I may not be coping very well

Older! Damian and Younger! Dick story btw 

EDIT: TW SELF HARM//BRUCE'S DEATH THEME THROUGHOUT//BLOOD

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/useful-contacts/

https://www.benice.org/get-help/crisis-hotline

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/if-you-want-self-harm/

It didn't feel right was the first thing that came to mind during the previous meeting. Nightwing had come in, this time without Robin who was normally stuck to his hip despite their frequent disagreements. He glanced at the line up with a frown that seemed much deeper than usual then stood in front of them. There was no flashy PowerPoint with the meeting which was their first clue that things weren't going to normal. The man squared his shoulders then coughed quietly before finally speaking up. "I'm sure you're curious as to why Grayson won't be joining us," Nightwing stated. They didn't know whether to nod or not so they just stayed still. "Your mission for the following week will be to look after him."

"Oh, no way! I know we're not the best at what we do but we're not babysitters for the troll," Artemis exclaimed. Sure she knew better than to protest to the older's orders but this was ridiculous. Plus, didn't they have a butler or something? Couldn't that guy just watch over him? "This isn't a babysitting job and I'd like you to respect my intelligence by not assuming it was," Nightwing spat. He seemed particularly pissed off by the statement, more so than he would've had this been any other day. The team gulped in unison, nervous as to what made him so mad. "Is it a teambuilding exercise?" Aqualad inquired.

"It's suicide watch."

There was a long intense silence. They didn't know what to say. "But he was doing so well," Kid Flash protested. He'd been talking with Robin all this time and there was never any mention of such a thing. Not even after Bruce died which he'd suspected could be a trigger for the teenager. He couldn't have been lying, could he? Then again, Robin was trained to lie effortlessly. He couldn't do it effortlessly in person with people who knew his tells of course but they'd only spoken over the phone or through text. "There have been...recent developments to suggest otherwise. Though I don't believe he would end his life, I don't believe he's in the right state of mind to avoid harm to himself entirely."

"When did he start again?" Kid Flash asked. His teammates glanced between him and Nightwing. They'd been unaware this was a thing in the first place so they decided to keep their partcipating to just glances and reactions to the new information. "That's not the issue here," Nightwing responded.

"You don't know do you? For God's sake, did you even go through the-"

"Don't you dare paint me as some sort of ignorant idiot!" Kid Flash huffed at him then folded his arms. He didn't want the argument to go on any further in front of the group. It was no secret Nightwing despised his guts for dating his younger brother so there was no use in trying to argue. It would just end with him being banned from seeing Robin or something stupid like that. "The point is he's on suicide watch and you can't leave him alone. I would prefer if West wasn't the one to look after him during the night."

"I'm not gonna try to bang the depression out of my boyfriend!"

"What Wally is trying to say is Robin will be safe in our care," Aqualad said, stepping in for the enraged ginger. 

"He better be."

To say Dick was pissed at being forced to stay at the Mountain was an understatement. His persistence on wanting to be on his own remained to the very last minute. He knew that Damian was tired. He knew that this was protocol. He knew that in the end, it would probably be nice to spend his whole week with his friends and not in a hotel on the other side of the world with an elderly butler who, through no fault of his own, came off as patronizing. It wasn't as simple as thinking happy thoughts and not dwelling on the matters at hand. The matter at hand was that his second dad was dead! How else was he supposed to react? He'd stupidly seen Bruce as invincible. He was supposed to be someone who made it out of every fight and every mission the same way he went in. Maybe he didn't know Bruce long enough to see if that view was true. No one could live their life without changing. But Bruce was supposed to be the exception. He wasn't supposed to leave. If even Bruce can die, anyone could be next. That fragile sense of blissful ignorance towards the inevitable was shattered and he didn't know what else to do. It felt nice to control things for once. Damian wasn't meant to catch him. Had he just locked that stupid bathroom door then he wouldn't have ever known. "Grayson, for the last time, you can't stay here whilst Alfred and I go away. It's too long," Damian insisted for the fiftieth time.

"I'm not incompetent. I can look after myself."

"I didn't call you incompetent."

"Then just let me stay here. Why are you always trying to pass me off onto other people?"

"I've never done that," Damian defended, knowing that wasn't true.

"You have and you know it. Urgh if you didn't want me so bad just tell me." Dick snatched up the bag with his clothes for the next week and stormed over to the Zetatubes. He couldn't be bothered with it anymore. If he had to leave, then he'd decide when he did. "Grayson-" He'd already gone. 

Dick didn't pay much attention to his friends that were waiting for him to come through and marched all the way to his room without uttering a word. They watched him go awkwardly then looked at one another. "Uh, what do we do?" M'gann asked, unfamiliar with how things like this went. 

"Let me handle it but for the record someone else was alone with him," Wally stated. He dashed off after his boyfriend. The door to his room was open luckily so he stepped in and closed it before it could be slammed in his face. "Heyyy," he greeted nervously. Dick had his bag on the bed and was pulling out all his clothes, ruining the perfect folding his butler had done. He scowled at the clothes as he opened a door and shoved them in. He mustn't have noticed that he had a visitor so Wally tentatively walked over and lightly put his hand on the others. "Dick?"

"What do you want? An apology?" the younger snapped. He tried to stay stiff and stern as he had with Damian but Wally's caring look made it very difficult. 

"I thought you were going to tell me next time you felt like that?"

"If I told you then I wouldn't have control over it," he began quietly. Then he remembered the stance he was going to take. Maybe, just maybe, if he pushed everyone away it wouldn't hurt as much as when Bruce died. He could cut all ties and only mourn a few losses rather than loads. It might be him. Perhaps he was a bad omen. Something that brought pain and loss wherever it went. Dick had always toyed with the idea of running away. If he did then maybe they'd be spared. It might not be too late. "And how the fuck did you expect me to take something like this? He was my dad and I got left with Damian who doesn't even want me."

"He obviously wants you or he wouldn't force you to come here," Wally pointed out. He caught the acrobat's other hand and interlocked their fingers although the action caused the other's scowl to harden. "Even if he didn't, which he does, I still want you here." Dick pulled his hands away and turned back to his bed to throw the bag onto the floor. "Dude work with me here."

"No! I don't want to work with anyone because you don't get it!" he yelled. "Just get out of my room and leave me alone!"

"We're not allowed to-"

"Just leave!"

There was certainly no way Wally was going to leave when Dick was so obviously under distress but he did decide to give him a minute to calm down. He went quiet and strained his ears to listen to the other. Dick's back was to him but that didn't keep him from noticing when the crying began. He knew Dick like the back of his hand and when he got angry, the tears would eventually flow. That was the only time he'd really let anyone help. The speedster slowly walked to the bed and sat down on it. "I don't know how you feel. I will never know unless I go through the same," he began. The acrobat turned away from him as he wiped his tears with his sleeve. "But that doesn't mean I can't help. We all want to. Despite how much I think your brother is a dickhead, I know he wants to help too. He just doesn't know how," he continued. 

"He wasn't meant to see."

"Grayson, Pennyworth mentioned you didn't-" Damian stood dead in his tracks. He had one hand on the doorknob and a packet of painkillers that the younger had been running low on. It was always a pain when you needed some but you didn't have enough. His eyes fell right on Dick who was similarly frozen in time. He dropped the razor in shock, causing flecks of red to stain the sink. It would be hell for him to clean afterward. He stared at Damian and Damian stared at him. "I can explain," he stated.

"Blood," was all Damian could say. He dropped the packet of pills and rushed towards his younger brother. He took Dick's arm and inspected the clean wounds. "I didn't mean for this," he stated. He opened one of the cabinets and took out the bandages. Dick saw his hands shaking. It hadn't been that bad had it? "Grayson I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything."

"I made you do it. This is all my fault."

"I didn't know what to do. He started saying all this stuff and I didn't have time to tell him. He didn't do anything I guess...or maybe he did...I don't know!" he cried. He tutted at himself for letting his barriers get broken down so easily. Then again, he always crumbled under the other's gaze. He sat down beside him, a little distance between them, and fiddled with his now wet sleeves. "I thought my parents would always be around but they're not 'n I thought Bruce would be around for ages but now he's not. Maybe if I just cut all ties and went somewhere nobody would want to know me, I wouldn't hurt anymore." He flopped onto the bed with a frown. So much for keeping everything locked up. Wally gave him a concerned look and lay to be beside him. "You can't do that. It's not how you work. You've always wanted other people to be there for you otherwise you wouldn't be on the team and you'd refuse to still be Robin. Pushing everyone away will make you hurt worse," he explained. The thought of the smaller purposefully shutting himself from the world was a scary one. He knew how much Dick needed the little things that came with knowing lots of people. He craved physical and emotional affection. He loved hearing everyone speak about themselves and how differently everyone lived. "I haven't slept in three days. Every time I close my eyes it's just death," Dick admitted.

"Oh, Dickie. You need your rest especially when you feel crappy or you'll just feel crappier." 

"Bruce used to hug me when I had nightmares. He'd hold me and make sure everything would be okay. No one else at home does," he replied. What he was trying to say was "Please Wally give me your biggest hoodie, cuddle me for days on end and tell me everything's going to be okay before kissing me goodnight." Luckily, Wally knew his language. 

"Get changed into something comfortable alright? I'll go tell everyone we're just gonna have some downtime then I'll come back and you can take a nap."

"Thanks, Walls."

The week was surprisingly short and Dick had remained clean through the whole of it. Wally suggested that it was just a slip up because he suddenly felt like his support system went. He went with that idea. He still felt bad now and then but it felt nice to have people around him. When Damian arrived to pick him up, Dick was considerably calmer. He waited till they got back to the Batcave before saying what he'd been practicing all week. "Damian, I did what I did because I was out of control. You didn't do anything to make me do it," he explained. Before the older could utter a word he gave him a tight hug then went off to his room. Damian watched him with a subtle smile. Maybe he should put him on suicide watch more often.