McBrube requested this and this is our final part

Happy holidays, whatever you're celebrating or if you're not celebrating anything at all, I hope you have a wonderful day and go into the new year happier than you started. 

After his parent's death, Dick's whole world was turned upside down. He was sent to a juvenile detention centre where he hardly got a wink of sleep let alone dreamed. Who could sleep in a place like that? The other boys made sure he wouldn't sleep. He'd get about a second of real sleep before one of them woke him up either unintentionally or on purpose. Some woke him by screaming at the guards to be let out, others yelled threats at one another through the bars. 

His cellmate was an older kid who only went by his inmate number. At least fourteen although with his height he could easily pass as eighteen. He found it particularly funny to demand they swap beds every hour. Dick wondered if it was worth losing sleep over but apparently, the joy from tormenting him was priceless. He also stole what little food he was given so his grumbling stomach kept him up if he was spared a night of musical chairs bed addition. 

The guards weren't much better. If they saw him even beginning to nap outside of his cell, they would bang on whatever surface was closest to his face. Apparently, there was an unspoken rule that they couldn't sleep outside of cells which felt rather unfair given he wasn't an inmate. He was just there because the city was at max capacity and no one else would take him. He must've missed the other rule saying that they didn't have to stop other kids from bullying him for kicks. 

When Bruce fostered him, one of his first thoughts was that he'd finally be able to sleep. Relief was up there but the need to sleep properly was what pushed through the most. He was exhausted and his body felt like it weighed a thousand tonnes. Even as he changed out of his jumpsuit and into the clothes provided by Bruce (all two sizes too big mind you) he did so clumsily without any of the excitement expected from him. Part of him felt ungrateful. People were expecting him to jump for joy and anxiously ask questions about his saviour but he couldn't muster up the energy. 

Sure Bruce was nice to have fostered him but Dick wasn't stupid. He knew what charity cases were and he knew the reputation Bruce had. Billionaire Playboy worked until it didn't. He needed that edge of being a father to show he could play both sides. Dick didn't pretend to understand how the upper class worked but he could see how it helps for work. He could play the family man to win over the parents and the playboy to win over the single businesswomen. Maybe the lack of sleep had made him pessimistic and in time he'd appreciate this shining knight everyone was telling him about but that wasn't today and he didn't want to use what effort he was putting into staying awake into being optimistic. 

Thankfully, Bruce seemed to understand that he hadn't slept much and didn't question why he asked to go to bed right after dinner despite not eating much. Dick wanted to eat all of it. This was his first proper meal in so long and his stomach hurt so much at the thought of leaving it but he just couldn't. It would be far too embarrassing to ask to be hand-fed like a baby because he physically couldn't bring the fork to his mouth another time. Alfred, Bruce Wayne's butler, was kind about it and assured him that when he woke up he would receive a big breakfast. He whispered a thank you in return.

Dick found that his room didn't feel at all like a kid's room. He was sure that it was just a guest room that hadn't be used in a long time. He wondered if he could change it and make it his own or if this was meant to be temporary. Like some sick trick. Bruce didn't seem the type but it wasn't like he knew the man in-depth. He couldn't be sure. If he could change it, he would have a lot of space to work with. His possessions that once made his tiny room in his trailer were probably sold off by now or hidden away in some evidence locker. Perhaps he could ask for replacements or for some of it to be bought back but he doubted it would be easy to track everything down.

The bed really sold that this place wasn't meant to house him or any other child for that matter. It was far too big even for an adult. The sheets were ornate like they weren't supposed to be used but more for decoration to make the room look pretty in case the door was ever left open. It was staged. Not lived in. He shouldn't live there yet here he was being told that this was his room for now. He sighed to himself. At least it would be more comfortable than his bed in the cell and the sheets didn't look nearly as thin. 

He noticed pyjamas had been laid out but the thought of getting changed was far too tiring so he crawled into bed with what he already had on after taking his shoes off. Dick immediately felt swamped in the sheets and the bed but damn if it wasn't comfortable. It felt like a cloud. He'd never felt something as soft before and he could already feel his eyelids struggling to stay open. Finally, he could get the sleep he so desperately needed.

Bruce watched Alfred with a pensive look. He'd retreated to the Batcave after dinner as per his routine and Alfred had followed him down to clean various things. The butler looked like he wanted to say something but was waiting for him to begin the conversation. 

"What is it?" he asked after a while, unable to stand it any longer. 

"Do you think it's wise to leave the young master on his own?" Alfred replied in a faux calm voice. It was the same Bruce remembered from his youth, asking him if he broke something he definitely broke but tried to hide. Unlike in those cases, he couldn't think as to why he was in trouble now. This was their routine and Dick had gone to his room for a nap. Why would he have to stay upstairs for that?

"He's sleeping."

"And when he wakes up?" He shrugged. "He's experienced trauma similar to your own. Can you tell me how exactly you slept right after the death of your parents?"

"Not well."

"Exactly and he's spent a considerable amount of time in prison. Do you think he would sleep well after that?"

"I mean, not particularly but he's only just met me. I doubt he'd want me to be there if he woke up upset."

"So he'd rather have no support at all?" Bruce knew the answer to the question but he also knew it was rhetorical so he didn't say anything aloud and he hated it when Alfred was right. 

"I've got cameras all over the house. If he requires help and seeks me out, I'll know."

"Whatever you see fit, sir," Alfred replied. The quiet returned just as unbearable as the first and the billionaire sighed to himself, standing up from his chair and storming upstairs.

"For the record, I'm doing this just to check on him. That's it. Not because you said anything."

"Of course sir. Who would think any differently?" He grumbled to himself and continued up the stairs. All he was going to do was stick his head in and see if everything was fine. Nothing more. He'd go back to the cave when he'd proven his point.

That was the plan at least.

Until he reached the bottom of the stairs and heard a guttural scream coming from Dick's room. 

His eyes widened and he paused for a second just to think if he had any weapons on him. He wouldn't usually risk his identity like this. If someone he knew was in danger he'd slink away and reappear as his alter ego but this scream had him sprinting up the stairs before he could think about fetching something. Besides, how would he explain Batman just showing up? It would look just as suspicious and he didn't give a shit if this was how he was found out. No child should be screaming like that.

Bruce kicked the door open, ready to come face to face with an attacker but instead found Dick in bed with tears streaming down his face now staring at him shaking with fright. They stared at each other for a moment as they caught up on what had happened in the last few seconds before the acrobat began to cry again. Bruce was spurred into action and went to his bedside, offering up an awkward hug which was gladly accepted by his new ward.

"What happened?"

"It's so stupid," Dick whimpered, desperately trying to keep his breath under control but failing miserably. He rubbed at his eyes roughly as though punching the tears away would stop them. Bruce gently took his hands away before he hurt himself and rubbed circles on the backs of his hands. 

"It's not. Concentrate on breathing, chum. In for five, hold for five then out for five." He struggled at first, his body immediately telling him he didn't have enough air to breathe in for that long but eventually, he squashed that thought and trusted it would work. It did after some time and suddenly all the adrenaline giving him energy melted out of his body. 

"Just wanna sleep," he whispered, almost begging. He just wanted to sleep. How could he fail at something so simple?

"Can you tell me what happened?" Bruce asked. He could've left it but he was far too worried there was someone still lurking in the shadows waiting until he left to do something to his ward. 

"I just- I just wanted to sleep but then I got that funny feeling yknow? The one where it feels like you falling and I thought," he paused and shook his head. It felt so stupid. It was such a jump in logic that he knew it was dumb but it all felt so real. "I thought I was falling like them."

"That's nothing stupid."

"It is! I've slept tonnes of times, I know that feeling, I know I didn't fall so why did I get so scared?"

"You've been through something traumatic and that affects your body as well as your brain." Dick nodded along, not really understanding but feeling a little less silly for being so scared. 

"I'm so tired."

"Then let's get you back in bed and back to sleep. I'll stay here so if you feel scared, I can be right here." 

"You don't have to do that. You barely know me."

"But I've been you before," Bruce assured him. "When my parents died, I didn't sleep without Alfred there for a month. It was nice to know that even when I was frightened, someone would be there for me."

"You're a billionaire dude. You've got more important things to do."

"The most important thing on my agenda right now is you. You need sleep and I'm happy to sit here for however long you need me to."

"Could you read a book? It'd be a bit creepy if you just watched me." Bruce chuckled and opened the bedside table, pulling out a book with a deep green cover. Even that looked expensive. The title was written in cursive so Dick didn't know what it was but he felt put at ease by it already. He sniffled and gently wiped the last of his tears away before settling back down. 

"I miss my elephant. I'd fall asleep with her every night."

"Your parents let you sleep on an elephant?"

"A stuffed one," Dick giggled. It wasn't an intentional joke but if it made him smile then that was alright. Bruce hummed and looked around for something soft. There wasn't anything in here and when he grew out of stuffed toys, he had them donated to those who needed it. He couldn't think of any still in the house and he felt stupid for not having realised earlier how many of Dick's possessions had been lost. 

"How about I have a talk with the Commissioner tomorrow and see if its in storage? If we can't find it, I'll get you a new one when we go shopping."

"We're going shopping?"

"Yeah, this room is hardly kid-friendly. I want you to make it your own since I didn't know what you liked. Didn't want you to feel like you had to like the decorations I picked out." The boy smiled at the thought and nodded, comforted that he'd be able to make this place his. He had to be staying here for a while if he was going to buy decorations.

"That sounds nice, B," he replied.

"Good. Now close your eyes. I've read this book cover to cover and it puts me to sleep every night." He hummed in response and closed his eyes. Hopefully, there would be no more feelings of falling but if they were, he knew he wasn't alone. He wasn't in juvie anymore. He was safe.

obligatory authors note, skip if you want to it's just a load of waffle

SO this year has been a lot for me. I've graduated from university so I have my degree in criminology (technically a criminologist now but I'm not employed as one so it's just that in spirit ig) and I started my new job after a month or so on Universal Credit. I won't lie, a lot of times I felt like a failure for not being happy enough or for not succeeding enough after university but I think I've realised that it's completely normal for people to finish university and not go into the career they want instantly. 

I think in the UK especially going to university causes people to have a lot of expectations for you and I felt that in my family since my brother was the first generation of us to go to university. I expected more from myself and I think I need to remember that I'm human and I'm not living in the best possible circumstances.

I've finally got the money to start my transition medically and I've found a place that allows me to remotely access the services I need since in the UK there are only 5 or so gender clinics and all of them are about 3 hours away or more. I love my job even when I complain about it, I'm excited for what the future has in store and I'm so thankful for coworkers who don't give a shit that I'm trans and are willing to make my shifts work around gender appointments. 

There are some things that I wish I could change but I need to remember that life is never straightforward. The world can be shitty, the people in it can be even shittier but not everything is awful. 

I've lost one of the most important people involved with my transition. She was like a mother figure and always offered a safe space if anything ever happened at home. She died at the beginning of the year and I've been working through the loss as best I can. I felt guilty because she's not my mum, she's my friend's and I felt like I was imposing on her grief but I think that's the nature of losing someone you consider family through your friend. 

All in all, I'm excited to see where this new year goes and I've still got tonnes of ideas for this book so that won't stop anytime soon. If you wanna read my Merlin or TMNT stuff, my AO3 houses it @Robin_Kid. 

Happy holidays and if you're not celebrating then have a happy day!!