Anger claimed my mind as its own. Pain kindled in my veins and my body like nothing before. I couldn't see straight. I couldn't think straight. I disappeared.

I was no longer that lively, ambitious spirit that everyone knew...that everyone loved. What happened hit me like a truck from the back, pushing me to darkest oblivion of my yet to continue life.

My energy was buried under the oceans of tears I shed. Unseen oceans than no one ever dared to swim in. No one except me. I remember when I cried like it's my first time, soaking my own cheeks with salty water that never seemed to go scarce.

I saw my reflection multiple times in the mirror, not recognizing myself. I didn't know that person standing against me with swollen eyes, red cheeks and puffy face. It wasn't me.

It was the weaker version. The one that surrendered to the harshest of words to be told over and over. To be read over and over by someone who clearly didn't care.

Who clearly didn't understand.

Agony wasn't physical or mental. It was a beautiful mixture of both. A mixture that rubbed on me, aching my heart and suffocating my lungs. No air was around me and I couldn't breathe again.

I breathed something called emptiness.

I hated myself for that. I despised my surroundings. People didn't know what happened. People didn't care like always. No hearts were broken over me. No pity looks. No love.

People related my tears to things I would never cry over because they didn't want to ask what happened. They thought I was that happy soul, the one that always smile, but no longer that soul. I am no longer alive.

Dead.

I am dead like the dry leaves of a tree in Autumn. Like the solemn cries of an orphan calling his parents. Like a wall supporting a building, always there, with no one seeing it.

People told me to forget. They told me it was alright and that I'd face way bigger hindrances in future, but they didn't ask me if I was fine now. If I was okay with what is happening. Silent tears are the most hurtful, and I remember shedding them non-stop with the words of that demonic human.

Letters weren't supposed to change to curse words, and curse words weren't supposed to be directed at people. I shouldn't be crying over this.

You should be strong, people tell me with a sympathetic smile. A smile that degrade me without them knowing.

But I can't!

I cannot be strong enough to withstand everything. I'm no creature made from rock or concrete. I'm made from something much sensitive. Something I hate I have. I want to be made from metal. Something that doesn't break easily!

I did so many things to feel relieved, but nothing helped me. Nothing stood out and caught my hand and walked me through a cold breeze of maybe happiness. I wanted to slam my head against the wall. Break my skull. Remove that nervous system that transferred my pain.

I want no nerves.

No mind.

No heart.

I want to be not there. Not anywhere I'd see that human. Not anywhere I'd possibly lose control and choke that human with my own hands.

Because I know I'll lose it when we meet. I know my anger and pain will transform to destruction. I know that tears will change me to a catastrophe. I know that I'd throw out every disgusting feeling on that person.

But I also know that the person's words will never fail to kill me.

Stay strong, I tell myself.

Let your words kill that person too.