I see you

"I never asked where he went, worried he wouldn't ask me to follow"

| Ardian |

"Patrick?" I questioned
She nodded

"Yeah, he's just... great. Really great, you'd love him" she said
"How long have you been seeing him?" I asked, trying to sound causal.

"Seven months" she said
Seven...
Some guy has been raising my daughter with her for seven months
"Is it serious?" I asked

"Ardian-"
"Are you living together?" I asked
She looked at me like she used to
Like I was hopeless
Like she didn't know what to say.

"Yes" she answered
I got up
"Ardian-"
"I have to go" I said

"Ardian" she tried, following me
"I couldn't just stop my life like you did" she called
I stopped, turning to face her
Holding our daughter

"I lost the first year of her life and some guy you barely know and live with gets to see it all. Her first steps, her first words, her first smile, everything" I snapped
"I can't live in purgatory Ardian" she said

"But I can. Whilst you take my daughter away from me and move on. Fucking replace me in her life!" I said, hurt.

"Patrick loves me. He's a good guy, he wouldn't hurt her, he wouldn't put us in danger" she said
I don't want to listen to this
I left for my car again
"Ardian" she shouted after me.

•

I spent the next day... drinking
Drinking away every shit thing in my life
Trying to forget it all.
I helped so many people over the years
And every single addict sounded sane as everyone else in my mind right now

Why shouldn't I kill my pain with something?
I have nothing
My own brother barely calls after I went into witness protection

My mother is dead. My daughter is a stranger to me.

And the day after that. I headed into the prison, hungover. Fed up. Angry.
"Ardian?" Stella called me to the side
"You are sure you're up for this today?" She asked

"Why?" I asked
"Because you look like shit" she said
"Because you stink of booze, maybe we should delay th-"
"No, the sooner this is over, the sooner I can move on, that's what you said" I argued

She grabbed my arm when I tried to leave, pulling me back.
"Has Ivelle said anything to you?" She asked
"Like what?" I asked
"Anything... strange, like she's alluding to something particular" she asked

"No, why?" I asked
She was always like that. She always acts like she knows something you don't.
"I just wondered, she... she's been a little strange when Don has spoken to her" she said

She's lying. It's easy to see.
"Right" I brushed off, heading for the interview room.

| Don |

"You're supposed to knock before you barge in" I said, as Stella threw my office door open.
"Ardian can't have got her pregnant. It has to be someone else" she said
"She spent all her time locked up with him when she kidnapped him" I argued

"And many weeks before that out there doing god knows what. We don't know where she went after the kidnapping either" she explained

"No we don't. But she asked if we had told him" I pointed out
"She cares about his opinion of her, that's why he has such a good rapport with her, why she kidnapped him in the first place. But he wouldn't... he wouldn't do that" she explained

"I saw him at the hospital, he was shocked, rattled, he... he barely said a word, he was so traumatised" she defended
"Forgive me if I don't take your word for it" I said

"I can read people just as well as he can. And I've known him a very very long time. I know when he's lying and I know him. He isn't the father" she said

"Then who is?" I asked
"I don't know" she mumbled

"Let me speak to her" she said, I immediately shook my head
"Don, she's never spoken to me, she knows I know Ardian. I can talk to her, I can handle her" she said

"No one can handle her" I said
"I can" she said determined

I took a breath
"Fine. One sit down. One" I told her sternly
She nodded.

| Ardian |

I trudged into the room, sitting down
I don't know where Don has got to but he isn't watching today.

No one said anything
For minutes
"You look... well" she said sarcastically, smirking across the table
"Just tell me where the next one is" I said

Predicted right after the last one.

"Someone's touchy today, what's happened? Get some bad news?" She asked
"It's not your concern" I said
"Did Don say something to you?" She asked

"What? No" I said confused
"Then what's wrong Ardian?" She asked
I can't tell you
I... I don't want to tell you
I don't

"I can have a rough day" I said simply
"Everyone does. But you never show up hungover for work" she pointed out
"I'm not hungover" I denied
"You reek of whiskey" she said

I sighed
"Ivelle just... tell me what I need so I can go" I said
"I miss the days when you used to hang off my every word" she sighed back

"A lot changed in a year" I said
"Yeah. You've changed a lot by the look of things" she said

"You haven't?" I asked back
"I suppose I have. I felt more" she said
"You made that possible" she said

"Stop. Just fucking stop" I said, deflated
"What?" She asked
"Stop trying to keep me hanging on, feeding me attention and affection. You're a serial killer Ivelle! You're never leaving" I said, fed up with it all

"You're upset. I get that. But we were something Ardian" she said
"Oh yeah? That's why you haven't come back in a year" I said back bitterly
"So that's what this is? You're mad at me for leaving you alone like you wanted" she threw back

"You're the one who said you didn't want me, that what we did was a mistake" she said
"And I was right" I said
"No. You weren't. You wanted me, you still want me, I see it in your eyes" she said

"You see nothing" I said
"I see you" she spoke over me, silencing the room

"You want to act on morality fine, you want to find your daughter? Hm? Be a father" she questioned
"Shut up" I said
"No! No I won't. Because that child, that fucking... that fucking woman. Enora is the one that keeps you hanging on. She took your child away from you" she said

And now. She's letting me see her.
"That's why you called us a mistake. But it wasn't. You know it wasn't, being with me, it's the best you've ever felt" she said
"No" I denied

"Yes. And it's the best I've ever felt. Because we belong together Ardian. In whatever fucked up way... you need me. And I need you" she said
I got up, my hand on the door before she stopped me

"Ardian" she said, halting me
"You and I both know that you can't leave this room without a precious little victim. So sit down" she ordered

I looked at the ceiling, taking a moment
Why am I here? Why did I come back to her?
"Then tell me so I can go" I said, sitting back down
"If you tell me one thing first" she countered

I waited
"Tell me where you've been all this time" she said
"You know" I said back
She always knew
"I know you were living near the woods. I want to know what your life is now" she said

"I have no life Ivelle. It stopped the minute I met you. You completely ruined my life and you call it fate. You call it destiny" I chuckled bitterly

She said nothing for a long while. Simply thinking
"Grandlore cafe" she said
"What?" I asked

"The man you're looking for next. Grandlore cafe. In their garden, he's about six foot under the shed" she explained
I nodded, finally leaving

"Get some sleep. You're not nice when you're at rock bottom" she called after me.

| Ivelle |

I sang to myself, waiting.
No one's watching today. They can't be otherwise Ardian wouldn't have been let in.
The state of him was upsetting

I hate being in the dark
No calls
No visits
Deimos can't get any information to me
And I need to know why Ardian is turning up hungover and tired.

I hate not knowing why I'm waiting either.
What more does Don have to say?

When the door did finally open, I was stumped
I know her. She's Ardian's boss.

"Well to what do I owe such a pleasure?" I asked
"Hello Ivelle" she said, shutting the door
"Do you know who I am?" She asked, sitting down where Ardian had been

"You're the boss" I said
"Yes. My name is Stella" she said, lighting a cigarette
"And you don't adhere to rules" I said
"Neither do you" she said back, leaning back casually
"What can I do for you then... Stella?" I said

| Ardian |

"Ardian. Hang on will you?" Don asked, calling me to his office
He shut the door

"What do you need?" I asked
"Have you..."
"Have I what?" I asked bored

He looked me over
"Have you been drinking?" He asked instead
"Last night. Not today" I said, sliding over my notepad
"Is there anything else you needed or can I leave?" I asked

"I wanted to ask, if you... when you were being held by Ivelle. Did you..."
"Did I what?" I asked impatiently
"Have you slept with her?" He asked

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