Too many people had been home lately and it was getting on Damian's nerves. He'd hardly had a quiet moment to himself since October and the moments he did have were either when he was mourning or waiting around anxiously (although he would never admit to being anxious) for something to happen. 

Finally, his weekend was mostly free of interacting with others. Bruce was at therapy, Alfred was on a grocery run picking up some things the acrobat liked to use as rewards for training, Tim was off with his boyfriend somewhere and everyone else was catching up on the work they'd been missing trying to help their newest little brother get settled in their own homes. That left only Damian and Dick together with the former being put in charge of his well-being for a few hours. It would be their first time home alone together in a while and Damian had thought his own company would be enough. 

Apparently not.

"Is Jay coming today?" Dick asked, kicking his legs as he sat on the counter. He was mindful to tuck them in if anyone passed by but right now it was just himself and Damian in the kitchen. The latter of the pair was focused on making sure his tea was perfectly brewed which worked in his favour when a small scowl overcame his features at the name. 

"I don't see why he would," he responded blandly. 

"Oh," Dick replied, his voice soft with disappointment. 

"Todd doesn't live here, you know. He hardly came here before you turned into this," he replied before silently admonishing himself for the language he'd used. They were all working on avoiding that term, most going for "when you showed up" or "before you got here" but he struggled to get it right. Dick seemed to be forgiving though and brushed it off without commenting on it. "Is my company not fulfilling for you?"

"Oh no, it totally is. You know I love spending time with you, 'akhi!" He tilted his head at that and turned around to face his younger sibling.

"You know Arabic?" Damian questioned. "You forget what the TV remote is called on the best of days and you're learning Arabic?"

"Do you not like it?"

"I didn't say that. I asked about you knowing it."

"I was just trying to do something nice. I didn't mean to-"

"Habibi, it's okay," Damian interrupted before he could spiral. The grin he received lit up the whole room and made him feel slightly better using it. It was weird flipping the term onto Dick but not entirely skin-crawling especially when it did its job of preventing things from getting worse. "Don't tell anyone I called you that or else." Dick nodded eagerly, still grinning at the appreciation he'd been shown. "I was only wondering where you learned it since I don't call anyone that and no one else speaks Arabic."

"Oh, Hamza and I used it since we were basically family. He would do the contortionist act with his mum. She called me Habibi too because I helped her in the kitchen. She used to cook for the whole circus during our long stays," Dick explained, excited just to be talking about the circus. He spoke about it a lot more than any of them remembered.

"Hamza? You never mentioned him," he said as he returned to make his tea.

"Guess it was a long time ago for that version of me. He left a year before I came to Gotham. I wonder what happened to him. Probably has kids or something." 

"Right, well that brings me back to my original question. Is my company not fulfilling for you?"

"No, I just like hanging out with him."

"Why?" Damian asked, not intending to sound so jealous. 

Once upon a time, Dick would be jumping for joy spending time with just him. He would suggest a bunch of things for them to do whilst also being open to doing nothing at all. He'd see it as a highlight of his week. Damian knew he shouldn't be jealous of their relationship, especially when he knew that Dick would've loved to have even a small part of it before. Jason had been there for Dick whilst everyone else was falling apart, he treated him like the little kid he was without constantly reminiscing about the man he had been and reminding him of such. Of course that would make him the favourite. 

Yet that didn't stop that feeling of wanting to be Dick's favourite again. Damian had liked knowing someone was always in his corner and when he was entirely in the wrong, Dick would say it like he was not berating him for not being perfect or making him feel like a big burden. He knew that Dick liked him which he couldn't say for any of the others. The acrobat sought him out to spend time together and he never pushed him away when he didn't get what he wanted. 

"I like that we don't talk about stuff I don't know," Dick told him nervously like he was saying a swear word behind a guardian's back. That wasn't fair and as much as it hurt Damian to not have his old life back, he wouldn't subject his little brother to any more of it. 

"Then we won't talk about that," he replied. "What would you like to do?" When he turned, finally done with his tea, he was met with a look of surprise. "What?"

"Nothing I just- you don't ask me what I want to do. You choose the activity."

"I'm feeling nice today then. What would you like to do?"

"Do you think we could paint together? I know I can't use your fancy shmancy paints but I found a bunch of these cool rocks yesterday and Steph suggested I paint them to put around the pond. I guess I already did it years ago because there are already a bunch there but they're all gross now. Plus it's a nice day and I already cleaned them," he rambled, getting more nervous every moment that passed.

"My paints wouldn't be appropriate for such an activity."

"Is that a no?" he asked with a frown.

"No, it was a correction. Let's find some acrylic paints." 

"You're the best!"

With a cup of tea, a tub of water to clean their brushes and a closed bottle of juice (if Dick could spill his drink on himself, he would), the pair made their way to the garden. It was one of the five nice days Gotham was treated to in the summer when the heat was nice rather than scalding and a cool wind kept you comfortable without biting at your face. 

Dick's arms were full of various acrylic paints and brushes Damian had been gifted by Jon who had opted for quantity over quality. Although he would never taint his personal artwork with less-than-stellar tools, they were perfect for the shop. The rocks sat in a pile near the croquet grounds and Dick happily plopped himself down on the grass with no care for how it would stain his clothes or how bugs would feel welcome to crawl over his limbs thinking he was a weird blade of grass. Damian chose to sit on the bench instead despite how it would force him to stoop down to collect his stone canvases. 

Dick must've noticed this as the first thing he asked was which ones Damian wanted and when he'd picked them out, placed them on the bench to save his back the work. Damian smiled to himself but didn't draw attention to the nice gesture before getting to work on a colourful mandala whilst the younger decided on a nirvana-esque smiley face. 

"How's school?" Dick asked in a horribly familiar way. 

"It's adequate," he replied. "I excel in every way that matters." 

"Do you have friends there?"

"I have...acquaintances." The acrobat nodded thoughtfully and smartly chose not to push the topic of friends. From the few vague things he'd been told, Damian knew school wasn't the easiest for Dick. Whilst he was intelligent and able to keep up with classmates, they hardly gave him the time of day and those who did only did so in service of something else like an invite to the best galas. Barbara was the only real friend from school that he ever kept in touch with. 

"I think I miss school but also not."

"You probably miss the structure rather than the school itself." He hummed. They hadn't really spoken about Dick going back to school, all under the silent agreement that they would eventually would talk about it but like many things it went undiscussed. It had to be after he was situated at home but before he got too old and therefore got left behind academically."Do you want to go back to school?"

"I want out of the house. I'm all cooped up in there waiting for someone to decide it's safe for me to get to it, yknow?" he answered, his voice teetering on angry and his brushstrokes becoming more aggressive. He took a few deep breaths to calm down. "At least Jay takes me places. We went to the cinema once. Kinda bad those haven't changed all that much since the 90s huh?"

"Todd benefits from anonymity. Most don't take notice of him. It would be different if one of us were to take you somewhere."

"I guess," Dick sighed, almost disappointed in the response. "Hey, so, weird question, but why is there a Batcow? Is Jay messing with me?"

"No, she lives in the barn."

"We have a barn?" He then grinned, "B let you have a whole cow?"

"I saved her from a slaughterhouse and Father allowed me to keep her safe here. The same goes for Alfred, Ace and Titus. You used to claim they were my therapy animals." Perhaps they were if Damian was honest with himself. Animals always seemed easier to be around, they gave clear cues for when they needed or wanted things and they didn't require more than the basics from him despite how he gave them all he could. They offered some levity that humans didn't always allow.

"You're so lucky. B only let me keep a toad but I wasn't allowed it in the house. I need animals, dude, I'm a circus kid."

"I remember your animals. I feared they weren't well cared for but even with dwindling funds your circus kept them well. Even better when they made more money." Dick's eyes lit up at the mention of his circus and he jumped up to eagerly interrogate him.

"You met my animals? Did you see Zekita? Is she okay?"

"She's doing just fine. Approaching old age but healthy nonetheless."

"What about Mr Haley?"

"Still working alongside her. He made sure your parents were remembered for their lives rather than their deaths. He... he seemed happy for you." 

"Thanks, Dami."

Whilst painting, they settled into a rare state of calm, enjoying the ambience of the garden. Somewhere in the trees birds were chirping away and they were just far enough from the city to hear the distant traffic without it overwhelming the peace. The wind was chilled but luckily the sun was warm enough to make it feel welcome. For a brief moment, Damian could imagine that things were as they once were. He could forget that the man he knew was gone and pretend that the person he was sitting beside was his Dick Grayson. Then he felt this awful guilt settle at thinking that and opened his eyes, glancing at the boy sitting next to him who seemed preoccupied staring at Titus as he sniffed around the garden. 

It was at that moment when Damian realised just why Jason was the favourite now. Jason didn't sit there thinking about how he could pretend everything was fine. Jason didn't think about how things would be if none of this ever happened. Jason made sure that Dick was included in the present and he concentrated on the present. Damian had lost his status that night on the roof when he ran away at the mere thought of this version of his brother sticking around and he'd never really done anything to make up for it. The acrobat wanted the brother who made him feel like he wasn't kept around because of who he once was and all Damian did was look at him expecting to see some semblance of the man he once knew. He remembered the last few words that were uttered before Dick slipped away to break down in his room. He was told not to apologise when he didn't mean it. Damian had meant it though. He didn't mean to make Dick feel unloved or unwanted. He just hated change and didn't know how to handle the gaping hole in his life that caused old wounds to reopen. Yet Dick had taken it as sincere. He likely still didn't think the apology was a real one which meant that the ex-assassin had never apologised for his behaviour. 

He enjoyed the peace for a few minutes longer before he turned to Dick, gaining the acrobat's attention and being greeted with a bright smile. A few smears of bright paint stained his face and his hands, making him look even younger than he really was. 

"Do you remember that night on the roof?" Damian asked quietly. The smile faded slightly and Dick's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "It was after we figured out that we could never get your older self back. I ran out of the room and you came after me even after what I said."

"I remember," he confirmed. He looked away, likely reliving the memory from the way he winced at nothing. "Why are you bringing it up?"

"Something I remembered. I apologised for saying I didn't want you and you said not to apologise when I didn't mean it." The younger nodded slowly and slid his gaze over to search Damian's expression, waiting for the gotcha moment. "I did mean it, Grayson. I was sorry for what I said." He tried to make himself sound as sincere as possible but deflated when he saw that he wasn't believed. 

"You guys keep saying that," Dick replied after a long silence. "You keep saying you're sorry for what you did like that makes all of this so much better!"

"Does it not?"

"No. You can say sorry but you have to do things to prove it otherwise you're just saying it because you feel bad not because you actually feel sorry."

"That's why you prefer Todd, isn't it? Because he proved it? He's the perfect brother, isn't he?" he grumbled. He had intended for the last part to be said too quietly to hear but he was no longer dealing with a man who had stood next to too many explosions.

"Is that why you brought it up?" Dick asked, slowly rising from the ground. His eyes turned from their bright blue to something stormy and dark. "You're apologising because you're jealous that I asked for him today! You're so shallow!"

"No, that's not it at all! I do feel bad about what happened!" he argued immediately. "I'm- okay, I am jealous but not of him being your favourite, not really. I'm jealous of how he did all this without hurting you." Dick didn't leave but he didn't make another move to show he was going to be sticking around no matter what. He was simply giving him a second chance. "I am sorry for what I said to you. I'm sorry that I haven't proved that to you as of yet. Todd has managed to work through his grief for who you were without hurting who you are and it's so frustrating." He matched his brother's gaze. "You're so good at deciphering me that I'm not used to you not realising when I'm being sincere."

"What? So it's my job to just figure you out? Do you know how confusing you are?" Dick defended. "You don't spend time with me but then you're offended when I hang out with other people. You call me names too, some of them I've never even heard of like you're from Oliver Twist. It's like you hate me but you need me to like you. It's not fair."

"I know it seems that way," he replied honestly. He did understand how confusing he could be. "But I do care about you." Dick gave him a defeated smile.

"Dude, I know that. I've seen what you're like when you hate someone."

"And yet I feel the need to remind you that I truly do care about you since my behaviour is so opposing. I need to get used to doing the leg work from now on."

"I didn't mean to make you upset by asking for Jason. I just like hanging out with him. If we need to talk about all this," he vaguely gestured to himself, "then we do. If we don't need to, we don't. You guys have this really fun ability to bring it up all the time and it's a total bummer."

"Then how about we make the same deal? I like boundaries to be clearly defined."

"We can do that." Dick stuck his hand out to shake it but Damian already captured him in a hug that he immediately melted into. "For what it's worth, I do like you."

"I like you too."