Connor McKinley paced the floor of his small, shared room; a million thoughts racing across his mind. He hoped that the loud rain smacking against the window would distract him from thinking about Kevin Price, but alas, it didn't. And he hated himself for it. That's all that was on his mind, lately. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. He was so sick and tired of thinking about Kevin!

It had been months since the two new recruits to District 9 were brought in. The two recruits who would change everything; from Connor's fellow Elders' view on religion, to no longer having to repress their feelings anymore. Connor thought that would mean that everything would be the best it could ever have been. But it hadn't. And it was far from being normal. Especially when Connor's feelings for one of his recruits had only seemed to become more prominent, and were even further from possibly subsiding than they had been before. And Connor didn't want to admit to his feelings aloud...especially after coming out as gay, and fearing that the recruit would feel awkward around him, if he found out that Connor's crush was on him...

Avoiding him had been surprisingly easy... Until today. Now, not only had the recruit approached him, but he also seemed very mad with him. So, it appeared that it was now or never. Either Connor would have to man up and face his feelings head on, or just get over his naïve crush on...Kevin Price...

"Stupid Kevin," Connor mumbled to himself, not realizing the bedroom door had opened. "Stupid emotions. Stupid feelings. Stupid everything."

"Hey, Con', you good?"

Connor almost jumped out of his skin. He quickly turned around, finding himself face-to-face with his blonde-haired roommate and companion, Chris Thomas, or, as the other Elders referred to him as, "Elder Poptarts". However, Connor wasn't the biggest fan of nicknames, with few exceptions (however, he absolutely adored pet names, such as 'hun', 'darling', 'love', and so on), so he just referred to him as "Chris", or sometimes, simply by his Mormon title of "Elder".

"Hm?" Connor chewed on his thumbnail, out of nervous habit. "Yes, I'm fine, Chris. Just thinking is all."

"You can't lie to me, Connor," Chris crossed his arms. "And you also can't hide your feelings anymore. I thought we agreed our room was a safe space." He said the last sentence as more of a statement than a question.

Connor brushed back a few locks of his auburn hair, plopping down onto the nearest bed. Chris quickly joined his side, gently placing a hand on his companion's knee, in a comforting way. From any sort of outside perspective, it was clear that the two of them had a close bond, and a very tight-knit friendship.

"Well, you saw what happened out there," Connor sighed, trying to subconsciously avoid biting his nails. "I didn't plan on Kevin stopping me in the hall to talk! Let alone, basically demand my first name! It's not like it matters, or anything! Right?"

"I mean, if you ever dated him, I'm sure he'd want a much sexier name, like 'Connor' or 'Con' to scream out, rather than, 'Oh, District Leader Elder McKinley!'," Chris snickered. "But, I mean, if that's either of your kinks or whatever, then by all means..."

Connor punched Chris' shoulder, his face flushing red. "For the love of Heavenly Father, please stop!"

"I'm sure that's not what you or Kevin Price will be saying!" Chris burst into another fit of laughter, and Connor's face managed to become an even darker shade of red, somehow.

He grabbed Chris by his shoulders, staring him dead in the eyes. "Chris, my friend, we were raised Mormon! Where on Heavenly Father's green Earth did you learn all of this disturbing things?! Who plagued you, child?!"

"Um, it doesn't matter," Chris took a moment to let all of his giggles out, before continuing on with what he was saying. "But, back to the topic at hand... You still aren't over Kevin, are you?"

Connor shook his head, followed by a small sigh. Feeling comfortable enough with Chris to confide in him about most anything, he was the only person Connor talked with about his feelings for Kevin. Although, it seemed apparent that he'd find out eventually, seeing as how much Connor talked nonstop about Kevin. Or, simply how much he drooled over Kevin's portfolio, that had been sent to Connor, when issued information on any new recruits to District 9.

"Can you really blame me? He's like really hot, and sweet, and kind, and lovable, and friendly, and beautiful, and gentle, and sexy," Connor rambled on, unable to prevent a smile from tugging at the sides of his lips.

"Are we thinking about the same Kevin Price?" Chris smirked, and Connor rolled his eyes.

"Shut up! He's wonderful," he sighed dreamily. "Too bad I'm ninety-five percent sure that Kevin's of the heterosexual agenda."

"Never thought I'd hear the words 'Kevin' and 'heterosexual' in the same sentence," Chris held onto his smirk.

"What are you getting at?"

"Hello~! The guy is like a walking 'I'm gay!' billboard."

"Really?" Connor rose an eyebrow at his companion. "You think?"

"Connor, you think," Chris giggled. "Remember the first encounter we had with Kevin Price? The 'gay thoughts' talk? How about telling him to 'crush his gay box'? Or all of those times you attempted to make a move on him? Or how about at the bus station--"

"Okay, yes, I lied! I'm almost positive Kevin's gay," he huffed. "But, that doesn't mean that he is. I'd be surprised if he was, at this point."

"The most surprising thing is that you think there's even a chance of Elder Price being anything close to straight," Chris mentioned, nonchalantly. "But, if you want me to ask, I gladly will."

"Oh my gosh, Chris! You just can't ask people if they're gay!"

"Why not? How else are you going to find out?"

"By waiting until they're ready to come out!" Connor groaned. "You know how embarrassing it is? A lot of people don't want to be outed before they're ready! And, even if people are out, maybe they aren't entirely comfortable with their sexuality, and still need time to adjust!" He paused, clearing his throat. "Oh, uh, sorry. Just venting..."

"C'mere," Chris pulled Connor into a warm hug, rubbing his back soothingly. "You know, you should probably talk to Kevin. I'm pretty sure he thinks that you hate him, or something."

"Yeah," Connor sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Chris. "I can't keep ignoring him, and pretending that I don't have a major crush on him... He's going to find out eventually, probably... The least I can do is ensure him that I am far from hating him. And, y'know, tell him my name, or something. I dunno..."

"Oh yeah, about that... You never told me why you didn't tell anyone else your first name. Why is that?"

"Well," Connor bit his lip, "I guess it was sort of just a power thing. Ever since the events after Elder Price and Elder Cunningham's arrival, I feel like I've lost a lot of the respect I once had from my fellow Elders. Especially considering that the mission president didn't even really acknowledge me, when he excommunicated us. So, I felt that if I told all of the Elders my first name, losing formalities, they wouldn't see me as a respectable leader, anymore..."

"Oh, Connor," Chris sighed heavily, watching Connor stand up and begin to pace around their small room, uncontrollably biting at his nails. "You'll always be the amazing leader of District 9. I mean, who else could pull through all of the crap we had to put up with here in Uganda, along with the zero baptisms, with a smile on his face? That takes real leadership, friend!"

"That isn't a leadership thing. That's a Mormon thing," Connor's tone came off more aggressive than intended. "Do you honestly think that optimism was real? All of it was a result of turning off the horrible and confusing thoughts that plagued our brains. I'm not a good leader. I'm not even a good Mormon! I'm just a person who is able to hide away their negative feelings behind a bright smile, and hide away my true self."

"Well, that sounds exactly like something a good leader, and decent Mormon, would do. Well, at least, our new definition of what makes someone a Latter-Day Saint. You put others first, and make sure to keep everyone smiling and pushing through the hardships." Chris hopped off the bed, holding the sides of Connor's face. "You're amazing, Connor McKinley. You're a great leader. You're a wonderful friend. You're the best companion I could ever have asked for. And maybe you have flaws. Sure! We all do!" He began to tear up at his own speech. "Elder Cunningham's a compulsive liar, but he's managed to use it for good. Elder Church was abused by his father, but he's recovering from it. Elder Price was an arrogant, egocentric brat, but he's come so far since then. I lived in guilt after my sister's death," he took a second, before continuing, his voice more choked up than before, "but I'm learning to cope with it. So, who cares if you've made some mistakes; or you aren't the best leader, or the best Mormon; or if you're gay; or if you have the hots for Kevin Price. Everybody has flaws. And it's okay... Because, if we didn't have flaws, we never would've gotten into this mess, would we? Then, where'd we be? Spewing out Book of Mormon verses to a bunch of people, who could give two shits about what we have to say?"

Connor wiped away the tears welling up in his blue eyes. "What would I do if I hadn't met you, Chris? You're such a wonderful human being."

"I know," Chris gave a weak laugh. "But, anyway, we got so sidetracked..." He cleared his throat, letting go of Connor's face. "So, what are you planning to do about you and Price? Are you going to actually talk to him? Or, are you going to continue to ignore him, hurting both of you?"

After an elongated sigh, Connor gave a small nod. "I need to talk to him..."

"I think you'd both appreciate that..."

Chris gave one last hug to Connor, before turning to leave their room. Connor stood there, contemplating his next move. Maybe he didn't have to admit his feelings, yet. Perhaps, he could get away with it for a little bit longer. Or...a lot longer. Or, forever...

But, hey! That didn't have to stop them from being friends! Or, at the very least, be tolerant of each other. After all, they had to spend over another year with one another, in a small, cramped mission hut. Not liking each other wouldn't work out very nicely.

"Alright, you can do this, McKinley," Connor pepped himself up out loud, lightly jogging in place. "Time to face your fears, and stop turning off your feelings for good this time!"

Connor started to leave his room, but immediately stopped himself in the open doorway. His heartbeat pounded furiously against his chest, and a million thoughts raced across his mind. He started thinking about every consequence that his actions and words would lead him to. He needed some more time...

"Maybe tomorrow..."

And with a small sigh, he shut the bedroom door.

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