Clary

I don't give Jace an answer. Somehow, I make it to Algebra. I find a seat away from where Jace usually sits. I really don't want to see his cute little puppy face while I try and figure out the future of our friendship. We're learning about Elimination in systems of equations. There are a bunch of notes and it's kind of confusing.

Home

I'm comfortably laying on my bed. My thoughts keep wandering to what Jace said in the closet. 'Clary, I'm so sorry. I....I've felt like shit the entire time Kaelie's been controlling me. Clary, do you forgive me?' Jace asked. It's Friday, so I have all night to figure this out, and then I can sleep over at the Herondale's tomorrow night. That'll give us two days to talk it over and adjust.

First, I've got to finish my homework. Chemistry is rather time consuming. I have a 20 question Worksheet due Monday. Naming ion compound names is tough.

1. Hg (ClO4)2

Mercury is Hg. It's a transition metal, so....it's charge depends on the other part. Okay, Perchlorate is ClO4. It has a charge of -1 and there are two. That's a total charge of -2. So, since there's only 1 mercury atom, Mercury's charge has to be +2 in this case. So, the name is Mercy (II) Perchlorate.

After 19 more questions like that, I move onto the US History, saving Algebra for last.

Okay, so in US History, I have to respond to a question about Native American uprisings befrore the Civil War.

Do you think Native Americans should've had to undergo an assimilation?

I don't think Native Americans should've had to undergo an assimilation. Native American traditions may have been different from ours, but that doesn't mean their invalid or wrong. That's like saying everyone who doesn't vote for the presidential candidate that wins, I wrong. It's an opinion or choice people make. In the same way, it should've been a choice for Native Americans to either assimilate with the Europeans, to stay as they were, or to do a mix of both........

After I finish my responce, I pull out my Algebra homework.

1. 2x +3y =20
    -2x +y = 4

Okay, so 2x and 2x, cancel eachother out. 3y plus y equals 4y. 20 plus 4 equals 24.

4y = 24
÷4   ÷4
y = 6

So then I have to plug the 6 into one of the first equations. I'll do.... 2x +3y =20.

2x +3(6) =20
2x + 18 =20
        -18  -18
2x = 2
÷2  ÷2
x = 1

So the solution is (1,2) I do 13 more of those. Then, with all my homework completed, I have no choice but to think about Jace.
     
Do I forgive him? If someone threatened to tell the school my secret or hurt my friend ,like Jace hurt me, I would tell them to get it over with and share my secret because my friend is more important. I wouldn't even hesitate!

Why would he so easily give in and let me be hurt? Even worse, why would he hurt me? Knowing how much Kaelie hates me, he kissed her. He....he....fooled around with her on my locker. And....Kaelie's  words, those hurt. Kaelie called me, 'a red haired, ugly, pathetic, puny, and green eyed hoe.' I've always wished my hair was less wild. I like it, but......people always make fun of it. I can't deny the ugly and pathetic. I'm 5' 3" so there's puny too. Of course, I've got green eyes, just to make me look worse. Hitler would've hated me! And Jace.....he didn't even stand up for me. I mean, he couldn't deny they were true, because they are, but he could've told her not to be so harsh.

The absolute worst part, the words Jace said to me himself. How can he say that all of those horrible things he said weren't what he thought? Maybe if he called me an annoying small little naive slut, that would've been one thing, but he made it so much worse. It's as if that's how he truly feels. The words he used, they connected to all of the things I lack. He said, 'Of course Clary. Why would I want to be your friend? You're just some nobody. Kaelie is hot, sexy, smart, tall, fully.....developed, and did I mention attractive.' Jace wouldn't have had to have said all of those hurtful things to 'pretend' and do what Kaelie told him to. He wouldn't have had to break me down, being the only one I let in, if he didn't want to. He.....he could've tried to be nicer about his forced meanness. (Author's Note" Does that make sense?) Maybe Kaelie had very strict rules. Maybe what he said wasn't his choice. She could've made him say all of those mean things.

I cant blame him entirely. Kaelie forced his hand. Maybe Jace wouldn't have let her hurt me if he was the only one at risk. He said he was protecting Willow, Izzy, Max, his mom, and Alec. Never once did he say he was protecting himself. If....someone threatened to reveal my past, I wouldn't give in. On the other hand, if someone threatened my mom, I'd do whatever they wanted me to, without fail. So, should I forgive him? My sketchbook is calling for me to distract me from this huge decision, but I can't give in. I have to decide if I forgive Jace. Did Jace hurt me, yes. Was it true, maybe. Did Jace want to say those things, maybe. Maybe deep down that's how he feels. Maybe he doesn't like how I look. Maybe that's why he was so brutal to me. I think I've got to talk to him more about this before I can decide. 

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/1/18