First of all, a few points you should know before reading/re-reading it:

*KMT 1 is going through major editing. So if you are re-reading it and find a few scenes altered, added or removed, that would be because i edited them to make it more better.So yeah, you could say i am kind of re-writing it.

**I will publish one chapter whenever i got some free time.

***If i found anyone copying or re-posting it anywhere else then i would remove it right away and i mean it.Plus severe actions would be taken against it.So kindly don't copy!

****It is 35 chapters story with an epilogue.

That's it, here goes the prologue ;)

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"Chose Khushi..Either your mother or me?"

His emotionless eyes and contempt in them unnerved her...chilled her to the core.

"My Am..ma..I choo..se her because she is right and you are wrong" she said with misty eyes, stammering nonetheless.

His eyes burned, his hands clenched..

"Is that all? What about your love, your promises, your vows that you would never leave me huh?"

"This is your choice Mr.Raizada..not..not mine.You brought this upon yourself...upon us. And i can't marry a man who thinks so low of my amma and putting false accusations on her even though she is innocent."

"Wow, great huh Khushi Kumari Gupta.Very well then."

Heartbroken Khushi turned with a hand around her shocked Amma's shoulder.

But his next words pulled the rug off her feet.

"Miss Garima Gupta, no one will come to marry your daughter who slept with a man before even marrying him properly..Mark my words, this will be your punishment for killing my Ma.."

Garima felt Khushi go stiff besides her, her face paled as if someone sucked all the life out of her.Her own condition wasn't any better.Due to her, her daughter's life was going to be ruined and she won't be able to forgive herself for that ever.So she turned and looked at Arnav with pleading eyes, her cheeks wet with tears.She folded her hands begging him not to punish her daughter because of her mistakes.She wanted to say all the truth but no words came out of her constricted throat.

Garima's eyes widened as she saw Arnav smirk and she knew whatever he was going to say now would destroy her.

"I am not that heartless, you know.I will marry your daughter right now if you cut all the ties with her.I know she has chosen you but i think she is being too emotional here and is not thinking straight.Make the choice for her and i will accept your daughter.Otherwise.." his smirked widened "...Otherwise i will make sure no one accept her.Trust me it won't be that difficult.Remember the video that released of her falling in my arms? Due to which she had to leave Lucknow and come here in Delhi.This time i will release the pictures of our private moments and she won't be able to live anywhere in this country..I will make sure of that...and if.."

Garima fell on her knees before him and begged him not to do anything like that with her daughter.

"Beta, you love Khushi bitiya, don't you? You can't do that to her.Please don't.."

Arnav looked away from her and he glanced at the girl standing with her back to him...still as statue.He knew by his cruel words, he has hurt her so much.He had made a mockery out of their love in front of his and her family.He knew he won't be able to undo the damage he had done as this time he had crossed all the limits.If only she would turn..

Blinking back the tears he looked away from her and his eyes caught the sight of his Di whose eyes weren't dry either.She too pleaded with her eyes not to hurt Khushi but he was too enraged on Garima that he knew hurting Khushi will eventually hurt her mother and that's why he said all those cutting words.He glanced at Garima still on her knees sobbing, his own family teary eyed.

"Yes i did love your daughter but.."

"But.." garima murmured.

"..but not anymore.She is nothing to me now"

He saw with satisfaction as the woman who was responsible for his Maa's death completely broke down before him.

Slowly slowly his each word sank in Khushi's mind, engulfing her...pushing her...killing her...cutting her...suffocating her..

"..She is nothing to me now.."

One after the other tears rolled down her cheeks making her numb mind register everything and when it did...she couldn't breath due to the intensity of the pain caused by his words.She coughed vigorously alerting everyone but it didn't help...her chest hurt as if someone had clawed his hand on it.

Before anyone could reach her to comfort, her endurance level peaked and she let out a howling, painful scream that scared everyone to the extent that they all ran to her horrified.

And when they reached before her, all gasped.

Arnav who was still standing stock still on his place, took slow steps towards her but before he could reach her, she turned and he had to swallow hard to stifle the gasp.

"Khushi.." he whispered.

Her downcast eyes met his and he died then and there seeing the naked pain, hurt and anguish in her bloodshot eyes.

He opened his eyes and gulped down the drink in his glass in one go but it didn't soothe the pain..not even a bit.

Whenever he remember the night of their wedding and her condition because of him, he felt utterly disgusted with himself.He always tried to convince himself that he was doing it right by distancing himself from her as hurting her would mean hurting the woman who killed his Ma.But who was he kidding?

He knew he love her immensely still.

That's why he threatened Garima that night as he knew he won't be able to go on without seeing her, listening her , talking to her...

That woman has cut all the ties from Khushi and had left leaving behind her heartbroken daughter with the man who had done nothing but hurt her to get his own way...his vengeance.

He had then asked the priest to start the rituals and had caught her hand to drag her to the mandap but as if she had got some strength from god knows where? She hadn't moved an inch from her place even though he had tugged at her hand forcefully.He had barked, yelled and shook her but she didn't relent.

At last when his patience snapped, he bend down and picked her up and when her eyes clashed with his, they both relived the moment when he had carried her exactly like this from the temple once.He had seen her eyes tear up again as she stared at him with accusations.He managed to glare at her even though he was dying to remove her tears.He had then married her with all the rituals..the seven pheras...applied vermilion...tied the beaded chain but in all this he had seen her sit looking at a distance without any emotion.After the priest declared them as husband and wife, he had stood up.He had clenched his jaw seeing her still not reacting and carried her to his car, dumped her in the passenger sheet and drove away with her with his family following behind in other cars.

When there was time for greh parvesh then she had reacted making him hurt by the words she had said.

He remember clearly, he had bent down to pick her up but she had stepped back and when he looked up at her, he saw her glaring at him with so much contempt.

"Don't you dare touch me." she had said and everyone eyes had widened even his own.

He was taken aback by the firmness in her voice that he couldn't react for two minutes, just stared at her with wide eyes.But then he had clenched his hands and had moved towards her reducing the distance between them pinning her between him and the wall.

"I have every right to touch you Mrs.Raizada.I have said that i will marry you with all rituals and i always do what I say...whether you want it or not.This ritual will also be fulfilled" he had vaguely heard his di call out to him not to force her, payal's pleading voice, nani's reprimanding him, akash trying to make him see sense even mami's attempt to stop him but he had ignored all of them and had carried a protesting Khushi in his arms directly to his room, shutting the door with a bang.

He thumped the glass on the counter and wiped his mouth with his sleeves.Damn! Now he has started behaving like her.Making himself one more shot, he swirled the liquid in the glass before gulping it too.That was his fifth shot.

But the pain just don't go away.

TWO MONTHS.

Its been two months since they re-married but the things had been never this wrong between them before as they were now.When he had first married her with Payash, at least she had fought back and tried to make him irritate and nag him by her antics and most importantly she has smiled more often but now since they married properly she has stopped fighting with him, irritating him, nagging him and worst of all she has stopped smiling, has stopped making jalebis, had even stopped talking to her own self and above all she had stopped talking and praying to her devi maiyya as if...as if she has given up on all things...given up on him...given up on them.

The thought brought tears to his eyes which he wiped away swiping a hand across his eyes.

Those early days were back. That one when they both loathed each other. Hated each other.When they despised the sight of each other.

To sum it up,

They were back to square one

Neither of them knew how would they go on like this?

He can't betray his Maa by loving the daughter of the woman who was responsible for her death..He can't even if he want to...

Her words on their wedding eve came back to him when he was about to take the baraat to her home.

"Hum nay apke sath aisa koi pal jiya hi nahi jis ka humein afsos ho balke hum har pal jee uthe"

(I have never regretted any moment spent with you.Infact i have lived in them.)

With that his own words came back...as a reminder of his cruelty...

"...No one will come to marry a girl who slept with a man without marrying him properly..."

That's it.

All hell broke loose and he smashed the glass against the wall and fell on his knees with tears in his eyes.

"Kaash mai tumhe bata paata k kitni takleef hoti hai Khushi..Kaash mai tumhe wo sab de paata jiska maine khud se aur tum se waada kiya tha...Kaash mai tumse mohabbat kar pata..."

(I wish i could tell you how much it tears me apart Khushi. I wish i could give you what i promised you.I wish i could love you.)

Khushi finished the last bit of clearing of the kitchen and sighed.

She had washed even a plate two times so that she could spend more time in the chores as she doesn't want her mind to divert to other painful things or to be precise...

HIM

There it is...him again.

The more she tried to divert her mind off him, the more it wander back to him...his thoughts...his hurtful and cutting words since wedding day till now.

"...No one will come to marry your daughter who slept with a man before even marrying him properly..."

His words had made her feel like a wh**e.He has turned the most beautiful night of their togetherness into pathetic excuse of sex before everyone.She felt disgusted with herself that she gave herself to the man who doesn't deserve her love.Not even a bit.

But what to do with her heart? That traitor still couldn't hate him completely even though...even though he deserve nothing but hate for mocking their love.

"How many times do i have to tell you that don't do anything for me"

He had said when on one day she had brought his coffee as HP was busy in some other work.

"I am not dying to do your work either Mr.Raizada.If you don't want to drink the thing brought by me than dump it into the dustbin or better throw it against the wall as you love to do that"

"Don't talk to me like that" he had gritted out.

"Its the only way i am going to talk so you better get used to it.In case you still have problem than let me tell you Mr.Raizada...I.DON'T.CARE"

She had stormed out of their room then and there and as expected she heard the sound of the crash against the wall within a second.

After that incident she never did anything for him.Gave monosyllable replies if he asked anything.She could feel his frustration due to her ignorance and it sometimes made her want to go and console him, comfort him, hug him, kiss his pain away but every time these thoughts circled her mind, she pushed them back forcefully reminding herself he deserve only this..But she couldn't see him in pain..

So she stopped fighting him and arguing back.Stopped shedding tears whenever he said any hurtful words and its reason was not that she didn't want to cry or his words didn't hurt her..Its reason was simple that he hated tears in her eyes.She had seen him struggle as to not show his hurt to her each time whenever she cried because of his painful jibes but she wasn't a fool not to see that.

She could see he still love her but their connected past has made him distance himself from her and there on the other side was her Amma.

Her Amma was innocent.Of that she was sure.

But he won't listen to any of the truth and believing them was out of question.

The most horrible fight they had was on their wedding night.

When Arnav had forcefully carried her to the room and had shut the door, she had turned and yelled.

"I am not a doll that you can drag and place anywhere you want!"

"You are my wife Khushi Singh Raizada!"

"I am Khushi Kumari Gupta...Just that and nothing else." she knew she had touched a nerve when she saw him fuming.

He gripped her shoulders and pulled her close to himself .

"You are just...KHUSHI.SINGH.RAIZADA" he stressed on her name "..You are not related to the Guptas anymore! You are Arnav Singh Raizada's wife from now on and thats it.Did you get it?"

"No Mr.Raizada i didn't get anything and i don't want to understand it either.I am Khushi Kumari Gupta, daughter of Shashi Gupta and Gar.."

"Don't you dare say that woman name here in this house and you better follow my words otherwise i will make you..And regarding you being Gupta..then.." he leaned in closed nuzzling his nose with her red angry one "..Just remember we have passed that stage..You are mine in every sense Mrs.Raizada..We have become one even before our marriage.."

She pushed him back and stepped away breathing heavily with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Remember?" she gave a mocking laugh "Yes, i remember Mr.Raizada.I remember how you made a mockery out of our love in front of our family.I remember how you humiliated my mother infront of me and i even remember clearly how you forced my mother to leave me.Is there anymore thing should I remember? Yes one more thing..You said na that i mean nothing to you.Yes i remember it and trust me i won't forget it ever!"

She saw him look away.

"And tell me Mr.Arnav Singh Raizada, when you could have your revenge easily by leaving me at the mandap then why didn't you huh? Daya aa gayi kya hum pe or is it that you didn't have enough of me yesterday night? Do you again want me on your.."

"KHUSHI!!!!" he bellowed raising his hand but stopped midway.

He clenched his hand that was in mid air and closed his eyes.

"Why did you stop? Continue..Hit me..Or better fuck me right away to punish me"

*SLAP*

Her lips trembled as a sob rose in her throat.

She was once again crashed onto his chest with a steel grip of his hand on her waist.

"Don't you dare use that word for yourself ever again."

He gritted out, his eyes teary.

"Yes i married you to hurt THAT woman because it will be the biggest punishment for her to be in the same city as her daughter but still she won't be able to see you or talk to you ever.She will see her daughter pining for her and she will realize how me and Di felt when our..our mother left us due to her..Happy now? Got your answer? That's why I married you so that i could punish her..You got it right...You mean nothing to me..This is just for vengeance.Nothing more nothing less."

"Are we back to that? Again?" She asked in a murmur, knives twisting in her gut.

"We never passed that stage Khushi Singh Raizada. We are meant to hate each other.Forever.Love is for emotional fools and certainly Arnav Singh Raizada is not one."

"You hate me now don't you?"

"I am surprised that you still need to ask that"

With that he pushed her away.

"If that's the case then do listen to my perceptions too before leaving"

She said when he was about to leave.

He stopped but didn't turn to look at her.

"I hate you too!" She said confidently.

He turned to her sharply as if she hit his pulsating nerve.

"I am afraid that is not the case Khushi Singh Raizada."  His tone had a warning.

He reached her in long strides.

"Even if it is. I will turn the tables soon. Very, very soon Mrs.Raizada"

He ran his finger along her cheek. She slapped his hand moving back.

He looked annoyed at her move and the next thing she knew he was cupping her nape and leaned to place a long, hard peck on her lips before pushing her away .

"This tells you about MY rights on you Mrs.Raizada. I can change your feelings however and whenever i like. Because i am Arnav Singh Raizada. The man who writes his own destiny and certainly he will write yours too now that you are linked to him permanently as well."

He didn't stop then and left slamming the door shut behind him.

She fell to the ground and let the tears fall freely.

"I hate you...I hate you Arnavji" She sobbed out the words.

If only she had looked up, she would have seen a pair of misty eyes staring at her through the creak of the door with guilt and anguish and love hidden under the mask of his hate.

After their disastrous wedding night, morning wasn't any better as Khushi declared that she was going to Laxmi Nagar to meet her Amma and all for pag phera rasam.This has infuriated the Rakshas so much that he had shouted at her in front of all at the dining table that she wasn't going anywhere for any damn ritual.

"Kyun? Why can't I to go to meet my own amma huh? I don't need anyone's permission to meet her Mr.Raizada.Not even yours!"

"The hell you do Khushi Singh Raizada! And where that woman is concerned i am not going to listen to anything and you better stop this and go to your room silently!" he said sternly.

"I am not going to listen to any of your nonsense.She is MY mother and I am going to meet her and you can't stop me!"

"Khushi don't make me do anything that i might regret later.Chup chap kamre mai jao!"

"What more can you do? Will you again hit me like you did last night?" she heard the gasps of Nani and Anjali Di and regretted blurting out about the slap.

She looked up at him and saw his eyes fill up with guilt.

"I...I didn't mean to do that last night but.." he swallowed "..but you are..not going anywhere and to that home, NEVER!" he declared composing himself.

"One minute Mr.Raizada.What happened to your 'words' that you will complete all the rituals huh? Pag phera is a ritual as well if you don't know!"

"To hell with this pathetic ritual.Cut the crap Mrs.Raizada!"

But Khushi hadn't paid heed to any to his threats and had lurched forward towards the door with her hand bag to leave for Gupta house and that was it..

That morning Raizada family witnessed Arnav forcefully carrying her again and storming upstairs to their room and then the bang of the door.

Khushi wiped her tears which she didn't even know were flowing continuously.He had threatened her that morning that if she EVER tried to meet her Amma, he would make her Amma's, babuji's and Buaji's life hell and..

"These are the papers of your buaji's house in Laxmi Nagar that are now on my name.Yes i have bought it.I will throw their luggage out of MY property and will make sure they are on roads when i'll be done with them..So if you don't want me to do any of this than just abide by my orders and don't pester me with your whining like you wanna meet her and all!" she saw him smirk when he saw her shoulders slump.

"I can't believe you are the same man...whom..I'...I can't believe I fell in love with you" she mumbled and saw him look away.

If only she had looked at him few seconds before, she would have seen a rim of tears that formed behind his eyelids.

Since the early days of their marriage they got into arguments on this topic more often which turned from small arguments to large shouts and Raizada family had to conciliate to stop them from fighting like cats and dogs.Their continuous tantrums to each other has become the norm of the days that followed their marriage which she know that, them hurting each other like this with heartrending words and gibes, hurt their family very much.

She has had seen Anjali Di sobbing on Nani's shoulder one day after one of their fights and that had really unnerved her.She was not that heartless like him to punish others for the crimes and sins of another.

Her mind screamed at her not to be selfless like this as being that had only given her pain and nothing else but she was Khushi Kumari Gupta.When had she listened to her brain?

"Are you avoiding me?" He asked catching her elbow when she didn't respond to his accusing words which he just threw at her until tears filled her eyes tearing him apart.

"I am busy." She muttered twisting her arm to free herself.

"I just said that you are selfish and self obsessed. Don't you have to say anything about that?"

She knew what he was doing. Even if they weren't on an even ground, he still wanted her to keep talking to him even if its by fighting that is.

She can't give him that.

No!

That would mean a huge argument between them which she knew would build up too much when he would get out of control.

"Yeah i heard that" She said calmly without looking at him."Now will you let me go?"

"Talk to me Khushi!" He ordered turning her to him, pulling her closer sending tremors down her spine.

"I guess you used the wrong word. Its 'fight' with me Khushi!"

She gibed looking into his eyes before averting her own.

"Do whatever that is. Just- Just talk to me."

She swallowed thickly.

Was there the plea in his tone?

She raised her lashes to look at him only to find his stance defiant and eyes stony giving away nothing of his feelings yet the tone he used told about his inner turmoil.

"You want me to talk to you?"

He nodded clenching his jaws daring her not to defy him.

"Then let me go meet my mother. Will you?"

He left her rudely.

"Shut up. It is never going to happen.Got it?!" He pointed his index finger at her seething.

"Then don't expect me to dance to your tunes either" She gave it back to him before storming off leaving behind a frustrated Arnav.

She always cut down their fights whenever she had a feeling that their voices could go out the vicinity of their room.She would just walk out of the room and go to the terrace and to avoid any more fights she would make sure not to come in front of him whenever he was home.That calmed the situations of Shantivan and silence engulfed the mansion as if there was some mourning going on there inside the house.No more laughter reverberated in the house, no more evening chatters or tea happened, no more hustle bustle could be seen.

No more 'Hey Devi Maiyya' was heard.Even no 'What the' echoed across its walls.Everything was silent as if no one lived here.

Now it has been TWO months since they were married with all the rituals but things were just pathetic between them.They were so close...yet so far!

In these two months there was another thing in which he refused to compromise on.

Their sleeping arrangement!

He wouldn't leave the bed and would make sure she don't either.

She heard his frustrated sighs while she laid down with her back to him.

He was pissed off because she refused to let him rile her up to fight with him.To talk to him to be precise.

The last few days weren't easy on her either.

Her heart wasn't in peace because HE wasn't.

The hairs at her nape tingled when she sensed his breath on her skin there.

With her eyes closed, she held her breath as she felt him checking whether she was asleep or not.

She had a hard time controlling her gasp and sobs when she felt his arms wounding around her .One under her head and went around her shoulder pushing her to him and the other around her waist as he tugged her back to his front, throwing her blanket away and pulled her in his.

She felt his lips on her neck and then his breaths fanning over her skin as he clutched her to himself before she felt his soft snores as he slept.

When she was sure he was in deep sleep, she turned her head to look at his face shining in the moonlight coming from the poolside.

He was looking like an innocent child in sleep. Yeah but just only in sleep.Tomorrow morning he would go back to being all cold and mean to her to hurt her.

Tonight he was hugging her because he missed talking to her, arguing with her, fighting with her .

What was his problem?!

Neither he let her love him nor hate him properly.

"Please let me hate you with peace at least?" She choked with her hand on his cheek stroking the thick stubble.

 She often wondered how would life had been if their pasts weren't connected?

They would have been happily married by now.But destiny always play its cruel games..

Will she be able to forgive him for hurting her like this...for mocking their love?

Will she be able to forgive him for hurting her Amma and humiliating her without even listening to her side of story?

Will she ever be able to hate him completely?

Will she ever be able to hurt him the way he give her pain?

A sob escaped her.She felt suffocated and ran to upstairs to the terrace and fell on her knees..

"Kaash mai tumhe utni takleef de paate jitni tumne mujhe di hai.Kaash mai tumhe bata paati k kitni takleef hoti hai Arnav...Kaash mai tumse nafrat kar paati.."

(I wish i could pay you back the same pain you inflicted on me.I wish i could tell you how much it hurts Arnav. I wish i could hate you.)

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