i've never been a fan of the phrase you dont ask you dont get - as a person who struggles to recognise my needs for the most part and then struggles to ask for help, this phrase is like saying L skill issue - so im going to subject my fave character to it :D mixed with some juicy juicy jealousy you recognise isn't fair but still have to feel

Continuing on from my fics of I'm sick of raising your kids in my previous book!!

pov i know nothing about how gymnastics, gymnastics competitions and American schools work but i did used to do dance competitions so 

one time, right before i went on stage, i ripped my frenulum so i went out on stage with it bleeding - idk how it ripped but now i can never get a smiley piercing :(

Since the incident where Dick was made to be a parent for a while and then subsequently got tortured, Bruce had been trying a lot more to engage with his kids, especially Dick. It was one hell of a wake-up call. He took over more jobs (after the acrobat had to explain how to do most of them which were rather embarrassing) and Dick tried his best to go back to being a normal teenager. Well, as normal as he could be when he was a kid vigilante.

To help with being a normal teenager, his brothers encouraged him to take up gymnastics. It was honestly a surprise he hadn't gone for it considering his past in the circus and current flexibility but then they remembered how much he was doing before Bruce stepped up so he probably didn't have time. He'd been lucky since, although they usually weren't holding tryouts in the second term, someone has dropped out of the team over the summer so they were on the hunt for their next star. The coach upon seeing him walk in lit up and those on the team were whispering excitedly to one another. Turns out they'd been wanting to scout him out for a while but since he had a habit of disappearing during lunch, they never had the chance to talk. 

"Is it true you can perform the quadruple somersault on the trapeze?" one of them had asked before his tryout. He smiled at the question, feeling a sense of pride when he nodded. "That's so cool! I'm Gwen by the way. I really hope you get on the team, you'd really be a great member."

"What makes you so sure?" he replied.

"Because your parents were the Flying Graysons! You're part of the most skilled acrobatic groups in the world so you've already got the basics. We need another acrobatic gymnast so I can compete." She seemed to realise what she said and quickly made an attempt to play it off. "I mean that's if you wanna go into acrobatic gymnastics, we have facilities for everything here. You'd be great at trampolining or something."

"If I get on the team, I'd be happy to work with you," he assured her. She seemed nice enough and acrobatic gymnastics seemed right up his alley. "Wish me luck?"

"You don't need luck! But good luck."

Since then, every Tuesday and Thursday was training day but he did some stuff on the side to make sure he was always in top form. Meeting the other people on the team turned out to be a great help too. 

There were five of them on the main team then three replacements who couldn't dedicate all their time to the team so worked to replace people out sick or injured. All of which gave him a warm welcome and gushed about looking forward to working with him. It hadn't occurred to Dick that his parents and himself were sort of famous for their work. He was so used to being known for his connection to Bruce or being Robin that it was actually kind of nice to know his parents were being remembered. 

Gwen, his partner in acrobatic gymnastics, was his closest friend on the team. She was at Gotham Academy on a full scholarship so she didn't have that snottiness other students had and she was enthusiastic without being grating. She appreciated where he came from and could accept criticism of her moves without getting offended. He felt heard whenever they spoke to one another and he hoped she didn't secretly hate him.

The coach was great too. Coach Anderson (although he insisted on being referred to by his first name Sam) always gave praise when it was deserved and earned, using compliment sandwiches when criticising them and motivating them through positive reinforcement rather than bringing them down. He was understanding too. When Dick explained that he had to miss a practice because he had to look after his brothers whilst Bruce attended a gala, he didn't ask why the butler couldn't do it. Just told him to stop by during lunch to get in an extra hour of training. 

Previously, Dick had been reluctant to invite Bruce to anything school related. He didn't talk about award evenings, barely mentioned parents' evenings and stopped asking if he'd come to the school shows by the time they stopped being compulsory for everyone in the year to get involved with. But when he'd made it to nationals, he changed his mind and decided to take the plunge. He was dealing with the new and improved Bruce now so he shouldn't get shrugged off this time. He awkwardly approached his mentor as he was working in the office and coughed to make his presence known.

"Hi chum, what's up?" Bruce greeted without taking his eyes from his computer.

"I was wondering if you'd like to see me at my gymnastics competition this Friday. My category starts at 5 pm so you don't have to be there for the whole thing. It'd be really cool if you were there and you don't even need to stay for the awards part."

"Oh sorry bud, I've got Tim's thing on Friday." Oh. The one time he wanted his mentor there, he'd been too late. A jealous part of him thought to say that Tim's academic decathlon practice wasn't nearly as important as very real nationals but he lost steam before he could say anything. Tim had been wanting Bruce to see him compete for months now and it wasn't his fault that they were out of season so practice was all there was to come to. "Is there another competition after?"

"I guess." There would be more competitions after. Things that were much smaller and weren't as important.

"Well, like I said, Tim has me booked. Why don't you tell me when the next competition is so it'll be pre-booked? You know it's a first come first served basis here." 

He wanted to. It would mean the world for him to see his mentor watch him excel at something outside of Robin but he found himself shaking his head. All the energy that had gone into putting his heart out on the line had left him entirely at the mention of Tim. Who was he to take away his mentor from his little brother?

"It's fine," he mumbled. Apparently, he mumbled it just quiet enough that Bruce didn't hear even though he'd put on a bit of act about it expecting some gentle encouragement. Instead, he was met with silence. "I uh, I'm gonna be away from Thursday to Friday," he added in a last-ditch attempt to hint at the importance of the competition.

"I know chum, Alfred reminded me. You're staying with Gwen right?"

"Gwen and the team, yeah." For a moment he wondered if Bruce had even connected the two events. "I'll be back Saturday night."

"Was that everything?"

"Yeah," he mumbled before leaving the room.

It was fine, right? 

He wanted Bruce to get more involved with the family and being more involved meant that he was going to be booked up more nowadays. The only issue was he was being booked up with other people all the time. If it wasn't Tim, it was Jason and if it wasn't Jason, it would be Damian. All of them were valid sure but he deserved something, right? Was it selfish to expect him to cancel on Tim for a big competition? Dick's frequency of competitions meant he'd only extended an invite for the big one but apparently, the others hadn't taken a page out of his book with how often they were expecting Bruce to be there. 

As the acrobat walked to the gym, hoping some working out would keep his mind off things, he came to the infuriating conclusion of "you don't ask, you don't get." Sure he understood he'd left it too long but shouldn't it have been Bruce's responsibility to ask him more about gymnastics so he understood what was going on?

You should've said something. You know what he's like. Besides, he has four kids, and he can't keep track of everything!

Or he doesn't care to keep track of you.

Why was it Dick that kept missing out? 

You're older, he probably thought you'd say something. Maybe he's waiting for you to come to him.

But he knows you struggle with opening up like that. He knows you bend until you break. He should know. After everything you've done for him, coming to see you would be the least he could do.

He stopped for a moment, remembering how hard he'd worked to keep the family together as Bruce forgot how to be a parent and how he was assured he was still a kid so he could be a kid. It didn't feel like it when such a childish want of his guardian to witness what he'd been doing was left unfulfilled. Was that what being a big brother was? Only allowed to be a child at everyone else's convenience? Maybe he was reading too much into it. He was jealous of his little brother, for God's sake. Still, acknowledging the jealousy didn't prevent it from bubbling at the back of his mind as he pushed himself. 

Despite the jealousy being nearly all-consuming by the time competition day came around, his team were there to keep him in top-performing condition. Not because they wanted to win though which had been his initial interpretation of their care. It was what he was used to when he was back home. 

"Guys, I appreciate it but Bruce not being here won't mess with my performance," Dick assured them. If they were going to worry about him then they might be distracted when they worked on their own performances.

"Dick, this isn't about you performing," Coach Anderson explained. "This is about you. We know you'll pull it out of a bag when you qualified for this with a sprained ankle. We just don't like seeing you so upset."

"I'll be fine," he replied. "B needed to be there for Tim."

"Tim's is just a practice though," Gwen reminded him with a bitter tone. She unknowingly validated his jealousy and he had to stop himself before he went on a rant about it all. They didn't have the full picture, they just knew that Bruce wasn't here for him and they liked him. They were biased unlike himself so he couldn't agree with them even if he desperately wanted to. 

"I'm not his only kid."

"But you're the kid at nationals and no offence but he should be doing more to make it up to you considering how often you're there for things he should be doing." If only they knew the full story. "All I'm saying is that we're on your side and you're allowed to be mad."

"We want you to go out there and show him what he's missing," Coach Anderson told him. Dick smiled softly at the encouragement and liked how it sounded. He wanted to show Bruce that he missed out on something big for something so little. "When you look in that crowd before you go on, you find me and you find Gwen's parents because the three of us are so proud of you kid."

"Coach, you're getting all sappy!" Jaiden pitched in as Dick blinked away the tears he hadn't expected. 

So when Dick waited on the sidelines with Gwen by his side, he looked into the crowd. He saw his coach giving him a thumbs up and he saw Gwen's parents smiling. 

"They think we're dating," Gwen whispered. He tried his best not to laugh but it did explain why they had warmed to him so easily. "I didn't wanna correct them."

"Aren't you dating Laura?" he whispered back.

"Yeah but they like you more." He shook his head at her. The announcer called their names and they turned to one another. "We've got this."

"We're gonna shove this in Bruce's face." With a grin that was more than a performance face, they stepped up.

Dick didn't think he'd performed that well in his life and the scores reflected that, placing him and Gwen as number one in the state. She'd shrieked with joy, her parents whisking her up into a hug and congratulating Dick too since neither of them could've won without the other. He thanked them but his eyes still drifted to the door waiting for some big show of affection from his mentor who somehow made it just in time to see his celebration but he never came. No, he was busy with his other kid. The kid who was practising for the real deal whilst Dick was here actually doing the damn thing. Gwen must've seen the disappointment on his face and quickly slipped her hand into his.

"His loss," she told him.

"His loss."

When Dick came home, he found his family sitting around the table and for a minute he wondered if he should even bother to make his presence known. Dick watched the group as he internally debated the question, feeling so cold in the presence of their warmth. They really went all out. There were remains of party streamers on the floor and Tim still had frosting on his face from the presumed treat he'd gotten. Even Jason had gotten in on the fun with the food colouring obvious on his lips. Damian has nestled in Bruce's arms and the acrobat felt so old when his first thought was to wonder when his next bottle feed should be. 

With a glance at the time, it would be in ten minutes. He bet Bruce didn't even prepare a bottle. Maybe he'd forgotten a feed altogether. Dick watched the scene for a moment more before deciding he better say something or they might not realize he came home until tomorrow at breakfast.

"Guessing it went well then?" he asked, his tone a touch too heavy for the lightness he was going for.

"Hey, where've you been?" Bruce asked. "You missed the party. Tim here had the winning question and he wanted you to be there when we celebrated."

"I really wanted to wait for you! You just took forever to get here." 

If he had the energy, he'd be seething. He'd be pointing out that he'd just set a new school record, that he'd won fucking nationals and got nothing for it. He'd be yelling that his competition with highly regarded gymnasts should be put above an Academic Decathlon that wasn't even against another school or count towards literally anything. Yet all that fire died when he saw just how proud of himself Tim was and that reminded him that he was proud of his little brother too beneath all the jealousy. The kid was smart and deserved to be praised for it. Academic Decathlon opened doors but gymnastics? How was that going to help Wayne Industries in the future? How was that going to go further than making sure he stays bendy when crime fighting? So Dick decided to perform because that was his speciality. He put on that big brother persona they promised him he didn't have to do anymore and ruffled his younger brother's hair. 

"Well done kid, sorry I'm late," he settled on saying.

"Where were you?" Bruce reiterated. "It's almost 9."

"Traffic was bad on the way back," he explained, pointedly leaving out the reasoning as to why. There was a distinct disappointment that washed over him when his mentor just hummed in response without asking how it went. Nothing really changed, did it? Were big brothers meant to be neglected like this? "Have you fed Dami?"

"Not yet. Did you want to?" Dick nodded. He needed to be around the person he felt truly appreciated by even if it was just as a food giver. He dreaded the day that Damian could do things for himself in the same way mothers yearned for their babies to never outgrow them. A therapist would just love to pick apart that one. "Do you think you could have him settled soon?" 

"Why? We don't start patrol until ten."

"We were thinking about going to the movies. Tim's been wanting to watch that new murder mystery film so we could watch it before patrol." That stung much more than Dick could've ever expected it to. They should be watching his much-anticipated movie in celebration. He'd done something.

"How about you three go ahead without me? You know how fussy he can be and I don't mind. I'll probably fall asleep halfway through anyway. The ride back wore me out, I'd barely make it to the opening title."

"You and me both," Jason commented, getting a light punch to the shoulder from Tim. 

"Are you sure?" Bruce asked. He nodded, holding Damian closer. "Thanks, I appreciate it." That made him want to laugh. He'd just been witness to the "change" Bruce had been putting in place since his breakdown and subsequent torture and it was so useless, he had to laugh. With anyone else, he would push further. He would get to the point of aggravating because he would insist that they weren't really okay but with Dick making his life easier there was no point. Still, he smiled. 

"No worries. You guys go wash up, I'll get the monster here ready for bed."

Something was off with Dick. At first, they thought it was because he hadn't done well at his competition but then they noticed the trophy in his room. From what they could tell, it was one for first place so they were left at a loss for why he'd be withdrawn. That was until they were in an assembly updating them on the news for the week. 

"The Academic Decathlon team has been confirmed for next season and are set to have their first competition on the 17th with their new captain, Tim Drake-Wayne," the principal announced, the students clapping for them when prompted. 

Tim smiled to himself and looked to where he knew Jason was sitting, finding him pulling a funny face. When he looked for Dick though, he found his brother missing from the crowd. He shrugged to himself not thinking much of it and assumed he had to be somewhere else.

"Now, I can't very well end this assembly without recognising the work Dick Grayson and Gwen Tennant who after doing outstanding work over the season came first place in Nationals," the principal announced. "Let's bring them on stage shall we?"

Time froze. 

All the colour from Tim's bright blush had drained from his face as he watched his brother enter the stage with a girl by his side. He looked around in the crowd again until he found Jason who was staring right at him after seemingly realizing at the same time that their brother had competed in one of the biggest competitions of the year and never said anything. Both of them gave each other a resounding "we're fucked" look. 

"I just want to say we were proud to represent Gotham Academy and bring home our first National Gymnastics trophy since our last in 1980. I really couldn't have done it without my teammates though, so can we give a round of applause to the amazing young people of the gymnastics club." Dick spoke so clearly yet they could tell from the slight shake of his hands that he was seething with them. He must've been waiting for someone in the family to notice they'd missed something all weekend. Instead, he watched as they celebrated Tim's relatively small win without even mentioning it. "Who knew being from the circus would finally have its perks?" There was a round of laughter but they knew his addition to it was bitter.

"We couldn't have done this without the support of our team and of our coach. As a result of our win marking the end of our season, the gymnastics club would like to welcome its members to a get-together this Saturday. Unfortunately, our man of the hour can't be there as alongside his talents in acrobatics, he's also dedicated to his family," Gwen added. The brothers didn't know if that was supposed to be an intentional dig or not but it sure felt like it. "The party will be held at Sals Pizza at 7 pm. I'll hand you back to our lovely principal."

"Dick Grayson and Gwen Tennant, everyone!" the man stated, starting another round of applause. They were so dead.

"You didn't say anything," Tim stated that night at dinner. Dick glanced up from where he'd been pushing food around on his plate with a curious hum feigning innocence. He knew exactly what was being alluded to, the brothers were sure of it. "You went to nationals and said nothing about it. You won!"

"Yeah," he replied. "You guys saw the trophy, it wasn't exactly a secret."

"Wait, you went to nationals? When was this?" Bruce asked. The acrobat was quiet for a moment before returning his gaze to his half-eaten meal.

"Last weekend. Remember I asked you if you wanted to come but you had Tim's oh-so-important decathlon practice." He spat out the word like it was the worst thing he could've said. Tim flinched back at the tone and was surprised to find his brother wasn't comforting him with reassurance he hadn't done anything and the anger was directed at something else but rather his eyes were glued to his plate so he hadn't even seen the reaction. His demeanour reminded them of when he came back from the hospital and they really hoped it didn't take another bad night terror to work everything out.

"Bruce, you didn't go because of my thing?" Tim asked. "If I knew it was nationals, I would've told you it was okay not to come. Jay could've watched instead."

"You said it was a competition, you didn't say it was nationals! I would've worked something out."

"So you didn't think to put together that I was away with my team for three days and the fact I had a competition meant it was something important? Or the fact I've not asked you to show up for anything for years until this one time," Dick deadpanned, spiking a carrot with his knife but making no attempt to eat it. "Might be losing your touch since you're supposed to be the world's greatest detective."

"I'm sorry. If you said something then I would've made amends right away."

"Oh, so it's my job to say "you've messed up" when I'm the child and you're the parent? You weren't even listening to me when I asked you, I was shut down immediately." He saw Bruce attempt to say more so he cut in before he could. "You can't keep treating me like a self-sufficient adult, you can't keep putting me in the back of the queue because I'm easy. Do you know how stressed I was about nationals? No, you don't because you didn't even care to ask me how stressed I was about regionals or any competition before that. The most you did was have Alfred pick me up but even then I had to get rides home from Gwen because you always needed him to take you somewhere."

"I knew there was something going on," Bruce defended. "You can't put all the blame on me when you never properly explained yourself or didn't bring it up to me."

"You just didn't care enough to ask in the first place," the younger argued back. To his own horror, Dick felt the sting before his eyes watered and found himself unable to keep tears from rolling down his face. "If it was Jay or Tim, you would've asked. You wouldn't expect them to come to you in the first place. Besides you should've asked anyway because you know I have issues expressing myself like that."

"I accept I made a mistake but c'mon chum. You could've told me plenty of times. You don't ask, you don't get." That phrase had the acrobat slamming his utensils down and standing up from the table.

"You should've asked. You should've known. Do you know how many times Jason and Tim have acted the same around you and you've done something? A whole bunch!" He'd seen it happen when Jason was tip-toeing around inviting Bruce to his poetry reading when their mentor first insisted he was going to be there more. He'd seen it happen when Tim wanted to try a new restaurant. "This change you're so proud of is just for them."

"Dude you have to admit that he can't be expected to know something he doesn't know about," Jason pitched in. 

"Oh go on and take his side, I don't give a shit anymore. It's over and done with. I won nationals and you threw a big ol party for perfect Tim's stupid practice."

"Hey," Tim whined. "Don't attack me for this."

"I'm not attacking you, I'm just- do you guys know how fucking easy it was to read you two when it was me being there for your events? I could see you from a mile off looking for some support and so can he so why do I not get that? Why am I not as important? Why don't you love me as much as you care about them when I do so much work for you?" He seemed to realise what he said about ten seconds after he said it as he put a hand over his mouth. 

"Dick," Bruce began but the boy was already running off to his room. "I could've handled that better."

"Yeah, but he can't expect you to know everything all the time," Tim reminded him. 

"That doesn't mean he's not allowed to be upset. I should've known it was a big event as soon as he asked if I could come. He's not asked me to come to anything school-related since..." His sentence trailed off but they knew what he was going to say. It was when he started to distance himself. "He's allowed to feel a little jealous. I'll give him some time to cool down."

"When you do go, maybe we should stay in the cave? I think you two need one-on-one time," Jason suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

Dick felt like such an idiot. Why couldn't he just be happy his brothers were finally getting the dad they deserved? So what if he got left behind in the wake of it all? Now he'd ruined it for everyone. He glanced over at the trophy that seemed to taunt him, asking him if it was worth it to ruin everything. It wasn't. All he wanted was a little praise and for his dad to see him excel in something other than Robin but who was he kidding? His skills were for party tricks. The only thing he was good at that was actually appreciated outside of Robin was being easy. He was the kid who was always prepared to babysit. He was the kid you asked to come help set the table or help the younger ones with their homework. Now he'd messed that up too.

His chest grew tight like it did that night he'd run away from Batman. Images of the crazed clown flashed in front of him and suddenly he was strapped down against the table again, unable to move let alone escape. He didn't know if he was going to be saved because of the fight. His tongue swiped over the gap Joker left from pulling out one of his permanent teeth. Static began to overwhelm his hearing and he couldn't even hear his own breath leaving him. He felt frozen but his body was screaming at him to run like he was still there with Joker. 

"Dick, are you alright in there?" Bruce's voice cut through the static. He wondered how many times the man had called for him or if this was simply the first time he called. 

"Dad," he called out before he could think about it. The door opened seconds later and suddenly Bruce was by his side, grabbing his hand and putting it to his chest. 

"Hey chum, can you take a deep breath we me? Like this." The billionaire took a deep breath as an example. "Can you feel my chest doing that?" He breathed deeply again and this time Dick registered that he was supposed to copy him. It took a few tries before he got it even the least bit similar but having his hand against Bruce's chest helped him remain grounded. He wasn't with Joker. He was at home. At home where he'd just made a big scene at dinner. 

"B, I'm sorry," he croaked.

"What're you sorry for?"

"Dinner."

"Oh, no, no. You've got nothing to be sorry for," Bruce reassured him. "You've given me a lot of leniency over the years and I should've known better when you asked me about it. I would've loved to see you perform and I would've talked to Tim if I knew." The acrobat shrugged and looked off to the side. "I love you all equally." He shrugged again. "You've been the best big brother to those boys, you know that? You've been an amazing son too. You've been really patient with me."

"Why does this sound like I'm about to be fired?" 

"You're not. I'm just saying it. You deserve to be told that. There are going to be some changes though," he explained. "First, we're going to spend more time together just us. I spend a lot of time with your brothers and I've not been giving you a lot of attention."

"There are only so many hours in the day."

"And there are plenty more in a week. We'll work on a schedule for that. We're also going to have family meetings about events okay? That way we can work out how important they all are. To do that though, you're going to have to be more honest with us."

"That's really hard though."

"That brings me to another change. I know I've let you off on it for a while now but I think it's time you try to go to therapy." Immediately, Dick shook his head.

"I'm not doing that. I'm fine, I'll work on it by myself like my anger issues."

"Chum, you're having panic attacks and you won nationals but wouldn't tell me. You've got a severe case of eldest daughter syndrome to boot. It'll be with someone you like and all I'm asking is two sessions."

"Just two sessions?"

"Just two."

"Fine."

"Thank you. Now I know it's a little late but we could still do something for your national win." 

"I don't feel like a party right now," he replied. He always got wiped out after a panic attack and even if he wasn't, he didn't want a party after he had a tantrum either. Part of him wanted to be left alone so he could wallow in self-pity and the other part wanted to be with everyone so he could lose himself in a dumb conversation. It brought tears to his eyes as he grew frustrated because he knew Bruce was waiting for some answer. 

"Hey, how about you tell me about it?"

"What?"

"Tell me about it all. All those competitions, that Gwen girl-"

"We're not dating B. She's got a girlfriend."

"Oh thank God, I was freaking out about how to throw in the talk in the middle of this. That's not to say you have to get a girlfriend, you can be with who you like and I'll be ready to have that conversation with you one day." Dick laughed at his flailing attempts to be supportive. 

"We've got to get that ironed out before the others get older," he teased. 

"Still, I want to hear about these competitions. I'm proud of you and I'll need some details if I'm going to gloat about your win at the office." 

"Alright, well the season started a week after I joined..."