/ September 6 /

Derek

No matter how many times I wiped my hands off, the oil stuck to my skin like a bad habit.  Sometimes after a shower, I'd have to squint to convince myself there still wasn't a thin layer of the day's work marking them.  

"Derek!" my dad's voice boomed from the other side of the garage.  I rolled out from underneath the Pontiac, making my presence known to my father who marched toward me with a purpose.

"You about done?  I've got a Honda that needs an oil change."

I glanced back at the incomplete Pontiac.  "Um, yeah, just about."

"Alright," he said, "Oh, and if you could make sure you tell Mrs. Johnson I took care of her brakes and her signal light on the Buick.  Please remind her that her radio wasn't broken, she just had to turn on the system and turn the volume up.  She'll ask about that."  He dropped his orders like an anchor that'd tie me down to the garage for hours and swiftly turned away from me.

"Where you off to?" I asked.

"Paperwork.  Someone's gotta do it," he replied simply.

"Right..." I stood up and grabbed a hand towel, rubbing my hands off idly before adding.  "I just was planning on getting out of here early since, you know, Lena has her first appointment today."

He threw a glance over his shoulder before his body swiveled around.  "You never told me that."

"I'm sorry, I just got caught up with school.  You've been here till late and I never got around to telling you," I explained, expecting him to understand.

"You're right.  I've been here.  Because when I have a commitment to something, I follow through," he said. 

"And my commitment was to Lena," I argued with my eyebrows furrowed.

"That's not what this schedule says."  He raised a clipboard he had been holding by his side.

"Dad."  I narrowed my eyes at him.  "Are you serious?"  I had to fight the urge to laugh.  He was being serious.

"Make sure you get the Honda done and pass the message along to Mrs. Johnson."  He turned and walked away from me, that damn clipboard swinging back and forth by his side.  I sighed and shook my head.  What the hell am I gonna tell Lena?

~

"Hey, are you on the way?"

I sat at the picnic bench outside the garage with a ham sandwich and an apple.  My phone was leaning on my water bottle which gave me the perfect view of Lena's ceiling fan.  She moved to her phone, pulling it up to her face.  I could see her eyes scanning my background.

"Where are you?"  When the dots began to connect, she quickly followed up with, "Are you still at work?"  Her panic was painfully clear.

"I'm really sorry.  I couldn't get off early enough," I explained.

"What?  I don't get it.  Did you tell your dad it was for the appointment?" she asked.

"Yes, but he's really serious about me taking responsibility for things...  It's my fault.  I didn't tell him on time and I'm the only one here to help him out."

She got quiet.  I couldn't tell if she was disappointed, angry, or both.  Attempting to read her mind proved futile.  "That's fine, Derek.  I understand."  I sank and lingered over my words.  She didn't give me the opportunity to speak up.  "I gotta finish getting ready.  I'll text you later."

"Okay."  Beep.  The line cut.

This day seemed to progressively be getting worse.  I dug into my sandwich, giving myself a break from letting my mind entertain the day's worries.  A ding alerted me of a text message.

is it okay if i facetime you at the appointment?

My lips immediately pulled into a smile at Lena's words. ofc

She called me half an hour later, a nervous but pleasant smile playing on her lips.  I slid behind one of the trucks my dad was working on and gave her my full attention.  She maneuvered the phone, trying to give me the full experience, before turning the camera back on her.  "Doctor should be in any minute," she said.  "Are you nervous?"

"Am I nervous?  You're the one over there," I said with a shy laugh, rubbing my head to calm the nerves arising in me.

"Even with this shitty wifi, you look nervous."  She beamed at me.  "That's okay.  I'm a little nervous, too."

She tugged on the drawstrings of her black hoodie, biting on the inside of her lip as her eyes looked past the camera toward the door of the doctor's office.  "I wish I could be there with you..."  

She turned to me.  "Things happen."

There was something behind her eyes that I couldn't decipher, but the presence of the doctor entering took away the opportunity I had of figuring it out.  She flipped the camera to show her stomach.  From my angle, the text on her hoodie flipped but could still be distinguished as ASTROWORLD.  When she pulled it up, the doctor leaned in to apply a gel onto her abdomen, following up with a probe that traveled alongside her skin.

"Is it cold?" the doctor asked turning to Lena.

"A little," she replied with a chuckle.

The images on the screen gripped my focus as my heart thumped anxiously against my chest.  Even through the screen, it all felt too real.  My phone turned dark, gray painting the image, but failing to make sense to me.  A gloved hand moved to identify what was, "Your baby."  She looked into the camera for this.

"Are you seeing this, dad?" she grinned at me before turning back to the screen.  "Your baby's about the size of a jelly bean right now at eight weeks.  Everything looks really good."  The rest of her words fell to my feet as my head tried to wrap itself around the fact that I was looking at a life that I had somehow created.

I took a step back, my back meeting the door of the truck, and took a shaky breath.  "Oh my God."  I ran my hand through my hair, the giddy smile contrasting the confusion fixing my eyebrows into a furrowed stance.  

Another breath.  This was my child.  "Oh my God."  Fear started to mount in me.  What if I couldn't provide?  What if I was a terrible father?  This world was so awful, what was I thinking bringing a child into it?  What if I couldn't protect it from everything that wanted to harm it?  From cars, from schools, from people, from heartbreak, from disappointment?

"Excuse me?" I heard from behind me.  I turned to see a small woman, white hair adorning her head and a big smile.  "Hi, I'm Linda Johnson, here for the Buick."

"Hi," I said sharing my attention from the screen to the woman.  "Um, I'll get that for you."

"What movie are you watching?  Seems awfully interesting."  She leaned in to try and get a look.

"I'm on FaceTime with my..." I paused and rephrased.  "I'm having a baby," I said in a breath.

"What?  Congratulations!  Let me see this cutie pie."  She craned her neck just as I lowered it for her.  "It's an itty-bitty thang!"  We watched together for a few moments before she backed up and looked up at me.  "You're gonna love it!  Me and my Barry had our first in the Spring of sixty-seven and, man, we were so happy.  You gonna love it."  She patted me on my arm.

"Hey, we're just about done.  You still plan on coming this weekend?" Lena asked after turning the camera back to her.

"Yeah, I was thinking either later tonight or tomorrow."

"Alright, I'll see you then.  Bye."

"Bye."

After I slid my phone back into my pocket, I returned my attention to Mrs. Johnson.  "The Buick.  I'll go get that."  I moved to the back of the garage, grabbing the keys, and quickly hopping into the front seat.  When the car was pulled out front, I was met by Mrs. Johnson.

"It's all yours.  Your brakes and signal lights are good and so is your radio.  If you press this button right here and turn the knob, that should get it up and running."  I flashed her a smile and moved to the side, allowing her room to enter her car that purred at the excitement of being driven off the lot.  Mrs. Johnson was in no rush, however.

"You know, I talk to Michael all the time.  I didn't know he had two sons.  The only one he usually talks about is into music I believe.  Plays the guitar."  She examined me curiously.

"That's me.  He only has one son."

"Ah.  Don't give it up.  I see you're working now and I assume you're in school.  But you should keep up with that music.  Your dad says you're pretty good."

The thought of my dad speaking so positively of me and my music brought a smile to my face.  "I will," I reassured her.

She pulled herself into the car and shut the door, speaking through the window.  "Oh, and, you'll marry that girl, right?"

My eyes widened.  She gazed at me expectantly.  "Make her an honest woman bla, bla, bla.  I see the way you look at her, son.  Even if it was through that iPhone."  She winked at me.  "'Cause if you don't, surely someone else will.  Take it from me and Barry, a child needs a mother and a father at home.  Not all that back and forth your generation loves to do."

I gave her another smile.  "You have a good day, Mrs. Johnson."

She took my hint and buckled up.  "Alright."  She gave me a knowing look, but didn't say anything other than.  "Have a good weekend."  Another wink and a smile from her.  I couldn't resist laughing and waving her off the lot.

That woman was a lot of things, but wrong wasn't one.

Lena

I pulled off the hoodie and prepared to throw it into the hamper.  "I'm just going to wash it and get it back to you in about ninety minutes.  Sound good?"  I turned to the figure standing in my kitchen.  For the first time, by invitation.  

"No need."  He was giving me that smile again.  At least he didn't have those damn glasses on this time.

"No need to wash it?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"No need to give it back.  Keep it."  He shrugged and settled into a seat by the bar.

I paused for a beat then placed the hoodie in the hamper, moving it to the laundry room, and dumping its contents into the wash.  "I like it Meadow Fresh," he noted from the kitchen.  I rolled my eyes from the laundry room before making a reappearance.  "But I prefer whatever you got on.  What's that?  Amber?  Vanilla?  Little bit of both?"  

I stood across from him, narrowing in on the mask he put on to make himself feel big and bad.  A mask of confidence, finesse, flirtation.  Tried-and-true for seventeen years of his life, but no longer for me.

"Thank you for taking me to my appointment," I said, ignoring his advances.

"Of course."

I thought of Derek immediately.

"You know, after Tiana had that thing come up again, I didn't know who else to ask since my parents were at work and--"

"Lena, it's fine," he said.  "I didn't mind at all.  I liked going even.  Besides, I'm not gonna tell your boyfriend I went with you if that's what you're worried about."

My face contorted in confusion.  "If you think I'm hiding you from Derek, you'd be wrong."

He looked down, his eyes becoming distant.  "Tell him we kissed then."

"Oh my God..."  Here we go.

"What? Since you have nothing to hide.  And if he's just your baby daddy and you supposedly have no feelings for him, then it shouldn't be a big deal.  You'd just be...chatting." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Telling him would imply that it meant something."  I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Ouch.  Clearly, it did, Lena."  He searched my eyes before standing up.  "You can get me the hoodie whenever.  I'm not pressed."  I clenched my teeth as he walked away and left the house.

No matter how hard we tried, we always ended up bringing the ugly out in each other, always becoming terrible people with each other, and our worst enemies.  He was right about things being different, him being different.  

He was getting more convincing.