3:11 PM Saturday

NAMJOON

What does it feel like to die? Does it feel like drowning? Do you just fall asleep? Where do I go after? Does Heaven and Hell exist? If they do would I be forgiven for what I'm about to do? Or would I be cast into the eternal flame haunted by the same thing that haunts me now?

These chains are getting too heavy to bear. Breathing is almost impossible I feel like I'm choking on the sulfur filled air all the time. I don't know when was the last time I saw her. I could hear them though but I heard him more. The demon that tore through me every day without mercy. He didn't know what that word was...

Jooonie....

Shut up.

Now you know that's no way to speak to your company.

You're not my company you are a cockroach of nightmare the literal shit that the devil leaked out.

Temper...Temper...Tsk...Tsk

He was standing right in front of me his claws hanging freely by his side as he paced around my prison. It was probably better I didn't piss him off. However, if I did I would be free for a moment to do what I needed to.

"You'll never have my soul. Not with your ghastly mistakes and foul breath. How could anyone be tempted to give their souls to you?" I berated him. That gave me what I wanted. His eyes glowed a sickening yellow before he pounced.

6 PM Saturday

Y/N

"Yea he was asleep just a little bit ago... you can go up and see him if you want."

I smiled softly at Amber before I left the kitchen to go up to Namjoon's room. When I walked in the room Namjoon was sitting up looking out the window with a sad smile on his tired face.

"Hey Joonbug..." I waved to him as he shifted his gaze to me.

"Y/N?"

I nodded taking a seat on the edge of the bed patting his leg.

"You okay there?"

"I will be" he said thoughtfully which made me feel uneasy. I'm not sure what it was but there was something else to that. Brushing it off I went for the cheerful side of things.

"That's the spirit!" I gave him a big smile.

"Yea."

I stayed and chatted with him for a little bit then headed downstairs to help with dinner. Yoongi would be here soon after he finished at the gallery and Hoseok with Jimin.

6:45PM Saturday

AMBER

Everyone went upstairs one by one to talk with Namjoon but no one stayed long because he didn't say much. He was more alert today which was good. So maybe we were getting closer to him being himself again. God I hope so.

"Amber he looks good today. Tired. But good."

I smiled, Yoongi was right he did seem better today. Calliope ran after Perseus screaming,

"I'll get you Minecraft!!"  While Perseus pretended to be scared. Everything felt almost normal aside from this gnawing feeling in the back of my mind. A loud thud came from somewhere upstairs.

Next thing I heard was Perseus screaming. "Ammmber!"

I don't think I've ever ran so fast in my life up a set of stairs. But, my heart... my heart wasn't ready for what I saw. Yoongi moved past me grabbing Perseus and called for Hobi. Jimin came running too. Y/N was already distracting Callie from the unknown upstairs.

I crawled to where he laid lifeless a bottle of his prescription pills beside him. Jimin pulled me away apparently I was screaming and pounding at Namjoon's chest which made it hard for Hobi to get to him. I just kept screaming. I had already lost him once... and now. It may be forever. Jimin hugged me tight telling me that there's a chance that he would make it. He had seen situations like these before so it was possible.

Hobi looked over at Jimin with a phone to his ear. He was talking to a dispatcher explaining everything. I didn't want to hear it. I clasped my hands over my ears and I prayed.

The ambulance arrived with two paramedics and a stretcher making their way up to where Namjoon was laying still.

Everyone was silent. No one knew what to say anymore and like that Namjoon was gone. They left with him, but I couldn't move to follow them. Hobi left then Jimin, but Yoongi and Y/N they stayed and watched over the kids while I fell to pieces upstairs.

6:45 PM Saturday

NAMJOON

I made my way to the bathroom. I had it all planned out everyone I cared about was here. Hopefully they could forgive me for this. I'm truly sorry but I can't take this relentless torture anymore. All this pain is unbearable. God please forgive me.

Standing in front of the mirror above the sink I took a good long look at myself. I already looked dead, my cheeks were hollow and my eyes were sunken in. He had taken so much already. I tried so hard to be strong. It's fine...

My hands shook violently as I opened the lid to the pain medication pouring it out onto the palm of my hand. I moved my finger a bit letting the little pills of freedom shift in my hand.

Okay...

This is it... I threw my head back dropping the pills in my mouth swallowing hard. I choked a little tears pooling in my eyes at the realization that everything was about to be over. After a while I could feel the effects taking over... my head became fuzzy and this calm feeling took over. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him. The shadow. He was beyond angry everything around him flickered and then my whole world went black.

My last thought. Just know I love you and I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

I welcomed the silence.