@miriam13759
Reviewer: StoryWritersNeverLie
Genre: Mystery

Summary -

1. Stay low
2.weapon on you at all times
3. Make sure the Boss doesn't find out
I grab a pin from my hair and start to pick the lock into Daniels office. Once I'm in, I start searching all over his desk for the files.

I suddenly hear footsteps coming. The only thing I can think of is to crawl under his desk.
___________________________
The CIA think that the CEO's bodyguard is a possible suspect for the murder of 3 agents in your company.
You are told to go undercover and get a job as a personal assistant to Daniel Rolands in DRA (Daniel Roland Associates.) One of your most important missions yet.

Cover - 4/10

The cover wouldn't pull me in or have me curious about the story and I would suggest finding someone to make more alluring cover for it. The word 'Undercover' also had it's letters "U" and "R" cutting at from the wide bold text that it had.

Description - 5/10

The description didn't really cause me to be curious about your story. I noticed that there were a few mistakes which could easily be fixed by going back and looking at it again or using a cite that checks for mistakes like grammarly. However, that doesn't mean that it won't attract readers.

Content - 5/10

I noticed as I read the chapters that they were short, only about 2-3 minutes read if that, and that there was a lot more telling then showing going on. While I can understand the allure smaller chapters have I feel that these would've worked better if they were slightly longer and filled with more details about things. The character seems far younger and not as experienced then she was portrayed as for being a CIA agent and having gone under two times in the past.The story seems to go at a fast pace while missing out on some of the finer details, and how certain things work. There were a few personalities that didn't fit with how you were trying to place on your characters either. 

A few things that might help if I explain it instead of just telling:

Details - Details is something that I love, something that I overdo myself but it is something that helps draw in a reader to your story. Which is something that you would want. Detail can include a variety of things such as:

1) Explaining why she feels annoyed at her division

In the first chapter we before we begin the story we're told that she hates being the only girl in her division (which instead of saying girl as I believe we're supposed to see her as someone old enough to be in the CIA I would suggest woman) yet we aren't told why she feels like this. Is it because she gets treated differently? Does she get stuck with only things they thing a women should do? Is she only stationed at her desk?

Details into why this is how she felt is important as this is the set tone we find ourselves putting for her. She finds herself less than a man in this world and that she doesn't like what she is doing if she doesn't enjoy being in her unit.

2) Why she believes she can get away with something

This occurred a few times that this happened and for being a CIA agent when these part happened it didn't add to the story. For example: When Amelia calls in sick and believes that the Boss who she was supposed to be undercover and working for, will let her off after only a few days working there. The reader doesn't know enough by this point to know why Amelia would see that when they know that the Boss isn't someone to mess with and that she just got the job.

Telling us here what Amelia thought as she did this would help get the readers to understand.

Those two are are above are on the list of many things that adding details could include.

Descriptions: Descriptions is something that almost ties with details when it comes to me. Giving descriptions in the story will help readers be able to picture what is happening at certain moments, and be able to tell us what the characters look like when we meet them. Descriptions can include various things:

1) How someone looks/dresses

Descriptions on how your mc sees someone dresses, or how they might look to her, would help a reader better understand her and how she sees someone. Telling how how someone looks (ie height/hair color/skin/eye color) isn't a bad thing.

2) The inside of buildings

Showing us that the floor squeaks under her heels (or shoes) would help us know that they are coated floors, either wood or another. Pictures of past CEO's or Pictures of random settings hanged on the walls, would be one way to show the type of office that she went to work in undercover. The "brown" desk was old and the chair was too stiff, would show the type of area she got when she wouldn't be around her boss.

You don't have to add any of the above but as I said, description on a setting help plus, it gives you less world building you'll have to do later on.

Next Steps -

I would suggest re-writing it, not because it's a bad story but because it holds a lot of potential in it. If you do re-write, it can be one chapter at a time and you wouldn't have to remove it; I would suggest taking your time with the future chapters as well, making sure to add the necessary details like descriptions, smells, what's happening around them; I would find a better suiting cover to help draw people into the story and have it less dark tinted; Show and not tell. Showing a lot of the work would help thing and while telling somethings isn't bad there is a way to go over the type. Showing would also entitle (and I know I already said this, sorry) details, emotions, smells, how things feel.