Dick hesitated before he went into the Batcave. He hadn't entered since their latest argument. He could understand why Bruce was mad. As much as he'd like to believe the worst and think Bruce always saw him as a soldier, he knew that wasn't true otherwise he wouldn't get so upset about these things. 

Their fight began like any other which got him the silent treatment. Dick did something a little stupid but mostly noble and Bruce took issue with it. Joker Venom had been released into a bank and firefighters were an hour out, still dealing with Poison Ivy's attack the day before. He didn't have a respirator and it would take too long to go get one. He decided to use a police officer's jacket to hold over his face and went in. He saved so many people that night and only got a mild case of the giggles but, as usual, Bruce was unhappy with the risk he took. 

It exhausted him more than anything. Bruce let himself get away with the same actions but when it came to Dick, it was somehow a different story. 

With a sigh, he bit the bullet and walked downstairs to find Bruce at the computer. He felt like a kid again, desperate for attention from a mentor who wouldn't spare a second of it. He remembered the fight they had once. He remembered the mix of guilt, shame and frustration bubbling in his gut when they worked together right after it. It didn't sit right with him now even with the benefit of hindsight. Honestly, if he saw the behaviour with Jason and Tim, he wouldn't feel so awful about it but it was only concentrated on him. He didn't know what he did to be underserving of the same grace they got. Maybe he was supposed to be better.

As expected, Bruce didn't give him so much as a grunt in acknowledgement. He shoved down the urge to just begin shouting and instead took a seat beside him.

"I don't like this," he began. "I hate how you make me feel when you do this to me and I don't understand why it's just me. I don't know what benefit you see from doing this to me that you didn't get from Jason or Tim." He wasn't expecting his opening line to be what broke the silence but he hoped it would be. That it would suddenly all click into place with Bruce and he didn't need to verbally vomit all his feelings. Then again, Connor hadn't suggested it would break the silent treatment. It would just make him feel better and it would be an added bonus if he got a response similar to Clark's. "Since you're not talking, I've been advised my best option is to talk at you and hope that you're listening, not to hope you'll have a breakthrough."

He took a deep breath. He was definitely the most emotionally intelligent of the family even though he often hurt those around him with his own emotions but that was a matter of poor decision-making rather than being unaware. He knew the right options, he just didn't always pick them. It made things easier to think Bruce was wholly unaware of the emotions surrounding him but a lot of detective work came from reading people so that couldn't be true. He knew what he was doing, he either didn't care enough or thought it was worth it.

"I know I risk a lot but so do you. You're pretending like you're the only one who gets worried but I worried about you too. I still did even when we fought and when we weren't speaking but I'm sick of being treated like a misbehaving puppy who only knows he's wrong when he's ignored."

It was weird to be this old and still feel the same way he did as a child. He thought that the sting would lessen over the years but it still felt as raw as the first time he received the silent treatment for something he did. 

"You're not any better, you know? I've seen you risk your life countless times for people you don't even know so I don't get why I'm so different." He tilted his head to the side in thought. "Maybe it's because you see that part of yourself in me and that's why you ignore me. You can't stand to see your own behaviours replicated." 

He chuckled at the hypocrisy but he found less humour upon reflecting on it. Silence always did make him think a little too hard about his feelings. Usually, he would stew on it without breaking the silence but Connor's words stuck with him. He may as well voice it. 

"I hate when I recognise more of you than I do myself," Dick said, breaking the silence once again. "Yet for every piece I got from you, I can't see a speck from me in you. You've changed, I'm sure of that, but I don't think it's from anything I did. I can see bits of Clark in you, bits of Alfred. Hell, I see bits of Tim in you despite him only being here a year but I guess that's because you have so much in common."

The first time Bruce 'replaced' him, he felt jealousy and anger. It wasn't fair that he had to leave home for the same reason another kid got to stay. Then it mellowed into plain sadness. The feeling of not being good enough to stay. Not having the spark another child had made Bruce recant his decision to never have a child be involved in vigilantism. He hated not living up to standards put on him, standards that were seemingly impossible for him but easy for others. He glanced at Bruce who remained tight-lipped but now he was staring at Dick. Observing him. He could've formulated a million responses but he would always revert to silent watching. 

"I've done nothing to improve you. I don't think I've made you any worse and if I have then someone else has fixed that. I don't know if you've improved me either," he stated. It felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders once he finally said it aloud. "I still get mad and I still get destructive but now I have this added frustration of you never communicating. I'm putting so much emotional labour into trying to salvage something that I'm not sure we've ever had. I don't think you even like me anymore."

For a split second, Dick saw something on Bruce's face but before he could figure out what it was, it was gone. It should've come as some relief that behind a cold exterior, there was someone in there but instead, he felt annoyed. If that was the only reaction he could get trying to express himself as honestly as he could then was there much point to it? Bruce remained in silence in lew of a reply only he showed a tiny bit of humanity. It was like some scientist was watching him react whilst giving nothing but a cold gaze in response.

"Do you like me?" 

It looked like Bruce wanted to say something but thought better of it.

"You mustn't if it's easier to act like I don't exist than actually talk to me. Maybe you only keep me around because of sunk costs and all that. It would make sense. How after everything you've put me through, all these years later, you can still ice me out like I'm nothing."

He was coming to the end of everything he needed to say and he apparently hadn't said the magic words to be granted the honour of being spoken to. Although he didn't feel much resolution, Connor was right. It was good to finally get it out.

"I'm gonna give you a chance Bruce. Give me a reason to be here for you rather than because of Tim and Alfred. I want to be here for the three of you but I can't keep feeling like the same kid who didn't know if you cared if I lived or died. I think I'm still unsure-"

"I meant what I said. If I wanted you dead, you would be. I've had more opportunities than ever to allow that but I haven't," Bruce suddenly interrupted. 

"So, I have to say I think you wouldn't care if I died to get you to talk," Dick stated. "But here's the thing about that. Do you not want me dead because you care or because you've invested too much? Every time I try to reason with myself that you must like me, that you must care about me and that despite everything, you still give a shit I exist, it comes back to that. Have you just invested too much time in me?" He shrugged to himself. "I guess only you could answer that."

"I do care about you," the older responded, his voice stunted as if he was forcing the words out. Perhaps he thought it was coming out more impactful than it did. "I don't understand why that's a question."

"I think I have every right to question it. You abandoned me when I was recovering from almost being beaten to death, you made me feel guilty for everything I didn't do that you would do and everything I did do that you wouldn't do, and you blamed me for Jason dying."

"If I didn't care, you wouldn't be standing there. You have enough self-respect to know that."

"Do I? You've been a fundamental part of my life since my parents died. I could feel some sort of responsibility to continue to stand here when the only way I can get you to talk to me when you're mad is to mention you wanting me dead. You made me a good hero but you did fuck all to make me a good person," he answered. "What hurts the most is you know this isn't a good way to parent a kid. You didn't do it with Jason or Tim but you're still doing it to me. You can't seriously think it works with just me."

"You respond to it."

"So it can never change? Or is that too much effort for you?" Bruce's jaw tightened. He didn't want to answer. Silence again. "When you're ready to admit you're wrong and work on our relationship, I'll be here like I have been for years. Until then, I'm going to give you the exact same energy you've given me. We won't speak outside of missions. We're no longer family, if we ever really were. We're coworkers."

With that, he walked away. Some part of him held out some hope that Bruce would get the message and reach out but he knew how stubborn the man was. He couldn't be sure he was worth Bruce's pride. He couldn't be sure he was worth much to Bruce as a matter of fact. He'd still be there for Tim and Alfred since this fight had nothing to do with them and he'd learned from the mistakes he made with Jason. It was just sad to see his already fragile family grow smaller once again.

A week went by and Bruce hadn't said anything. Dick, despite the small hope he had, wasn't expecting him to break that quickly. He expected a month or so if Bruce ever did break. Alfred, one way or another, had heard about their latest argument and sent some new teas to try. His tea collection was already a little overboard but it was a nice gesture. 

As he steeped a bag of the blueberry merlot tea, he heard a knock at the door. He didn't expect anyone but his friends had a habit of dropping in uninvited. Not that he minded all that much. He preferred a knock at the door rather than Tim's method of just trying every window until he found one that opened. If that failed then Dick would come home to find his lock picked and Tim fixing the chains on the back of the door. He didn't bother looking through the peephole, a habit he would soon drop, so when he opened the door to find Bruce he was extremely tempted to close it again. He decided to at least give the billionaire a chance so he stood with his arms folded, his lips sealed.

"Hi, I was wondering if you had time to talk? You weren't answering my texts but Tim said you weren't working," Bruce greeted. The acrobat huffed but stood out of the way and nodded inside. Bruce quickly slipped in and stood in the entry as Dick returned to his tea. 

Apart from the ambient sounds of the cars outside and his neighbours, it was silent. Dick usually hated that but he felt some satisfaction in knowing he was in control of it. He was determined not to be the one to break it either. He wouldn't give away his tactical advantage so soon because it was awkward. 

"Tim and Jason didn't respond to the silent treatment. Unlike you, they copied me. Neither of us would break first and eventually, I gave up," Bruce began. "I found other methods." He narrowed his gaze at the mug. Was it that easy? All he had to do was match the energy and he'd be saved years worth of frustration. "I know I could've changed how I treated you. I know I should've but it was too easy to fall back on something I knew worked rather than put the energy into the methods I'd found." 

He bit his tongue. The urge to scream back about how unfair it was almost overshadowed the higher ground he had. He managed to battle it and remain quiet though. It helped to singe his mouth with the tea that definitely needed a minute to cool. 

"I know that's wrong. I know it's unfair. Ultimately, it's a method of control that I know works," Bruce continued. "You're a free spirit but as independent as you are, you require company. I knew that if I deprived you of that company, only allowing you it when I felt you had learned your lesson, I would get through to you. I thought it was working. You were always the first to apologize in one way or another. You came back after those years away. We still worked."

Dick didn't know if he should be impressed that Bruce was willing to admit so openly that he was trying to control him or if he should be downright disgusted. Their working relationship had always been framed as something as close to equal as it could get between a child and an adult yet it always seemed like Bruce got the last word and the final decisions on matters. The few times the acrobat got a win, he knew that Bruce was already changing his mind before it was finalised. He was already regretting letting the man into his home but it was too late to get him out now. He was too interested in what else he'd admit to.

"I've always tried to control those around me. The contingency plans alone tell you that. I convinced myself you needed that regulation and if that came with silence then that's what I had to do. I didn't have any intentions of scarring you but I did intend to hurt you to get the point across. For that, I'm sorry."

Not for continuing it, Dick thought. It was at least a little validating to see his emotions were valid but he didn't know if it was worth it anymore.

"You said something about never changing me but you have. I was a better father to Jason and Tim than I was to you. It's not right you didn't reap any of the benefits you were a direct cause of." 

He pressed his hands into the cup, burning them too. It kept him silent though. Bruce noticed this and a grim expression took hold of his features. Dick had always been a sensory seeker in times of stress and whilst he did his very best to find better solutions, pain was nearly always involved. He wondered if Bruce didn't like it because he was hurting himself or because he was doing something he'd failed to micromanage out of him.

"Dick, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for always being hard on you and for abandoning you when I found it difficult to control you. It comes from a place of fear. I could willingly lay down my life for this job but it's wholly unnatural for a child to die before their father. I didn't want to lose another person I loved. I thought if I controlled you, I could prevent that." 

He nodded to himself. It wasn't enough. 

"I do care about you. It's not a matter of sunk costs. I cared about you the moment I saw myself in you the night your parents passed. I would still care even if you handed in your mask and said you were done with the hero business. I still cared even when you left to become Nightwing."

"Then why don't I feel like you do?" Dick asked. He wasn't as good at silent treatment as Bruce was when he was faced with so many things he was desperate to reply to. He supposed that only went to show how easy it was to say something. Was it really more effort to not say something than to learn a new way to deal with him?

"I've done a lot to hurt you. More than I've done to show you that you're incredibly important to me. I always justified it as somehow preparing you for the world or making you a better hero but I can't lose you again like when you quit. I was scared to lose you so I controlled you but now I realise, I've forced you away."

"When I quit? You mean when you fired me? For the second time. Only to replace me months later with a different kid and then he died and you blamed me for not being there. The worst thing happened, a child dying before their father, and then you fucking replaced me again."

"I was grieving but that's not an excuse. It's an explanation, let me make that clear," he responded. "I didn't replace you either time. I saw kids who were like you and I knew from you that if I wasn't there to advise them, they would get hurt. Tim has been practically stalking us from day dot and Jason...well Jason got a good life before the end. He wouldn't have gotten that had I not stepped in." 

Dick didn't like that he agreed with that sentiment. He supposed it was better to live in a place that was always warm, always had food and was always safe than on the streets where he didn't know where the next meal would come from or when he'd find his mother on the couch and be unable to wake her again. In terms of Tim, he was a smart enough kid. If Bruce didn't get there first, they could've had another well-trained assassin to deal with. It didn't do much to ease the pain of seeing another kid not only in his shoes but experiencing a better Bruce Wayne that he still hadn't seen.

"Are you going to change? Or is this another time we have a conversation that I think will finally change things only to have us return to normal? I can't keep going through this, Bruce. I can't keep feeling like a twelve-year-old stuck in bed with everything hurting knowing his guardian isn't going to comfort him."

"I will never forgive myself for what I've done and I don't expect you to forgive me for that either but I'm committed to changing. I'll use everything I've learned since having you to treat you better. I'm not asking you to believe that but I hope you can give me a chance to do that." Dick hummed, finally putting the mug down before he did serious damage to himself. He rubbed his palms and pulled at his fingers until he heard a satisfying click. "You don't have to answer tonight."

"I'll give you a chance," Dick stated, probably against his better judgement. More likely to rebel even slightly against Bruce. "I hate that we have so much history that I can give you that chance. I don't want to lose my dad again no matter how bad you are at it."

"I'll be better," Bruce promised. 

"Do you want some tea? I wanna talk more about your fuck ups before we lay this to bed."

"I'll take coffee if you have it."

"Insomniac."

"You had to get it from someone."

"Maybe or maybe it's finally something I got from myself."

I didn't want to redeem Bruce totally but I wanted there to be some hope that he's not an entirely horrible person, just a guy who never had good trauma-coping mechanisms and is too scared to change even though he should