here's a part two with a part three coming up at some point that was prompted by CloeTheTealSnake so blame her if you're getting sick of this for enabling me
Kaldur and Dick walked back to the living room, the younger in higher spirits than before. However, the remanents of his breakdown were made clear by his red eyes and messed up hair. "Are you alright?" Wally asked. He looked the boy up and down, taking in his disheveled appearance.
"I may have underestimated feeling again. They get too much sometimes," Dick admitted. His eyes darted to the floor as his hands fiddled with his shirt. It felt rather shameful to admit how he felt. It went against what he'd been taught for so long that he half expected to be reprehended for it now, even when he knew for a fact that wouldn't happen. Thanks to Kaldur of course. "We can imagine. We're sorry if we did anything to upset you, we really didn't mean to," M'gann spoke up on behalf of her friends. They nodded in confirmation.
"Kaldur did inform me that I have misinterpreted your empathy. The effects of your actions are my own fault," he explained. He glanced up at them. They were looking at him. Before he would have seen them as looks of disappointment but now he didn't want to squirm under their gaze. It actually felt comforting in a way. He could deal with it. "You look like a drowned rat, let's get you some clean clothes. I'm sure Wally and I can come up with something you can wear," Artemis offered, her voice becoming soft in Dick's presence. Her motherly side had kicked in upon seeing his rubbed raw eyes. Something about it was rather nice to see from the spitfire blond. "You don't have to. I can stand damp clothes until my family comes," Dick insisted.
"No way dude. You're not getting sick from sitting in wet clothes," Wally argued. "We'll be back in a flash." He ran out of the room with Artemis following, beginning their missions to raid their collective closets for something he could wear.
Upon their leaving, Kaldur spotted a chance for Dick to spend some time with Connor. He made eye contact with the super and whispered something so quiet only he could hear it. Connor nodded. "M'gann, you have a hairbrush lying around in your bedroom, don't you? Would you mind if Dick used it?" Kaldur inquired. The martian nodded, eager to help, and floated out the room. "Dick, wait here whilst I make sure Wally and Artemis don't kill one another," he added. He left Dick standing a few inches away from the doorway with Connor with the hopes of what he wanted to happen, happening. Dick watched him leave then glanced at Connor and away again. He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't want to sit down in fear of ruining the couches with his wet clothes. Standing in front of the super wasn't what he wanted either. He felt like he was being gawked at but that may just be his feelings distorting things again. "Feelings suck, don't they?" Connor began, catching the smaller's attention.
"Yes. I think they rather do."
"I'm sort of new to them too. Being a clone. I didn't get to grow up and learn how to deal with them," he continued, sitting up and leaning forward slightly. He was welcoming a conversation and Dick allowed himself to join.
"That must've been hard for you."
"It was. Especially when I felt guilt for the first time." Dick took a few steps closer so the conversation didn't feel so far away and lent on an armchair, being careful not to lean too much and saturate the material with rainwater.
"Why did you feel guilty?"
"Upon freeing me, I attacked the team. In the moment, I didn't feel guilty but later on, when I'd gotten to know everyone, I felt it," he responded. The former Talon's ears pricked up and he snapped to a stiff stance rather than leaning.
"Does it ever stop? Or is it always going to be there?" he asked fretfully. The look Connor gave him made a shiver run down his spine and his eyes glisten. The look said it would always be there. "I can't live with it," he whispered.
Instantly, Connor stood up and was by his side. That talk was unnerving for both parties involved. "You can and you will. It'll lessen with time," he assured him.
"You just hurt your friends before knowing them. I did some truly awful things. What if it will never lessen?" Connor could hear his heartbeat growing faster. He grabbed Dick's hands on their way to his head. He could see himself in the smaller. Feeling so overwhelmed by everything and not knowing what to do. But he could be there for Dick the way he wished someone was there for him in the first place. "I don't want to feel it anymore," he said in a begging tone.
"I know. It's awful. It hurts every day to wake up and have it. But you've got to remember that no one is holding it against you," Connor replied. He listened carefully to the other's breathing, frowning when he found it was still fast. "Deep breaths." He waited till he was happier with Dick's breathing before continuing. "You'll make peace with it. Yes when I wake up and have that wave of guilt, it's awful. But then I remember the love people have for me."
"I can't make myself remember. It's too hard."
"Then people can remind you that you are loved."
"How can you be so sure that they do?" Dick asked, tears rolling down his red cheeks. He was cold, probably from the wet clothes, or at least Connor assumed he was cold from the shivering. That wasn't helping the situation. "Why else would your friends be helping you? Why else would your family work to help you feel normal?"
After a few sniffles, Dick found his voice. "I suppose you're right. Sorry for crying like that. It just seems to happen." Connor released his hands so he could wipe at the tears. He let out a long breath to recollect himself then looked at Connor. Crying wasn't something he liked to do but it was happening more often whether he liked it or not. "No need to apologize. Dinah said crying is normal," the taller assured him.
"The Court said it wasn't. I'm sure you can understand the trouble that causes," Dick reminded him.
"Since when has the Court been right about anything?" Connor said with a half-smile, receiving a tired chuckle from the smaller.
"Even so."
Before they could continue, the rest of the team returned and Dick was swiftly led out the room by Wally who was holding a yellow Kid Flash hoodie and jogging pants that everybody was sure they hadn't seen him wear before. The clothes looked rather big but Dick didn't seem to mind. "You can get changed in my room then come back when you're ready," Artemis told him.
"What about my clothes?"
"Just shove them in my washing basket and we'll get them to you when M'gann does the laundry," she replied. The smaller nodded and left, allowing Connor to tell Kaldur his findings. They waited a few minutes before striking up a conversation.
"By your expression, I'm guessing what you talked about wasn't good?" the Atlantian said. Connor nodded with a frown. The three that weren't in on the conversation glanced at each other in confusion, swiftly investing themselves in what was going on. "He's sort of like me. We both need to remember no one blames us for our past actions," he explained. "Though, I seem to be having an easier time remembering it," he added, returning to his seat.
"He responds positively to affection. More affection could help reassure him," Kaldur theorized.
"Oh I can do that! I've been told I give great hugs," M'gann announced, clapping her hands together. That was true, she did give great hugs, but she got very excited very quickly.
"How can I put this lightly?" Artemis began. "You can be a bit overwhelming. Overwhelming plus someone who clearly doesn't know his feelings very well can equal a mess," she continued. She tried to be as friendly as possible, not wanting to upset the martian for no reason.
"Oh, I see," M'gann said defeatedly.
"Maybe he needs aggressive affection?" Wally suggested. "Connor said that he struggled remembering no one blames him, that might be because nobody is brave enough to give him so much," he theorized. Kaldur hummed as he thought about what they could do in order to test the theory. Obviously putting Dick in a stressful situation would be rather mean and could trigger him to trust them less but conversely, he could gain some assurance that people cared for him despite his previous actions. "Let M'gann be affectionate but you must be sensitive to how he feels. If you know it's getting too much then hold back." She nodded, beginning to get excited before calming herself down quickly.
"Totally. Got it."
Dick peeled off his wet clothes and replaced them with the new clean ones Wally provided him with. He hadn't worn baggy clothes like them for a long time. Even the clothes he was wearing that day were fairly close to the skin. He'd just gotten used to the feeling of fabric always fitted against his skin since he'd been wearing the same skin-tight uniform for years. Baggy clothes weren't something he thought he missed but now that he was kitted out in the oversized hoodie and jogging pants, he relished in the feeling it brought him. He liked how comfy they were. The material was soft against his skin and kept him warm. He liked that the sleeves were too long and how it seemed to swallow him up. Despite his eyes and marks under his skin, he'd look like any average teenager who was lounging about his home. Perhaps he could ask to get more clothes like this. He shoved his hands in the pocket of the hoodie, smiling at himself in the mirror when he looked over the outfit. This felt right. He walked back to the living room where he'd left the team, returning to them settling back down and deciding on a different movie. They acknowledged his arrival, behaving subtly as to not make him anxious. He appreciated their care and sat in the closest free space which happened to be next to M'gann. "Thank you for the clothes. It's been a while since I've worn something in this style," he said, attempting to make conversation which was particularly difficult for him. He remembered when they used to be easy. Stand him in front of anyone and he used to talk on and on about the smallest things. Now he hesitated too much to begin conversations. Coming from a family that seemed to share the same problem with communication didn't really help build his conversational skills again. "It's no trouble. We couldn't have you sitting in wet clothes," Wally countered.
"Do you want me to brush your hair? It's still a little messy if you don't mind me saying," M'gann jumped in.
There was a nervous silence before Dick replied. "If you don't mind. I'm known to be a little to rough with my hair," he said in a joking manner. A collective breath was let go. M'gann told him to turn around and began brushing through his black locks. Whether it was the repetitive soft brush strokes or the whole day in general, Dick found that he was becoming tired. Too tired to maintain any sort of conversation or concentration yet not tired enough to fall asleep. M'gann could feel this energy and, after thinking it over whilst chewing on her bottom lip, she offered him something. She told herself it was okay if he refused since he wouldn't mean anything by it. He was reserved and couldn't help it. Though this pep talk became rather senseless when he beat her to ask. "Y-you don't mind -erm- hugging me?" It was a timid request but she was happy to fulfill it. He turned and cautiously wrapped his arms around her. She was warm and soft. Her clothes smelt like cookies for some reason. They smelt slightly burnt but they were cookies all the same. She returned the gesture and kept him close. One of her hands began petting his hair and that was enough to make his eyelids feel like weights. He let them fall once he was sure no one was watching him and melted into the other's touch. M'gann waited till she was sure he was asleep before carefully moving him onto her lap. The team heard the shuffling and turned around. Wally instantly took a photo to send to one of the Batfam, captioning it with a taunt about Dick's new favourite family. He didn't receive a reply which was very telling. "He's adorable when he's asleep, isn't he?" Artemis commented. "Makes you forget who he was."
"Poor thing pulls at his hair regularly. I wonder how often he feels overwhelmed," M'gann added passingly, running her hand through his hair and feeling some of the small bald spots he had.
"It's not a thought you're ought to dwell on," Connor warned her. She sighed and looked down at Dick's sleeping face. He looked peaceful.
"Since when have we owned Shrek? Why didn't anyone tell me we owned Shrek?" Wally announced.
The robotic female voice announced the Batfamily's arrival but failed to wake Dick up. Mostly because the team had found a way to lower the volume of her voice so she didn't wake him up. Though, after the day he had, they doubted he would've woken up upon hearing it at the usual volume. The family walked into the room and paused. Obviously, they had gotten the photo but actually seeing their youngest member curled up in someone's lap in oversized clothes was something they weren't prepared for. The team looked at him whilst they looked at Dick. "Um, do you want me to wake him up?" M'gann asked awkwardly. She didn't want to and it seemed they shared the same sentiment.
"Tell us what happened here," Nightwing ordered.
"Richard felt overwhelmed and took a minute outside. I went outside to get him and found him having one of those episodes you warned us about. It took a while to calm him down and get to what caused it so he got wet. We gave him a change of clothes, he got tired then he fell asleep on M'gann," Kaldur explained. Mentioning the episode obviously brought down the mood of seeing Dick's adorable position.
"Shit, what set him off?" Red Hood inquired.
"He forgot that feelings can affect how he sees things and misinterpreted heroes' sympathy for him."
"It's rude to talk about people without inviting them into the conversation," Dick mumbled tiredly, rubbing at his eyes.
"Sorry," they all said in unison. He smirked to himself and looked up at M'gann with a raised eyebrow since he was sure he'd fallen asleep by her side and not on her lap.
"I thought it would be comfier." He stood up and stretched, rubbing his eyes again.
"You'd be right in thinking so," he replied. He turned to his brothers and father. "Can I stay with them more often?"
"If you want, let's get you home first and you can tell us about your episode today. Alright?" Batman responded. He nodded and waved goodbye to the team before leaving with his brothers. Batman waited behind for a few moments. "Did he say anything about his past?"
"He needs to see someone if he isn't already. That guilt for his past will eat him from the inside out if he doesn't," Connor said seriously. He looked at Batman pointedly to make sure his answer really went through. Batman hummed and left the room without giving them any reassurement that he'd take the point on board. This was Batman, after all, they should've known better. "Guys, we have Shrek 2 AND 3? Why don't you tell me these things?" Wally announced, holding up the two DVD cases.
ig i should do that positive tag eh? since i was tagged by Jacksepticeyeis1
so here's five things i love about myself
1. I'm passionate
2. I'm always there for my friends
3. I'll ignore my social anxiety if my friend needs something but can't ask for it because of their own
4. My chaotic energy
5. My accepting nature
alright ten people lets go
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