@DanielNgo5
Reviewer: StoryWritersNeverLie
Genre: Mystery

Summary:

Religious cult, mass murderers, naysayers

Arsonist, fund embezzlement, sex fanatics

Split-personality, anti-social, depression, autism, machiavellianism

Stimulating keywords, condition results, sexual psychology

What are their common points? They are not approved by society, and are ignored by the majority... until something happens. This series of short stories tries to probe into things that may have taken place inside their heads, chapters by chapters. It seems like it's not related to each other, or related to anyone by that matter; but perhaps, you might see a bit of yourself in it?

I hope not.

Cover: 3/10

While the cover was colorful, it didn't have words to show the tile of the story and wouldn't have made me consider it to be a storytelling book. I also can't tell how the story would connect with the short stories that you have in or if it only connects to one of them, as my first guess was a woman crying.

Description: 4/10

Your description doesn't really say much about what will be happening in the book besides the reader getting to see a collection of short stories. Though we do get the brief feeling that it involves some of the characteristics you listed in the summary.

Content: 6/10

Alright I'll jump right into it and start off by saying first that while it was indeed interesting that I still found that there some some things missing and somethings that as a reader I didn't like. And that so far for a short shorty collection you are doing a pretty good job.

The first thing that I noticed was that while you wrote in third person pov that when you twitched between the two characters in the beginning that it creates a image of confusion because we don't yet know how to tell these two women apart. When writing in third person you'd want to make sure that it is a smooth translate between the people you are going between, and to also make sure that you make sure to give the reader enough details to tell why and who the person is.

Next I am general someone who doesn't like switching from third person to first person in a story, or at least having it start off with that. I've found that it often disrupts the flow of something and how the reader would be able to connect with one, or more, characters in a story. In the beginning I would suggest to make it first person, and while we won't know Helen inner thoughts, we would be able to connect with Anna on another level and see in her eyes what is happening, and it might also have a sense of mystery or hint at what happens later.

There were a few paragraphs that were longer in the chapters and I would suggest breaking them up. This is to help the reader not feel like a certain part is dragging on and so to help the pace of the chapter continue to glad more smoothly on.

There were a lot of time jumps, or what I would take to be time jumps. As a reader I want to see some of the more important things that happen, certain conversations, certain moves, how people grow closer and the likes. This helps the reader see better into a character mind when that character is in first pov and is able to connect with them.

The development of the characters, however, were good as we do see a change from what they were in the beginning to what they became at the end.

Next Steps:

I would suggest adding the title of your story to the cover to help draw people in; I would then re-do some of the summary and include that it is a short story collection so readers know not to expect them to be related to each other and that each collection will most likely have start with a new person and personality; I would suggest doing another editing for sentence stature and some editing; Finally I would suggest to keep up the good work on the collection.