Ours

"I want the part of you that you refuse to give"
- Ellen Hopkins

| Ivelle |

The police began to bang on the front door
Shouting and swearing, banging and sirens blaring.
And Ardian, slumped to the floor as he held his chest, breathing rapidly

"You hurt me" I said as he struggled to breathe and I dropped the glass
"You hurt me in there" I said, holding my own chest
"No one's ever hurt me in there" I pointed out
People angered me
They betrayed me
They played me.

But no one ever... hurt my feelings
He has.
I thought we were the same
I thought he understood the way I thought and felt and he... he still won't accept me
He's still caught up in everything else
He still... cares about his fake life

"This is the only way to show you how hurt I am. Because I can't kill you either Ardian. I used to think about it, how I'd do it, what you'd say, how you'd react. And then we got to know each other. And I really thought..." I chuckled, crouching down beside him

"Ivel-"
"I really thought you were different. And you are in a way. You..."
Something hit my hand
I looked down

Water...
I looked up. Nothing
It's from me?

"I'm crying?" I said confused, feeling my face
I looked at my wet bloody hands
"How do you do that?" I asked, fascinated
"How did you make me do that?" I asked him
He just looked at me, wide eyed and chest heaving.

"Police! Open the door!"

"Ardian?" I questioned
He didn't speak.

I sighed, kissing his cheek softly
"I wanted this to be... good. I wanted us to be good. You made me good Ardian. And then you ruined it" I said, standing up
I left him lying there

He wouldn't die. I know he won't.
But he'll never live either

Stuck as the boring psychiatrist.
With a dull life. Wishing for more
For... better.
For me

| Ardian |

I heard sirens. I heard shouting
I saw blue and red and white all melting into each other as I was moved?
And then I was in the hallway, the doors on the floor, broken
A baby crying somewhere
People talking above me

I was lying down?
Moving.

•

I woke up in hospital. Confused and... guilty
And ashamed
And... in pain.

"You're awake" Stella spoke up, entering my room
I hadn't seen her for weeks.
I nodded
"Feeling better?" She asked, tapping the iv bag hooked up to me.

"No" I mumbled
"The police will be in soon, they'll need a statement" she said, sitting beside my bed
"Are you alright? Really?" She asked seriously, putting her hand over mine

"No" I said again, staring at the bedding
"Ardian, what happened there?" She asked
I nearly... hurt my mother
I nearly... killed her

I nearly killed Ivelle
I... I fucked Ivelle
I didn't fight, I didn't try and escape enough.

I was... the perfect victim for a psychotic serial killer
That's who she is to the public.
And I'm... the willing prisoner
No one knows... but I know
I know I didn't fight
I know I didn't try hard enough

I know what happened to her mother. Her brother
I know what we... did.
"I don't want to talk about it" I said lowly
"You shouldn't bottle it all up. Talking to someone would help you-"

"No" I shook my head
"Talking to someone like me..." I faltered
Someone like me
"Is pointless. I already know every answer and explanation to my feelings and questions. And they don't help. They don't heal" I explained

She was silent for a moment
"At least it's over" she said, squeezing my hand
"No, it isn't over until one of us dies. She was right" I said truthfully
"I'll get a doctor" she said
"I'm not crazy Stella. She'll never let me go" I said

"That's what Dione Lowell thought" she pointed out
Exactly.

"She used to keep me alive because she related to me, she thought I felt the same things she did. About the world, about people, about her head" I reeled off
"But now... now I've pissed her off" I sighed
"How?" She asked

"Because I didn't shoot her" I admitted
Because I didn't accept her

•

I was kept in bed for four days. After hours and hours of surgery
And two visits from Stella
And one from my brother.

I was finally able to leave my bed. To move around
And so in a hospital wheelchair, hospital robes... I dared to visit Enora
And our baby. Monitored due to being weeks early
She stood in her room, hand in her cot, smiling down at her

"Is she alright?" I broke the silence from the doorway
She stopped momentarily, her back to me
"She's perfect" she said
"My eyes" she added

Good. Enora's eyes were beautiful
A beautiful window to a beautiful soul.

"Good" I said, rolling near to them
She slowly sat in the chair by her cot, and I stopped beside her

I looked at her
At our baby
A beautiful small little girl.
With Enora's eyes and my hair.

"She's amazing" I let out
"I cut you out of my life Ardian..." she said calmly, still looking at the baby
"And she still found me. She still... still knew where I was" she said

"She won't kill you" I said
She scoffed
"No? I'm your ex, she's obsessed with you, she told me as much. It's all I heard, every fucking day" she sighed, rubbing her forehead

"She knows deep down that you're innocent. That's why she didn't kill you" I said

"Or maybe I was pregnant and she didn't want a dead baby on her wrap sheet, you ever think of that Ardian? You think she won't kill me because what? Tell me, did you and her talk it out? You know why she does what she does now? She confided in you?"she asked bitterly, condescendingly

... yes
I said nothing. Because she's right
I had no right coming in here and asking her about the baby. About her kidnapping. About her

About her

"What happened between you two? Whilst I was upstairs. She brought me food, she... she took care of me all whilst telling me that you two were so close and what you have doesn't come close to what we did" she said in disgust, finally looking at me

The sweet girl I once knew gone
She was tired. Ruined. Hardened
She was paranoid and hard toned as she demanded answers from me

And it's these moments that make me feel so... dirty and shameful
Because when I'm with Ivelle, it's a completely different world and every thing has some sort of reasoning

And then these moments, everyone else telling me she's dangerous and cunning, makes me... wake up.
To reality
Normal reality.

"We talked, about her murders, her escape. Killing Dione and Elion..." I stopped myself
She didn't have to hear it.

"Can I hold her?" I asked instead
"I think it's best if you don't" she said
"What?" I asked
"I can't have you in our lives, not when she's still out there somewhere. Until she's in prison again... I can't risk having you around her" she explained

"Enora, she's my daughter" I said
"And I want to keep her safe. We lost each other Ardian, I won't lose her too" she said
"But I have to?" I asked

"Unintentional or not, you brought her into our lives. You did. She's latched on and you can't shake her but maybe I can. For her sake" she said, looking at the baby.

I looked down, trying not to cry over my own daughter being ripped away from me
Trying to control an uncontrollable emotion.

I nodded.
"What are you going to call her? Can't I know that at least?" I begged calmly
"Daisy" she said

And the tears I tried to hold in ran down my face in the silence between us.

| Ivelle |
~ 5 weeks later ~

"Finally, I haven't seen you in weeks" I groaned as the door opened
I abandoned what I was doing and left the bathroom, to find Deimos in the kitchen
Of our... dingy one bedroom flat.
"I was busy" he said shortly, looking through the cupboardS

"Didn't work out with the girlfriend then?" I asked
"She'll come around" he said determined
"What about you? Surprised you're here after all that heat with the therapist" he commented, leaning on the counter as he faced me

"The mother wouldn't stop rambling when she got back to that care home, fucking grass" he muttered
I smiled, I missed him.
I missed any company really
Being on my own for five weeks was... testing

But now... I'm not alone
"Well, there's always the next one" he finalised with a shrug
"No, there is no next one. Ardian is mine" I said
He sighed

"I need to sleep" he grumbled
"Well you're on the sofa so enjoy it" I smiled
"You couldn't have rented a bigger flat?" He asked annoyed
"Not unless you want every policeman in the city knocking on the door" I shouted to him as he left for the living room and I re entered the bathroom

I picked up the blue stick, looking over the two lines again.
"My mistake..." I said to myself, stroking my hand over my stomach
"Ardian is ours" I corrected.

And that my friends, is the end of series 2. For series 3 I think I'm going to focus on Deimos and his life? If anyone would be interested in that. And then come back to Ardian and Ivelle. Until then though, thank you for reading, I really appreciate it

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