So, as some of you may know, I've been offline for approximately a year now dealing with my senior year in high school and working my job. I then had hardly any time and slowly drifted away from hobbies and interests I had such as drawing, singing, writing, talking with friends and even reading. and with losing such interests I was no longer interested in what Wattpad had to offer. I drifted into other hobbies such as listing to Kpop music and watching anime and Youtube. If I'm completely honest I forgot Wattpad and my friends online even existed for a long while while I tried to focus on helping myself as I noticed with the struggles of becoming a adult of the age of 18, since I had always been on the more childish side. I have recently went through a event in my life that made me want to change my attitude.

Which I have decided to try to change by focusing on myself. So begin, If you have any negative thoughts or comments towards me don't even post them. Leave now and forever hold your peace. This is my space, for my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions. I don't feel its healthy to hold it all in anymore like a soda that's been shaken up and down and is waiting to explode into a foamy sticky mess all over the event that caused it to rupture.

I don't want you to feel depressed, to look up to or down at me, feel anxious, burdened or rushed. Again this is for me not you. If you feel like expressing your need to tell me to go see a doctor I'm working on it. Not all of us can actually afford health insurance which I had to apply for since I have been living without it for the last 2 years of my life. Even though I have has a few bitter bits added to my sweets I've been trying to handle my feelings and emotions the best I can without professional medical help. I understand I should seek it but I don't want someone else to just sit there and nod saying

 "Uh huh, how does that make you feel?"

or to just proscribe me pills. I don't like medication, I don't like feeling loopy or the feeling being gone as I walk around zombified. I understand not all medication makes a person feel that way but that is a fear I have grown from watching my mother be given drug after drug, some of them effecting parts of her brain causing a misfire or a different person to come out. I don't want that for myself. I want to know I'm safe, I'm okay, nothing is going to hurt me.

I know that a cliche line of "I know I'm not perfect" is over used any causes people to believe it less so let me express this. I'm broken in ways no one knows. I don't remember a lot since I was not raised with a bunch of good memories. Some do remain which I focus on instead of the different more saddening memories.

Look to the future not the past because you'll trip on the presence. That is my goal for where I am in life. I want to do my best and try to make things better instead of being the same. It's all I can do since a lot of the world wants to blame others and bring them down. Its alright Its gonna be alright for myself. That's why I'm writing this, to help others and myself understand I'm here and I love you guys even if I don't love myself as much as I did.