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*

Anabia

"Mama always had such a love-hate relationship with rain, didn't she?" I asked Saim.

"Yeah, sometimes she complained about it, while other times she made pakoray and sat by the window watching it." My twin brother replied.

We were sitting on the terrace of our stepfather's house, sitting side-by-side on a wicker sofa.

"It seems only natural that it's raining on the day she was bur..." My voice broke. I still couldn't admit that she was gone.

I glanced at him and he glanced at me. Not counting our spouses and kids, it was so hard to believe that Saim and I were the only ones left in our immediate family. I mean, yes, we never had a big family, but without Mama, the world seemed much, much emptier.

The thunder growled overhead.

"Rohaan handled everything very well, Ma Sha Allah." Saim said. "I was a little concerned how he was going to handle everything here, but he was brilliant. Ma Sha Allah. It actually felt like Rehan Bhai was here with us." 

I smiled weakly. "Ma Sha Allah, our Ro is the one who can easily adjust and take charge anywhere. He has the leadership qualities, the sense of responsibility..."

We sat in silence for a while.

"Mama used to call us vilayti bachay." Saim whispered. "Our kids are even more vilayti than us. At least we got some desiness from our Punjabi, Lahore-born mother."

*Vilayti bachay: foreigner kids.

"She kept saying how she should have moved back to Lahore with us after the divorce." 

"I would have never met Laila then, and you would probably not have met Rehan Bhai. Our lives would be completely different." 

"But she stayed, not for her own sake but for ours. Her life would have been much easier had she moved back. She would have had Nano, even maids to help with the cooking and cleaning, and most of all, she would have had the familiarity of home. But she stayed, so that we could continue living in the comfortable environment that we were used to." I felt tears running down my cheeks. 

"She sacrificed a lot for us."

"I know we got annoyed at her so much, Saim, but I'd do anything to have her back. She can criticise me, tell me off, be continuously sarcastic, but all I want is to have her back." I sobbed hard.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Ana, I'm just grateful that she died in her sleep. She wasn't in pain. She departed this world peacefully." 

I shook my head. "Heart failure..." I still couldn't believe it.

Rohaan came out onto the terrace. "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but some family friends are here, Mamu. Kamran Nana is calling you downstairs."

Saim nodded. Running a hand over my head, he stood up and headed into the house.

Rohaan took his place. "How are you doing? You know, Boss Man keeps calling me and messaging me, asking about you." 

"I was he was here." 

"He does too, but what can we do?" He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

I leaned against him.

"Mama, remember how you once explained the concept of death to us?" He whispered. "You said that when we, as humans, lend something of ours, especially something precious, we are eager to get it back. Similarly, our souls belong to Allah, and He places them on this earth temporarily. Eventually, He wants them back, when the time is decreed, so that He can keep the souls close to Him, just like we humans like to keep our valuables close and safe." He kissed the side of my head. "She was precious to Him, and it was her time to return to Him. All we can do is pray for her, so that Allah would give her a place in Jannat-ul-Firdous."

"Ameen." I sat up, frowning slightly. "Did you call Yamna? It's her exam today." 

"I called her, but I think the exam had started by then, but I left her a message."

"Mama." Arsal came onto the terrace as well, holding out his phone. "Papa wants to speak to you." 

I took the phone from him.

"Let's go, grasshopper."  Rohaan got up. "Let's let them talk." He wrapped his arm casually around his younger brother's shoulder and led him out.

"Assalam Alaikum." I answered, softly.

"Walaikum Assalam. How are you doing, Anya?" 

"As well as I could be, given the circumstances." I shook my head. "I'm in her home, and I still feel like she'll come out and ask me if I need anything." I closed my eyes as more tears slipped down my cheeks. "For ages, she has been asking me to come and stay with her for a while, and I kept putting it off, and now I'm here and she's not..." My heart broke all over again. How lightly did we take our parents' requests sometimes, especially our elderly parents'? We take them for granted, and then one day, they're gone. And we're left with nothing but regrets.

"Anya, I know it's difficult, but you need to be mindful of your own health too." 

"I don't care about my health! I just want her back!" I was sobbing hard. I felt worse because I was making him feel worse, as he couldn't be here to comfort me, but I always felt the easiest expressing my emotions in front of Rehan.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up. My eyes widened. "Hareem?" 

She was standing there, my lifetime best friend, with tears in her own eyes. 

"Rehan, Hareem's here." I whispered in disbelief.

"I know. She told me. I'm going to hang up now. In my absence, she can calm you down." 

When the call ended, I got up and hugged my best friend tightly. "Hareem!" 

"Oh, Ana, I'm so, so sorry." 

For a long time, she held onto me as I cried. And she cried with me. Mama adored her, and Hareem used to get along very well with her. 

*

Yamna

It was my last exam.

After today, I would be free.

I scribbled away on the paper. You know you love the subject unconditionally when you actually enjoy the exam!

I finished around twenty minutes before the official finishing time, quietly got up and handed in my paper to one of the invigilators, and grabbed my bag before heading out.

Although it was a beautiful sunny day outside, it didn't cheer me up because my mind was still on Khadija Nano's death. 

The best memory I had with her was when I was much younger, and she was pampering her daughter's kids. Rohaan and his siblings were excited to see their Nano after a long time, and she had given them gifts that she'd brought from Pakistan. I remember asking Mama why I didn't have a Nano who brought me presents. Khadija Nano had overheard and called me over, giving me a beautiful pink frock and some silver metallic bangles. 

"I can be like a Nano to you, sweetheart." She had kissed my cheek. "And I never forget to bring gifts for our sweet like Yamna."

As soon as I had come out of the building, I turned the silent mode off my phone. I saw Rohaan's missed call and messages.

09:35 <Rohaan: Good luck in your exam. May Allah help you pass with flying colours. Ameen.>

11:00 <Rohaan: The funeral is done. We just got back from the cemetery.>

Life was scary. One day a person could be walking and breathing, living their life, and the next, they could be six feet under. 

I called Rohaan, but he didn't answer the phone.

11:45 <Yamna: Take care of Anabia Mama and Saim Mamu! I cannot even imagine how they're feeling right now. May Allah give them strength. Ameen.>

When I got home to the Tariq family home, I found Mama packing. "Assalam Alaikum, where are you going?" 

"Walaikum Assalam. I'm going to Lahore." She said. "Bhabi will be staying there for a while, and I want to be there for her. I feel terrible for not having gone earlier, but I had been worried about your Dada Jaan and Dado. But Mum is the one who insisted that I go." She was in tears. "Bhabi has been no less than a big sister to me. I want to go there and support her." 

I felt tears in my own eyes. 

"How did your exam go?" She asked.

"It was good." An idea occurred in my head. "Can I come?" 

"To Lahore?" She looked at me, incredulously. "Yamna, it's almost June. You're not used to the weather there." 

"Rohaan went there, as did Arsal Bhai. They're not used to it either." I pointed out. 

She pursed her lips together briefly. "Speak to Rohaan, honey."

*

I tried calling Rohaan, but he still wasn't answering. I could imagine he must be busy, with guests coming to offer their condolences. 

So, I went and spoke to Tayan, who was reciting the Quran in the living room. I waited patiently until he had finished, not wanting to interrupt him. In fact, I closed my eyes and listened to him, feeling a sense of peace flow through my heart.

"How did the exam go, Yamna?" He got up and placed the Holy Quran away into the cabinet.

"It was all about descriptive writing, and I enjoyed writing it. I think my descriptive writing is improving, even if I say so myself." 

"How about you show me a sample sometimes?" He gave me a small smile as he sat back down again.

"Of course, Tayan." I felt almost guilty now that I hadn't told him about my published book. 

"But, I have a feeling that you're here to talk about something else." 

"How...?" I looked at him, startled.

"I'm not only a father of four, Ma Sha Allah, but you're also like my own kid. I know you. What's up?" 

"Mama's going to Pakistan." I began hesitantly. "I..." Why can't I ask? I've always openly asked Tayan for my farmaishain all my life.

"You want to go with her?" He guessed.

I nodded. "I tried calling Rohaan, but he wasn't answering... And since you're the head of the immediate family, I thought I'd ask you..." 

He smiled. "I really appreciate the respect you're showing me right now, meri jaan, but you don't need my permission. If you feel like you can handle the heat of Lahore at this time of the year, I don't see why anyone would stop you from going. It's your choice." 

I got up and went to sit down beside him, leaning my head on his arm. "I'll go. And I promise I'll look after Anabia Mama, because I know that you're worried about her." 

He ran his hand over my head. "May Allah give you all the happiness in the world. Ameen." 

*

Rohaan

"Absolutely not, Rohaan Rehan Tariq!" Mama told me, firmly.

"It's just to the shops." I said. "Mama, I'm a thirty-plus police detective. I solve murders, and you won't let me drive in Lahore?" 

"Solving murders in London is easier than driving in Lahore." Mama muttered. "Don't stress me out even more, Rohaan." 

"Ana..." Mamu began.

"Saim Zohaib, do not take his side!" My mother snapped at him now.

"He's not a kid, Ana. He's a married man, and a police detective. Ma Sha Allah." Mamu said. "Don't baby him, for God's sake."

"It's only in the local area." I added. I can't believe that I'm still asking my mother's permission like I'm a child.

But it was all about respect, I suppose.

I crouched down on the floor in front of her. "We need to stock up the place for Kamran Nana. He's not doing well after Nano, so it's our duty to look after him, right? I'm going with Arsal. People keep visiting, and Mamu needs to be here for them."

Mama sighed. "Fine, but don't go too far. And don't drive like a lunatic." 

Mamu gave me the key of Nana's car, which he had been driving with Nana's permission. "Go, before Ana changes her mind." 

*

Arsal was clutching onto the handle at the door. "Rohaan, relax."

"That's the only way to drive around here, recklessly and lawlessly. Otherwise, you'll never get anywhere." I said.

"How the hell do you know how to drive around here?" 

"I can do anything that I set my mind to. Alhumdulillah for that ability." 

We arrived at the local supermarket and headed inside. 

"What do we need?" He asked.

"I don't know. Get all the basics, like eggs, bread and milk." I patted the pocket of my kameez. "Where's my phone?" I then realised that I had left it in the bedroom where I was staying after coming back from the cemetery. "S**t. I wanted to call Yamna." 

"Use my phone if you're that desperate." He teased me.

"Chup kar, grasshopper." 

*"Shut up." 

"You still look strange walking around in a shalwar kameez." He gestured towards my white outfit.

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Lahore, do as the Punjabis do." I said, simply.

We got the groceries to the best of our limited knowledge, and took it took the counter. For us, it was weird to see a person specially assign to bag our items, and then offering us to carry it to our car. 

Suddenly, Arsal spotted something in the fridge. "Ro, remember that mango juice? Nano used to order so many cartons when we visited..." His voice cracked a little.

I patted his back, before turning to the shop keeper. "Bhai, ous juice da crate haiga?" 

*"Bhai, do you have a crate of that juice?" 

The shopkeeper confirmed with me what juice I was talking about, and soon, a crate was brought from a backroom. This crate was brought to the car by a shopkeeper.

"All someone has to do is mention something to you, and you get it for them." Arsal said as we sat in the car.

"Not for everyone. I'm not that generous." I grinned, reversing the car. 

He reached out to adjust the air-conditioning. "It's so damn hot."

"You're such a baby, grasshopper." 

Mama looked visibly relieved when she saw me and Arsal return alive.

A maid brought us cold drinks, as Arsal and I flopped down onto the sofas.

"Saba is coming tomorrow morning, In Sha Allah." Mama informed us.

"Saba Chachi?" I asked, surprised.

"Do you know any other Saba?" She asked.

"Well, I had a classmate named Saba in secondary school, but there's no reason for you to be talking about her." I shrugged.

"The funeral is done now." Arsal said.

"Well, I'm going to be staying here a little longer, so she's coming for me." Mama explained.

"A little longer?" I asked. "How much longer?" 

"Two weeks, maybe." Mama replied.

"What are you going to do here for two weeks, Mama?" Arsal frowned.

"I need to help sort through Mama's stuff." She replied. 

"But...how can we stay for two weeks?" Arsal looked worried.

"Dude, you had two weeks off for Mauritius anyway." I pointed out. "And I'll talk to my bosses. I only took proper time off for Arsal's wedding, and I hardly ask for leave otherwise. They'll give it to me." 

"Who asked you two to stay for two weeks, anyway?" Mama shook her head. "I'm already worried that you two might get sick. Saba's coming for now, and as soon as your Papa's passport comes back, he'll come, In Sha Allah." 

"I'm not going anywhere." I said, firmly. "What are Chachi's flight details? I'll go and pick her up from the airport." 

"Kamran Uncle said he'll get the driver to go and pick her up, don't worry." Mama reassured me. "I'll go along, since Saba is coming here for my sake."

"No, Mama. I'll go, with or without the driver. You rest up." I told her. "Just send me her flight details." 

Speaking of Chachi reminded me of Yamna, and I excused myself to go and find my phone. 

I saw her messages and missed calls, but when I tried to call her back, it went straight on voicemail. I messaged her.

<Rohaan: Sorry we keep missing each other, Yamna. Call me when you can.>

*

Yamna

I have to admit, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to my homeland. 

My Naniyal and Dadiyal were both London based, and I was born in London. I think I've only visited Pakistan a couple of times, when we'd all come with Tayan's family, but I was too young to remember. 

So, when the plane landed in Lahore, and I realised that it was so hot even at eight thirty in the morning that we could even feel it inside the air-conditioned plane, I almost wanted to go right back home.

After an overnight journey, Mama was still asleep beside me. I reached out and tapped her shoulder lightly. "Mama, we've landed." 

"Hmm?" She opened her eyes.

"We're in Lahore."

People were already getting up to get their luggage out of the overhead lockers, even though the plane was still taxing towards the terminal.

It took us twenty minutes after the plane came to a stop, before Mama and I finally came off the plane. Instantly, I was blasted by heat. I silently thanked Mama for choosing my outfit for this weather: a pink cotton knee-length kurta, white wide-legged white trousers and a white dupatta. 

"Stay close, Yamna. It can get pretty busy around here." 

We walked through the terminal, and I could see the departures lounge behind the windows, where people were waiting to board. We headed downstairs and my eyes widened as I saw the overcrowded immigration area. I panicked slightly, holding onto Mama's arm tightly. "Mama..."

We waited forever to have our passports stamped. And then came the baggage claim. Porters kept bothering us, there were hardly any trolleys around and people were crowding around the baggage carousel like it was a red carpet and they were waiting for celebrities to walk down it.

A woman shoved into me and my hand slipped away from Mama's arm. She didn't notice and kept walking forward, having somehow spotted one of our bags. I did my best to follow her and catch up to her, but then someone rammed their trolley straight into my legs, causing me to double over with pain. Without an apology, they carried on with their life, as if I wasn't even there.

"Yamna..." Mama finally returned, and gently grabbed my arm and led me to the side where it was less busier. "Wait here. I'll bring the luggage." 

I suppose it was the exhaustion, the lack of sleep and the jet lag, but I felt tears in my eyes. I want to go home.

Mama returned back to me fifteen minutes later with our luggage on the trolley. "Let's go, honey." She looked a little irritated herself.

I followed her towards the exit, draping a dupatta over my head.

The arrivals hall looked even more like a red carpet, with everyone gathered around and staring at the arriving passengers. I ducked behind Mama, feeling awkward. 

"Chachi." 

My heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice.

"Rohaan?" Mama sounded, surprised. "What are you doing here, beta?" 

"Assalam Alaikum." He leaned down so that Mama could run a hand over his head.

He was wearing light grey shalwar kameez, and oh my God... The heat of the city is nothing compared to how hot he looks in shalwar kameez, Ma Sha Allah.

"Walaikum Assalam, bachay." 

He straightened up, and that's when he saw me.

*

Rohaan

She was standing timidly behind Chachi, her head covered by a white dupatta. 

"Yamna?" I asked, surprised.

"Assalam Alaikum." She said, softly, her gaze lowered.

"Walaikum Assalam. What are you doing here?" 

"Rohaan didn't know?" Chachi glanced at her daughter, almost accusingly. "You didn't even tell him?" 

"I asked Tayan." Yamna whispered, her cheeks turning red.

"Chachi, it's okay. I was just surprised." I took the luggage trolley from my mother-in-law. "Let's go." 

"How's Bhabi doing?" Chachi asked me as we walked towards the car.

"She seems okay sometimes, but then she suddenly remembers something about Nano, and breaks down again." I replied, sighing. I glanced towards Yamna, who was walking with her arm through Chachi's. "How did the exam go?" 

"It was good. I enjoyed it, at least." She shrugged.

"I have never, ever heard anyone say that about an exam." I grinned. "But, good to hear that." 

"You drove?" Chachi asked in surprise as we approached the car.

"Yes, and Mama already tried to stop me." I opened the car boot and loaded the luggage.

"Allah! Rohaan, I have to commend your bravery. I would never be able to." Chachi said, before she opened the back door of the car.

"Mama, sit at the front." Yamna told her.

"Why?" Chachi asked, before getting into the back seat and closing the door.

I glanced at Yamna, who was looking around almost curiously. She was fanning herself with her hand, and exhaled sharply. I took her hand and pulled her closer.

Her eyes widened. "What are you doing?" 

"Just wanted to make sure that you don't want to put anything else in the car boot." I looked down at her, keeping a gentle grip around her wrist.

"Really? You're acting like you want to place me in there." 

"I mean, I'm picturing making you sit here in the car boot and making out with you, but PDA is not appropriate, especially in Pakistan." 

Her cheeks turned red.

"You are such a sneaky little hamster. Why didn't you tell me?" I pulled her closer. 

"I tried calling you yesterday, but no reply. But it was so rushed. I came home and Mama was packing, and I asked her if I could come to, and then I asked Tayan, and well...we took a flight last night, and well, here we are..." Her eyes widened slightly. "Are you angry?" 

"Why would I be angry?" I frowned in confusion.

"I came without asking you." 

"Astaghfirullah! How dare you even step out of the house without my permission?" I shook my head at her. "Bus itna hi jaanti ho mujhe?" 

*"Is this how much you know me?" 

"I always encourage you to be more confident, more independent, and you think I'll be mad that you came to Pakistan with your mother, to be there for my mother?"

"Can we sit in the car now? I feel like I'm being microwaved." She frowned slightly.

"Thank you." I tightened my grip on her wrist. 

"For?" 

"For coming here." I wanted to hug her so much, but I'd have to wait until we were in the privacy of my room back at Kamran Nana's house. "And, for asking Papa. I know, you're not obliged to, but it felt good to know that you gave him that respect." 

"For your information," She said. "I came here for Anabia Mama because she's like my mother to me and I love her. And I give Tayan the respect of a father, because he's always been like my father to me, and I love him." 

"And me?" I kept my intense gaze on her.

She looked tired, her eyes slightly red probably from lack of sleep. Her hair, in a braid, was a little messy. But she looked as beautiful as ever, Ma Sha Allah. Her cheeks turned pink and she turned away. "We should get home."

When we got into the car, poor Chachi was already asleep.

I turned on the ignition, putting on the air-conditioning at full blast, before putting my sunglasses on.  

*

Yamna

I had to remind myself repeatedly of the reason we were there.

But Rohaan in a shalwar kameez, with his sleeves rolled up, and wearing sunglasses was making my heart act bizarrely.

We hadn't even left the airport car parking when a taxi suddenly appeared in our way, causing Rohaan to brake suddenly. I let out an unintentional shriek, but Rohaan just looked amused.

"W-What happened?" Mama woke up, startled.

"You can go back to sleep, Chachi. It's just Yamna experiencing Lahori traffic for the first time." Rohaan grinned at me, before focusing on the road again.

He expertly drove through the heart-stopping traffic.

"Oh my God, he's going to crash into us!" I said, as a rickshaw driver got a little too close.

"No, he won't. Don't worry. They know what they're doing." 

Me legs were actually trembling when we got out in the car porch of Kamran Nana's house, and I briefly leaned against the car. That had been such a nerve wrecking ride.

Rohaan got our luggage out, and we headed inside.

"Assalam Alaikum!" We greeted Anabia Mama and Arsal Bhai.

"Walaikum Assalam!" 

Anabia Mama stood up and hugged Mama tightly.

"Bhabi..." Mama said, softly.

They hugged each other for a long time, with my mother-in-law crying once again. 

"May Allah grant her the highest ranks in Jannah. Ameen." Mama spoke, and even her voice was trembling.

"Ameen." Anabia Mama pulled away, and then turned me. "Oh, Yamna honey, what a surprise!" She hugged me now. 

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "Silly question, but I'm asking anyway." 

"All I can say is that I'm blessed to have so many people with me to support me." She whispered. "Without our family and loved ones, I don't know how Saim and I would have handled this tragedy..." She kept an arm around me, while turning to Mama. "You guys really didn't have to take the trouble..."

"Bhabi, with no maika, my in-laws are my only family, and you have always been like a sister to me." Mama told her. "Of course, I wanted to be here for you." She put a hand on Arsal Bhai's upper arm. "How are you, Arsal beta?" 

"Alhumdulillah, I'm well." He replied, politely.

"You and Yasin are going through so much, so for you to come all the way out here for me means a lot to me, Saba." Anabia Mama said. "I cannot tell you how much I have appreciate it." She started crying again.

"Anabia Mama," I hugged her again.

My mother-in-law pulled back, using the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. "Saba, I'll show you to your room. Saim has gone to get breakfast, we'll all have it together. Rohaan, show Yamna to your room."

"What's with the formality, Bhabi? Even Saim Bhai is grieving." 

Anabia Mama smiled sadly. "I remember when my Nano passed away, my mother didn't forget her hospitality for the guests. She never neglected on her hospitality. I'm trying to be the same..."

"Mama, you could have asked me to bring breakfast." Rohaan spoke, gently. "What am I here for?"

"It's okay, Rohaan." She smiled weakly up at him, before turning to her younger son. "Arsal, take Chachi's luggage to her room, meri jaan." 

 "Yes, Mama. Which one is your bag, Chachi?" Arsal asked.

"Certainly not the dark pink one." Mama smiled teasingly at me.

"Come on." Rohaan looked at me, before walking into the hall and grabbing the dark pink hard-topped four-wheeled bag. 

I followed him out into the large, bright foyer. Right up over our heads was a skylight that brought natural light down here. 

We almost walked up the staircase in a queue: Rohaan, then me, then Arsal Bhai with Mama's luggage, and then Mama and Anabia Mama.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I almost followed the others to Mama's room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Rohaan called out. "Your room is here, Mrs Rohaan." 

I turned and saw him standing by an open doorway. Our mothers and Arsal Bhai smiled.

Oops.

I headed to my room and Rohaan entered behind me, closing the door. 

It was a large, spacious room, with marble floors. There was an extra large bed, a desk with a chair, and even a three-seater sofa by the large floor-to-ceiling windows. 

"At least it's not dark." I said. "It's actually very pretty." 

"Do not ever describe anything that's mine as pretty...except for my wife." He said, placing my bag into the large built-in wardrobe.

I walked over to the window and peered out. I saw an immaculate garden, with a small waterfall at the back, with large dark rocks. There was a gazebo with a metallic table and matching chairs in the centre of the garden.

"Nano imagined the garden, Kamran Nana made it a reality." Rohaan explained, coming right up behind me.

A tear ran down my cheek. "I cannot even imagine how Anabia Mama and Saim Mamu must be feeling right now. It's an irreplaceable loss. You know how scared I got simply when Mama got hurt, falling down those steps? I cannot even imagine..." I bit my lower lip.

Rohaan turned me to face him, using his thumb to wipe away my tear. "I know, Yamna. It's my biggest fear, anything happening to any of my loved ones, but especially my parents." 

"Very inappropriate timing," I whispered. "But the fact that you so easily admitted your biggest fear out loud to me, is huge." I gave him a small smile. "That's how it should be. You should be able to share your grief, your fear, your worries with me." I reached up and hugged him, standing on my tip-toes to rest my chin on his shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry for the loss of such an important member of our family, Rohaan." 

He hugged me tightly. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. He was someone who adored family, from his parents and siblings, to his grandparents, uncles and aunts. I could imagine the pain he must be feeling, but I also knew that he tried to remain strong for the sake of everyone else.

I put my hands on his cheeks. "You don't have to be strong in front of me, Rohaan. Let me be strong for you."

He leaned his forehead against mine, but didn't say anything for a few moments. "I miss her, Yamna. I feel her presence in this house, and I just want to leave because I miss her so damn much. Watching her being lowered into a grave was one of the hardest things that I ever had to witness, and I've seen a lot of s**t in my career." He pulled me back into a hug again. "You have no idea how glad I'm to see you. I can finally talk about this, without having to be strong." 

"Always remember that, Rohaan. That I'm here to listen to your problems and worries. I know how strong and brave you are, but it's alright for you to express yourself in front of me. It'll only be a further proof of your strength if you're able to express yourself to me." 

"I know that, sweetheart. I'm starting to realise that now."

We kissed each other, softly and sweetly.

"You know," He held me in his arms, with my hands pressed to his chest. "Mama always said that Nano spent a large period of her life just being a mother, and not having a life partner. Mama and Mamu were both so relieved when she married Kamran Nana. I also see that now. It's beautiful to have a life partner to share everything with." 

"It absolutely is." I agreed.

*

Anabia

I buried my face in Mama's shawl as I sat on my bed, later that afternoon.

I was alone now, I had not reason to try and look braver. I normally put up a façade for my sons, my brother, for even my grieving stepfather, and now also for my sister-in-law and daughter-in-law. I didn't want anyone worrying about me.

The only one who I could openly express myself in front of was not here. My husband.

I cried endlessly, without stopping. Losing my Mama had seemingly taken away a large part of me. Till the end, she and I used to video call almost every other day, and usually it was her who called me. Even now, she had been worried about me and my health. 

"I know Rehan and the kids are well taken care of because you ensure that. I also know that they take good care of you, but I still worry about you, Anabia. You always neglect yourself." She always used to say.

"Mama." I sobbed loudly, the pain never-ending. 

No matter how old you are, the pain of losing your mother was unbearable.

There was a light knock on the door. "Mama?" 

I wanted to immediately wipe away my tears, but I couldn't. The sobs wouldn't stop.

The door opened and then closed, and I heard the sounds of footsteps, before my son sat down beside me. 

Rohaan wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Keep crying, don't stop. Let it out, Mama. I think you need this."

I leaned against him and I cried as much as I would have if Rehan was here. Because having Rohaan here comforting made me feel like Rehan really was here, in one way or another.

"I can't go on without her." I sobbed.

"Yes, you can. You're going to have to keep her legacy going. Be the Super Strong Boss Woman that she was." He said, gently. "Continue being our strength, the way she has been yours and Mamu's. Because I'm sure you realise it by now, that no matter how much kids grow up, they always need their parents, their mother."

I closed my eyes, feeling my need to cry decrease. "I don't know what I'd do without my family." 

"You'll never know that, because as long as I'm alive, you'll find me supporting you, I promise. In Sha Allah." 

I looked up at him. "You've grown up so much, Ro. I used to worry so much about you, but the way you now take care of everyone... my Rehan Junior." 

He kissed the side of my head. "Say that in front of him, and watch how offended he gets."

I couldn't help laughing. "Badmash, har waqt Papa ke peechay paday rehte ho."

*"Cheeky boy, you're always after your Papa."

"Woh bhi to mere peechay pade rehte hain. So, if I am Rehan Junior, I have to do as he does." He grinned, cheekily.

*"Even he is always after me."

I shook my head, but a warm feeling engulfed my heart. Seeing Rohaan turn out to be like Rehan was one of the most beautiful experiences I'd faced.

I sighed, feeling my heart lighten up. Yes, the grief was there, and it would remain there for the rest of my life, but as always, someone I loved had eased by grief. 

Sharing grief definitely eases it. And Alhumdulillah, I'm surrounded by loved ones who are there to help me through it. 

"Ro?"

"Hmm?"

"Go and check up on your Mamu too, okay?" 

"Of course." He nodded. "Don't worry, Mama. I'll take care of him too." 

I felt so proud of my Rohaan at that point. Mera bacha. May Allah give him a long and health life, and fill his life with happiness and success. Ameen.

*

I'm sure that at least one of you must have wondered where Arsal is... you'll find out.

Yamna came to Lahore! You'll get to see her first proper experiences of being in Pakistan, with Rohaan by her side.

Rohaan has really become the pillar of strength for his family, and it's good that he has started to express himself in front of Yamna. 

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