I'm having that dream again. Well it's a day dream because when I sleep I mainly have nightmares. In these nightmares you aren't there to save me. When I think of this fact it kinda pulls me down, but in these daydreams I see us at our happiest.
I see you as just you. I see myself with alterations because in a good dream, I never imagine myself as myself. I see myself "better" even though I know you like me the way I am.
I can hear soft music that is just a melody with no words. No words are even needed.
I don't know how it exactly happens, but we end up dancing. My arms around your neck, even though you are slightly taller. My head is just laying on your chest, and I intently listen to your heart because I want to know what makes it beat.
Your arms are around my waist, and you have pulled me a little closer than I expected. We sway, and that's just it. That's all the dream is. A simple dance that lasts for as long as I want it to. Normally, I get snapped out of this daydream and the dance is suddenly ended by people walking, talking, breathing, and just being. The dream ends abruptly and you are actually then sitting a few seats away from me, and I smile. Not because you are close, not because the dream has ended. I smile and feel a small bit of sorrow because of even though the dream isn't real and probably never will be, there is still a small chance that maybe, that maybe you do care enough to give me that experience.
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Maladaptive DayDreaming is when someone daydreams too much. The person creates their own realities in these daydreams. They get emotionally attached to these characters.
I would say that I have this, as it is a disorder, but I can't say that I have it. The characters are real in this dream. Well you are real. I hate the version of myself that I see in the dream because it's not worth anything. In the dream I have no personality, I have no brain. It's like I'm a robot.
When we do dance, and I say do because I have some hope, I want to be aware. I want to notice the little things, whether you are smiling or whether it just means nothing to you.
I hope it means more than nothing to you.