Derek

The camp coordinator, Sheila Brown, had greeted me with a terse nod and serious tone.  She occasionally looked at a file before she would address me, flipping through some papers and furrowing her eyebrows.  I assumed one of them was my application hence why she knew my full name and artistic focus, but knowing my hometown wouldn't make her tense up like she was now.  She closed the file and eyed me.

"You do understand the privilege that you have to be attending this camp, correct?" 

"Yes, m'am," I said.

"And you understand that being apart of this program includes following a number of rules to keep you in it, including but not limited to attending all classes, remaining in assigned residential cabin after curfew, and not engaging in inappropriate or illegal activities?" she continued without wavering. 

"Yes, m'am," I said more nervously.  I still couldn't pinpoint why I was here.  Was it the parties I attended and organized?  Was it the drinking?  The thought of being kicked out for either was beginning to stress me out.  

"I have received news recently that has led me to believe that you were engaging in sexual activity with another student here," she said.  My eyes widened.  I opened my mouth to say something but then closed it when I realized I had nothing to say that would excuse it;  I was at fault.  "We know who the girl is because of reasons I cannot disclose to you and I will be speaking with her as well, but I would like to confirm if you were involved before taking further action.  Were you?"

I was quiet for a moment, digesting everything she had just said then responded with a barely audible, "Yes."

"Alright well I will have to notify your parents and give you a strike which will deduct ten points from your final score here.  Be aware that a second strike will be twenty and a third strike will be thirty.  If you get to the third strike we will also ask you to leave our camp," she said.  Although I was now worried about how my parents would react, I was relieved I wasn't going to be dismissed from the camp.  "That is all.  You may go now."

I stood up and headed for the exit of her office but then stopped suddenly.  "If you don't mind me asking, what's going to happen with Lena?" I asked.

"That's a different situation," she said.  "Perhaps it'd be best you spoke with her, dear."

I nodded and left her office.  As soon I was out, I noticed Lena had been sitting in the waiting room just outside and had gotten up.  As soon as she saw me, she averted her gaze and brushed past me, closing the door behind her.

Lena

I shut the door and sat down in the empty seat before the camp coordinator.  She greeted me with a soft smile if you could call it that.  It was more so the slight up-turn of the sides of her lips.  While she looked down at her file, my mind was racing.  I still felt sick and being in here wasn't making it any better.  

"From what I hear from your instructors you are extremely talented," she said.  "I actually have a piece of your work in here and as a writer myself, I'd have to agree with them."  

I felt too hollow to muster a smile so I said, "Thank you."

"Despite this, I cannot be lenient when it comes to the rules of the camp," she said sternly.  "According to the records the nurse gave me, a clear one was broken."  I tensed up immediately and hung my head.  "Because of this I would have to give you a strike which would deduct ten points from your final score."  I looked up at her, hopeful.

She sensed this and for a second I saw something sweep across her eyes.  Pity.  "Lena," she said softly.  Her change in tone was accompanied by a change in posture.  She was no longer here to penalize but to console.  "Sweetheart," she added.  She paused again as though what she wanted to say was to painful for even her to bare.  I waited anxiously for her to speak, but when she did, I wish she hadn't.  "As a camp, we don't have the resources and thus cannot legally allow you to stay here so long as you are pregnant."

My jaw dropped slightly.  I felt like I couldn't breathe.  It was like everyday it was something that was competing to break my heart.  "You're kicking me out?" I asked in a small voice.  I could feel the rawness of my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes, but I begged them not to fall.

"I'm sorry, Lena," she said.  Not matter how genuine it sounded it wouldn't sound as good to me as an invitation to stay.  "Please understand where we're coming from.  We are trying to look out for you and the baby."  I glared at her when she uttered that word. There, that was my problem.  That was what was ruining everything.  The baby.  

"We will be calling your mother to let her know that she will have to pick you up within the next week," she said.  "You can continue attending classes but just know any points you acquire will not count toward your final average."

"Is that all?" I questioned desperate to leave.  I was starting to stand up.

"Lena, please sit down," Mrs. Brown said.  "I want to talk to you.  You are not alone in this, baby."  Hearing her call me that comforted me a little.  The way she was looking at me as though I were her granddaughter made me want to break down and cry.  

Instead I took a deep breath and said, "May I be dismissed?"

She hesitated briefly then nodded.

When I returned to my cabin, everyone was there either sleeping or about to sleep.  I settled into my bed and just sat there staring into the dark.  Suddenly I felt angry.  I was angry at Derek for making me fall for him.  I was angry at the nurse for allowing me to take a test.  I was angry at the camp coordinator for asking me to leave.  I was angry at the baby for even being inside of me, but worst of all I was angry at myself.  

Why'd you have sex with him, Lena?  Why'd you have the shrimp, Lena?  Why didn't you drink more water, Lena?  Then you wouldn't have fainted in the first place and landed yourself in the nurse's.  You could have waited four weeks and maybe won.  Maybe made your dreams come true but now you were definitely pregnant and you'd maybe have a baby in nine months.  

This was the first time I started thinking about options.  The thought of abortion made me just as anxious as keeping it.

August 2

The next day, I went to class.  I sat at my table and had my laptop out, making final edits to our most recent project.  Toni appeared joyful with a bagel in hand, but when she saw me her expression shifted.  "Hey," she said when she arrived to the table.

"Hey," I said barely taking my eyes off the screen.  I glanced up at her to see her with a confused expression.  When I made a face at her, she quickly adjusted it and smiled.  "What?" I said.  "Something on my face?"

"No," she said.  As soon as I turned away, she added, "It's just..."  I eyed her.  "I didn't expect you to be here is all."

"Excuse me?" I said offended.  

She put her hands up in defense.  "There's just been rumors."

"What kind of rumors?" I asked getting more impatient.  

"I don't gossip," she said simply.

I narrowed my eyes at her then turned away, distracting myself with the work that I had to do all while thinking about the kinds of things people were saying about me.  I couldn't help but notice how people who I've been in class with since June were looking at me differently.  I felt my face heat up when I walked in the aisles between the tables to talk to the instructor as people laughed and whispered.  Everything was amplified in my head and I couldn't tell for certain where their attention was directed at so I left.

I stayed just outside the classroom in the hallway to get away from the noise for a moment.  I leaned against the wall in the attempts to collect myself.  In the distance I could hear conversation.  It was coming from further down the hall.  Toni's familiar voice made me stop and listen. 

"I believe it," she said.  "She seems like the type to sleep around."  I took a sharp intake and made an effort to be quiet.  "I'm friends with Derek so I'd know what happened."

"He told you he slept with Lena?" a voice asked.

"I made the conclusion," Toni said.  "They had a few heated run-ins that I can only assume was about that.  Although I don't know why she'd be upset with Derek since she just wanted to have sex with him."

"What?" a voice said.

"Really?" another said.

Other than Toni's there were three other voices.  I listened on.  The more I did, the worse I felt but I couldn't tear myself away.

"Yeah, why do you think you don't see them together around camp anymore?  This is nothing more than a fling gone wrong.  I wish her hoe ass had just left Derek out of it and found some other guy to ruin."

Things after that were a blur.  I had managed to charge down the hall where I found the little group of snickering bitches.  I had managed to push Toni which she responded to by falling dramatically.  I wanted so badly to put my hands on her again, this time leaving her bright red, but seeing her on the floor staring at me bewildered with her posse eying me and whispering, I had to take a step back.

I had no words for her so I ran off toward the classroom where I packed my things without regard for who was watching me.  Cassie, who had been in one of the other rooms, appeared before me watching me pack concerned.

"I saw you on my way to the bathroom.  What's wrong?" she asked. 

"Everything, Cassie," I said.  "I just need to go."

I left the classroom and headed out the door.  Cassie was tailing me and she jumped in front of me to stop me from going any further.  

"You're gonna talk to me, Lena," she said.  I looked away from her, anxious to get as far away from the building.  Going back home was starting to look good now.  I could only imagine how my mom would react, but once the worst was over, I'd be away from these judging eyes.  "Come with me."  

I followed her back to the cabin where we talked and I confessed what had happened up until the point I pushed Toni.  

"I'm upset," she said, "that you didn't drag that bitch."  I gave her a laugh.  After these past few days, it almost felt unnatural.  Then she added, "Lena, everything is going to be alright.  Whatever you decide to do, just know that I'll be there.  I live, like, ten minutes from Houston, so if you decide to have it I promise you can count on me."

The door opened revealing Tiana and Parker.  "Have what?" Tiana said.  "What are you guys talking about?  I want the tea."  Parker and Cassie both looked at me, knowing exactly what the topic of discussion was.  Tiana sensed that the energy was off and made a face at me.  "And why is it that I'm the only one who doesn't know what's going on?"

"Maybe we should go and get some food, Cassie," Parker said.

Cassie stood up and said, "I am feeling hungry."  

Tiana watched them file out and then focused her attention on me.  She crossed her arms and glared at me.  "Okay, I've been really patient lately, Lena, but you haven't spoken to me.  You.  And now I see that Cassie and Parker, two girls you met just this summer know something about you that's important enough for you to be talking about it behind closed doors.  Normally, I wouldn't make a big deal about this, but I'm starting to wonder if you're shutting me out."

"I'm pregnant," I said.

She was standing across me and immediately shut her mouth.  Her eyes widened, but she said nothing.  She sat down and then she stood up.  "Are you pranking me?" she asked.  She started looking around the room for a camera.  "I know it's in here.  You've been saying you wanted to get me back every since that time I got you bad."

"It's not a prank," I said quietly.

She made her way over to me.  Her expression began to soften; she was starting to believe my words.  "It's Derek's," she stated.  It was more of a confirmation than a question, but I nodded my head.

"And I don't know what to do, Tiana," I admitted.  The statement became a reality and I cried out, "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Hey, hey, hey," she whispered putting her hands on my upper arm and leading me to a seat.  She rubbed my arm to comfort me and said, "It's okay if you don't know right now.  Your mom might be able to help you."

"She's not gonna talk to me after I tell her."  My mind wandered to the last thing my mom said.  Make good decisions.  I love you.  She expected so much from me...

"Derek might want to talk to you about the options," Tiana reminded.

"I'm not telling him," I said lowly.  

She was quiet for a beat then said, "Talk to me then, babe.  When my sister got pregnant last year, I learned a lot.  What do you want to know?"

"I just need someone to tell me what to do," I pleaded desperately.  "What happens to babies that are put up for adoption but never get adopted?  What happens when I have a baby and I am an awful mother?  What about if I abort it, then what?  Poof?  I just got rid of a--a baby?"  I took a short breath and shook my head willing it all to go away.  Then, I awaited an answer from her I knew would never come and hung my head low.