There aren't too many people who know about my habit. It wasn't honestly a very frequent.

But it was dangerous. Because I never ever stopped at one. It was until the raging whirlpool of emotions seized; that I could think straight again.

Before I could realize what I was doing to myself.

And honestly, I hated it. Doing that to myself. 

But the cycle was never ending.

Until one day, someone found out. Someone who loved me like her own baby. 

She found out. And she knew the reason, why I did it.

And she wanted me to stop. Now that she was here, she wanted me to stop. 

But how was I to stop when this was what I used to escape the negativity inside me?

But she was there.

One such day, when I was losing my mind, this close to ending everything once in for all.

 I was screaming and crying because I didn't want to this but it just felt like the only option.

And there was someone who was irritated that I was crying while he was eating. He was yelling to silence me. So that he could horde his lunch in peace.

And I was crying because I did not know what to do. Because it was getting too hard for me to stuff everything.

She saved me, before I could choke on my screams and stay silent forever.

She slammed the door shut, shutting the yelling and cursing mayhem on the other side; which making me go crazier than I already was.

Then, she wrapped her arms around me.

Somehow; her hug, her warmth was making me think clear. Enough to stop choking, to stop crying. 

The funny thing is, she never told me to stop. Whenever I cried, I was told to stop. Because I was too loud. Because people would know that there was someone who was crying in that house. And they didn't want that to happen. 
This place sometimes, values reputation over emotions.

And that's what happened to me. 

I promised her, that I would rush to her whenever the pain was too much tp handle.

I promised someone that I would love myself.

I promised a boy that I wouldn't throw myself away.

I promised someone that I wouldn't hurt myself. 

I promised myself, that I'll not let the negativity of my surroundings, break me.

I'll never let anyone snatch my smile away from, that's what I promised myself.

And thankfully, I have been able to keep that promise. For more than a year now.