An unsaid goodbye hurts the most. I was aware of this fact. I never got the chance to say so many goodbyes. Dadi, Dad, Karan but I never thought you'll be one of them. I never thought you'll leave me like this. I knew the risk and I hoped for the best yet it seems our line was cut short. Our forever breathed the last breath and like always your heart reached me before you.

3 hours prior.

12'O clock

Food court Intervened Defense Head Office, Delhi.

"Vihaan, don't make that face, now. You promised me a treat like ages ago, bro" I rolled my eyes at the expression of my childhood best friend Major Vihaan Shergil.

"I'm not giving you any treat, bro. You cheated, alright" Vihaan grumbled rolling his eyes at my indignant expression.

"I didn't cheat alright, mister. Admit defeat, I won fair and square in the ludo match, " I hissed angrily in his direction.

"Well, excuse me if I don't consider dropping the dice with the number you want as a fair and square win, " He said pompously and I rolled my eyes.

"Jai hind sir, "

"Ma'am, "

The new arrival broke our glaring contest. Flight lieutenant Seerat Kaur looked bemused by both of us.

"Seerat, Major Vihaan was just about to treat us. I'm sure, he will treat you too. Won't you Vi?" I asked Vihaan very sweetly, try and say no now you big bully.

"Were you sir? I'm not imposing, am I?" Seerat asked us bashfully.

"No, absolutely not. Come sit. What'll you have?" Vihaan asked Seerat, glaring daggers at me.

"Iced tea, " Seerat said politely, sitting next to me.

"You?" Vihaan asked me gingerly

"Cold coffee, " I answered sweetly, he left scowling in my direction.

"How's he now Ma'am, " Seerat asked me watching Vihaan walk away.

"Fine, nervous. Karan was more than his brother and best friend. They were almost twins. You never spotted one without the other. Aunty has reached the last stage and it's the last sem of Suhashini's pregnancy too. He is burdened but he'll pull through, I know he'll. He always does, " I said looking down. I've full faith in him. He won't crack. He'll fall but get up again. After all, that's all we know.

"Hmm...How's Suhani?" Seerat asked me.

"She is also fine, concentrating all her energy in becoming the first female general of India, " I smiled.

Suhani might be her Mamu's chamchi but she was her papa's princess too. Rattled and totally broken by his death. She had never thought about the dark side of our world. Valor, Bravery, Pride, and love everything has its cost. A cost of blood that looks tragically beautiful in stories yet the burden of said death was hard to bear. Life stops but time continues moving taking a puzzle piece with it. A puzzle piece our soul declares missing for the rest of our life.

"She's a good kid, " Seerat said fondly and I had to agree, she is a good kid with Karan's mischief, Valor, confidence, and Suhashini's sensibility, kindness, and dignity. But her heart was of both of them. She loved like both of them.

The sudden ringing of my phone ended my thoughts of Suhani. Pulling out my device, frowning for sometimes at the unknown number. I picked up the call after mumbling a soft excuse me to Seerat.

"Squadron Leader Khushi Sood, "

"Speaking, " I said monotonously.

"I'm Major Awasthi, command Hospital Kupawara, I'm very sorry to inform you that Major Anuj Sood had done the ultimate sacrifice. He had received martyrdom while saving civilian hostages and his teammates, "

Ultimate Sacrifice.

Martyrdom.

Suddenly the world stopped spinning for me. Everything stopped. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. The two words rang in my mind.

Ultimate sacrifice.

Martyrdom.

Veergati.

"Khushi!!! Yes, baba I'm coming home, " Yesterday night, He had told me just yesterday night. I've talked to him just yesterday. How can he be just gone? No, it can't be. He said he was coming home. He said he'll be here soon.

And he is coming back. He is coming back. But not like this. He didn't mean like this. He can't mean like this.

"But I'll be home, won't I?" He smiled sadly.

"Not like this, " I whispered through quite aware this was the better fate.

"Squadron Leader...Khushi, you there"

"Yes, I'm Major, when...when will we get the body?" I asked him swallowing down my melancholy, my emotions. I'm a soldier. I won't break down now.

I knew the risks, didn't I? 

"By tomorrow his regiment will inform you about the schedule. I contacted you because Major Sood had registered himself as a donor in the national organ donation list and his heart matched with a patient in Delhi. The heart will reach Delhi in an hour and then taken to Sanjeevani hospital with our doctors, "

The doctor's words seemed very-very insensitive to me at the present moment. My fist clenched, my breathing shortened. I felt like there was a boulder placed on my heart. My heart was squeezing shut. He sacrificed himself and you're telling me, you want to pull his heart out and fit it in someone else's body. The heart of my Anuj.

"His heart, " I repeated feeling faint. I always feared there will be a day he won't be anything more than a blood blotch on the soil.

But never had I thought one day, someone will tell me that they'll be ripping his heart out of his body and giving it to someone else albeit with his permission. But it felt wrong, didn't he say his heart was mine. Didn't he say his heart belongs to me then how his heart can be given to someone else without my permission?

"Yes, A team of doctors will leave with the heart in a few minutes, " The doctor repeated.

How easy was it for them to say the heart? It was just another heart for them. But for me, it was more. For me, it was my Anuj's heart. My husband's heart.

"Okay, thanks for informing me, " I said for that's all I could say at that moment. For that's all I could do. Anuj had registered. They had his permission. The heart was going to its recipient. My Anuj was dead.

It was hard to digest.

The boulder on my heart seemed to have doubled and a spiky wire was also squeezing my heart.

My Anuj was dead.

"A cut above huh, madam, " His teasing proud voice whispered in my ears.

"Race you!!!" His booming laughter squeezed my heart.

"We always show our hand, madam, "
The tease. Never let me forgot the differences between the airforce and army salute.

"I won't let you fall, Don't be afraid, I'll always catch you, love" A promise.

How will you catch me now, Anuj? How will you catch me now? How will you save me from falling when you're one with the soil? How will you? You broke the promise.

"I didn't, love, you can catch yourself now, I'll always love you, " his words seemed like the breezing winds softly passing by touching and disappearing.

Just like him.

"Be brave, love. Let courage be victorious," His soothing voice whispered in my ears,  the ghost of his touch on my shoulder, the ghost of his lips on my forehead.

Igniting a series of emotions, memories.

The NDA passing out ceremony and proposal. NCC and school. The contactless long-distance relationship and the strength of friendship. The sweetness of love and it all crashed down with a single strike of death. 

"Khushi, you okay" the worried tone of Vihaan washed over me and I couldn't speak anything. The wound of Karan's death hasn't filled. Life had renewed. Revenge doused but the wound is still there. A Karan shaped gaping hole and now Anuj was gone too. Just like that. A passing breeze.

"Ma'am you alright, " Seerat sounded quite worried too yet I couldn't speak for if I did. I couldn't control the dam of tears, my Anuj was gone and even his heart is being taken away from me.

"Khushi, you're shaking. What happened?" There were specks of panic in Vihaan's tone and I didn't know I was shaking. I didn't know anything besides my Anuj was gone. He is gone. He is no more.

And it hurts like hell.

"A...Anuj isn't anymore, "

With great difficulty, I uttered the words. Vihaan froze. Speaking it out loud made it feel more real. He is gone. He won't twirl me in his arms anymore. He won't tell me absurd jokes and ghost stories. He won't drop by as a surprise. He won't hold me in his arms. He won't be out there cheering for me as I lead my battalion in the parade.

He won't be there calming me after a mission gone wrong. He won't tell me it's alright.

I didn't say anything when Vihaan dragged me up from my chair. My legs were numb and shaking. I didn't even complain when Seerat and Vihaan led me out of our headquarters, clamping me from both sides. I didn't care I looked absolutely pathetic.

My husband is dead and his heart is given to someone else. And before him, his heart is reaching my city but not me. Never thought a day will come where Anuj and his heart will be different entities.

"Khushi!!!"

Vihaan's yell brought me out of my gloomy thoughts. I know it was a possibility. I know it could happen. But my dad survived the army, his dad survived the army. Why couldn't he? But then they say "Sahadat bhi naseeb wallo ko milti hai"

"Yes, " I hummed realizing I hadn't replied to him yet.

"Do aunty knows?" He asked me looking at me from the back view mirror.

And suddenly someone dropped ice-cold water on me. Mom, mom didn't know. She had lost dad just a few days ago and losing Anuj. It'll kill her. She'll be so broken. No, I can't break now. I need to be strong for mom. I...I can't break. I' ve to be brave.

I...I can't but I have too.

"Ma doesn't know, Vi, Ma doesn't know. I...I had to be there. I have to tell before Ma gets to know this from the media. She'll break Vi. She can't bear his death. I've to be there, " I know I was rambling but I am so worried. He is gone. Ma will shatter. Even Vedant isn't here. I've to inform Vedant. He'll break. His brother is his superman.

How to tell him his superman is no more? He said goodbye to us. He said he was coming back and now he is gone forever. Vihaan and Seerat were telling me something. I couldn't hear it now. He was gone.

Vihaan was hurting too, I know. He lost his second-best friend. But I can't console him now. I can't. I can't do anything.

"We are home, " Vihaan announced.

My eyes turned to our home. He won't run around this house ever again. He won't play with his bikes. He won't sit in the garden planting things and taking care of his dear garden. He won't step-in shouting "look whose here, Ma?"

"Khushi, " Vihaan said again opening my car door and taking my hand in his. In silent support. I want to bawl my eyes out, Vi. I want to sob and lock myself with his memories. What if I forget how his eyes used to lit up in happiness? What if I forget him? What if his memories disappear? What will I do without them?

"Be brave for Ma. For Vedant, "

"Brave, " I repeated.

Why does it feel so foreign now? I was brave doing aerial stunts on my mirage. I wasn't afraid of being a fighter jet pilot. I wasn't afraid of leading a team. Why I am so afraid now?

How to tell mom her son was no more? How to tell her that stupid human's heart was reaching them before him?

Be brave, I muttered to myself.

Be brave, for everyone needs you to be.

With Seerat and Vihaan clamping me. I entered the house. Ma's happy voice greeted me. She doesn't know yet.

"Khushi beta, jaldi aa gayi aaj. Chalo accha hai, I made kheer today. And I was thinking of making Kachodi, now. You love it na. Kuch bol kyu nhi rhi tum? Khushi?"

Ma stopped watching the three of us in the living room. A frown etched on her serene features.

"Khushi beta everything alright? What happened? Vihaan? Seerat?" Mom asked us worried.

All of us remained mum. Numb.

"Khushi beta, you alright. You're worrying me, tumhein kuch hua toh nhi?" Ma asked me worried gently holding my face in her soft hands. I was quite a few inches taller than her.

"Ma...Ma, Anuj, Anuj Saheed ho gye" I said swallowing down my emotions.

Ma froze and staggered on her spot. Vihaan and I supported her preventing her from falling down.

"Nhi, " she whispered looking in my eyes.

I just nodded watching as the first drops of tears fell from her eyes.

"I don't want tears to ever grace mom's eyes, " Anuj words ringed in my ears. Now, you're the reason for her tears, love.

"Mera beta, Anuj, no, "

A heaven tearing wail erupted Ma's heart and I let the first stream of tears escape my eyes.

Hugging Ma I sobbed silently. Silent support to her loud wails. I held her. Seerat held us. Vihaan held us. And we couldn't stop the tears. Anuj was gone. I should console Ma tell her everything will be alright. But how? Anuj wasn't here.

I can't see how everything will be alright without Anuj.

And so, we wailed. Letting the miseries out. Letting the gods know what they snatched from us.

I don't know how long we stayed in that position. I'm surprised the heavens didn't pour hearing our misery. It could have been hours. It could be just minutes.

But we stood up.

Vihaan and Seerat went to enquire after the heart and the last rites ceremony. While I looked after Ma making her drink water. She couldn't speak. The pain was too much. I couldn't too. But I had things to handle. People to handle.

"Be brave, " the breezes whispered

"Be strong, " the heavens cried.

"Take care, "

"Be happy, " he whispered.

~to be continued~

So, it's Khushi chapter.

Shahadat means Martyrdom.

Mera beta means my son.