@CrazyRealitymuch

Reviewer: StoryWritersNeverLie

Summary:

"I'm a psychopath who will make a difference."

*****

Global warming is at quite a peak.

We weren't able to stop the heating by 1 degree.

A few years more and the ice caps my be gone, and beautiful coral reefs are bleached. The Arctic is almost gone and cities are flooded.

So, the highest authorities in the world have finally come to their senses and realized that this issue really needs to be fixed (avoided to be honest.)

The world's greatest scientists, tech giants and money makers have been teamed up and, together, they formed an organic-binary transformer (Basically the world's BIGGEST virtual reality universe).

But is it better to run away from the failures of humanity?

Cover: 8/10

I like the cover as it gives a slightly dark feeling that shows the story isn't going to be some light romance and that there is plenty to it. The only suggestion I would make is to move, By: CrazyRealitymuch up so that is isn't cut off, and to make "A Dystopian Sci-fi Epic" a tad small so it doesn't look like it's about to fall off the page.

Description: 5/10

I noticed a few mistakes in it as well as the added (). It also doesn't point at what the title suggestions might be the new issue. I think adding in what the future might face would help the reader know where they are starting and that the danger is real.

Content: 6/10

Alright, so I was expecting the story to follow like the first chapter (Final Touches) in third person pov, however I was surprised that you switched to first person in the second chapter (Its Acid To Water) and that you switched povs like in the third chapter (Hoops) which is a nice touch as it helps us get to know the others that are part of the story. I would suggest either rewriting it into the third person to keep with the flow of the story, and so that the reader connects more easily, or switching the first chapter to the first person to follow along and not have confusion as I still don't know which character we were following in the first chapter.

I assume Arielle because she seems to be our main mc but we were greeted with the last name and not a first. And we don't know the characters well enough to know their nicknames they were given.

While I enjoyed the first chapter, I noticed that you added a lot of words between parentheses, which, having appeared more than once, disrupted the flow of the story. While I don't like them in general, I've found plenty of other writers that do include them in their works on Wattpad itself.

In the second chapter I found some of the following and I have suggestions:

"And what not" - here we see our character doesn't care, therefore, the reader will feel the same way. I would advise removing, "and what not" so that while the character might not know the name, we can still continue to believe that it has slight importance.

"Secondly, he was putting out a--" - I would suggest putting this with the paragraph above it if it's from the same speaker, as it would help the reader know who is talking as we have no names and we don't know the tone of their voices yet. If it's not the same speaker, I would then suggest clarifying that.

"Himself of the floor" - I would suggest changing "of" to "off" as I believe that is the word that you are looking for when telling us one of them got up off the floor.

There were a few other mistakes in the chapters that I overlooked, but with a quick look at or even an editor, I believe that you should be able to find them.

Moving to the story itself. By this point, I'm balancing the story more 50% romance and 50% Dystopian because we get a clearer picture of the possibility of romance than anything else in the story. However, because the character seems to be working on something that will change the world, that seems like an important fact as well.

I'm still not clear what really goes on in the lab or what devices they use. Nor am I clear on what they are building, even though it appears to be very important to the story itself. I think having longer chapters and going more into this detail, if the thing they are working on is important, would be helpful to the story. Otherwise, the length of the chapters is good.

You seem to still have a good idea here, however, and it's full of potential. I look forward to seeing how you craft your story more and what it holds.

Next Steps:

My next steps would be, editing; rewriting the first chapter in first person (or the others in third); removing the parentheses that you have in the story, and keeping up the good work that you have already.