With his forehead pressed against the cold glass of the door, JD sat on the floor of your lab, dressed in his gear armour. A deep, heavy sigh escaped him. As his eyes opened again, he couldn't help but feel something pull together in his chest.

It felt like as if he was close to shattering. Still, he had felt this way for the past few months, every day.

"(Y/N)...", he mumbled in a weak voice, pressing his hand against the glass. "When will you wake up? Are you... are you still there?"

He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. As he did so, his scarred arm came into his field of vision. The sight still hurt, not only because he had lost some friends but also because his pride had taken a hit after the mission against the Swarm.

He had lost many good people that day, gained many more scars. Maybe even trauma.

But the scarred arm, with its torn red and rough flesh nor the scar that danced across his face was his biggest concern.

Many months had passed ever since he had found you in the cool room. Many attempts and even more breakdowns later, he had lost all hope. And yet, he couldn't help but return every time he felt like the world was crushing down on him.

Despite being covered in a blue layer of frosty flowers, trapped in an icy sleep, you were still his anchor in this world that was slowly falling into misery again. You were and always would be that one thing that kept him alive. Kept him sane.

"You would be shocked if you could see me right now.", he huffed, managing to put a sad smile on his now bearded face. "I look quite different. Don't have hair anymore. Grew a beard instead. Would you... still think I'm handsome? Ha. Not that you ever cared about something like this. You always... saw me before you saw my face..."

He swallowed hard. The feeling of tears burning in the corners of his eyes started to pain him. Quickly, he wiped them away.

"Things changed, you know. It's bad. Kait... had to kill her mom. Reyna. I told you about her. She was... the leader of my village. And... she was supposed to become the new queen Myrrah... Why am I even telling you this?", he sighed, his chest feeling heavy and tight. "You would have found another solution. I'm sure of that. You... would have saved her... with your experiments. (Y/N). You need to wake up and get out of there. The COG is asking for your abilities. Dad says you would be great help... And... and I need you. Please... I never... needed you more."

Now he wasn't able to fight back anymore. All at once, everything came crumbling down and buried him underneath.

A whimper escaped him. Hot tears stroked his cheeks, getting caught in his thick beard and covering his lips with a thin layer of salt.

"I tried to be a hero...", he gasped, almost unable to breath. But I'm not. "I- I can't do this without you... Please... don't leave me here in this hell... You promised."

Struck by the pain and an aching heart, he pulled a face. His hand hit the glass, so hard that a burning pain chased through his entire arm. It felt like as if the scarred flesh was about to burst open again, as if he would die. But if the thought about it, death did not seem like such a bad option.

At least not as cruel as this.

Suddenly, his commutator clicked. Sound waves filled his ears, mixed with the crackling of an uneven signal.

"Sergeant?", a voice asked.

Taking a deep breath in, JD wiped his face and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Only when his breathing had calmed down did he dare to answer.

"I'm listening.", he said.

"We've got information about another Outsider settlement. Kait Díaz's uncle has fallen. We need you to go and secure the people."

He sighed.

"I'm on it."

With a groan, he managed to get up from the floor. For a short moment his knee was hurting, but the pain faded. His body wasn't the same anymore after the Hammer of Dawn had struck him. Or at least its force.

Before turning away, JD threw one last glance at you through the door. His hand rose again to press against the cold glass. Usually, he was wearing gloves. But whenever he visited the lab, he made sure to feel everything.

"(Y/N).", his voice was still weak, so fragile.

He felt like a little boy again, exactly the same way after he had leaned that his mother had died. There was so much frustration, so much helplessness burning inside his chest. But ultimately it faded and turned into that one thing that he hated more than anything.

Weakness.

He was weak. Weak and alone.

And there was no one around to seize that feeling.

It was strange, only a few months back he had thought the world couldn't be a better place. And now it had not only taken that one person he needed to survive but also a world that made it easy to live.

In the end everything had shattered. And it seemed like there was nothing that could fix it.

His forehead fell against the glass again. A deep sigh made his chest tremble.

"If I would have to find something good in this...", he whispered and watched as his breath covered the view of your bloody body. "At least you don't have to see this... at least... you don't have to see me. I- I couldn't bare it. You would have suffered so much... But instead I'm the one suffering now. And I'm glad. Because I love you... And I would have given everything to protected you from the world we live in now. Because I love you."

As he turned away he did not notice your fingers twitch. It wasn't a big movement, just ever so slightly a sign of the life that was still slumbering inside.

But it was slowly drained from your body as the blood kept running, lazy yet unavoidable.