My eyelids cracked open, and I peered through my eyelashes at the sunlight that filtered through the bedroom window. I yawned, stretching and taking satisfaction in moving my previously sedentary muscles. Kuro stirred beside me and I turned onto my side, hugging the feline close. "Good morning, Kuro," I murmured and he purred in response. I took a few moments to shake off my sleepiness before pushing myself out of bed. A few groans escaped my familiar and he murmured a few things about meeting me downstairs. However, I highly doubted I'd see him any time soon, not with the way he curled into a ball and immediately fell unconscious. I chuckled and turned to the closet, flipping through my clothes before settling on an outfit. Walking to the bathroom, I flipped on the light and moved to the shower. I went through my usual routine, showering and drying off several minutes later.

My reflection stared back at me, the boy in the mirror was a completely different person than the one I'd known when I first started the academy. My eyes raked across my exposed flesh, comparing my memories to the present. I'd grown used to the scars that littered my skin, but that didn't mean I liked them there. They were a permanent reminder of my depraved psyche. No amount of skincare would remove them, and my demon abilities only cared about survival, not aesthetics. I shifted, turning to the side and watching as my skin moved over my ribs. I'd known that my eating habits had cost me several pounds, but denial was one hell of a drug. I rarely used to look at myself in the mirror, partially because I didn't like the person who stared back, but also because I'd been afraid to face my problems. However, I know now that I had issues; major issues. Part of realizing that was seeing the damage that I had caused.

Bones were more prominent, with my spine showing, and stomach slightly concaved. I'd previously started fastening my belt a few loops tighter but failed to acknowledge what that implied. Even my fingers were thinner, something Bon had pointed out to me the other day. Thankfully, I had a major case of a baby face, because my expression hadn't changed much. Had my face changed like the rest of my body, I would've been exposed a lot sooner. I was still warring with myself if that was positive or not.

Sighing, I dressed and exited the bathroom. Kuro was still asleep, snoring lightly as I passed him. Treading down the stairs, I opened the cafeteria, not surprised when I heard clattering inside the kitchen. I walked inside, smiling when a flustered Yukio entered my sight. He was frantically moving between a chopping board and the pan on the stovetop. Shaking my head, I moved forward, taking the knife from his hands and continuing to cut the mushrooms he'd laid out. He was silent for a few moments and I cast a glance toward him. "It's gonna burn if you don't keep stirring." He scoffed, but moved over to the pan anyway. I felt his eyes on me a few times over the course of several minutes. Finally, I sighed and addressed his behavior. "I'm being supervised, Yukio. I'm not gonna use a chef's knife to butcher my arms."

"That's... not..." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Okay, yeah. I'm worried." That was painfully obvious, and I started to berate him. However, he cut in before I could finish. "I know, alright? You're in therapy and you're learning new coping skills, but you still relapse. I have every right to be worried." I stared at the chopping board, my knife hovering over the diced vegetables for a few moments. Finally, I sighed and set the utensil down. I moved toward my twin and gestured for him to give me the wooden spoon he was wielding. His eyes flashed up to mine and I saw him turn apologetic. "No, it's okay. You're being supervised. I didn't mean for you to stop."

"Bullshit," I stated, pulling the spoon from his grasp and taking his place in front of the stove. He sighed and moved to where I previously stood. "You'd much rather be holding the knife. It's obvious you're uncomfortable with me doing it. I just wanted to help, so it doesn't matter who does what." I stirred the contents of the pan, a bit more aggressively than need be. "Stop treating me like a child, please."

"I'm not trying to treat you like a child, Nii-san. I'm sorry if that's what it seems like, I'm just worried about you."

"Yeah, yeah." We continued cooking our breakfast in silence, and when it was finally finished, we both moved to the cafeteria in a similar fashion.

"You and Izumo are hanging out today, right?" My twin questioned after several minutes. I shoved my chopsticks into my mouth, chewing as I nodded. He hummed, toying with a few morsels before continuing. "It's been almost a month now, when are you gonna ask her out?"

My eyes widened and I almost dropped my food onto my lap. Thankfully, I caught it before it could stain my clothes. I shot my twin a dirty look as I placed the discarded food on a nearby napkin. "I don't know..."

His lips quirked at the corners and he put his chopsticks down. "Things are going well, right?" I nodded. "And you like her?" I glared at him, feeling my cheeks tingle. I dropped my gaze to my bowl, toying with its contents.

"Yeah."

"So... confess to her."

I scoffed, "You make it sound easy."

"Is it not?"

My jaw slackened and I gave him an incredulous look. "Uh, no, it definitely is not fucking easy. What would you know about confessing? You've never had a girlfriend before, either."

He shrugged, picking up his chopsticks and continuing to eat. "I suppose you've never been the greatest at conveying your emotions."

I snorted, "you set that up on purpose, didn't you?" His lips twitched and I knew I had assumed correctly. "You asshole."

.oOo.

"Ahh, summertime!" Kamiki-chan sighed in contentment, her bare feet swishing in the water below. We were at a local park, which resided next to a popular lake. Around us, children squealed and chased each other through the playground. My eyes scanned over the water, the sunlight shimmering off of its surface. The lake itself was clear, and below our feet, minnows and other small fish darted around, eating bugs and other creatures at the bottom. I moved my gaze over to the girl beside me, taking in her features. Both her shoes and mine were behind her. She wore a simple black tank top and shorts, with a white baseball cap on her head. The hat kept the sunlight out of her eyes, and her hair was pulled through the back of the cap in a ponytail. Her casual attire was a nice change from the usual academy uniform, and I much preferred seeing her in street clothes. She sensed my staring and her maroon eyes met mine. Previously, she would've blushed and called me an idiot for looking so long. Recently, though, she seemed to get used to my eyes on her. She smiled and I saw the joy that sparkled behind her eyes.

She saw my blush and chuckled, turning back to the water and basking in the sunlight. I continued watching her, my thoughts preoccupied with Yukio's early statement. How could I go about asking her? Wasn't it a little too soon? Would it be rude to ask her in such a public space? I sighed and mimicked her, staring back out at the waves. "Aren't you warm?" She questioned after a while. I knew she was talking about my sweatshirt, and I glanced down at it. It was June, and summer was finally picking up. Yes, I was warm, but I had personal reasons for staying covered. She knew as much and I gave her a perplexed look. She nodded, understanding. "I get it, but no one is looking at us. It's okay to take it off if you're warm. Your comfort is more important than the opinions of others."

"I know, but there are kids around, and I don't want them noticing them and asking questions." I chewed on my lip, turning to look at a few of the children. I felt a bit envious of them, with how carefree they were. If only they knew about the fuckery that would happen to their minds and bodies once puberty hit them. My mind wandered back to a few recent events and I sighed, "it might not be a huge deal to just show the scars, but..."

I had trailed off, and Izumo caught on to what I had implied. "Did you hurt yourself, again?" I sighed and nodded, turning my head to look at her. Understandably, she was a bit upset, but her voice remained calm.

"A few days ago, so they're not fresh anymore. But they're not scars yet, and it would be improper to show them, I guess."

She huffed, leaning forward and placing her elbows on her knees. "Why did Yukio give you that knife back? It seems counterproductive."

My lips formed a thin line and I regretted bringing it up. There was no saving the mood after this. "My therapist recommended it. Taking away the knife won't stop me from doing it. Taking it away could actually be more harmful because I could use my teeth or nails and end up with an infection. Eventually, I'll slowly stop using it, at least, that's what she says."

"Don't you feel bad for Yukio, though?"

I flinched. Of course, I felt bad for him. It may have only been a few times that he caught me in the act, but every time, he was completely beside himself. My sibling was only as old as I was, and walking in on your brother maiming himself was traumatizing as hell. "Obviously." I stated flatly, "I'd much rather deal with it myself, but this is what everyone wanted right? I need to rely on others, and let them see me when I'm vulnerable."

"You need to stop cutting above all else."

I sneered and pushed myself to stand. I rubbed my wet feet on the grass and slipping on my shoes. Izumo got up shortly after, calling my name. I ignored her, however, and started walking away. I didn't need her to grill me on the obvious. Of course, I needed to stop self-harming, that was the goal, but it's not like I could just stop. She should remember the last time I did, and the chaos that ensued afterward. I was at the edge of the park when she caught up to me, her hand landing on my shoulder. "Rin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Don't leave."

I yanked myself from her grasp, continuing to stomp away from the park and onto the nearby sidewalk. She fell into step beside me, apologizing profusely. Finally, I snapped at her. "What did you mean by it, then?!" She faltered and her lips parted, but no words came forward. I scoffed and shook my head. "You meant it exactly how you said it. You've always been forthcoming with your thoughts, so don't try to backtrack now."

"Listen, Rin." She hastened her steps, moving in front of me and blocking my path. I stopped and sighed, frustration bubbling up inside of me. "I just want what's best for you."

I rolled my eyes, stepping to the side and dodging her attempt to stop me, again. "Yeah? Well, you're just like everyone else, then. I am doing what's best for me. Jesus, Izumo, I'm in therapy. What else do you want from me? I'm sorry I can't be fixed overnight." My tone was laced with sarcasm, and I heard her groan in exasperation.

"I know that-"

I spun on my heels and jutted a finger in her direction. "You say that, but I don't think you do. I'm fucked up, okay?" I took a step back and pushed my bangs from my face, my emotions starting to get the best of me. "I'm used to self-destructing when things go awry. It'll take more than just a few weeks of counseling to change that. Hell," I sighed, dropping my gaze to the sidewalk. "There's a pretty solid chance I'll never rewire my brain."

"Don't say that, Rin. You'll be fine."

"And what if I'm not?" I quipped, lifting my gaze up to hers. She remained silent for several moments, at a loss for words. I huffed, turning around and making my way back to the academy. "Forget it. Here I thought we had something good happening between us, I guess I was wrong."

.oOo.

I slammed the door to our bedroom and walked over to my nightstand. Inside the drawer was my knife. I pulled it out and sat on my bed, my fingers running over the polished wood of the handle. My thoughts turned sour and I sneered at the blade. Even if I cut myself, my problems would still persist. Hurting myself didn't solve anything, it just added to my scarred flesh. Did it matter though? I think my actions would be justified. The girl I've been talking to was insensitive and brazen with her ideologies. I'd never be the guy she dreamed of. I was demented, and would only become a burden to her.

"Rin?" My eyes snapped upwards, spotting my twin. He'd pushed open the door and was leaning on the frame. His eyes were guarded as he assessed the situation. He knew exactly what I was planning. Just the sight of the knife would be enough to assume my intentions. However, I'm sure my expression conveyed a thousand words, as well.

I sighed, my eyes trailing down to the weapon in my palms. My lips formed a line as I tightened my grasp on the handle, repeating to myself that self-mutilation wouldn't solve my issues. I drew in a breath and tossed the knife into my open nightstand, dropping my head into my hands. I resigned to my fate, begrudgingly asking for his help. "Can we talk?"

"Of course."