I was originally going to scrap this story but people on discord said they wanted to see it and gave suggestions on how to end it sooooooooo blame them for the following pain

special thanks to Supergirl406 for helping me with the ending to this go check them out :)

EDIT: SUICIDAL THEMES

https://www.giveusashout.org/get-help/?gclid=CjwKCAiAhJTyBRAvEiwAln2qBwFvTfmVkIWymHxlleINq3G0SuQlPq2ihT7cEdP7zljSVHzd09CcRhoC2JUQAvD_BwE

https://sossilenceofsuicide.org/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw38-DBhDpARIsADJ3kjn2gCMdx_ygHYr5QLZ2-e8R-x2vJeB3JUYGBJkUzP2E1XTPkHRmGMAaAnhkEALw_wcB

https://suicideprevention.ca/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

It was cold that day. Barbara remembered every part of it in painful detail. She'd just come home from shopping for a few essentials and found the apartment empty. That wasn't too surprising since Dick liked to go on patrol early sometimes. Since it was winter and the nights were longer it was sort of necessary that he did. She shrugged to herself and closed the door behind her before wheeling herself to the kitchen. She found herself happy that Dick was getting back into his work. Ever since things turned sour with the team, he'd been a shell of himself. It had to be expected though. His friends thought he killed Wally and so did he. As she went past the breakfast bar to put in the food, she noticed a piece of paper with her name on it. It wasn't in an envelope so it couldn't have been mail. She put the bags to one side and took the paper, unfolding it. "Hey Babs, I'm sorry for everything. This is the only way I know how to fix things. Maybe they won't be angry with me. If I'm lucky I'll get one of those holo things but I don't deserve it. I know that. I also know that not everybody blames me but I just can't do it if they blame me, you know? I'm sure you'll find another guy much better than I am. All I ask is that my body is buried next to my parents. Peace of mind and that. Goodbye Babs, tell 'em I'm sorry won't you?" Her hands shook as she finished the note. He couldn't be seriously thinking of this? But he must've been. Why else would there be a note? Did she have time? How long had he been out for? The questions swirled around her head before she finally willed herself to move. She snatched up the nearest phone and called the first number that came into her head. "M'gann speaking, how can I-" 

"I need you to look for Dick," she interrupted. She was on a time limit but she had no idea of how long. They couldn't waste a moment on pleasantries. 

"You know we aren't really-"

"That idiot is going to kill himself! Please just set aside your differences for now," she begged. It was times like this where she wished she could still walk. She'd search and search until she found him. Now she couldn't even go up the stairs. He could be anywhere and she was trapped to whatever building catered to her disability. "What? He wouldn't," M'gann said. 

"I saw the damned note! I-I can try to find coordinates for his tracker but please can't you and the team just search? Please for me if not for him."

"Alright, I can get the group together. We'll find him," she replied before hanging up. Barbara could only hope they'd find him alive.

Unfortunately, Dick had been tactical. He'd taken off his tracker so it looked like he was still in the apartment. With nothing to go off, the team was just blindly searching for him. They didn't even know if he was out as Nightwing or as Dick. It wrenched M'gann's heart to ask the younger members to help in the search. They didn't need to see their previous leader like this. She'd give him hell for putting them through hell. First, he gets Wally killed now he makes it about himself. She couldn't believe how selfish he was being. He was nothing like the kid he used to be. That kid would never concoct such as a stupid plan that would put all of his friends in danger. "Why are we even looking?" Connor complained. "A life for a life right?"

"We're doing this for Babs, not him. He shouldn't put two girlfriends into grieving," Artemis replied spitefully. She didn't want to be here but Barbara was her friend first and foremost. If she needed this dumbass in her life, then she'd do her best to keep him alive. "I say we pretend to look and say we couldn't find him. Who cares?"

"Babs does. Probably Batman too."

"Two people? I think we outweigh the scales. He'd be better off dead."

"He's just being overdramatic. It's not like he'd actually do it," M'gann said. Oh if they only knew. It took a few rounds of the city but they finally found Dick on a rooftop. He was hunched over and held something metallic in his hand judging by how it reflected the light. "I've got eyes on him, the second roof to the left," Kaldur announced. M'gann nodded and flew the Bioship towards it, landing on the roof over.

As they were closer, they could now see the metallic object was a gun. It didn't look like a nice make or brand so he probably took it from some thug and kept it. They couldn't see much of him in the darkness and the light behind him shadowed over his face making it harder to see. The most they could make out was that he was in normal clothes. "Dick you ass, put that stupid thing down," Artemis yelled from the next roof over. He jumped at the sudden call and snapped his head towards them. Yes, they were on bad terms but that didn't stop them feeling at least the tiniest bit sad when he showed him his face. His cheeks were bright red and he had tears rolling down his cheeks thick and fast. He put on a watery smile, the gun still tightly in his hand. "H-hey. Guess Babs found the note?" he responded. They nodded and got onto the same roof, making Dick take a step back. 

"Let's cut the crap, you won't do it. So stop being so selfish and put the gun down," Connor stated.

"I will do it," Dick insisted. Connor shook his head and walked over. The other tried to create some more distance between them but found that he had no more room. Connor grabbed his wrist tightly and took the gun out of it. He opened the barrel, checking for bullets, then gave it back. "You have the bullets. I'll get out of the splash zone so to speak. Do it." He walked back over to the team who was a little shaken by the conversation. Dick wouldn't actually do it. He wouldn't. But it became eerily real when he raised the gun to his temple. "See you on the other side," he said. He closed his eyes and squeezed the trigger.

Yet the relief of death never came. There was a soft tinkling sound as if metal hit the floor and they all looked to see where it had come from. It came from Connor. He'd taken out the bullets. He was in such shock that he just let go of them, letting them sprinkle onto the roof. He'd done it just in case but he really didn't think this was going to happen. He thought Dick wouldn't go through with it and he'd never know. But he did try it. And that terrified him. "I thought you wouldn't do it," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Dick looked just as shocked and lowered the gun, tossing it aside now that it was useless. He doubted they'd let him go retrieve his lost bullets and finish the job. "Why didn't you let me? This was supposed to make things right. Why didn't you let me make things right?" he asked desperately.

"We didn't think you'd do it! We thought you were being dramatic!" M'gann exclaimed.

"Why wouldn't I do it? I lost my friends! I got Wally killed! It's all my fault! It's only a matter of time before I hurt someone else I care about!" he sobbed. There was something more certain that he could try and he was just one step away from it. A fall killed his parents, maybe he should fall too. "I've turned into something I shouldn't be. It should be a life for a life. And I'm a life short of the deal," he said. He turned around and got onto the edge. He would've jumped too if someone's arms hadn't wrapped around his torso to prevent him. He kicked and struggled against their grip but more arms seemed to grab at him to stop him fulfilling what role he needed to. "Why won't you let me die?" he yelled in frustration. "You hate me!"

"Someone calm him down, I'm losing my grip!" Connor shouted. Kaldur took out a long needle from his belt and plunged it into the side of Dick's neck. It was a tranquilizer. If this thing could know out Connor for a few minutes, he'd be out cold. The kicking slowly faltered and he went limp in their grip, slipping into a dreamless sleep. Connor picked him up off the edge to the middle of the roof and lay him down. He didn't have the strength to hold him. "Oh my God. He was gonna do it. We were just going to watch him," Artemis said, trying her best not to freak out. They didn't need her freaking out. Plus the remanents would be left when they went to see Barbara and she couldn't stand to see her upset. "We didn't think he'd do it! This is Dick he-he bounces off from this stuff! He's not supposed to just believe us," M'gann shrieked. She could've had blood on her hands. She could've watched Dick kill himself after being so horrible to him. She didn't even really believe it was his fault Wally died! He was the easiest person to blame. He was the best to blame. She thought he could take it, they all did. "Why wouldn't he believe us? We've been his friends for years and now we've turned against him!" Kaldur pointed out.

"But he's Dick, he's smart enough to know we just needed a scapegoat," Artemis protested.

"But he's Dick, he's dumb enough to think it was his fault anyway," Connor concluded. They fell silent. A few of them looked to the discarded gun. One that could've been put in an evidence locker whilst the police investigated the suicide of Dick Grayson. They could've been interviewed. They could've been publically shamed for not doing anything. For driving him to that point. They couldn't be heroes after that. They'd be known as the people who killed their best friend. "We-We should get him home. Babs will be worried sick," Artemis announced. They nodded and Kaldur picked up the hero, noticing how pale Connor was.

It was around an hour later after the initial phone call that Barbara heard a knock on the door. If she could run, she would've. She got to the door as fast as she could and opened it. The team was there. So was Dick. She breathed a sigh of relief and began crying that he was still alive. His chest was moving a bit fast but she didn't care. He was alive. He didn't have any cuts or bruises. He was fine. On the outside at least. She moved aside and instructed them to get him to the bedroom. They nodded and walked through. She noticed how pale they all were. They looked sick to their stomachs about something and she just hoped it wasn't something awful. How she would've liked their first meeting with Dick for a long time was they said don't do it, he said okay and then he fell asleep in the Bioship because wow he needed sleep. But that was in a world where everything went right and that clearly wasn't their world. She followed behind them after locking the door again and moved to be beside her boyfriend, lightly petting his hair. He couldn't feel it but it made her feel better to touch him so she knew he was real. "So what happened out there? What was he doing?" she asked. The group instantly looked uneasy. That made her uneasy.

"I'm sorry. We really didn't think he'd do it," M'gann answered. Barbara furrowed her eyebrows and studied their faces. They were guilty. Her heart clenched at the thought of what could've happened to cause those expressions. She squeezed Dick's limp hand in her own. She knew he wasn't awake and that he probably couldn't feel it but she wanted him to know that she was going to defend him and fight to know what happened. Maybe she was being pessimistic and nothing bad happened but she couldn't be sure. She wasn't there to know they hadn't said anything awful. "Tell me what happened. I can tell when you're lying so I suggest you avoid that."

"We found him with a gun. I-I just I walked over and took the gun from him. I emptied out the bullets and I-I don't know why but I told him to do it. He did. I wouldn't have even thought to-"

"Are you telling me that you didn't believe he was suicidal so you tested him in his weakest moment?" the ginger asked. Her voice was low and steady. They were in danger and they knew it. God, they knew it. Reluctantly, they nodded. "You treated him like shit for so long for something he couldn't even control and you decided to test him? He is the most caring and honest person I know and you were willing to test how sad he was?" They decided not to nod at those statements. 

"Honestly we-"

"No, you don't get to talk! You're all monsters, you hear me? Monsters! He lost a brother and you blamed him for it! You don't even have the excuse that you didn't know of his past because you do! He gave you the privilege of knowing his private life and you said oh fuck that let's make him the folk devil!" she yelled. "Get the hell out of our home and stay the fuck away from us! If he ever, and I mean ever, forgives you for this you can bet your ass that I will make sure this never happens again by any means necessary." 

The team accepted their punishment and quickly left. She was panting she was that angry but it needed to be said. They were supposed to grieve together. After all, they'd been through, they still chose to pick on their youngest member. She'd known Dick for longer and she didn't need those extra years to know he would've never intended for Wally to die at the end of it. The plan was poorly executed yes but it wasn't his entire fault. Plans go wrong. As heroes, they knew that better than anyone and yet they were still mad. Still so toxic. Dick stirred a little, maybe from the shouting, maybe from his body being so used to pumping through random tranquilizers that it had already worn off. She shushed him gently. "It's alright, I've got you," she reassured him. He tiredly opened his eyes and she gave him a moment to come to terms with where he was. 

"Did I do it?" he asked. His bones didn't hurt. He couldn't feel the tightness of a cast around his limbs or the uncomfortable feeling of an IV needle settling underneath his skin. Barbara shook her head with the tiniest of smiles. "Nope and I'm so glad that you didn't. I love you so much. Please, I know it's hard, but please just stay with me won't you?" she begged, tears falling down her face as the adrenaline wore off. She really could've lost him today. The last time they talked she didn't tell him I love you. She complained about him using all her shampoo. She'd let him use all the shampoo he wanted if that meant this never would happen. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you honestly. I just- I hurt so much and I just thought if I was gone everyone would be happier," he replied, beginning to cry himself. "But I know now. They're not worth it." She nodded and kissed his hand, holding it tight. 

"I'm sorry this happened, Dickie. We can solve it though. We'll just cut ties with them. Neither of us needs them and they certainly don't deserve us to be close with them. It's gonna be just you and me right? We'll get through this together." He smiled warmly. 

"Thank you."

"Hey TIm can-"

"M'gann we're not talking to you or the rest of the senior members. You could've killed my brother and I will not associate myself with someone like that."

"Babs we-"

"Just stay the fuck away from me dickhead."

"Dick, I know we've had our differences but-"

"I could've taken my life over the things you said so if you even think for a second to minimize them as "differences" then you don't deserve a minute more of my time."

"Batman, you've got to tell people we didn't mean it! We've been benched from every mission for the past two months!"

"I'm the one that benched you. If you can turn on your friend then you can't be trusted to be on a mission. You don't nearly kill my son and get away with it."