@themasterofcards
Genre: Fantasy

Reviewer: StoryWritersNeverLie

Summary:

Once upon a time,

                                                                               Lived a princess, short and fair.

                                                                                  She wore black locks

                                                                                       and eyes of gold

                                                                                     But, she was different

                                                                                           She was defiant

                                                                                         Once upon a time,

                                                                                    Lived a princess who dared.

  Glinthu, a world based in war between five kingdoms. Raet, kingdom of mountains, Snyu kingdom of snow, Uni kingdom of magic, Fryt kingdom of life, and Wapor kingdom of water.

  However, as the war between humans brews a war of gods and magic slowly consumes Glintu.. the only one to stop it, a princess.. the princess who dared.

Cover: 10/10

Your cover actually surprised me and sorta blew me away. It's so beautiful and connects so well with the story on the inside. The person who created is very talented.

Description: 8/10

I liked the the poem that you included into the summary, however naming the five kingdoms sorta threw me off even though I know that the are important because of the war that you speak of. However, I would suggest keeping the name of the kingdoms to two, naming the the ones that play the most important rule in your story. The summary was interesting and I have to wonder who the Princess who dared is.

Content: 8/10

So I'll start this ball with saying I really like your writing style. Alright so in the prologue we are introduced to young Abigail when she was still a child in a sense. It was a good start in showing us the style of your writing, and showing an important event that happened in our mc life and even possible what this event might mean for her future at some day.

However, there was one thing that I noticed in the prologue that happened through the chapters that I did read, and that was having dialogues happen in the same paragraph. An example: "Ms. Lucia!?" -- "Yes miss Abigail?"

When having more than one person speak I would suggest having them into their own paragraphs, this would help the reader know who is talking, or that someone besides the person before them was talking if you don't include dialog tags, but I believe you have always added a tag that told the reader who said what.

By the end of chapter one, which happened 8 years after the prologue, I found that you would use the word "would" a lot, which is different. It was as if we were getting some actions before it accored into the story while other actions happened at the same time. Now, in the beginning I was bothered by the word but the farther I read  the more I got used to it when it was used.

However, I would suggest using the word only if you want to turn the story into something that shows what actions would happen first, which would mean using it more and avoiding some tenses but because I'm not good in that area myself I wouldn't know what advice to give for which tense the word actually belongs to. If anything I would suggest using the word slightly less as the story continues to move on. But don't take that the wrong way and there were the places that you had the word "would" that felt like it actually belonged.

After learning more about Abigail, including getting the scene where her mother died, we learn in chapter to that her mother was an important Queen to the kingdom. There was a part in this chapter that read a bit funny to me which was: "Her mother was gone the only thing that could really---" And a part that confused me: "but disgust oh who she was."

So not to do step by step of each chapter there were a few other things that I noticed in this lovely writing and in your good descriptions and that was: "dagger skimming her forehead" (2); They were awake, their limbs --- (5);

How could a dagger reach her? I thought she was in something or had guard? (I might've misread that which would be on me). If she was out in the open was the dagger thrown? Or was there a hand and body connected with the dagger? This is my curiosity honestly.

The second thing I mentioned was more of the paragraph that it connected to as it read too long. Most paragraphs are usually 3-5 sentences, and this was the only one that I noticed that was longer than the rest and felt like it drugged further on. The flashback that happened with it as well confused me as I didn't expect it. I didn't know that it was a flashback until she woke.

There isn't much wrong with the story or that I can point out. A lot of your story feels like poetry being written in a story form. I would suggest possibly more commas as while you have a few from what I could tell in the more noticeable places, I feel like there are still some missing but that might just be me.

Next Steps:

Fixing the flashback scene; Dialogs into their own paragraphs; And keep up the good work you already have going for you.