August 8

Lena

The bird flew into the backyard unbeknownst to the gardiner and the carpenter who lived as neighbors in the quiet forest.  The quiet strum of the guitar flowed through the house, but froze as though a wall were separating the two from ground to sky.  The gardiner wished she could be apart of the music but was too wrapped up maintaining the garden.  For what would people think should they come upon her untended lawn?  

The carpenter was entranced.  Not by his song, but by the beauty of the gardiner.  How could she not know the beauty of the garden came from the hands that tended to them?  Suddenly a quiet chirping took them both by surprise.  The gardiner took notice first and attempted to heal the poor thing before the carpenter could try to help.  As she worked, the carpenter watched through the slips in the fence before standing up and making his way closer to the gardiner.

"Is it okay?" he asked.

"It's fine," she said quickly without much thought.

"Can it fly?" he asked.

"Yes, it can."

"Let it fly if it's so fine," he challenged.

The gardiner began to get flustered as she tried to nurse the weak bird who struggled on the ground.

"Leave me be and it will fly!" 

"I thought you said it already could."  The gardiner said nothing.  "Well, at least let me know if it will be okay."  The gardiner opened her mouth to speak, but the carpenter quickly followed up with, "Us."

It had been too long since the gardiner remembered what the forest was like before the fence seperated the two houses.  Before the music stopped at the creaky wood as though ordered.  

"See, the bird will be okay.  The bird will live because it's not just you in this forest.  It's me.  And it's them."  A chorus of chirping filled the air.  "But right now, the bird is dying because you can't seem to make a choice.  So we can heal it together.  Or you can try to get a bird to fly again by yourself."

The carpenter knelt down beside her.  "It's mine too.  We can do this together."

The gardiner furrowed her eyebrows.  

"Give our baby a chance, Lena."

My eyes shot open as I sat up in bed, huffing and puffing uncontrollably.  There was a shift above me.  Parker.  "Lena?" she drew out my name as she caught up with consciousness.  "Are you okay?"

I nodded then realized she couldn't see me.  "Yeah," I said in a breath. "I'm just nervous."

"What about, babe?"

"Today," I said letting my thoughts catch up to me.  "I'm going home."

Derek

Lena hadn't left the room at all these past few days.  Parker guarded it during the times we didn't have class, and during her free time, and she even ate lunch and dinner there.  They had shifts it seemed.  Sometimes it'd be Cassie.  Or Tiana.  I got excited when it was Tiana.

Despite her being the closest to Lena, she was the most willing to hear me. 

"Hey," I said when we were in class together one day.

She glanced up from her sheet music briefly.  "Hey."

She said nothing else, looking back to the page and humming under her breath.  I rubbed my neck anxiously.  She made it clear we were not friends and yet here I was purposely sitting by her, working on a song together, and trying to get her to listen to even more of my problems.

"What?" she shot me a look as though she could hear my thoughts.

"Please tell Parker to give Lena some space," I quickly let out.  I lowered my voice and glanced around the room, too empty to lend any listening ears.  "I have to talk to her."

"And I get that," she confessed in a soft voice.  "But I'm sorry I can't let that happen.  Lena has asked not to see you.   Parker's not gonna let up.  Cassie's not either."

"So, what do you want me to do?" I asked getting frustrated.  More people started to fill the classroom.  "Finish the program off here like nothing happened?  Let her deal with this herself?  I don't understand.  You were the one who told me she was--"  Both Tiana and I shifted our eyes up to the classroom.

People were swarming now.  Among them was Jeremiah.

"You were the one who told me.  What did you want me to do about it?"

She took a deep breath.  "I want what you want, Derek."  She looked away from me as though she were trying to bite her tongue.  "But it's just not what Lena wants."

"Lena doesn't know what she wants," I said.  Tiana made a face.  I softened my tone.  "I don't want to be the kind of..." Father. "Person that isn't there.  Please, Tiana.  I just need to talk to her one on one."

Tiana held her lips taut, eyes shifting away from mine as she looked out into the crowd pensively.  She turned back to me, face soft but unsure.  "I'm doing this because I love my friend.  Okay?"  I nodded.  "And because I think she's about to make a big mistake doing this alone.  Not because we're friends."

I nodded again.

"She has a meeting with the camp coordinator this afternoon.  2:30.  I don't know when she'll be out.  But I know that afterwards she's going to her room."  Before I could get too excited, she added, "She could be out at 3:30, 4...It might be a five minute thing."  

"I'll be there."

"We present our song next class.  The class isn't over till 4 o'clock."

"I'll be there."  She settled into her seat.  "This is more important.  This is everything."

Tiana stopped arguing.  A small smile formed on her lips.  "You'd better pray we go on first because your best friend Jeremiah will not let you slide if you skip class and miss this performance."

I pulled my guitar onto my lap and caught Jeremiah's eye.  He smiled as he leaned against his desk and caught up with some students.  "Well, I better start now."

Lena

I hummed as I neatly folded my clothes into my suitcase.  My moon is shining tonight...  I paused.  Just what I need, I thought sourly, that song stuck in my head.  Now that I was going home, my mind entertained the memories of Derek as easily as lyrics did a song.

Memories of us sitting by the lake and him embracing me softly.  Memories of us running under the rain as he held me close.  I missed that.  I missed him.  Or really, that him I got to know before all this.  The him I thought I knew.

"Do you need any help?" Cassie asked as she settled next to me.

I gestured toward the pile of clothes.  Cassie proceeded to fold.  "Thank you," I softly said.

We both folded in silence.  Running my hands along the fabric and tucking it neatly into the suitcase felt therapeutic.  My mom didn't know why exactly she was coming to pick me up.  She just knew that I had broken the rules and needed to come to the camp immediately.  I was ready to go home.

I was ready to lie in my own bed away from the judgment.

That didn't mean I wasn't scared.  I was.  Scared of having to give something up.  Scared of having who I used to be threatened.  Scared of having who I wanted to be disappear.

"You can win this thing, Cas," I said.  She turned to me with a raised eyebrow.  "I've seen what you can do and you deserve it."  Her eyes brightened.  

"Thank you," she said in a soft voice.  "But I know the title belongs to you."  

"Please."

"No, for real.  You are talented, Lena.  And them sending you home so soon is a mistake."  She looked at me sincerely.  I gave her an unconvincing smile and turned back to the diminishing pile of clothes.  

Everything else was packed.  Seeing my bed cleared out felt odd.  "My mom will be here in about half an hour.  We have a meeting with Mrs. Brown at 2:30 and then I'll be on my way home."  I paused and thought about having to say with my own words what pains me to even think about.  Maybe the coordinator will do me a favor and do it for me.  But then, the worse thing would be having to tell my father.  

My father was a tough man.  He had been in the Marines which reflected the way he raised me.  No way in hell he'd let Derek not take responsibility.  That was if my father didn't have him killed.

Luckily for me, my dad was out of town.  I'd have only a few days at home with my mom.  That I could handle.  Them together would be a different beast.

"Do you know what you're gonna do?"

She was talking about the baby.  I nodded solemnly.  She reached over and hugged me.  "I support you."  She squeezed me into a warm embrace.  I held onto her and there, although briefly, my worries fell away.  "I love you.  I'm gonna miss you."

I gave her a soft smile.  "You're gonna visit me in September."

"You're right I will."

"But I'm gonna miss you here."

We held each other's gaze.  I nodded.  "Me too."  

We finished off tucking the clothes away and once my suitcase was up by the door, I looked back at the empty space I once called mine and sighed.  Cassie waited with me until it was time for me to head to the front of the camp to the coordinator's office.  

Being as the office was so close to the front, I could see glimpses of the parking lot.  My mom's shiny, bright red SUV parked on the dirt could not have stood out any more than it did now.  She stepped out with her Louis Vuitton purse poised on her arm.  Being weighed down from the work files she dragged around, her purse could anchor down your average person, but somehow it lifted her up.

She sashayed toward me with her hair slicked back, sunglasses perched on top of her head, so she could narrow her eyes on me.  Her eyes, a lively hazel reflected more green at this moment, a stark comparison to her dark skin.

She looked so out of place.  

"Lena." 

She was terse.  There was no honey in her tone, but it stung like a bee.  This wasn't the greeting I had been expecting.  I had expected her to come with my dad at the end of the month, so I could tell her in person that I had won.

Now I stood before her with my tail between my legs, biting my lip anxiously and shying away from any eye contact.  Any semblance of thought that facing my mom would be "easy" went out the window.  

Now, the thought of telling my dad was making me ill.

"Hi, Mrs. Gabriel, I'm Cassie.  It's nice to meet you."

"Hi, Cassie," my mom said feigning friendliness.  Clearly, she was livid with me.

"Um, I'll see you, Lena.  September.  Don't forget to text me, okay?" she looked at me and smiled.  I nodded.  We hugged each other again, very briefly as not to agitate my mom even more.

When Cassie was gone, I turned to face my mom.  She said nothing and led me inside the building.  She didn't bother pretending for Mrs. Brown.  They greeted each other and got right down to business.

"Over the phone, we discussed that Lena and another student broke the rules of our camp which led to this unfortunate circumstance in which we had to dismiss her from the program."

My mom nodded.  "Yes, I do recall.  I recall me asking why only my daughter was asked to leave when someone else broke the rules too.  To which you said we would speak about it in person.  So, what did she do?"

Mrs. Brown, unfazed by my mom's tone, glanced at me and then back to her, shifting slightly.  "Well, you see, the other student and her were involved in sexual relations on the campground."  

I winced at the word and sunk back in my seat while silence fell over the room.  I could feel my mom's eyes penetrating me after a swift turn of her head focused her attention on me.

I moved my eyes down to the floor, careful not to make any large movements.  

"You must be mistaken.  My daughter would never do anything like that.  She has never even dated before."  Here we go.

"Um, well..." Mrs. Brown cleared her throat, unsure of what to say next.  She turned to me, I could see it from the corner of my eye but I didn't give her any acknowledgment.  My mom turned to me, I could feel that familiar heat.  

"Lena, are you having sex now?" she questioned me.

I squeezed my eyes shut.  Hearing that word roll off her tongue was too much for me.

"Lena--"

"Mrs. Gabriel," Mrs. Brown said calling my mom's attention back to her.  "I understand that this is a lot."

"I'm assuming this other student was a boy..." she said.  "So, why isn't he going home?  Is there some sort of discriminatory practice going on here.  I am a lawyer."  This, again.  She practiced family law.  Divorces and stuff.

"No, ma'am.  It's policy that we cannot keep a child here when we no longer have the resources to fit their needs."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

They both turned to me.

"Lena?" Mrs. Brown said.

I glanced up at my mom.  Her eyes were burning into mine, scaring the confession that was stuck in my throat.  I shifted to Mrs. Brown who nodded encouragingly.  Then, back to the floor.  "I'm pregnant," I uttered under my breath.

"What was that?" my mom asked.

I bit on my lower lip, my heart thumping against my chest.  A glance up at her brought tears to my eyes.  Tears of fear and tears of disappointment.  She expected so much from me... I was the child that she had prayed for.

"I'm pregnant," I choked out.

Her eyes widened.

"Please tell me you're lying," she said in a low hush.  Sadness filled her eyes, her face softened.  "Lena..."

My lip quivered and I sank back in my seat.  Her little Cottontail.  Pregnant.  "I'm sorry, ma."

"Oh, you're gonna be sorry.  Especially when your father hears about this."  She turned to Mrs. Brown.  "Who is this little boy?  I want to speak with his parents.  What kind of atmosphere are you creating where the kids are even getting an opportunity like this?"  

Her words droned on in my head as my thoughts traveled to a place where it was just me, on the hill in the park by my neighborhood, breeze playing in my hair, guitar strumming... The moon is shining tonight, the stars a picture in the sky...

I was back to reality.  My mom standing.  Mrs. Brown standing.  Me outside.  My mom by the driver's side.  

"My suitcase, mom." 

"The camp counselors took care of it while we were in the meeting.  Get in the car.  Now."

I peered into the trunk and saw my belongings.  They were ready to get rid of me.  It was 3:15.  I glanced back at the camp.  This was over all too quick.  Loose ends were all I could see.  I tried to convince myself otherwise.

Tiana is my neighbor.  Parker and Cassie live close by.  I said goodbye to all of them already.  And Derek...well, that's over.

I turned around and got in the car.