even eats that?”

“Hey!” Rory cried in offense, slapping his thigh and twisting around to glare at him, “I happen to eat that.”

“Seriously? You do know that you’re putting pineapple on bread and cheese, right? Pineapple and bread AND CHEESE?”

“Don’t judge me! Gosh, you sound just like Andrew. There is nothing wrong with pineapple and cheese. I happen to love pineapple on pretty much everything so please, quit judging okay?” he scolded before turning back to face the laptop.

“Fine fine,” Jeremy said in surrender, his voice still light with amusement, “pineapple and cheese.”

“Jeremy if you don’t shut up, I’m going to eat this pizza alone.”

Jeremy laughed, “Fine, I’m sorry. I don’t want pineapple and cheese.”

“That’s too bad, I already ordered.”

“What?” Jeremy gasped, trying to get off the chair and nearly sending Rory tumbling off his lap. He grabbed Rory’s hips to keep him from falling and they ended up laughing and not really understanding why they were laughing in the first place.

“I was kidding,” Rory chuckled when they were done laughing like maniacs, “I’m going to order a half and half.”

“You can do that?”

“Welcome to world of customization,” Rory replied back teasingly.

Jeremy tried to hide his curiosity and fascination as he watched Rory customize their pizza and then order it. He gave Rory his card to pay for the pizza online and then they were done. Rory clicked on a new window that showed the progress of their order and Jeremy raised one eyebrow in pleasant surprise.

“Well, that’s efficient.”

“Pretty much.”

“While we wait, you’ll never guess what I planned for us to do today,” Jeremy said as they got up from the stool and made their way to the sitting room, all the while Jeremy was wagging his eyebrows.

Rory laughed and rolled his eyes and took the time to discreetly admire the place since it was his first time actually being inside the house. He had such a nice big house. It was all black and sharp angles and white curtains. The fake fruit bowls and plants and the paint-stained curtains just screamed ‘Jeremy’ for some reason and Rory found that he was already in love with the place.

“Stay right there. Don’t move.”

Rory raised his eyebrows at Jeremy curiously and they only shot up even higher when Jeremy picked up a sketchbook and pencil from a table in the sitting room.

“Don’t move,” he repeated as he opened a page and sat on the arm of the couch facing Rory and began to sketch.

Rory couldn’t help the blush that rose in his cheeks as Jeremy sketched him. He felt weird and awkward as he just stood there frozen, watching Jeremy sketching him with a serious, intense look on his face.

“What is this, Titanic?” Rory teased, trying to ease some of the tension he felt.

Jeremy smirked at him, “don’t tempt me.”

Rory blushed harder but rolled his eyes. The sketch didn’t take longer than five minutes before Jeremy was telling him to move. Rory immediately walked up to him but Jeremy held the sketchbook away from his reach when he tried to take it.

“Why can’t I see it?” he pouted and Jeremy kissed his pout playfully.

“Because this is a project I’m working on. You can’t see it until I’m done.”

“And what exactly is this project?” Rory teased and Jeremy grinned.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, this sketchbook is new. I’m going to fill it up with sketches of you. I call it ‘The Rory Project.’”

“Oh,” Rory blinked, feeling a certain familiar warmth bloom in his chest, the same warmth also filling his cheeks, “oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Jeremy replied huskily before capturing Rory’s lips in a soft kiss.

Their pizza arrived then and they ate it while watching episodes of The Simpsons on Jeremy’s flat screen, their legs tangled intimately on the couch. Rory was only a little bit surprised that Jeremy liked cartoons but then again, he shouldn’t be that surprised – this was Jeremy he was talking about. As the day passed, Jeremy took more sketches of Rory; when he was watching TV, when he had a slice of pizza in-between his lips – which sent them both laughing when Rory could hardly keep the pose. Jeremy tried the Ham and Pineapple pizza and said, much to Rory’s pleasure, that it wasn’t half bad and all in all, the day was amazing.

Except, when nightfall came and they’d just finished their dinner of ordered Chinese, Jeremy had finally had it. He’d noticed how distracted Rory had been all day and it was making him worried. Was Andrew okay at home? Was he okay? They were watching a movie now, still snuggled up on the couch with the lights off, the only lights were coming from the TV, flashing all over Rory’s distracted face.

Rory on the other hand was only bothered because of his dream. Rory knew he should stop thinking about it, but he just couldn’t help himself. He had this nagging fear that he was going to lose Jeremy and it made him feel queasy and uncomfortable. He hated it.

Jeremy licked his lips and before Rory could see what was coming, Jeremy yanked his legs so that he was lying down on the couch on his back before the blonde was moving up, caging Rory underneath him on the chair, his arms on both sides of Rory’s face with him placed intimately between his legs.

Rory’s legs tightened around his hips almost unconsciously and big dark eyes were looking up at him, making Jeremy’s heart stutter in his chest.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

Rory swallowed, blinking away the flash of red, blue and white lights, “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” Jeremy growled, “you’ve been acting spaced out and distracted all day. Is Andrew fine?”

“Andrew’s okay,” Rory replied, “I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay,” Jeremy said in exasperation, suddenly feeling pissed, “this isn’t the first time either. Over the past few days you’ve been acting like something is bothering you and each time I ask, you tell me nothing’s wrong.”

“Because nothing is wrong,” Rory insisted with a roll of his eyes, “it’s nothing, Jeremy.”

“So there is something, then?”

“Jeremy,” Rory complained, “just leave it be, I’ll be okay.”

“What I don’t understand is why you won’t fucking talk to me!”

Rory winced at the curse and Jeremy bit his lip, instantly regretting being angry, “fuck, I’m sorry. It’s just…ugh, Rory…I’m so worried about you.”

He rested their foreheads together, closing his eyes and feeling surprisingly vulnerable from his confession. For some reason, he felt like taking to his heels after admitting how he felt but he forced away the sinking feeling, knowing that it would only confuse and hurt Rory further.

“You don’t need to be because I’m fine, I promise,” Rory whispered and Jeremy opened his eyes. He felt like he was punched in the chest when he realized that this close and with the lights coming from the TV that Rory’s eyes were a beautiful dark silvery blue-grey. As the light from the TV changed, his eyes would look sea blue and then back to its dark grey and Jeremy had never seen eyes so mesmerizing.

“Stay the night with me,” he blurted and felt his cheeks heat as he quickly added, “I don’t mean…we don’t have to do anything. I just want…I want to spend the night with you – I want to sleep with you, oh shit, this isn’t going to come out sounding clean, is it?” Jeremy laughed, trying to cover up his nervousness.

Rory smiled softly at him and at the same time felt like he couldn’t breathe. “How about my clothes?”

“You can wear mine and we’ll throw yours in the laundry so that they’re ready by tomorrow morning.”

Oh god, Rory thought, breath locking in his chest and heart slamming against his ribcage, I’m falling for him. I’m falling in love with him. I’m falling so so bad.

 He slid his hands up to slide into Jeremy’s hair, clutching it like it was a lifeline while he tried to remember how to breathe.

“You okay?” Jeremy asked softly, noticing the change in atmosphere.

“Kiss me,” Rory replied breathlessly because he felt like he was flying and he needed an anchor, he didn’t want to crash and burn, he needed Jeremy to catch him.

Jeremy’s eyes roved searchingly over his face before he captured his lips in a soft kiss. Rory melted into the kiss, sighing softly against Jeremy’s lips. His heart wouldn’t stop pounding and his stomach was rumbling with what felt like giant birds. Oh God, Jeremy.

Jeremy didn’t know what had changed but he could feel something different in the way Rory was kissing him. It made his heart beat soar and his breath stutter. The kiss was slow and deep and filled with renewed passion, their tongues licking sensually into each other’s mouths, breaths mingling hotly.

It wasn’t enough. God, it wasn’t nearly enough. Rory wanted to be closer to him. He slid his hands down to fumble with Jeremy’s jeans, getting them open and rubbing his hands against the thickening shaft through his shorts, exploring the bulge hungrily before pushing the shorts down to rub and squeeze the hot naked length with his palms.

“Holy shit,” Jeremy hissed, his hips jerking lightly into Rory’s hands, his cock stiffening even further, “holy fuck.”

Their lips meshed messily as Jeremy’s own hand found Rory’s jeans and he fumbled desperately with them, trying to concentrate on holding onto his control as Rory’s hand stroked and explored him. They were finally down his thighs in a second, followed by his shorts, Jeremy’s hot hand suddenly wrapping around him and stroking.

“Oh Jeremy,” he moaned, arching his hips, pushing desperately into Jeremy’s strokes, feeling the pleasure already building, “please, Jeremy, please come with me. Please.”

A hot almost painful throb shot through Jeremy’s cock and he pulled away from the kiss to grind his teeth against the blind pleasure, his hips writhing as he began to leak uncontrollably. God, it was so fucking hot when Rory begged like that, Jesus, he found it so damn sexy it was fucking insane.

Their gazes locked as they began to stroke each other in earnest and it was the hottest thing Jeremy had ever done in his life. They were panting into each other’s mouths, hands stroking in the same quick yet sensual rhythm.

When Rory began to arch, soft whimpers leaving his lips, Jeremy knew he was close. Jeremy wanted to watch him come, wanted to watch his face contort with pleasure while he shot all over his face, holy shit. But when Rory began pleading so prettily, begging Jeremy to come with him, Jeremy found himself suddenly so close to the fucking edge, ready to lose his mind.

“Come on,” Rory breathed hoarsely, his voice soft and sensual, sexily coercing, “please, babe, come on. Please…so c-close – need you with me…”

“H-holy shit,” Jeremy hissed shakily, hips jerking frantically, leaking and throbbing so damn hard, so fucking close.

“Oh God, oh Jeremy,” Rory cried on a broken moan and then they were both suddenly flying, soaring and coming so fucking hard they couldn’t feel their toes.

“Fuck!” Jeremy gasped, his eyes clenching shut, hips stuttering as he tried to ride out his orgasm against Rory’s loose fist. He couldn’t hold his body up when he was done and collapsed on top of Rory, both of them panting heavily.

Rory couldn’t help the way he clung to Jeremy, arms wrapped tightly around him while Jeremy’s face was buried in his throat.

“Well, now you have no choice but to stay,” Jeremy whispered breathlessly after a while and Rory laughed, his hands tightening involuntarily around him.

“Wasn’t even planning on leaving,” he replied softly, his voice equally as breathless. His chest was swelling with so much emotion that he felt like he was going to cry. 

The feelings left him feeling both exhilarated and at the same time terrified out of his mind.