"It's a deep anguish to be abandoned by your own family. If those of your own blood forsake you are truly forsaken. You are really alone, especially if you are abandoned by those who were supposed to care for you."

- Bangambiki Habyarimana, Pearls Of Eternity

* * * *

She was breaking in front of his eyes...

Yet he could do nothing because he was the reason and the culprit...

It's because of him, his actions, his cruelty...

Sayyam had been standing in the middle of the room that he had claimed as his in the Birla Villa when Yuvaani had brought her there, in his room, now theirs... 

Yuvaani had made her stand in front of him with a smug smile before leaving them after whispering something into her ears. He hadn't been able to hear what but going by Krishna's deep frown and pained eyes, probably something terrible... 

He knew Yuvaani didn't like Krishna, never had, and that too had been because Krishna was loved by Suhani Birla. She had paid such a heavy price for being loved by their mother, each child of Suhani Birla had made her miserable for being loved by their mother in their own way, each being crueler than the last. Yuvaan had never truly valued her, Yuvaani had taunted and tormented her and he, Sayyam had ruined her life by trapping her in an unwanted marriage...

And when she had crumbled down to the ground near his feet, he had regretted involving her in their fight, regretted making her a weapon to hurt Suhani Birla...

And when she had started to cry inconsolably, he had wished he could take it back, go back, and change everything to spare her the misery of being married to him...

Before she had entered the room, he had been gloating, or at least he had been trying to, he had finally brought Suhani Birla to her knees, made her feel defeat and humiliation, finally...

Yet as soon as Yuvaani had dragged Krishna behind her, he had realized the consequences of his win on her, on Krishna, the only one who he had decided should be left untouched by the destruction he wanted to bring on the Birlas, and yet...

And now as she kept crying, her sobs sounding louder and louder, her shoulders shaking and her hands trembling, he wished he could tell her to stop, that he would take everything back if he could, yet he could not...

Because he knew her pain wasn't only due to because she had to marry him, her pain was far greater than that. She was devastated because she had been forsaken by Suhani Birla, the mother she loved and trusted. Because she had been abandoned by Yuvaan, the man she loved and was about to marry...

And because she was sacrificed and left alone by the family she thought she had... 

It was a tragedy, it must be for someone like Krishna who only thought the best of people and expected the best out of people. The one who found escape in false hopes and fantasy, who looked at the world with such a black-and-white view. She was like a chirpy little sparrow singing her own tune of hope and peace. 

It was a tragedy for her to be married to someone like him, that's for sure...

Or was it that she only now was realizing that somewhere during their wedding functions, her supposed-to-be husband had cheated on her and chosen someone else, and abandoned her on the altar?

Can now she finally see Suhani Birla for what she was? 

Her illusions of having a family, a mother, and love were shattered into pieces. Did she now feel as if she had no family, no one?

No one better than Sayyam knew what having no one felt like...

Was he satisfied to have finally dragged her down to his level of misery? 

To have her company in the hell he had been living in all his life? 

Now that she knew and was feeling pain so similar to his, could she understand him? His motives and his thoughts? 

But as she kept crying, the restlessness in him only grew. There were no words to console her, so he let her be...

He tried to ignore her as he moved to switch off the lights to give her privacy to grieve and mourn. He moved silently, knowing his presence, seeing him roaming around only would increase her pain...

He let the dark and silence fall over them, her shaky breath and cries being the only sounds he could hear...

He stayed awake the whole night, even when she fell asleep, probably too exhausted to cry anymore, yet her lips still trembled, restless and pained even when unconscious...

She was so fragile, way too naive and innocent, an easy target: he had figured her out after their first meeting, but he hadn't thought she would fall prey to their war to this extent. And now that she has, he didn't want to hurt her anymore even if he intended to use their marriage to hurt Suhani Birla. 

No harm would come to her, Sayyam thought to himself, determined. Deciding to make her life as easy as possible from now on, he left the room before she could even wake up...

* * * 

"If you ever hurt her, Sayyam, I will end you," Suhani Birla yelled, once again repeating the same words while Sayyam only smirked arrogantly.

Standing there with an annoyed frown, Krishna was getting tired of the same drama each day. 

'Was it always like this?' She asked herself as she observed the ongoing drama in front of her.

If it had happened a few weeks ago, she would have been shaking from fear, worrying over Sayyam's future actions and their consequences, thinking about ways in which she could stop him, her focus dedicated only to finding a way to protect Suhani auntie and the Birlas. But now she knew better, they both were just going to fight a proxy war and that proxy, unfortunately, happened to be her...

By marrying her, Sayyam had taken control over the proxy and that was the reason why Suhani was so full of rage. Neither of them cared about her, they didn't see her as a living human being, but as someone that could be used to prove their dominance...

For years Krishna had lived in the illusion that she mattered to Suhani, that she mattered to Birlas, that she was part of their family, that she was loved and taken care of, and not a charity case or a burden. She had been assured of that again and again until she had believed them blindly. But she had been wrong and she had faced grave consequences of being gullible...

Sayyam had been right in his prediction that she would pay a very heavy price for her naivety...

She hadn't believed him when he had said that as a matter of fact. And now it was too late to do anything...

"I will do to her as I please," Sayyam said with a smirk.

'The audacity,' Khrishna couldn't help but be astonished by the ongoing drama in front of her.

Despite her future and her whole life being sacrificed as if she was nothing more than a chess pawn, they didn't seem to have any intention of stopping and were still using her as a means to hurt each other. Ever since she was married off to Sayyam, day after day, the mother and son duo were fighting like cat and dog over her. While Sayyam gave impressions and gloated over a wide range of imaginary torture he has supposedly inflicted on her, Suhani after hearing him would keep threatening him whatnot while he stood there smirking and reminding her that now they were married, he could do whatever he wanted with her...

'How dare they?' Krishna had asked both of them again and again. She wasn't a territory, a pawn or a weapon to be used. She was a living breathing human being and she refused to be used anymore, she refused to be deluded into thinking that Suhani cared because she had already proven that she did not...

"I don't need your pity, I don't need your interference. You don't own me," she had yelled at Suhani on the first day after her marriage yet she kept interfering in the matters between her and Sayyam.

And then, there was Sayyam, her husband and supposed torturer...

After being married to him for one month, Krishna has reached the conclusion that Sayyam was the biggest liar and poser there ever was. Ever since he had forcefully married her, he has not even harmed her shadow yet he smirked and taunted Suhani each time they came face to face as if he had been doing whatnot. During their spat, he would promise Suhani to torture her and harm her in ways Suhani couldn't even imagine, yet, as soon as they were left alone, he would ignore her as if she wasn't even in the same room. 

Each morning, Sayyam left the room to go out to God knows where and returned in the evening. She suspected he went to work yet in all these months he had come to live with them, she didn't know what he did for a living. And sometimes she felt the urge to ask him, but why should she? What happened between them wasn't marriage by any means, nor they were treating it as such. Both of them were living in one room but apart from that, there was nothing that could indicate that they were a married couple. They weren't like Yuvaan and Baby, they didn't have that newly married couple glow nor did they take part in any ritual as a married couple. 

Well, apart from that Kheer that she had cooked the next morning after marriage, and would have burned herself if it hadn't been for Sayyam running to her to pull her away from harm. He had been worried, it had been written all over his face no matter how much he had tried to hide it. Yet the same guy now was spitting how much he took pleasure in supposedly torturing her just to make sure Suhani Birla was all riled up. 

'What was even happening here? ' Krishna couldn't help be ask herself, confused at the antics of her so-called husband. 

She had been observing him for some weeks now, and the more she did, the more she was sure Sayyam behaved like that rebellious teen that acted out just to have his parent's attention on him. He didn't treat her badly, on the contrary, he had been doing everything to make living with him easier than it should have been. He was caring and attentive to her in a way that no one ever had been before. Yet he would change if Suhani was in their vicinity...

Ever since the morning after their wedding, Sayyam has been keeping his distance and never invading her space but he would suddenly step too close and smirk, acting as if he was a despicable villain of 80s or 90s Bollywood movies with vile intentions and she was an abla nari who was trapped and cornered by him. A while back, she had feared him, only to know he was a decent man behind his mask, and she had especially feared him in the starting weeks after their marriage. But when night after night, he continued to ignore her, step out of her way, and kept his distance, her fear had been replaced by the old security that was built when he had assured her he didn't find her attractive, at all. 

A part of her felt she should be offended as a wife, but the bigger part of her was relieved. The stupidly vengeful man that he was, Sayyam didn't marry her because he lusted after her or wanted her in any capacity. He married her because his mother didn't want him to marry her, and because it was the easiest way to have her attention on him. The more secure she felt, the more her annoyance increased. 

Did he ruin her life, their lives, and got them trapped into a bond of marriage just to taunt Suhani? 

Did he even think twice about their future before acting on his impulsiveness to take revenge? What was his plan for the future? Till when they had to be trapped in an unwanted marriage? Was he even thinking about anything other than Suhani's injustice towards him? Did he even care for anything else than his revenge? 

"Krishna," the stupid man who now claimed to be her husband called her out, interrupting her thoughts.

"Here," he said, thrusting an envelope towards her while standing awkwardly on his toes rocking back and forth, unable to meet her eyes.

"What is this?" She asked, her eyes narrowed at his strange behavior. 

"I know you won't any longer take anything from Birlas, so..." he muttered, handing her the envelope forcefully. 

Curious to know, she opened it just to find a bundle of notes in it. Why was her strange husband giving her money?

"To buy whatever you want. I don't know if it's enough or not, tell me if it isn't," he said, still refusing to meet her eyes.

"Sayyam, I don't know what to do with this," she told him, exasperated at his inability to talk like a human.

"Well, whatever you want, clothes, your stupid romantic novels or whatever you read now, or I don't know, whatever," he muttered with a shrug. 

"If you are doing it because you are my 'husband' now and think of me as a burden, let me tell you, I don't need your money," she told him with a glare, trying to return the money.

"I got you in this situation, so whatever the consequences are, I have to face them. And anyway, I am your husband now, and it's a responsibility, not a burden. Let's not make it an ego thing, okay?" Sayyam responded with an annoyed huff.

"Whatever you say, I don't need it anyway," she muttered.

"Everyone needs money, what are saying?" He asked, puzzled at her refusal.

"Well, I don't," she responded.

"What do you do if you need to buy something?" He asked.

"I no longer need anything, not from you or anyone else," she muttered with a sigh.

"Look, Krishna, I know you feel trapped in this relationship, but honestly, I am not going to stop you from doing anything you want. You can live your life the way lived before getting married, I promise I won't interfere," he said earnestly. 

"Yes, because you already got out of this marriage whatever you wanted, right? Do you even know what marriage is, Sayyam? Do you even know the consequences of your thoughtless action? My life is ruined because of you," she yelled out, willing herself to not cry in front of him.

"Come on, don't be dramatic. Would you have preferred to be left at the altar than being married to me?"  He asked with a frown.

"Yes, yes, I would have," she responded.

"Oh, really? Would you have been fine with all the taunts from aunties and pity from everyone for being left as a bride on the day you were supposed to be married?" Sayyam asked her.

"Yes, I would have. At least then I wouldn't have been trapped with you," she yelled.

"Well, you aren't trapped, you can do whatever you want, live like whatever you want, I am not stopping you," he said, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"I can't do nothing because you have already ruined my life," Krishna pointed out with a growl.

"Well, that already happened, nothing can be done about that. What do you want me to do about it now?" He asked with a sharp tone in his voice as if she was being unreasonable.

"Just leave me alone, Sayyam," she yelled as tears slipped from her eyes.

"Fine," he muttered after staring at her in silence. 

As she saw him walking out, she couldn't help but slip back into her misery, once again reminded of what was supposed to happen and what had happened. But his words kept repeating in her head, what would have happened if she hadn't been forced to marry him? Would had anyone tried to stop Yuvaan from marrying Baby? Their marriage would have happened anyway because they had Bari Dadi's blessing and the rest would have never forced Yuvaan or talked him out of marrying Baby. She would have been left at the mandap alone and rejected, Sayyam was right about that. Everyone around her would have continued to be part of the events and the ongoing wedding as if her dreams and heart hadn't shattered. Suhani probably would have apologized to her or tried to show how upset she was but one day or other, she would have given in her love for Yuvaan and accepted Baby as she has already done anyway. 

So what would have been of her? 

Would she have been forced to let go, to forget and accept? Most probably. She would have been forced to see Yuvaan marry someone else while her life would have come to stand still ever since the day she was rejected and left on the mandap. People inside and outside of the family would have only looked at her with pity or maybe even thought that there must be something wrong with her for Yuvaan to have dumped her and married someone else on the day of their wedding itself. 

Would you have preferred to be left at the altar than being married to me?

Would you have been okay with all the taunts from aunties and pity from everyone for being left as a bride on the day you were supposed to be married?

Sayyam's questions kept repeating in her head for weeks. As she observed Yuvaan and Baby, the honeymoon glow on their face, the love and romance in the air everywhere they went, Krishna couldn't help but accept that she wouldn't have been able to endure it if it wasn't for the distractions and crazedness that the stupid man who now was her husband brought in her life with his even more stupid antics. 

"Pack your bags, we are going to Shimla," Sayyam told her, coming out of nowhere and blocking her view of the other couple.

"What?" She asked, shocked.

"Yes, for our honeymoon," he responded with a coy smile.

"What?" She yelled, wide-eyed.

"Don't yell, Yuvaan was about to announce their trip, I had to act first," he whispered in her ear before turning back to smirk at Suhani.

"I don't think anyone should have any objection that I am taking my wife on a honeymoon trip, right?" He asked for the sake of appearance with a mocking tone.  

"Shimla, really, Sayyam? Poor Krishna," Baby said with a fake disproval before beaming and continuing: "Well, my husband is taking me to Switzerland," she announced with pride.

"Of course, that's because your jobless husband is a rich brat who doesn't know the value of money or the benefits of domestic tourism," Sayyam pointed out with a cheerful smile. Ignoring how many people yelled his name in disapproval and anger, he continued:

"Anyway, do any of you two know which continent Switzerland is in? It would be difficult for you both to find your way around if you don't even know basic information or how to read a map," he taunted with an apologetic face. 

As the bickering continued, Krishna found herself observing how sharply his mind worked. Sayyam seemed to have a response to everything. No matter what was thrown at him, his counter-attack was stronger. He didn't let anything stop him once he selected his target and faced everyone head-on. Before she had seen it as one of his many flaws, but now as she observed him from close, she couldn't help but be amazed at his ability to be a stubborn one-track mind detractor.  

'How did he even do that?' She thought in awe as she saw him rip the oh-so-in-love couple into shreds. 

Needless to say, the more she observed him, the more she found out that as much as he was good at everything he did, Sayyam was ridiculously foolish when it came to emotions and sensitive things. He was painfully awkward at communication, possessed a wounded soul, and was childish in some matters. If before she thought of him as pure evil, and then an enigma, now she couldn't help but be puzzled by him. 

What the man who married her was actually? 

How much of himself was Sayyam constantly keeping hidden from everyone else? 

What did he actually want? 

What did he want from her? 

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A/N:- An update after so long, I have been working on this chapter for months now, always getting distracted, but finally done with it... :D

I hope whoever is reading is liking the story so far, please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts and feelings... :)

Let me know if there is something you wanted for KriYam but your expectations and dreams for them that got butchered like mine and I will see if it's something I can integrate into the story... ;)

I personally wanted Krishna's development as an independent person and to see her flourish, and them falling for each other after getting to know each other, not only because they are married. So I am thinking of ways in which I can enrich her character and their process of falling for each other... :)

Thank you for reading and waiting and being on this journey of healing with me...<3    

Thank you! <3

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