After the show, Liah left with her parents and Vik to have dinner at some fancy restaurant. Everything happened so fast, we didn't get a chance to talk. That was for the best, because she'd definitely ask about Corey. I held it together throughout the musical, but I wasn't sure I could keep it up much longer.

On the plus side, Gray and Corey seemed to be talking again. They left together in Gray's car after the show. That either meant their friendship was back on track, or Gray was going to murder him over what happened with Shamika.

Corey called me selfish once. If this empty pit in my chest was the result of being selfless, then I had the right idea back then.

When I got home, Mom invited me to watch a movie with her and Hudson. The idea of being in the presence of a happy couple sounded like torture.

I knew it was my own fault. I did this to myself. But that didn't make it all hurt less. Actually, it didn't hurt. I was numb to it. Like when I fell at Myisha's party. I didn't feel the pain of my head hitting the floor or the embarrassment of eating it in front of everybody. It felt like it had happened to someone else and I was a bystander watching it all.

For like a minute, until my head started throbbing, I was completely fine.

I was completely fine now, hollow, but okay.

● ● ●

The next morning, I woke up to shouting. At first, I thought someone was arguing, then I realized it was Gray yelling at his game. I also noticed it was closer to noon than morning.

I grabbed my phone from the floor where it must've fallen after I fell asleep staring at pictures of me and Corey. My notifications were mostly from Liah--missed calls, texts, a voicemail that she must've sent by accident because it was just her talking and laughing with Vik.

"I think my dad has a crush on you," Liah said over the message.

I couldn't hear Vik's response, but it made her laugh.

"No. You're the first." A pause as Vik said something I didn't catch, then, "It didn't feel fair to Harlow. I guess I was waiting for her to find someone so we could do this together. Now, she's got Corey--"

The message ended there. All at once, what happened last night--what I did--hit me so hard I couldn't breathe. A delayed reaction I should've prepared myself for. The look on Corey's face as I walked away from him was clearer than ever in my mind. I didn't even tell him why. I didn't realize I'd started crying until the saltiness hit my lips.

To make things worse, Grayson wasn't alone in his room. Corey's laugh carried through the annoyingly thin wall that separated my room from my brother's.

How could he be laughing when I felt like I was dying? Shouldn't it had been the other way around? I broke up with him. He should've been the one crying his eyes out.

I had to leave.

After getting dressed, I left walking. I had no destination in mind, just my headphones. Music up loud enough to drown out my thoughts. I focused on the lyrics as I walked past the spot in the driveway where Corey first kissed me, and down the street where he got everyone to turn on their lights for me.

The houses were decked out for winter, but I could easily remember the way it looked on Halloween. Was that my future? Looking at something and being instantly reminded of Corey? I just had to keep reminding myself that Grayson needed Corey more than I did.

"Watch out!"

I looked up from the sidewalk just in time to dodge the bright yellow ball about to take my head off.

"Nice one, Justin," a girl dressed in head-to-toe black said dryly as she jogged past me to retrieve the ball.

I ended up at the park across from the high school. The place where Corey and I met up before spending an amazing weekend together.

Justin Yoon came over, racket in hand. "Sorry about that."

I hadn't planned on talking to anyone, but I needed the distraction. "I didn't know you played."

"He doesn't," the girl, who I now recognized as his older sister, Penny, said. She picked dead leaves off the ball, looking bored as ever. "You play?"

"Does Switch Sports count?"

She laughed through her nose. "As long as you don't run away from the ball, you'd be better than him," she said, jabbing her thumb at her brother.

"Maybe if you weren't aiming for my head..."

"Maybe if your head wasn't so big..."

They bickered some more, but my focus drifted to the park bench. Corey sat there the other weekend, waiting for me and Liah. Everything was perfect a week ago. We were fantasizing about our dream house and now...

Now he was with his best friend. Which was what he wanted. It was the whole reason for him talking to me in the first place.

Breaking up with him was a good thing.

"You playing or what?" I pulled my attention back to Justin and Penny.

"Yeah, I'll play."

Justin handed over his racket, and we walked to the tennis court at the other end of the park. The first thing I noticed was that an actual tennis racket was a lot different to hold than a Switch controller. Justin took pity on me, standing behind me and helping me properly grip the handle. "If the ball comes at your face, don't risk it, just move."

"Get off the court, fathead," Penny sighed from her side of the court.

A car honked over on the main street, but I drowned out traffic noises and kept my eyes trained on Penny, who was dribbling the ball with her racket.

"Ready?"

I nodded and the ball came flying at me in a neon yellow blur. I swung like I was swatting at a moth, sending the ball so far left it hit the fence. Justin chased after the ball for us, but Penny had another at the ready.

"Sorry," I said, walking over to give her the racket. "I think I might be worse than Justin."

"You can't quit after one failed attempt," she said, holding her racket behind her head. "If it helps, imagine the face of someone you hate on the ball."

"Not everyone has a list of enemies," Justin called out from the sidelines.

"Then they're doing something wrong," Penny retorted, getting back into position. To me, she said, "One more time?"

One more time. I could do that. I readied myself as Penny prepared to serve. There wasn't anyone I hated, but as the ball came flying at me, I swear I saw myself on it.

● ● ●

I understood the appeal of tennis. For an hour, the only thing on my mind was the smack of the racket on the ball. No Corey or Grayson--it was a nice mental break. But once Penny and Justin left and got my phone from my purse, I knew my break was over.

I was home for ten minutes before Liah messaged she was outside. I met her in the car, starved after I realized I had eaten nothing other than an orange I grabbed before leaving the house earlier. We went to The Purple Cow. I ordered nuggets and she ordered a salad. We both had large milkshakes.

"You're killing me, Ari!" Liah said from the other side of the table as she drowned her salad in dressing. "What happened last night?"

"Well, I saw this really amazing musical at the high school," I said, dipping a nugget into barbecue sauce before biting into it.

"You're making jokes. This is good."

My food went bitter on my tongue. Corey's disheartened face flashing in my head again. I took a sip of my milkshake to wash it all down. "We broke up."

I could practically see my best friend buffering as she tried to process what I said.

"No."

My gaze fell to my nuggets. Her expression was too close to Corey's.

"Wait. What do you mean you broke up? How? Why? Tell me something!"

So, I told her everything. When I finished, she didn't know what to say. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish. She slumped against the back of her seat, taking a long gulp of her milkshake.

"You're scared." She said matter-of-factly, placing her now empty cup on the table.

"No, I told you why--"

"You're scared. You're being a wimp because--I don't even know why." She looked at me like I somehow personally offended her.

I hoped she of all people would've understood. That she'd be on my side. But they way her eyes were slit at me told a different story.

"How could you do that to him?"

What? That wasn't the response I hoped for at all.

"I'm not doing anything. I gave Gray and Corey exactly what they wanted."

"You sure about that? Because it sounds like you decided what they wanted."

My mind went back to the first fight I had with Corey while we were at Vik's house. He said something similar. But this was different. It was obvious in how easily they became friends again that it was all they wanted.

I wasn't being a wimp. I made a decision that gave everyone what they wanted. What made them happy. How did that make me the bad person?

"He loves you."

As much as I wished that was true, I immediately dismissed it. "No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he does! He told--" Liah paused, staring at me. "You didn't tell me."

"Didn't tell you what?"

"I thought you didn't tell me because you wanted to keep it to yourself for a while, but now...You don't know."

"Don't know what?"

She chewed the inside of her cheek, arranging her napkins into a neat stack. "I don't think I should be the one to tell you..."

"Tell me what, Liah?"

She leaned forward like she was telling me a government secret. "I'm only saying this because I think you're making a mistake, and this might change your mind."

My mind was a hundred percent made up, but I kept that to myself.

"When we were at Vik's, you two were being loud in the kitchen and woke me up. I got up to tell you to be quiet, but I saw you dancing and stopped because it was cute. It was like a scene from one of the books you read.

"Anyway, you kept talking about Taylor Swift and her songs. Then he said it. Corey told you he loved you. You really don't remember?"

I shook my head, heavy weight in the pit of my stomach.

Corey told me he loved me and I couldn't remember. He even gave me a hint, and nothing. What type of person would forget something like that?

It didn't change my mind like Liah hoped. If anything, it solidified my decision. Corey deserved better.