Sit

"There was a difference between what you said and what you did"

| Ardian |

Cold
My body felt cold and rigid as her voice settled in my ears
And I slowly turned around. To see Ivelle sat on my sofa.

In my flat
Gun in her hand and smile on her painted lips
I almost didn't recognise her
Dressed... differently
Now exposing every curve and her hair pinned up neatly
Makeup now hiding those freckles and red lips speaking to me but none of it registering

"Ardian?" She questioned
I looked into her eyes
Dull dead eyes now a mystery to me as they brightened every second she spoke
She was excited
She was happy. She's... she's in my flat.

Do I run for it?
Run from her, knowing she'll still be out there somewhere watching me?
"Why are you here?" I asked stupidly
I don't know how she did that? Make me act normal.

Elion was right
You don't feel... guilty because she's the bad one
"Sit" she said

"Ivelle-"
"Sit" she ordered me, nodding to the chair opposite her
I slowly did so.

"How did you get in?" I asked
"Oh Ardian. We're doing all the boring questions first? You don't want to know about Enora? About my escape? You want to know how I got into your little flat?" She chuckled

I said nothing
"You're still in psychiatrist mode" she pointed out
"It really does never switch off does it?" She asked, leaning in to look into my eyes
"Relax. You're at home" she said

"You're in my home" I pointed out

"I got in... because you have one policeman guarding your home. One" she said. Like she really couldn't believe it
"I escaped a facility crawling with them. Hundreds of them" she said

"Is he alive?" I asked
She shook her head
"There's no back way in, what else could I do? Tell me Doctor" she said

She wanted an excuse. Again. And she avoided telling me how she killed this man. Again.
I didn't know what to say, what to even ask her next.

She stood up, walking around me
"Hands back" she ordered
"There's no need to restrain me Ivel-"
"You want answers. And you know if you run or fight now that you'll lose. So..." she drawled out

I sighed, obeying her
She was right, even if I fought her
She has a gun

Being bigger. Taller, it didn't matter when it came to her having a gun and a psychotic mind
She was willing to kill me if it stood between her and freedom

And me... I wasn't sure if I would be able to pull that trigger
She's killed. And I haven't
It was an unfair and strange advantage but an advantage to her nonetheless

"See? I see you Ardian. You still want answers after everything, you still want to see what makes me... tick" she said, sitting on the coffee table in front of me now
Closer

Whilst I sat handcuffed
She pulled rope up off the floor, tying my legs
"What's the plan here Ivelle?" I asked
"Come on Ardian, you're smarter than this" is all she said
"You've tied me up. So you're not planning to kill me" I said

"How's that?" She asked innocently, looking up at me
"You would have just done it. You kill in emotional rage. You don't plan a lot of these through" I said

"I suppose that's true... but I'm not bad at plans Ardian" she smiled
"I know. You planned your escape very well" I said
"Thank you" she said happily
"So. I'm here to... talk to you. To... see something" I said

That's what she wanted from me
She wants me to see who she is
"I'm watching" I said simply

"See. You are smart" she said proudly
"And Enora. That was just a way to draw me out?" I questioned calmly, trying silently to fiddle with these handcuffs
To find some sort of way out of this

I was confident she wouldn't kill me
But that didn't mean she wouldn't hurt me
Or that she wouldn't hurt anyone else

"Yes... I did also want to meet her though, I've heard so much about her and I just... I don't get it Ardian" she said
"What?" I asked, entertaining her

"She's so.. plain. So... normal. There's nothing special about her" she said
"People like normal" I said
"Not you though... you like weird and dark and fucked up people" she said

"No" I denied
"No? It's only learned behaviour Ardian. I told you, I'm very observant too, it doesn't take geniuses to figure out why you became a psychiatrist. You're trying to figure out what makes people the way they are. You're trying to figure out why your mother just couldn't quit drinking" she goaded

"No" I said again
"Yes. You're trying to establish if we all truly feel something. If your mother really does love you or if she's just manipulating you" she said
"No" I said harder

"Oh Ardian. We're not all the same" she said
"I know that" I said
"That's why you like me Ardian. Because I can commit atrocities and still... feel" she said, leaning closer to me
"No" I said louder, staring her down

She smiled widely
"So strong and yet so weak at the same time, it's... surprising, you're like a case all on your own" she taunted

I remained silent
"You know how I know you?" She asked
"Because we're the same" she went on

I shook my head
"We are not the same" I reiterated

But it meant nothing to her
Because there was no boundaries left
We were not doctor and patient
Civilian and criminal
We were two people no long in a cell
And she had me restrained and listening to her

"We are. You spoke to my father... what did he tell you?" She asked, still sat so close to me
"He told me he tried to give you a good life. That you were a difficult child" I said honestly

She nodded
"I bet you were a difficult child for your mother" she threw back at me
No. I wasn't. Her drinking wasn't because of me.
It wasn't.
"And do you believe him?" She asked
"No" I said honestly

"No?" She asked
"A lot of factors go into making a person the way they are, I don't believe you could have had a perfect childhood to end up pushing your mother down the stairs when you were only nine" I said.

She nodded along with my words, genuinely smiling at me, like a lost friend
"That man beat me any time I was ever out of line. Whenever I 'failed'. My mother was the only thing keeping me sane" she chuckled

"She loved me. She cared about me. I... I never meant to hurt her. She was just... the beginning. The... start of everything" she said, tears pricking her eyes
She was... sad? Genuinely sad I was unsure of
But it looks real

Before she shook it away, face hardening as she stood up

"That is why... it's unfair for him to still be walking around, with his new family" she called as she disappeared into another room
Walking around my home

It unnerved me
"That's why he has to die. I've told you this over and over again Doctor" she said, the sound of a chair scraping along flooring

It was clear to me why she switched between my name and Doctor
She says Doctor when she seeks a professional answer
A medical answer for her actions or words

And she says my name when she feels... personal. When she wants to break the boundary down and connect us

Then she reappeared, dragging a chair
A chair with Angelo Honeycutt strapped to it
Bound with tape wrapped around his head over and over
Muffled cries of protest as his eyes found mine in panic

"Ivelle" I said warily
"Don't worry, I won't do it in front of you" she said, musing over to the counter
Before she picked the tape up

"I just need you to understand me Ardian. Properly, you can't understand unless you see me" she said, nearing me
And my chest constricted
My mind flying into stress

She bent down.
"We're not completely the same... yet. I know you'll try and stop me so..."
She pulled a strip of tape off, clamping it over my mouth as I protested

"I'll be back" she said, walking around the sofa, dragging Angelo away again as I shouted pitifully through tape to stop her
To talk to her
Maybe I could... persuade her this wasn't the solution

But she stopped me
She made sure I wouldn't be able to stop her
And as a door shut somewhere in my apartment
And I heard muffled screams... I just... felt everything and nothing all at once

I felt panic and fear and stress and worry and... nothing
A blank mind as all these emotions wracked my body and yet I couldn't think of a single thing to do.
Blank.

| Ivelle |

Time seemed so... fast now I wasn't locked up
I sat on the floor... waiting
For what I wasn't sure but I have time
No one would come looking for Ardian until they checked in with that officer

I looked up at... at dad.
Dead. Blood all over the floor after he bled out
I didn't torture him. I didn't... hurt him.
I just... stabbed him. Once
And I watched him slowly die

That's all I wanted
I wanted him to endure the pain for as long as he could
As long as I did when I was a kid.

Bruised and battered and ashamed and guilty because I wasn't good enough for him.
For his reputation
His new family when I was put away
I have siblings that he won't let me meet.

He's a monster.
He was a monster
He made me one

I stood up, clean and unmarked
Sifting through the hallway. Ardian had gone silent
I opened doors. Until I found it

His room.

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