"So, how are you feeling with that?", it wasn't often that Marcus was as calm and concerned about his son without a grain of salt.

In his eyes, JD had made mistakes that could have been avoided. But in the end he was his son and Marcus knew too well how painful it was to decide about somebody else's life. One more mistake and he would have to carry a different kind of guilt for the rest of his life.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at the huge door, behind which Jinn was sitting, ordering every Gear around and making them feel like they were nothing but monster food or delivery boys.

With his head hanging low and what felt like a huge stone stuck in his throat, JD squeezed his eyes shut. A headache was pressing against his skull and the scarred skin of the arm was burning and itching as if thousands of ants were feasting on him.

He sighed, desperately trying to not make it sound like a whimper.

The lack of sleep he had to endure only added to the misery. And if he was lucky to pass out for a few hours he always awoke because of the same, cruel nightmare, the picture of your body, bloody and blue.

If he was completely honest, JD couldn't even remember the last time he had opened his eyes without being drenched in sweat and shaking like a dying man.

With every day that passed, he wished more and more he would die. It would be easier. Not better, but easier.

"I... I don't know...", as he looked up at Marcus, his eyes were filled with so much pain that it seemed like he would shatter into a thousand pieces. "I want to get my best friend back. I... want to be happy again. With (Y/N) by my side. I'm still in love and it's like torture. But... if anything would happen... if I'd be responsible for this one death- I- I couldn't live with that."

For a moment, Marcus looked at his son the way he had used to do it when he had been a little boy. He knew this kind of pain. In a way, he felt like he failed his son. He had always hoped he could protect him from this.

"James.", Marcus lowered his gaze. "I know that this isn't a decision anyone wants to make. But I want you to listen to me for a minute, okay?"

JD nodded.

"Long time since you gave me some life advice.", he joked, but couldn't force his lips to form a grin.

Marcus had to huff amused.

"Yeah, and you ignored it the last time I did. But let's leave that aside for a moment. James. With all seriousness, I will give you some advice and you won't
like it."

JD pulled a face. Rolling his eyes, he got up from the bench and threw his hands in the air.

"I knew it!", he groaned and gifted his father a judgemental look. "You want me to leave it. Typical of you."

"I want you to take the risk."

"Of course you-! What?"

"I advice you to accept Braid's plan and trick the cool rooms mechanism."

"But... that could kill (Y/N)."

"I know.", Marcus expression darkened. "But either way, death is coming. This is your only chance to prevent it. Sure, the odds are against you. But if you don't try at all, (Y/N) will surely die, no question about that. It's just a matter of time. But if you try, you might win."

"The chances are slim."

"Very slim. But so were my chances surviving the first war. Now look at me, old as fuck, arguing with my brat of a son."

A soft huff escaped JD. But despite the encouraging words from his dad, which were rarer than a unicorn, he couldn't help but hesitate.

His face turned serious again.

"If this fails...", he looked at his father, the expression in his eyes dead serious. "I won't be able to go on."

"James."

"I'm serious, dad. If this is my only chance, I'll take it. But I won't live with the consequences."

"That's a cowardly thing to say."

"Then so be it.", JD wanted to add something, but hesitated.

His gaze jumped from his father to the walls of the building, up where the portraits of important people were hanging. His eyes stopped at the sight of his mothers face, right next to Jinn.

Marcus followed his gaze. As his eyes locked with the ones of his late wife, he could feel something pull together inside of him. Those eyes, painted and yet so full of life. He still remembered the last time he had looked into them. The memory of that spark was burned deeply into his mind.

"No, I didn't.", he finally said and got up to grab his son by the shoulder and shake him harshly.

With a cold expression, JD shook his hands of.

"How did you know what I wanted to ask you?", he asked.

The hint of a grin appeared on Marcus' face.

"What? If I ever thought about ending it so I can see her again? Knock some sense into yourself. You're my son."

"Hm. I guess you had something left after she died."

"James. You'll have something to keep living for too."

With his lips pressed together, JD lowered his eyes and had to think for a moment.

There was this burning pain inside his chest. Whenever his heart beat, the pain grew. It felt like a tumour that slowly took over his body, making him feel like nothing but an empty shell, left behind by his former self.

"Will it...", he sighed and glanced up again. "Will it ever be okay again? Does the pain fade? Ever?"

For a long, very long moment, Marcus locked eyes with his son. It felt like he was looking into a lake, which was filled with all the things of the past. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed how easily JD's eyes could remind him of her.

Anya.

A deep sigh made his chest tremble.

"No.", Marcus finally said. "But you'll learn to live with it."