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*

Yamna

I pressed the button for the hot chocolate on the machine and waited for it to be prepared into the china cup. As I waited, I glanced towards the sea, inhaling deeply. 

A few moments later, I sat back down on my chair, setting my hot chocolate onto the table. Rohaan was sipping his coffee, his gaze on the sea. 

And suddenly, I felt bad. He was doing so much to help me through my grief, but he had the same grief as me. It was shared between us, but he was solely focusing on me. And often, those who hid their emotions well, were overlooked the most in hard times.

But how selfless he was to push back his grief, to help me through mine!

"You're allowed to think about yourself for once." I whispered.

His gaze moved towards me.

"We have a shared grief, so share what you feel with me." I placed my hand over his across the table.

He nodded slowly, before looking at me. "There's grief, of course there is. But this is my way of healing, by helping you heal." 

I shook my head, smiling.

"What, you don't believe me?" He folded his arms across his chest, almost in disbelief.

It should be illegal for him to wear just a vest. I dropped my gaze to my cup, rather than stare endlessly at his biceps. "If you're ready, let's go to the beach." I stood up quickly.

"I have to go to the room quickly. Shall I meet you out there?" 

"I...I don't know where to go." I hugged myself, uncertainly. "And how will you find me?" 

He stood up. "Yamna, this is a resort. There's Wi-Fi even on the beach. I'll call you." 

"Fine." I said. "I'll actually start exploring." 

"Don't wander off too far. It's a foreign country." He teasingly winked at me.

I wrinkled my nose at him, before walking off. I heard him laugh behind me, and couldn't help smiling myself.

*

I walked around the resort, staying close to the beach because I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sea. The water was gorgeous. Subhan Allah!

I was taking photos and sending them to Mama and Papa as I wandered around. 

I found myself back on the pier, and in the daylight, I felt like I was in another world. I stared up at blue sky and sighed. "This world is a cruel place, no matter how beautiful it may be. You are with Allah, in a much better place, and I have to learn to come to terms with that. Especially because I have to learn to be your father's strength as well, whether he admits that he needs the support or not." 

I shed a few silent tears, but I knew that I had to learn to move on, if I wanted to survive.

My phone started ringing and I took it out of my small purse. 

"Hey, you still in Turkey, or did you swim to Greece?" Rohaan asked when I answered.

"No, I decided to steal a speedboat instead. Catch me if you can." 

He laughed. "Where are you?"

"In Turkey." 

"Yamna..."

"Fine... I'm on a resort in or near Bodrum. I've narrowed it down for you." 

"I've a feeling that this is my karma for p**sing people off unnecessarily." He chuckled. "Anyway, come to the pool area."

"Why? Why go to the pool when there's the sea nearby?" 

"Just come, trust me." 

"Fine." I walked up the slope to the pool area and glanced around. "Where are you? I can't see you." 

"Look up." 

Confused, I looked up towards the building...

...until I saw him in the balcony of our room.

"You were right, Yamna. The view from here is exceptional." He spoke on the phone, his gaze on me.

My heart skipped a beat and my cheeks turned pink. "Come." 

"I think I'm going to go back to sleep." He smiled.

"I'm going to the beach. I'll be waiting." I told him. "It's your choice. What do you love more, your sleep or your wife?" I raised an eyebrow up at him. "I'm curious to see the answer to that question." And with that I ended the call and turned to walk away towards the beach. 

There was no doubt that Rohaan loved his sleep.

But there was also no doubt that he would always choose me first. 

*

I made my way to the beach, and instantly saw a swing in the shallow end of the water. And, of course, I had to try it.

I sat on it, the bottom of my dress and my white leggings underneath soaking from being dipped directly into the water. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. My mind felt so much at peace.

✿✿✿ 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕐𝕒𝕞𝕟𝕒 ℝ𝕠𝕙𝕒𝕒𝕟 ✿✿✿

I suddenly felt the swing stop moving and I opened my eyes to see Rohaan in front of me, holding onto the ropes. 

I stared intensely in his eyes, as he stared back into mine. "It hurts less now. You are making me feel better. I feel the pain less now, even though I know that it would eternally remain within me."

He simply smiled at me. 

✿✿✿ 𝔼𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕗 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 ✿✿✿

Startled, I almost fell off the swing, as my hand slipped on the rope.

I got off the swing and waded through the shallow water. Picking up my flip-flops, I made my way towards the larger part of the beach, where most of the people were. Where is Rohaan? Why is he taking so long?

Oh Good Lord. Did he actually choose sleep over me?

With a disappointed sigh, I glanced towards the entrance to the beach, past the gates. I guess he's not coming.

But then I saw him, just as I was about to turn back. With his sunglasses on, he was making his way down to the beach. He had changed into a darker vest, I suppose for a swim. I couldn't help smiling.

He saw me, and his gaze immediately went down to my feet. "You cheater. You went in without me."

"I'm the cheater? You were about to ditch me for sleep!" I accused him teasingly.

"You got to admit, it's a tough competition." He grinned.

"Fine. Don't turn to me when sleep betrays you." 

"Are you jealous of sleep, Yamna?" 

I set my flip-flops down onto the ground and waded into the shallow water again. Under the heat of the sun, the coolness of the water felt good on my feet. And the water was so clear, it mesmerised me. In fact, everything here was mesmerising me.

"Right, I'm going swimming." He handed me his sunglasses, phone and our room key card, and I kept them all in my bag. 

"Don't go in too far." I said worriedly, grabbing his forearm.

"Don't worry about me, Yamna. Besides, it's not even that deep." He headed deeper and deeper into the water, heading further and further away from me.

I thought about how he had said that he would have been happy hearing about my pregnancy. And when I watched him swim, I remembered his words from last night: "You watch, I'll teach my daughter how to swim. I'll carry her into the sea in my arms, and watch her laugh and squeal, the way I do with Maham when we go to the beach back home."

He was ready for a baby... and maybe after losing one, I wanted one too. 

There was nothing wrong with me deciding to want a baby more than my new job, was there? I'd never even considered a career, but now I... now I missed the baby. It sounded weird, and people would think that I had lost my mind for missing someone whose existence I had only known about for less than twenty-four hours, but I now understood what people say that you don't realise the value of something or someone until they're gone.

As I dropped my gaze down to the clear water, I began to wonder whether it would have been a boy or a girl. The doctor had said that it was too early for us to have known.

I just stood there, lost in my thoughts, for God knows how long.

"S**t that felt good." Suddenly, Rohaan's voice made me jump out of my thoughts. I saw him treading towards me, soaking wet, his vest clinging onto him in a deeply attractive way. "I really needed this."

"The swim?" 

"The swim, this holiday..." He sighed, glancing back towards the sea, before turning back to me. "You okay?" 

I nodded. "I am... or, at least, I have taken the first few steps of being okay." 

"Good." He took my hand. "I want to go back to the room for a shower, and then we can hang out around the resort, and act lazy because we have no responsibilities for once."

"Do you even need to act lazy?" I teased, nudging his upper arm with my shoulder.

"Hey! I'll hug you as I am..." 

I tried to move away, but he kept holding onto my hand.

We walked in silence for a few moments, just enjoying the peaceful atmosphere.

"You're wrong. You have one responsibility: me." I giggled.

"The hardest one." 

"Hey!" I protested.

"You called me lazy!"

We bantered like this all the way to our room, and I found myself smiling more and more.

*

As he showered, I sat in the balcony reading a book. I could have sat in the air-conditioned room, but what was the point. After the rubbish British weather, the heat was good and much needed. A few seconds later, I set my book aside and just stared out at the sea.

I grabbed my phone and decided to video call Mama. She must be awake by now.

She answered after a few rings.

"Assalam Alaikum, Mama!" 

"Walaikum Assalam, sunshine! How are you enjoying the real life sunshine?" She smiled.

"Mama, it's beautiful! I can't even tell you!" I stood up and turned the camera around. "I'm in the balcony! Look!" 

"Subhan Allah! That is beautiful, Yamna!"

"There's so much peace here, Mama!" I started rambling in excitement, telling her every little detail as I returned the camera back to myself. After a while, I realised that I was the only one talking, whereas she was smiling emotionally at me. "What's wrong, Mama?" 

"Nothing, my sweet sunshine. It's just so good to see you like this again. Alhumdulillah." She said. "How is Rohaan?" 

"He's great, Alhumdulillah." I said. "Oh, Mama, the hot chocolate that I had this morning was so delicious! I swear, it was the best one I'd ever had in my life." 

She laughed.

"I took pancakes, as expected." I rolled my eyes at my own predictability. I gasped, as I remembered something else. "Oh, and I sat in swing over the water, Mama!" 

"The resort sounds amazing." 

"It is! Mama, I think I freaked Rohaan out a little this morning because I woke him up by shrieking when I saw this view!" Again, I started my rambling.

"Assalam Alaikum, Chachi." Rohaan suddenly appeared behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Yeh to bolne nahin daigi kisi aur ko, maine socha main khud kood jaaon is conversation main."

*"She won't let anyone else talk, so I thought that I'd jump in this conversation myself."

I glared at him.

"Walaikum Assalam, Rohaan." Mama said. "My heart is at peace now, bachay. Seeing Yamna like this again is what I'd being praying for during these past couple of weeks."

"Mama, we're going to explore the resort now. I'll call you later, In Sha Allah." I told my mother.

"In Sha Allah. Have fun, my loves. Take care of yourselves and each other. Allah Hafiz!" My mother said.

"Allah Hafiz!" Rohaan and I said in unison before the call ended.

"I talk too much?" I questioned him.

"Poor Chachi couldn't get a word in..." With a laugh, he stepped back into the room. 

I followed, sliding the door shut. "You will pay for that." I headed to the bed, grabbed a pillow and tossed it at him.

He caught it expertly. "Are you serious?" 

"All fair's in pillow war." I shrugged. "I have to defend my honour!" 

"Your honour?" He raised both eyebrows.

"You called me a chatterbox." 

He walked towards me, holding the pillow like a shield. "You want to start a battle with me, Yamna? You sure about that?" 

I backed away when he didn't stop walking. Stumbling, I fell onto the bed on my back, shrieking. "War doesn't allow attack on a fallen soldier!"

"Haven't you heard? All's fair in love and war." He held up the pillow, as if ready to attack me...or smother me.

"Is it fair to declare war on your love though?" I held up both my hands, defensively.

He chuckled, tossing the pillow aside. "Chicken."

I stood up, frowning. "Who are you calling a chicken?" 

"You." 

I reached down to grab a pillow again, but he quickly scooped me up into his arms, bridal style. "Rohaan!"

"I will carry you downstairs, in front of everyone, like this." He said quietly, mischievousness sparkling in his eyes.

"I dare you." I blurted out.

Oh, Yamna, why do you always make the same mistakes?

"You dare me? Am I hearing that right?" He looked amused. "Dekh lo. Biwi ho meri. Le bhi jaaon ga, aisi bhi koi baat nahin."

*"Think about it. You're my wife. I will take you downstairs like this, no big deal."

He gently set me down. "Come on. Let's go have a look around." Taking my hand, he once again led me out of the room.

*

"Rohaan." I widened my eyes at him, holding up the soft toy whale. "It's so cute!" 

"You have a whole zoo of soft toys." 

We had found our way to the small supermarket. One side of this was full of clothes, bags, jewellery, while other had snacks and souvenirs, edible or otherwise. 

 "Fine." I pouted slightly. "I'll put it back." I began to pass him to put it back on the shelf where I'd found it, but he took it from my hand and placed it on the payment counter.

"Ek din shohar se kehna kamre se bahar jaaye. Soft toys ke liye jaaga chahiye." He muttered, even as he had a small smile on his face.

*"One day, you'll ask your husband to leave the room because you need room for your soft toys."

"Never. I'll just clear out your part of the wardrobe, and leave the soft toys in there."

He chuckled, before smiling at me as he took his card of the wallet for the various snacks I'd bought for our room. I smiled back, angelically. 

*

Rohaan

"You're hot." 

I almost choked on my soft drink when Yamna said that over lunch. "Excuse me?" 

She innocently chewed her pasta as she shrugged. "You are hot, Ma Sha Allah." 

I blinked, lost for words.

"I'm glad you decided not to go swimming shirtless." She spoke so nonchalantly, as if this wasn't completely out of character for her.

I composed myself and smirked. "And if I had?"

"You are a police detective, so it's best if I don't answer that." She slowly sipped her water. "I wouldn't ever hurt you, but I cannot make promises for any females who dared to get a second glance at you." 

I laughed. "You are dangerous, Yamna." 

"Biwi kiski hoon?" She giggled.

*"After all, whose wife am I?"

A gut instinct of mine was questioning the sudden change in her mood, but the voice in my head  told me not to be ungrateful. Maybe the environment had truly been helpful for her.

I just hope that this isn't some sort of a façade for my sake...

*

"How are you holding up?" Arsalan's voice came through my airpods.

I had come to the gym after lunch, while Yamna had decided to take a stroll around the resort. 

"I'm...managing." I was on the treadmill, slowing it down while I chatted to my brother.

"Yamna okay?" 

"I think she's getting there." 

"May Allah give you both sabr. Ameen." 

"Ameen." 

I continued exercising till long after the call with my brother had ended. 

Are we just acting around each other, me and Yamna?

I honestly had no answer to that question.

*

When I got to our room, I was surprised. "Have I walked into the restaurant's freezer?" 

"It was hot!" Her voice came from within the room even before I saw her.

I walked further into the room and was surprised to see her sitting on the bed, the duvet over her, wearing a vest of mine as she watched Turkish television. "Do you even understand this?"

"I found one with English subtitles." She wrinkled her nose at me. "Wow, you have really hit the gym hard." 

I glanced at the full-length mirror by the bathroom. I did look like I had hit the gym hard, with messy hair and a sweat-drenched vest.

"I can smell you from here." She giggled.

"Hilarious." I peeled my vest off and acted like I was going to toss it at her.

"Rohaan!" She squealed, ducking under the duvet.

I chuckled and tossed the vest in the hotel laundry bag, before heading into the bathroom.

When I came out after a shower, I swore out loud. "S**t. I'm turning up the temperature, yaar." I headed to the temperature control, and increased it.

"Wear something other than a towel then." She smirked.

I put on my trousers in front of the wardrobes, while Yamna continued to watch whatever the hell she was watching. Pulling on a t-shirt, I got into bed beside her. "On the scale of one to ten, how much is it hurting right now?" I asked her, softly.

She paused, staring down at her hands. "I supposed...five. There are times when I see a baby, or hear a baby cry, that it increases again, but right now, it's okay." 

I placed a hand over hers.

She glanced at me. "Thank you." 

"For?" 

"For everything." She leaned up to kiss my cheek.

"You don't ever have to thank me for anything, Yamna." 

We stared at each other silently for a while, siding side-by-side on the bed with our legs stretched out in front of us. I took her hand and squeezed it. 

I moved towards her and pressed my lips over hers, so softly that I didn't even know if she felt it or not... until she started kissing me back. For a while I kissed her and I realised just how much I wanted to protect her from the world, from all pain, and all trouble.

But Yamna was stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for. She had proven that more than once. 

I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her against myself, as we continued kissing. It had been a while since it was just her and me. It had been much longer since we'd spent so much time together alone. We'd needed this holiday, not just because of exhaustion, because of grief, but also because we needed more time together as a couple. 

*

Yamna

We had fallen asleep in each other's arms, and I woke up around seven thirty. 

We hadn't had any s*xual intimacy, but it certainly didn't feel that way. 

"Rise and shine sleepy head." He said to me.

"Why is it so hot?" I grumbled.

"It's nice." He shrugged, now with his shirt off. Clearly, he felt hot too.

I sat up. "What's the point of air-conditioning?" 

"That gets too cold." He grinned, clearly enjoying my irritation. "Now, let's go before we miss dinner. Otherwise we'd have to survive on Pringles and... what's that?" He pointed to the brown wrapper packet at the desk. 

"Chocolate wafers." 

"Pringles and chocolate wafers. My stomach would legit shoot me." 

I smiled weakly.

He turned to me. "You look so cute, Ma Sha Allah. Your cheeks are all pink and your hair's a mess."

I moved closer and sat on his lap, resting my head against his chest. "And you're a good pillow, so don't move." 

As he kissed me again, I realised how wonderful it was to be just us. No issues, no worries, no responsibilities. Just him and me. 

*

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