"Ow, Kuro!" I blurted out by instinct. My familiar immediately retracted his claws and rolled over onto his feet. We'd been relaxing on my bed for the last half an hour. At some point we'd moved on to playing, with me using my had as "prey" and Kuro being the small hunter he was. I couldn't blame him, he was just doing what he was supposed to. But damn his claws hurt when they snagged the tender flesh of my wrist. I pulled my injured forearm closer to inspect it. Unsurprisingly, my skin healed before I had a chance to gauge how deep it was. My gaze flickered back to my tiny friend, who had the decency to look apologetic. With his ears drawn back and pupils the size of saucers, I couldn't stay mad at him long.

"I'm sorry!" He said in a rushed whisper. A small smile pulled at the corner of my lips and I simply shrugged.

"It's alright, it's fine now, see-" I offered up my arm to show him the unharmed flesh, and he glanced down briefly before meeting my eyes once more.

"Doesn't..." he stopped himself, green eyes narrowing slightly as he pondered his next words. "Doesn't it... affect you?" His ears pinned back again as he flinched, but it took me a few moments to understand why he was so hesitant.

I hummed before bringing a hand up to scratch the back of my neck. Affect me? "No, not really." I finally answered, but I wasn't certain as to why. Was it because I hadn't inflicted it? Or maybe because I wasn't in the right headspace? I felt a wrinkle form between my brows as my mind began mulling the possibilities. However, I was interrupted from my thoughts when the bedroom door swung open. Yukio shuffled in, looking uncharacteristically exhausted. "What's up with you?" I shifted on my mattress to face him better and he sighed before shrugging off his exorcist jacket.

"To put it mildly; someone fucked up bad. You don't know him, but he's a superior of mine. Two people got hurt at the mission and it was completely avoidable." He shook his heads and his messy brown hair shifted with the movement. I clicked my tongue and mirrored his mannerisms, shaking me head and donning a disapproving expression. Even though I was very aware that I was just an exwire and was in no position to judge this person, I would be lying if I said I didn't like playing into the drama that Yukio brought home. Said brother untucked his shirt from his pants and flopped onto his bed, motioning in the air above him as he spoke. "We had more than enough Arias to defend, but nooooo — let's use attacking incantations to strengthen our already strong offense to, and I quote 'get the job done quicker.'" A grunt sounded from him and he shoved himself back into a seated position, his fingers moving through his hair.

"Are you okay?" It was my first priority, and while he looked physically fine, I had to make sure. He nodded and I breathed a small sigh of relief. "What about the others?"

Yukio hummed, a dark look crossing his features. "They'll survive, and I don't think their injuries were life altering. But to be blunt, our leadership might be rearranged after today. A complete lack of foresight like that is not something we need, and it's not his first offense, either." My nose scrunched up with that last statement. Oh boy, someone fucked up bad if there's a possible demotion involved. There was a brief moment of silence before Yukio pushed himself off his bed and walked into the bathroom.

I glanced down at my familiar, he was cleaning his paws. I'm sure he was idly listening to our conversation, and I wondered what kind of drama he'd heard dad bring home on occasion. Nostalgia warmed my heart as I moved to scratch his favorite spot between his horns. Almost immediately he began purring, his motions halting as he leaned into my hand.

Just as quickly as he'd disappeared, my twin reemerged from the bathroom. He held a familiar box in his hands as he neared and sat on my bed. I sighed and shifted my body, remembering the last time we'd done this exact routine. I turned to give him better access to my left arm and I watched as he gingerly touched the ragged marks on my bicep. I myriad of emotions flickered in his eyes before he finally sat back with an inquisitive look. "That is so interesting," he muttered. I simply hummed in response, knowing he'd explain himself. I was correct. "Technically, you should've healed by now. If anything, you would've healed that night. Yet..." he reached out once more and prodded at my inflamed skin. "Huh. Your genetic code is fascinating. You'd think your human side would benefit from the pharmaceuticals we used, but it seems as though they hindered you."

So my demon abilities were nulled due to the herbs used to treat miasma? Well, that sucks. "What does that mean if I get hurt on the field again? Do I just go without?"

He drew in a deep breath before sighing. "Honestly, yeah, that would probably be the best. Unless the inflicted area became severe, I think you'd be better off letting your demon side fight it off. You wouldn't get the pain relief from any herbs, though, so it could be painful for several hours." Great. Comic books always made superpowers out to be badass and overpowered. No one pays attention to the fact that the world wasn't created to accommodate said powers so you'd basically be fucked if you found your powers working against you. "But you know what," Yukio's voice drew me out of my thoughts. "The remedy we used on you has been used purely for medicinal purposes. You may not know this, but all herbs are tested on low class demons before being approved for battle. It makes sense this remedy was sidelined for attacking. But in a battle against a higher class demon..."

He trailed off, becoming deep in thought. I suddenly came to the same conclusion he'd been trying to convey. This might be a small breakthrough for the Exorcists. While this mix of medicines wouldn't make a demon explode into a plumb of dust like Moriyama's powder, it could possibly slow down a demons healing. "Holy shit," I muttered. "Guess I'm useful after all." I said it sarcastically, but the glimmer that sparkled behind teal eyes told me I genuinely benefited humanity. It felt odd after such a long time being humanity's abomination. It was almost uncomfortable.

Yukio shook himself from his stupor, rifling through the small medkit on his lap. "Either way, let's get this patched back up." I nodded and held my arm out slightly to give him better leverage.

As I watched him work, a thought occurred to me. "How come you didn't say anything when you dressed that bullet wound on my hand?"

He stilled momentarily before meeting my eyes. "When I..." I nodded and he averted his gaze. "That night, I felt so, so guilty about what I had done. I saw you had cleaned yourself up, but the bandages were already dirty. I planned on rewrapping everything for a couple reasons. Mainly because they needed to be changed anyway, but also because I needed to face to consequences of my actions." I was still as he spoke, feeling my heart grow heavy as his tone shriveled up into a hushed confession. "I couldn't look at it though. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach twist. So I blindly wrapped your hand and told myself everything would work out with time." He rolled his eyes and a sharp breath exited his nose. "They say time heals all wounds, but it only allows you to time to learn how to deal with the pain." I felt my face twist at his pessimism, but he didn't give me any time to argue. Instead, he turned the conversation back to me. "Tell me what happened that night, it was the first night you hurt yourself, wasn't it?"

I froze, a sense of dread clawing at my throat. I swallowed in a failed attempt to remove the feeling, only finding the courage to nod. Yukio waited patiently for me to find my voice, but I couldn't. Why was this difficult? Not that long ago, Kuro had steered our conversation to a similar point, and I'd been able to speak about it then. Was it because it was the topic of the first time? Or was it because it was with Yukio? "It's alright," he mumbled. "It'll be hard to talk about. But I could tell you were trying and that's all that matters." With that, he returned to bandaging my arm.

I was still trying to distinguish why I'd become mute when I realized that his fingers were no longer wrapping my wounds. Instead, his thumb traced gently over raised and divoted scars. I resisted the urge to pull away from him, but I couldn't entirely mask my discomfort. The trailing fingers paused before moved upward to rest on my shoulder. "Hey," my twin whispered. "I'm proud of you, Nii-san."

His words were like cold water and I felt tears immediately prickle in my eyes. He had no idea. I was no better off than before. I'd stopped cutting, but almost immediately turned to vomiting. It was a simple trade of one bad habit to another. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I'd heard of it from the internet and from gossip at school. Even though my behavior matched, I was pretty sure this wasn't bulimia. Either way, it wasn't healthy, and was further evidence that I was delusional. If the Vatican knew, I'd surely be executed on the grounds of mental instability.

Yukio must have misunderstand my tears as relief because he gave me a warm smile. "You're doing so well. I know you had a hiccup, but you've honestly surprised me." I almost broke at that moment, I felt the truth at the tip of my tongue, ready to tell him he was wrong. However, I was saved when Yukio's phone rang. With furrowed brows he pulled it from his pant pocket. His frown only deepened when he read the caller ID before answering. I heard indistinguishable chatter on the other end before I watched Yukio stand up and head toward the closet. I used the moment to blink away my tears, feeling a lot better without any prying eyes. Coincidentally, I felt my own phone buzz in my pocket and I fished it out. "I'll be right there," Yukio stated flatly.

I skimmed the text I'd received before Yukio began talking once more. Apparently his supervisor's position was being debated at this very moment and everyone who was on scene was being interviewed. He didn't sound happy to be pulled away once again, but he noticed my lack of eye contact and paused. "What's up?"

I shrugged and glanced up, "Suguro-san messaged me. He wants to hang out and study." My eyes flickered back down, my fingers already typing out my denial. I didn't want to socialize much right now, my mood souring after the last several minutes.

"Oh good, that's perfect timing. He can come here since I'll be leaving. That way it's nice and quiet." I opened my mouth to argue but my twin cut me off. "You should try and get closer with the others, Rin. After everything that's happened, they've been concerned. You can't really blame them." Sure, I couldn't blame them for anything, but I could be selfishly annoyed. I liked my peace and quiet. "And to be honest," Yukio's tone became more stern, "you need a support system. It can't just be me. While I'd give anything to be there for you all the time, I know that's not feasible. I'd give us all some peace of mind."

I groaned and flopped backward onto my bed, holding my phone above me as I stared at the message I was about to send. "But you just said I've been doing great, so great that I've even surprised you." Liar. "I don't need a support system, it's not like I'm an alcoholic."

"Nii-san," he chided, "just humor me. It's no different than studying with Kamiki-chan, just invite him over for a bit."

That was different, Bon and I had just started to know each other better, it felt weird to have him here. I muttered my disapproval to myself, knowing my twin could hear my bitching. Izumo and I were hanging out before everyone found out about my self harm, so the action doesn't seem so forced. And to be frank, I'd rather invite her since "she's way cuter than him, anyway." Several seconds of silence hovered in the air around us as I realized I'd mumbled those words aloud. I cleared my throat and deleted the text I previously prepared. "I'll let him know he's free to come over whenever."