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Irene stood on stage with Seulgi, trying to steady her breathing as she walked further into the limelight. Silence echoed in the arena, and it was exactly that, that made this more endearing. She was about to showcase her emotions to the world, she was about to expose her vulnerability; her heart to the world. She looked towards her best friend, her sister, who gave her a smile of reassurance. Yet it did nothing for nerves. She looked towards the audience, her hand on the microphone. Her eyes meeting with his by accident. She inhaled sharply. Closing her eyes as the music began softly around them.

How do I make the phone ring?
Why do I even care?

She had looked at her phone constantly, a habit she had gotten to when they had started their 'thing', she would sit and wait patiently for a phone call, for a message, anything to make her heart hurt less even if it was only for a few moments, but every single time she was let down. She knew he was busy, she knew when he was in Korea and when he was in China, and she knew she was asking for a lot. He had told her from the start that loving him wouldn't be easy, but she never wanted to stand in the way of his ambitions. No she wanted to be his partner through it all, his silent cheerleader, his rock. And she was. But she had foolishly believed she would get the same in return. She knew she shouldn't care, that she should let go of him, but that's the matter with the heart, it gets attached too easily, and then it's  painful to let go.

How are you all around me when you're not really there?
When you're not really there?

She was haunted by him in every way. At every corner, a memory of him would come to life. Whether it was in her apartment; where they had spent hours of loving, in her sheets, on the couch, in the bathroom, the kitchen: he had left no corner unturned. But even if that hurt she couldn't fathom what hurt more. Her other friends were also a direct link to him, people who she had gained in her life, because of him, and through them, she was reminded of him. Every restaurant that she loved to eat at, had memorise of them both in their four walls, but the fact remained: even if the memorise were there, they were no longer the reality. The apparitions of him that followed her where non existent in the real world. A reminder that he wasn't there. And at times like that she couldn't help but laugh bitterly. Her memorise had more life then she did.

How do I feel you on me when you're not on my skin?

She hated the fact that he haunted her in this way. It was sick. As if she was addicted to his touch. And it was. She didn't care if it was shameless, she didn't care if she would be judged for the way in which she was talking; because for once she was done hiding from her feelings. She had spent countless nights like this, awake at night, tossing and turning, trying to rid herself from the thoughts of him. Thoughts of him, kissing her softly, his hands trailing over her body. She had remembered all the times where she had given up on sleep because of him, the way her hand would reach for her phone to message him. To ask him to come over. To tell him that she missed him. But all messages remained unsent. And she suffocated in her own desires. Her desires of him. And she knew in hindsight, they had made a mistake starting this: because their story remained incomplete.

Why do you say you want me, then tell me "I'm not coming in"?
Baby, just come on in

Her hand gripped the mic, her eyes opening for a split second to see his. He looked hurt, but before she could hurt herself more she closed her eyes, focusing on her own voice with seulgi who sang harmonising with her. Her mind flashed back to a familiar scene. A scene that had been repeated over and over again in her mind like a broken record. A time where she was adamant to save herself. To let go off what they had. To turn her back on him. She had accepted a date. A date with an old time friend park bogum. A man who respected her. A man who wanted to give her the world. It would have been simpler to be with him. She wouldn't have to experience the pain that she did with him. But Irene had never liked easy. She loved a challenge. It was the competitive spirt within her that loved the game they played, because winning had always been her agenda. But in that moment she remembered standing defeated. He had heard about the date, and to say he was angry was an understatement. Accusations had been thrown that night on her doorstep, her members trying hard not to listen into the shouts, but when they stood panting in front of each other, they looked at each other with something. An emotion that couldn't be put into words. She remembered the way he had said he wanted her; in more then one way. As more then just lust, he wanted her as his through everything, he had declared. But as soon as he uttered the words he turned away, telling her he wasn't coming in, and leaving her confused outside. Yet it was that exact moment that made her hang on desperately to the idea of them. The idea that they could be more.

'Cause every time I'm with you, I go into a zone
And I remember all the places you wanna go

The feelings she experienced with him, were hard to pinpoint. It was hard to put into words, it was like everything around them froze, to allow them the moment in each other's arms. A moment that she clung to, in the very depths of her mind. Every time she was with him, nothing else mattered, not the idol life, not what people would think if they saw them together, not work, just two souls helplessly lost in loving each other. And it was this zone that Irene was pulled into whenever he was in breathing distance. At award functions, at performances at anything she had the opportunity to cast her eyes towards him, she was ultimately transported of the world, into a universe where only they existed. And within those moments she remembered the things he had told her. The places he wanted to go; his ambitions, his aspirations. It was something that made her fall more in love with him every second. The way he talked about what he wanted to achieve, the way his eyes shone like there were stars in his eyes. It was beautiful. But she knew she was looking at the stars next to him, because he always shined bright. And it was in his destiny to do exactly that.

Take me all the way
Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it, touch it

She was always taken to new heights with him. It was like an intricate dance that they underwent every single time. And god it was beautiful, he took her all the way, through everything and she knew when they were laying in between the sheets, that she would never let anyone else touch her the way he did. Because she breathed him, she only saw him, and yes whilst it hurt, the fact of the matter remained even if he wasn't hers, she was completely his.

'Cause every time I see you, I don't wanna behave
I'm tired of being patient, so let's pick up the pace

Every time she saw him, it was hard to control her body. She had gone through so many phases, there were times where she wanted to run straight into his arms, no longer caring about those around them and the impact it could have on their respective careers. That was in public. The scene completely altered when they were alone, and reuniting for nth time. She  no longer behaved like the good girl reputation she had. She would push him up against the wall, and grind into him as she kissed him hard, exploring the mouth that tasted like heaven. She openly stripped herself in front of his eyes before latching her body back onto his with a desperate need to be taken over and over again. And when it came to moments like this in the bedroom, her resolve fell. She was tired of being patient, and so in those moments of cool hot, sweet love, she became impatient with the desire to have him as many times as she could before he walked away for another string of torturous months.

How do you know I'm breathing, when I'm holding my breath?

He knew her the best. And she was still deciding whether that was a good thing, or whether she had foolishly exposed too much vulnerability for him to use against her. She knew he wasn't malicious like that. She knew his heart in the same way he knew hers. But god, this was suffocating. And he knew. He had learned to read those eyes like he was learning the lyrics to his favourite song. And it was something she that always made her heart skip a beat. The way he just knew; no words needed, just one look and he would provide her the warmth and comfort she needed, giving her the false hope that this was real. When other actions suggested otherwise. There were nights were she wondered if he knew how he was playing with her. If he knew how much she was hurting and if he shared the same pain of separation.  But the questions that her heart desired answers for, died on her lips when ever she approached him to speak about that.

Why don't we face the danger just for the night and forget?

She wished they could. She wished, on every shooting star, on every eye lash, at every 11:11, for more. For more with him, by his side. She wanted to face the danger, she wanted to face the reality of their lives, even if it put their careers at jeopardy; she didn't care. She knew it was selfish on her part but she was tired of it. And she just for once she wanted to forget her responsibilities, she wanted to forget her rational and just scum to the fantasy that lay in the depths of her mind.

Baby, let's just forget
Remind me why we're taking a break
It's obviously insane
'Cause we both know what we want
So why don't we fall in love?
Baby, let's fall in love

She begged him to forget. To just let her be his. But instead he was adamant to take a break from her. And ultimately she gave in, thinking for a moment that it would do them some good. Maybe then she could let go off him. Maybe then it would hurt less every time he was mentioned or in approachable distance. But she knew it was insane. She was addicted to him, and as much as he tried to hide it, she knew he was addicted to her as well, otherwise he would of left the first time after she lay exposed to him. He hadn't. He kept coming back to her for more because the truth between them was they were in love. So why couldn't they fall in love openly?

Cause every time I see you, I don't wanna behave
I'm tired of being patient, so let's pick up the pace

She was so fucking tired of it. Of the half love they shared. The small glances she snuck in his direction, hoping to avoid cameras and speculation, she hated how she had to act as if she wasn't wrapped around him the night before, as if he meant nothing to her because it was far from reality, he meant the most to her. To the point she was willing to risk everything just to be with him. She was tired of being patient, for loving when he wasn't necessarily feeling the same. She wouldn't know if he did. He never said the words; and she knew why. The more you care the more you had to lose and that was the reality of their industry. They would be ripped apart and so he played this game instead away from speculation but god was it hurting her. It was suffocating her to the point she was bleeding in his love. In hopes to hear those words, in hopes to be more then just someone he slept with, because god did it hurt to be just that.

Baby, ain't nobody gonna
Baby, ain't nobody gonna
Baby, ain't nobody gonna

Irene's eyes opened, the tears leaking from her eyes. She heard an uproar from the audience, but amongst the sea of her emotions she didn't care. She wiped away at her tears that kept falling. She could faintly feel Seulgi pull her into a hug, shielding her from onlookers until the rest of her girls were standing around her, hugging her silently. They wiped away at her tears, Wendy giving her a small painful smile, as they turned to the audience. A host approaching them. Yet Irene stood behind Joy throughout the segment, hiding. Wishing she hadn't unlocked her emotions. Wishing she had just kept them locked away, because now she could no longer hide behind them. She snuck a look in his direction, and she saw the same pain reflected in his eyes. She choked on a sob, Yeri pulling her into her embrace as the others tried to save face. It wasn't until the lights went off, did she push away from the security her girls provided.

She clambered down the stairs, her breaths heavy as she attempted to escape from herself. She tripped slightly, but instead of facing the impact she had expected she fell into a pair of arms. Her eyes flew up to meet his hazel ones. She paused slightly, before trying to fight against his relentless arms that help her securely in his hold. He moved  a hand, to brush away her hair, exposing the tears to his sights. His eyes softening as he watched her struggle against his hold. "Let me go." She choked out. "No." He replied. "Jackson please." "No. Not after that. Never again. Taking a break was a mistake Rene. You just said the words Don't hide now that I'm in front of you. Let me fix this." She looked up at him. "I love you." His lips met hers tenderly. Her eyes watering. He moved back slightly, rubbing away at the tears gently, pulling her closer into his embrace, her own arms wrapping around his form.  They would try this again. They would fight again. And they would do it because of a little thing called love.

The end

Authors note:
Hey guys hope you enjoy this, let me know what your thoughts are in the comment section below, lots of love and best wishes to you all. Stay safe x