Staircase

"Wanting love from someone who doesn't want to love you will destroy your fucking heart"

| Ardian |

I woke up the next morning. And... the door is open
She left the door open
I got up, going into the hallway, it was empty
Where is she?
I tried to front door
Still locked
And then I heard noises again. Upstairs

What is she doing up there?
I looked up the staircase, no one.
Should I...
I took a slow move onto the first step.

"What are you doing?" Ivelle spoke up. Stood at the top of the stairs
"What are you doing?" I asked
"Taking care of things" she said

"What things? Why can't I go up there?" I asked
"Ardian I- this was my house. My house. I grew up here. I was beat here. I... I pushed my mother down these stairs" she muttered to herself, staring down them

"Turn around" she said
"What?" I asked
"Turn around, sit down" she said
I did so. Sitting on the bottom step.

"I was so angry that day. I lost my chess game the day before. We lost the championship that year because of me" she said, I heard her slowly walk down the stairs
As I sat staring ahead
At the front door
At the floor. The floor her mother would have laid on.

"My dad hit me that night. So hard. So... badly" she scoffed, sitting next to me on the bottom step
"He hit my brother worse when he tried to help me" she went on

"And then my mother just... she told me it wasn't my fault. That he'd calm down, there was always next year" she shook her head
"She wasn't concerned that he'd hit us, she was concerned how we could avoid it. Make it better. Be better" she remembered, staring at the floor

"And I just lost it. I just... I pushed her. I lashed out" she said
It wasn't uncommon to hear of
Hurt children end up hurting others
It's learned behaviour

"And she fell. She cried out and she hit the floor and I came down and... she laid there looking at me, crying in pain" she remembered, voice numb.

"She wouldn't stop crying. Asking me to get someone, to help her" she said
"You could have helped her?" I asked surprised
She nodded. She could have saved her?

Then why did she feel... bad? If she chose to let her die then that shows that she intended for her to die

"Deimos heard. My father wasn't home. Deimos came to... to help me" she muttered
"To help her?" I corrected her
She shook her head

"Me. He... he pinched her nose until she... stopped" she admitted
"What? Your brother killed her?" I asked in shock
"She just wouldn't stop. And we... I guess we were both angry. She never stepped in for us. Never helped us. She loved us but she... she knew everything he did to us. And she did nothing" she said sadly

Actual sadness? Genuine sadness?
"Why did you take the blame?" I asked, putting my hand on her back
She shrugged
"It was wrote off as an accident. When I was arrested it... I was going away for life Ardian. What's one murder among all the rest?" She asked, looking at me

"You covered for him" I pointed out
"He's my brother... he stepped in when everything got... bad" she said
She's opening up. About her childhood
About everything that made her the way she is.

I do believe there's reasons for it all
Hers were becoming clearer
"It was something I could do for him. I was already in prison, there was no point putting him away too" she said

"But he did go to prison. He was arrested for murder" I said
She nodded
"He was seeing this girl. He... he killed her friend. Jealousy. Tale as old as time" she sighed

"Is it?" I questioned
"He made a mistake. One mistake, it's... that anger is in us. It's uncontrollable, just like our dad I guess" she said
"You're not like your father" I said

I don't know why I said it. But she needed to hear it
Our actions are ours. No one else's
"I am. I'm worse" she scoffed
"Deimos was acquitted because he's smart, he's practically smart. I copy emotions, he understands them" she explained

He seems... more passive than her
More cold.
"He can impersonate an emotion flawlessly" she said

"You can't?" I asked
She seemed an expert at it
"Not the way he can. My anger takes me and he... he's only lost it once" she said

"Why am I worse?" She asked sadly
"You're not" I said
"If you can control your anger, find coping mechanisms, you won't hurt people anymore" I assured

She shook her head
"No"
"Ye-"
"No, no it's who I am Ardian. I'm not... able to repent. It's in my nature" she said
"It's not" I said, rubbing her back slightly

She looked up at me
She looked for comfort and truth in my words
And then she leaned in. And kissed me
And I didn't move
I didn't pull away. Nor kiss her back

And then she pulled back
"Sorry" she mumbled
She's sorry?
"I shouldn't have... I just feel... like I did before" she said

"Before what?" I asked
"Before I... I stopped you know, I always... stopped and then the next one happened and everything just... goes dark" she said

"Dark? Like... depressing?" I questioned
"Just... sad" she mumbled, looking down
She shook her head

"No I should... we should get up. Come on, I'm sorry" she said, standing up
I grabbed her hand
"If you talked about these things. People could have helped you Ivelle" I said

She smiled sadly
"You're sweet" she said
"Come on, you should shower" she said.

| Ivelle |

He's in the bathroom. And I decided to cook
And for a moment in my mind
My life is like everyone else's
There's a man who understands me showering in my bathroom
Whilst I cook us dinner

This is how it should have been
I had only had two actual relationships before I went to prison
And they were... boring
They didn't excite me
They didn't satisfy me

"Ivelle!" I heard Deimos call as he came through the kitchen door
"In here" I called, putting the food down in the dining room

"This looks cosy" he commented
"We're just having dinner" I said
"After you kidnapped him?" he said blankly

"Yes" I said

"Ivelle... Ivelle will you just stop?" He asked impatiently, slamming the plate down
"What is your plan here? Because you can't keep him here forever, you know the police are crawling all over this. They're going to search this house sooner or later" he said

I ignored him, fixing the chairs
"Ivelle" he snapped
"I'm working on it. Alright?" I said
"You're getting attached" he accused
"I was already atatched! We both know that, don't be stupid Deimos, it isn't you" I said

"And don't belittle me Ivelle, although it is you!" He said angrily
"It's my business, I'll sort it" I said
"You better, because I'm not going down for this" he snapped

I stopped
And he sighed
"I don't want you going back to prison either" he said calmer

"I won't Deimos. I know what I'm doing" I said
"Yeah you said that last time, and you got caught" he argued
"I got sixteen in before I was arrested. You got arrested after one" I argued back.

He rolled his eyes
"Just be careful" he said.

"I will. Did you bring her?" I asked
He nodded
"Where do you want her?" He asked

| Ardian |

I let the bathroom, only to find Ivelle in the dining room.
Sitting and waiting
Like she did before
Except she wasn't in a uniform, handcuffed to the table, pale and bored

She was sat in a dress.
Smiling at me, plates of food across the table

I sat down
"Don't worry, I haven't poisoned it" she said.
"I didn't think you had" I said
"Sure" she smiled

"I know you won't kill me" I said
"Not unless I have to" she said
I looked up at her. She isn't joking.

"Eat" she nodded
And we did. Mostly in silence
She looked like she was thinking. Too hard
Normally she was talkative
And after a while, the silence was too loud for me to ignore

And just like I often tried to get my patients to do, I filled the silence this time.

"The food is nice" I said
"Thank you" she said happily
"I have a surprise for you actually" she said
"What?" I asked

She shook her head
"Patience is a virtue" she said
"You have no virtue" I said

She laughed. Fully laughed
"Just eat. I'll show you afterwards" she urged
Nothing she has for a surprise can be good
The last surprise she had was her father tied to a chair before she murdered him.

And so for the rest of this... fucked up meal
I was on edge.

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"Come on" she said
"Come" she urged
I followed her to a room she hadn't opened before
And she gestured for me to go first
I did so

And as I entered what looked like a study, I saw someone I couldn't relate to the setting
To her house
My mother...

"Mum..."
And the door shut
"Ivelle? Ivelle!" I shouted, trying the door
It didn't move

"Ivelle!" I banged on the door
"Ardian" she said
She said
Not Ivelle
Not Stella. Not Enora

My mother.

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