She doesn't know how it happens. She doesn't know when she starts to feel this way, but suddenly she's less happier. Everything around her began to lose its vibrancy and just like a light switch her mood falls. All the insecurities that she had buried over the years pour out one night, and they stay until the early hours in the morning, haunting and taunting her. It's the start of a vicious cycle, and it's with the commencing of this that she begins to slip. She misses meals, she's lost her smile, she doesn't sleep at night and soon all she can hear are the voices in her head telling her she's not good enough. She doesn't know where to turn to and so she falls further alone. Her voice being lost under the hurricane that surrounds her. It's too late when people realise. The spark in her eyes is gone. They see the scars that grace her goddess like skin but they fail to vocalise their worry. Everyday becomes more meaningless for her. She lives the life of an idol for those around her. She carries their burdens and leaves her own unattended because it's easier. She saves everyone but herself. It's not until she's sitting under the shower, eyes red with tears, and a razor held to her skin does she think she needs to be saved. But she can't save herself. She's fallen too deep into the surrounding darkness. There's no light from where she stands.

The first to notice where her girls. They extended their support, but she was never able to open up to them about her own issues. It wasn't their job. It was hers as leader and she had conditioned herself to believe that any signs of weakness from her part would cause all of them to falter and collapse like a shard of glass. But she was collapsing like that same shard of glass. She's getting worse as the months go by. She's losing not only weight but she's losing herself in the process. But she's gone too far. She's past the point of saving in her mind and so she doesn't fight it anymore.

She's stuck at another event. She's Mcing again. Another night of fake smiles, and she hopes that no one can see her breaking. She hopes that her eyes are concealing the truth well, but part of her wishes someone would save her from her worst enemy. Herself. She's wearing a long sleeved white dress and as she passes down the steps, she can see the boys of Got7 moving out of her way slightly. She greets them, another round of fake smiles. Her hand is still on the rail as she converses with them. She congratulates them on their new music and offers the same congratulations separately too Jackson for his singles and new projects. He smiles at her and she can feel her heart beat quicken slightly. She had always been captivated by him, he was man of many things. Warm and loving. And it was a quality he spread to everyone even her at one point. She moves her arm to brush her hair behind her shoulder, and from the corner of her eye she sees him freeze, and she realises her sleeve has rolled up slightly. She's not brave enough to look him in the eye, so she doesn't. She pulls it down whilst finishing off the conversation abruptly with small laughs and jokes and a promise to meet up soon. She wishes them luck for their performance before leaving. He turns. And he watches as she scurries away. He's trying to unsee what his eyes had just caught. But he can't. Because unlike everyone else...he would not turn his back on her.

She's back in her dressing room. She dismisses the stylists quickly and she's finally left alone. She's taking breaths to steady herself and she's getting that feeling again. She needs to do something. Anything to take her mind of things. She hears the voices getting louder, and she's closing her eyes to try and push them out. She hears his voice through the tv placed in the room feeding a direct live off the stage. And with his voice she's visibly calmer. She focuses on him. And she can feel the thoughts slowly leave. And she's grateful, but as soon as he is gone from the screen, like a waterfall it flows back and drowns her very being. She's trying once again to steady not just her thoughts but her erratic heartbeat.

She's begging for peace and with a sound against her door, she's grateful to be drawn back into reality. "Coming." She says, her voice visibly shaky as she moves to open the door. And she sees him. In his black suit, with an opaque shirt underneath, his hair styled to perfection. And her eyes widen. She breaths his name and he passes her a smile. A smile different from his usual. "Can I come in?" he asks. Always the gentlemen. She nods and when he walks in she can feel herself get uneasy. She gulps down the emotions that threaten to fall off her tongue. A battle cry for help. She suppresses it and she can feel him watching her intently. She waits, trying to find her voice and when she does she curses herself for it still being shaky. "What's up?" He doesn't say anything. He walks closer to her, as he grasps her wrist. She's looking at him, eyes wide and when he moves her sleeve, she fighting against his grip. She can see the look in his eyes. One of disbelief, as if he was praying it wasn't what he thought it was. She manages to rip herself out of his grip and he's now looking at her. She doesn't see judgment in his eyes, but there's something else that she can't pinpoint. Pain? Care? Worry? Or disappointment? She feels like amongst the people she keeps letting down, he's now added to the made up list. He isn't saying anything, but for a split second their eyes make contact and he can see it. God he can see it clearly. The brokenness. The pain. The screaming girl standing behind her begging for help. He can see it all but he's wondering why no one else can. "Irene." He says his eyes softening. He takes a step forward, and his words are gentle yet she looks up at him after five minutes with a devoid look in her eyes. "You don't need to help me Jackson. You don't owe me anything nor am I going to be your charity case." He's taken back. He tries to say the word again. A plea to let him help her. But she's no longer facing him. She's reached the door and she says her final piece. "I'm not yours to save." He watches her escape for the second time. And his mind replays her words. A silent vow to save her even if she didn't want to save herself.

Days go by. He's trying to find a course of action. And his own work is suffering. He can't think straight. Her eyes...her devoid eyes are playing on his mind. They block his view every time he tries to close them and he knows he needs to get through to her. But he's faced with a challenge. How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Most people would say that you can't. But he was going too. He had too; he wasn't prepared to lose her. He looked towards his laptop working on his new album cover, with a new song coming to mind. A song about her. He's done in a few hours and soon he's looking to JB. "Invite the girls over." He says and the boys look at him in confusion and slight surprise. Bambam looks at him wiggling his eyes brows. "That desperate to see Irene Noona?" Jackson looks down a small smile on his face. A sad smile. "Something like that." He says.

He sees them, and he gets up to greet them. There are no cameras. And so hugs are passed around the group. He can see her avoiding him, but he's already had a look at her, and she looks worse then the other day. Her eyes had bags under them and if you looked hard enough you could see how puffy and red they were. He pulls her into a hug. It's short but he can hear the sharp intake of breath like she's trying to keep her composure afloat. And it hurts him more. He sees the way she's faking it. And the act, the pretence she keeps up is fool proof. No one seems to notice. No one but him. She can feel his eyes. She can feel it from a mile away but she doesn't look, because she knows if she does she'll break and she'll beg for help. She sits and she laughs and jokes with his brothers and it's okay. Even for a couple of hours, even if he's just watching over her, the voices are silenced and she's grateful. They order out food, and Irene finds herself sitting next to him. She gulps slightly placing a small amount of food on her plate. Everyone's looking at her, and the girls share a look. "Noona have more." Said Jinyoung. She smiles, and she plays it off like a pro. "I'll eat more after. Don't worry." They nod and she sneaks a look at Jackson who knows she's just uttered a lie through her lips. They eat and when she's done he stands and takes her plate adding some more, she says no quite clearly but he's trapped her. If she wants to avoid the questions she has to eat and so she does. Once their finished she's adamant that she will wash the dishes and amongst the protests they have no choice but to give in. She smiles at them and it's probably the most genuine one all night. He signals to the boys and the girls to not disturb him, and the look of relief on the girls faces is something that gives him more courage. He needs to save her. He walks in and places some dishes next to her. She looks up in the next second before turning away from him. He waits patiently. He doesn't say anything, just choosing to observe her. He starts to dry the dishes, and he can tell she's getting annoyed by the silence. "What?" She says. "Nothing I just thought I'd come and help." "You don't need to." He looks at her. "Why do you insist on doing everything alone?" She looks at him, taken back by the question. But the flash of emotion is gone. "What difference does it make to you?" She's chosen to hide from the truth; answering his question with another question. "Because I care." She scoffs loudly. "It's not your job." "Your right it isn't. But I want to. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see the worry in everyone's eyes? Stop hiding joohyun." She's gripping a glass hard under her grip and he's watching her closely. "I'm not. I'm fine." He laughs. It's a bitter one. He takes her hand slowly, and he rolls up her sleeve. "You call this fine." She's trying again to get his grip to loosen but he holds her in place. "You need help." "No." She says firmly. "I'm fine. It's just a phase." "And how long has this been going on for?" She doesn't answer and he's losing his patience. He takes a deep breath, and pulls her wrist so she's crashed against his chest. He holds her tightly in his embrace and he can feel her small punches against his chest. He doesn't budge. He closes his eyes and he lets her. She manages to create some distance. "You can't save me." She says and he looks at her with a sense of determination. "You haven't even let me try." He watches as she turns back to continue washing the dishes and once she's done, she's looking at him, her eyes watering. "Save me." She says, her voice cracks, and his heart pains. He places the rag down and pulls her back to him. This time she buries her head into his chest and sobs against him silently. He feels her arms tighten against his torso, and his hands are softening down her hair lovingly whilst he waits patiently. "I will." He vows.

Things start slow. He messages her religiously and they have midnight phone calls into the early hours off the morning. But it's not enough. He manages to halt the thoughts for a few hours but as soon as the call is cut, she's back to her previous train of thought. It's a slow burn, like a flame. She struggles to open up to him, and it's not because of him, it's because she's never done it before. She doesn't know where to start and slowly she tells him things. Her first suicidal thought, her insecurities, her fears, and he listens patiently. He doesn't over step and she's grateful. He waits for to open up to him. It was a Thursday night. And it was late. But she was tossing and turning in her bed. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't hear her own rationality against the thoughts she was having. And she doesn't know what to do. She can feel a panic attack moments away and she needs something, anything. She sits up in her bed, her sobs encased in her mouth as she tries to calm it down by herself. She fails, and soon she's reaching over for her phone. She doesn't want to disturb him, she knows he's busy. She knows he tired and she was adding her problems to his plate. She looks down at his contact information, but her moment of contemplation is hindered by her desperate need for air, and with her eyes watering she presses call. He picks up within the first two rings. "Joohyun?" She's trying to focus on his voice, and hers comes out shaky and laboured. "Jack." She calls out, and she knows she's got his attention. "Hey woah woah what's going on?" "I can't breathe." She said, and now she's crying. He can hear it over the phone and he can hear her struggling. He's long forgotten the work he was doing. "Hey listen to me your going to be okay. I need you to take a deep breath for me okay?" "I can't." "Babygirl yes you can." She's shaking her head in protest, and she says the words again. "I need you to focus on my voice Joohyun....breath with me okay? 1..2..3 breath..." he repeats it and soon after a few struggles she can feel herself clam down. He hears it too and he's relieved. "I'll be over in twenty minutes." "No it's okay jack. Your busy and you have work tomorrow. I'll be fine." He's hesitant. "Are you sure, because I will literally walk out this door and come to you right now." She smiles at that and she can hear the sincerity of his words. "I'll be fine." She reassures. "Promise?" He asks. "Yeah I promise." He doesn't believe her though. "Joohyun." "I'll be fine Jack." He gives in eventually but he messages the girls to keep an eye on her for him and they are more then prepared too.

The following day he's adamant to take her out. And she's happy. She's wearing the biggest smile ever, and for the first time he can see healing in her eyes instead of constant pain.  He was happy to see that. They had a beautiful day together, he took her to the best restaurant for a meal which she actually finished and then they went exploring and sight seeing. Her laughter was captivating and he was relieved to hear it. It proved that she wasn't too far gone. That in time she would heal. He smiled at her, his hand slipping into hers as they walked around without a care about their idol life. For once they were allowed to be a man and a woman out in public enjoying each other's company. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was ethereal and seeing her so light and carefree brought happiness and ease to his heart. He took her to his secret place. A place where he would go when things got to hectic. A place that he founded solace and healing in. A secret from everyone. A secret he was willing to share with her. She loved it. She loved it here. It was an escape from reality. He watched her with warmth, taking his hand in hers before placing a key in her palm. Her eyes cast up into his. "I want this to be our spot. If your scared. If your struggling. I hope that this can be your secret spot. I hope that it will give you the same peace it gives me." He smiles at her, and with the base of his thumb swipes at the tear that leaks from the corner of her eyes. Her arms are around him moments later, and she whispers a thanks. He tells her she doesn't need to but she insists. And then they are left to settle in silence. They are looking at each other in the eye, and soon, their hands are back on each other and their lips have met in a moment of pure ecstasy. Smiles on both of their faces.

He had told her he was leaving for awhile. He couldn't give her a date as to when he would be back, and seeing the deflated look on her face made him want to cancel all his plans and just stay with her. But he couldn't. He couldn't let the people he promised down. He looked at her as she shuffled in his team Wang hoodie. She gave him a smile. "I'll be okay." She said. But he stood with his arms crossed against his chest staring at her intently. "We can call and stuff?" She asked. He nodded. "I'll be fine." She says. "Don't worry." But that was just it. He did worry. She moved closer to him wrapping her arms around him as she rested her ear against his heart listening to one of her favourite sounds in the world. They stayed in each other's arms for awhile until they moved back slightly. His lips met hers, a silent vow to be there for her. She heard it. But would she listen?

He went in the following days, and soon her mood had deteriorated once again. Things that he had managed were reversed in a matter of seconds. She kept up with phone calls and messages for two weeks before she began to ghost him. Irene fell once again, and this time it hurt her heart more then anything. He on the other hand had been trying every single day, in between shoots and variety shoots to try and get through to her, but everything remained unanswered. He was worried. He was losing his mind, and checking in with the girls added more to the restlessness. All he wanted to do was get to her and so he tried to cram his schedule to reduce his stay in his home country. His family could see it in his face. The desperation to go back as soon as he could, they didn't pressure him otherwise. They understood and so left him to his own device. He tried desperately again to reach her, but she refused to answer.

It took him four weeks at the best to get back. Everyday he continued to message her, to call her at least twice a day and everything remained unanswered. His flight landed, and like a hero in the scene of a movie, after he messaged seulgi for their whereabouts he was running out of the airport. He ignored the paparazzi and ran to his car. He pressed on the accelerator on his way to her.

When he arrived, he tried to remain inconspicuous as possible, but he could faintly see her on stage and when he moved slightly he was graced with the presence of the goddess of beauty. She looked ethereal. But he could see her tired eyes from where he was. He watched her leave the stage, and his gaze went to his watch. It was late. He rushed backstage greeting the girl with hugs. His eyes looking for hers. She wasn't there. The girls smiled softly. "She's gone to the dressing room." He nods and excuses himself whilst running back stage. He opens door after and door and finally after opening about six he finds her. She's on the floor with a blade to her goddess like skin and he's rushing forward and chucking it away. She's fighting against him to get it back and he's holding her in his arms. She's crying, almost hysterical and his hands move tighter around her. "I'm here." He says and she speaks his name into existence, he feels her arms slowly wrap around and she's grateful he's back.

Six months go by and she's better. She's happier, she's  lighter and she owes it to him and his love. She's smiling and she smiles in his love. She was falling before. She was falling in darkness with no light, with no hand to hold. But now she's falling in love.

The end

Authors note:
Hey guys back with a new one shot. I hope you all enjoy this one. Sorry for the lack of updates, hopefully I'll be able to update some more for you all so I hope you all will stay with me for that. Lots of love.