A very happy Holi to everyone... I know it's been quite some time since I disappeared without a trace or explanation, but I just needed this time to focus and work on myself. I was busy with my classes, and then life happened. Oh boy, I can't even put it out in words the amount of twists and turns I went through all these years, and it has changed me completely as a person. 

Lately, I have been dealing with anxiety and trying to deal with many things, so please excuse me for my absence, and I am relieved to still receive messages from a few of you asking if I will ever update or not.

So this is an update for all my readers who waited impatiently for this part, and I apologize once again for my absence.

HAPPY HOLI EVERYONE.

*************************************

Sanskaar's Bedroom:

Sanskaar made Ragini lie over the recliner as soon as he reached the room. His room was still a mess, with his broken phone, empty bottles, and pillows scattered all around. He was still under the effect of alcohol but somehow he managed to balance his steps and carry her all the way to his room. After placing her over the recliner, he started cleaning the bed to shift his princess from the uncomfortable space to a more comfortable one. While doing so he stumbled over a bottle rolling around the foot space of his bed and as a result, he fell over his butt knocking off a few things kept on the side table, leading to a sound that finally woke up the sleeping beauty from her deep slumber. 

As soon as Ragini heard the sound of something falling, she immediately woke up and tried to grasp where she was and what time of day it was. She was all confused and still not fully awake when she saw the shadow of someone lying on the ground, just a few steps away from her. The room was not fully lit, so she wasn't able to see clearly yet when she saw herself lying in a room with someone else in it her sleepiness flew out the window and she stood up in a hurry to check her surroundings. But fate had some other plans for these two love-sick people. As soon as she stood and took a step ahead, her foot got entangled with the displaced carpet, and there she went, falling over the carpet over her stomach. Hearing her fall, Sanskaar raised his head and looked in her direction to see what happened, when he saw her falling and joining him over the floor. His eyes went wide and he immediately crawled in her direction to see if she got hurt. He was mentally blaming himself already for making her wait over the entrance, and now she is hurt all because of him. By the time Ragini composed herself after falling and was trying to get up, she heard his voice and froze with her eyes wide finally realizing who the other person was.

S: Giniiiii...... fuckk.... ginni wait there don't move I am coming.

By the time sanskaar reached near her, ragini was all nervous and scared of his reaction. She was expecting him to blast his anger over her and shout and accuse her for everything she has done, when she felt his soothing touch over her shoulders, trying to help her get up.

Sanskaar helped Ragini and himself to finally stand up from the ground. Suddenly, he remembered about the lights and swiftly turned around to turn the lights on to avoid further mishaps. On his way to the switch, he kicked few items and even stumbled over the recliner edge, groaning and getting hurt by the sharp end. Ragini jumped in to help his pathetic condition, as by now she had realized that he was not his senses, and she must do something immediately to stop him from causing any further harm. She swiftly held his hand when his foot knocked off the recliner edge to prevent him from falling yet again. Both of them balanced each other, and somehow reached the switch board to turn the lights on. As soon as the room lit up with blazing lights, Sanskaar groaned again and immediately hugged Ragini to hide his face from the sudden lights, blinding his vision and increasing his headache. Ragini stilled and stood frozen at her spot, feeling him this close with his face pressed into her neck and his hands holding hers tightly over her elbows, thus restricting her movement. While Sanskaar was trying to dodge the bright light, he didn't realize what he had done until her scent filled up his nostrils bringing a sweet smile and calmness to his face. He felt relaxed after ages and pulled her closer to cherish this homely feeling he had been missing. 

Ragini was feeling more guilty and just wanted to run away as far as possible from this man, who has been haunting her life ever since they parted ways. This closeness was killing her, yet she didn't had the strength to pull away from him. She closed her eyes, and a teardrop started trickling down her cheeks. 

Sanskaar was still in his haze, feeling calm and composed. He realized what he had been missing all this time, leading him to pull her even closer, encircling his hands around her in a tight embrace. Neither of them spoke a single word. That night, two souls finally found peace in the arms of the person they claimed to hate the most. While Sanskaar was feeling calm, the same closeness was suffocating Ragini. The guilt that she had carried all these years suddenly increased tenfold, and she started struggling to get out of his embrace. The more she struggled, the stronger the hold became. Suddenly, it turned into a fight over control and not being able to understand what was happening, Sanskaar pushed her over a wall and looked into her eyes accusingly warning her to stop trying to snatch his peace from him. When he finally brought his face up and looked at her face, all the pain and suffering flashed before his eyes and suddenly he could not bare their closeness anymore either. He stumbled back on his legs to make space between them and immediately left the room, banging the door behind his back.

Ragini's face contracted with pain, and she slowly fell over her knees, crying silently over their twisted fate. She knew she did not deserve his sympathy and love, yet she could not stop yearning for him all these years. Its been 4 years since that night when she broke his heart and walked all over him to hurt him enough so that he would just leave her alone and accept his family and career over her, yet from time to time she could not stop herself from reminiscing those sweet old memories and imagining how it would have turned out only if she chose a different way to handle things. 

Sanskaar suddenly felt so suffocated and shameful about his act that he just couldn't stay in the same space as her anymore. When he saw that tear drop falling from her eyes, his heart bled, and he ran away, not able to take the pain and agony she felt with his touch. He reached his bar area and started gulping more liquor to stop the pain he was feeling. He just wanted to die in that moment. How could he beg for her lover after everything she did? The realization that he still loved her and somehow still wanted her in his life made him want to cut his heart out of his chest and throw it away. He gulped more and more alcohol and started breaking everything over the counter to stop the pain and misery he felt in that moment. 

Ragini got startled hearing the loud noise from downstairs and she immediately composed herself wiping her tears, and ran downstairs to see what was happening. As soon as she reached near the dining room, her legs froze watching the scene in front. Sanskaar was breaking everything that came in his view and was shouting in sheer pain and distress. She couldn't understand what happened in a span of seconds that made him so violent and hostile that he was completely turning the place upside down. His hands were bleeding with glass shreds stuck in his palm, and suddenly he started laughing loudly, crushing more broken glass pieces within his palm. She could not bear him hurting himself for her mistakes, so she immediately ran in his direction to stop him from harming himself. 

R: Sanskaar, what are you doing? Please stop this madness right away. Your hands are bleeding; can't you feel any pain?

Sanskaar immediately turned in her direction and looked coldly into her eyes. He gave her a cold smile and started laughing at her words.

S: Wowww... so finally you came to see and enjoy my pain? Are you happy now? Look what you made me from what I used to be. I hope it makes you sleep better at night knowing I am destroyed after all that's what you wanted isn't it?

R: You can think whatever you like and blame me for anything, but for now, please let me treat your wounds and help you, Sanskaar. Please, I beg you... don't do this.

S: Heal me? Is that a joke, Ragini? I know you now so stop trying to fool me, Ms. Ragini Khanna.

R: Enough is enough, Mr. Maheshwari. You can haul your taunts later over me, but right now let me do what is needed. You want to hate me then go on please do that, but for doing that you need to stay healthy and alive. So let me help you take your revenge on me.

S: Just get out of my sight, Ragini. I don't want to see you or your face anymore.

R: Just let me treat your hand, and I will leave you alone, I promise.

S: hahahahha, yeah, that's what you always do. Just go away already before I do something we both might regret later.

Sanskaar was about to walk away and leave the house when Ragini held his arm and pulled him along with her to take him to the sink and wash his wounded palm. Despite his protests, she washed his wounds and started dressing them after pulling out the glass pieces from his skin. Each time we winched with pain, her eyes teared up too and by the time she was done dressing his wounds, her eyes had turned red in pain. Sanskaar was looking at her face all this time, and when she tried to hide her face and turn around to walk away, he immediately held her arm and pulled her towards him to look at her face and understand what she wanted. 

S: Look at me Ragini. 

R: Leave me Sanskaar. Just let me go, isn't that what you wanted so just let go off me.

S: (tightening his hold) Just for once, look in my eyes and tell me the truth Ragini... i know you are hiding something.

R: Think what you like, Mr. Maheshwari. Let go of me I am disgusted of your behaviour.

S: LOOK IN MY EYES AND SAY IT AGAIN.... SAY IT AND I PROMISE YOU WON'T EVER SEE MY FACE AGAIN.

Hearing this, Ragini felt a chill run through her spine. Even hearing about not able to see him again killed her and she immediately looked in his eyes. As soon as her bloodshot eyes met his, the tears she was holding all this while started flowing uncontrollably. 

S: You say you hate me, but you still can't see me hurt or even bare the thought of not seeing me again? What are you doing to me, Ragini? Why can't I hate you for everything you have done to me, to us? Answer me damnit... Why are you doing this?

R: Sometimes a few questions are better without any answer, Sanskaar. Don't waste you life for someone who ain't worthy of having you in her life.

S: Even today you are deciding what I should do... guess you can never change Ragini.

He gently wiped the tears flowing across her cheeks and gently placed his forehead along hers and inhaled deeply to calm his emotions. He knew he will never get this chance again to get to the bottom of the whole truth, so he strengthened his nerves to hear the most difficult answer from the woman he loved the most.

S: Have you moved on from me, Ragini? Is there someone in your life who took my place already or should I say someone rich enough to give you anything you want?

Ragini got stunned hearing his question and didn't knew how to react. She never thought Sanskaar will ever doubt her devotion and feelings for him. But then again, she was responsible for everything happening to them, so she decided to free him from all his pain and suffering for once and all.

R: What do you expect from me Sanskaar? You tell me what do you think?

S: (looking at her painfully) Does it matter what I think or need? 

{Sanskaar to himself: If I ask you to leave that idiot guy you were hugging the other day, and come back to me will you do it?}

R: You should not be asking me such questions, Mr. Maheshwari. Let me go, I should not be here with you in first place. Its my mistake I came in first place.

S: (angrily twisting her hands behind her back and pulling her more close to him) Was it so easy for you to just get anyone to fill in my place in your life Ragini?

R: Let me go Sanskaar, You are not in your senses and I am not answerable to anything I do in my personal life.

S: Then why these tears Ragini? Why are you even here? Why are you fucking my messed up life life even more? All these time while I was falling to pieces, you were just enjoying your life, so why now? whyyy?

R: (breathing shakingly) It was a mistake; don't worry, I won't bother you again. I will resign from my position and go away from you. 

{R: Before you hurt me again by going away, I will just distance myself from you, Saans} 

{S: I wish I hated you enough to stop loving you Gini.}

R: Let me go Sanskaar. We can only hurt each other, so its better we stay apart for ever.

Ragini was about to move away when she felt his weight over her own self, and slowly realized Sanskaar has fainted while fighting with her.

________________

I hope you all will like the chapter. Let me know how it is.

~VS