I'm sorry that I did this
The blood is on my hands
I stare at my reflection
I don't know who I am

Doyoung stared into the mirror, he didn't understand but he knew he had to change. He wondered what Jaehyun would think of him, he wanted this right? His outfit was more revealing than he usually wears, a loose white dress shirt with the top buttons undone and black jeans and dress shoes. Jaehyun always said his skin is beautiful. Was it really true? He practiced a few smiles.
"Doyoung, why are you always depressed?" He remembers Jaehyun asking. He would change, he would change himself for Jaehyun because he wanted his boyfriend to he happy.

Practice my confession
In case I take the stand
I'll say I learned my lesson
I'll be a better man

"Doyoung? Are you okay?" Jungwoo asked him as he arrived at Johnny's place for a frat party.
"Yeah why?" He asked. He felt a bit numb, like he was out of his body.
"Why are you dressing like that? You never done so before" Taeyong asked and Doyoung heard worry laced in his words.
"I think it's a good look for me," he lied. He had to convince them. Taeyong was going to say something but Jaehyun walked over. He stared at Doyoung looking shocked. Doyoung was freaking out. He hates it. He faked a smile, Jaehyun smiled back and cupped his cheeks and kissed him.
"You look great" he smiled, his dimples showing. Doyoung blushed.
He no longer felt regret, he felt nothing at all. He's done all of this for Jaehyun.

Doyoung had broke down in the bathroom. A male he didn't know touched him, tried to pull his shirt undone. He hated showing his skin. But Jaehyun likes it. He said he looks great right? He stood in front of the mirror above the sink buttoning his shirt all the way up, he was almost done when there was a knock. "Doyoung?" He heard Jungwoo's voice. He sighed and unlocked it and let the younger in. Jungwoo shut and locked it and turned to Doyoung with a worried look. "Doyoung what's wrong?" He said worriedly and tried to wipe the older's tears.
"Why can't I get better J-Jungwoo?" He asked and fell into his chest and Jungwoo held him rubbing circles on his back.
"Wanna go home?" He asked.
"I can't leave Jaehyun, I promised I'd get better" he cried.

Would you love me more
If I killed someone for you?
Would you hold my hand
They're the same ones that I used
When I killed someone for you

Doyoung went to Jaehyun's house, like always. They sat and watched movies and cuddled on Jaehyun's bed. Doyoung had worn his normal hoodie and joggers so he was comfortable. Jaehyun had a similar outfit, he wore a black shirt and grey joggers. Doyoung was between Jaehyun's legs resting his back against Jaehyun's chest as Jaehyun held his waist sitting against the headboard. Doyoung played with one of Jaehyun's hands as they watched the movie. Jaehyun brought a hand up and tipped Doyoung's chin to face him and kissed him deeply. Doyoung smiled and kissed back. Jaehyun moved them so Doyoung was under him as he continued their make out. Jaehyun pulled away and kissed Doyoung's neck and started to leave hickeys. Doyoung was a blushing mess, Jaehyun's hair tickled his jaw and his teeth nipped his skin, he felt Jaehyun's breath on his neck. "Hey Doyoung?" Jaehyun asked and came back up and locked eyes with the male.
"Y-yeah?" Doyoung asked looking up at his boyfriend.
"Do you... do you want to do it?" Jaehyun asked with hesitation. Doyoung bit his lip. It'll make him happy right? I mean they've been dating for a year, normally couples have already done this right?
"Okay" he spoke softly and saw Jaehyun smile with so much love in his eyes it hurt Doyoung because he had lied. He had lied just so Jaehyun was happy. He wasn't ready, he wasn't and he knew that but his desire to make Jaehyun happy overweighed that.
I hope this makes him happy.

You have to understand that
The one I killed is me
Changing what I was
For what you wanted me to be
I followed your direction
Did everything you asked
I hope it makes you happy
'Cause there's just no turning back

"Doyoung hyung this isn't you" Jungwoo frowned.
"It is me Jungwoo, this is how I am now" he glared.
"No you're not!" The younger exclaimed "you're sweet and noble, you're not fake like you are now! Stop putting on a mask!" He pleaded and Doyoung sighed.
"It makes him happy" he whispered looking at the ground.
"You changed because of Jaehyun?" Jungwoo asked.
"He l-likes it better. He wanted me to get better and I am" he said, his voice a bit broken.
"Doyoung... this isn't healthy. You need to stop lying to him" he pleaded once more.
"There's no turning back Jungwoo, this is me. This is me I swear" he said, but he was mostly talking to himself.
"Doyoung, I read your notebook. I didn't mean to I swear b-" Jungwoo started. Doyoung looked at him with the most betrayed look and sorrow. "Doyoung hyung, you had sex with him even though you weren't ready. You gave him your body when you didn't want to. Why did you lie?! Jaehyun would have waited" Jungwoo tried to reason.
"B-but what if he won't wait, what if he's so fed up with the old me that he wants to find someone n-new" his voice broken once more as he started crying. "He always asked me why I-I'm so depressed and I didn't give a clear answer because I-I don't know the answer myself. I thought i-if I changed he'd l-love me more right?" He started sobbing and fell to the floor curling into himself. Jungwoo walked over.
"If he loved you he'd accept you. Jaehyun did accept you. He only worried" he said softly.

Would you love me more
If I killed someone for you?
Would you hold my hand
They're the same ones that I used
When I killed someone for you

Doyoung laid on Jaehyun's chest and held his hand as Jaehyun played on his phone. "Jaehyun" he said and Jaehyun looked at him.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"I love you" he said and Jaehyun smiled.
"I love you too Doyoung" he said "are you okay? That was a bit unexpected" he spoke carefully.
"D-Do I make you happy?" He asked and Jaehyun sat up and looked at his boyfriend who's eyes started to turn glassy from tears that weren't falling.
"Of course you do" he said.
"Am I better now?" He asked as tears started falling.
"What do you mean? Doyoung what's wrong? Are you sad again?" He asked worriedly and Doyoung sniffled. Are you sad again.
"I'm okay" he smiled and wiped his tears. "I'm great" he said but his eyes showed a different story. Jaehyun quickly held Doyoung and kissed his forehead feeling a bit fearful.
"Doyoung, please don't lie to me. I love you so much" he whispered in his ear rubbing his back and pushing his fingers through Doyoung's hair.
"I love you too Jaehyun. I'll get better I promise" he whispered a bit broken.
"Doyoung, stop wearing a disguise. You're not you anymore. Please go back" he whispered "please be the Doyoung I fell in love with" he pleaded. Doyoung nodded and Jaehyun laid them down holding Doyoung close scared he'd leave.

One year ago.
"Don't change yourself Doyoung, you're beautiful just the way you are"
"Am I really?"
"Of course" Jaehyun answered, and he truly meant it. He loved Doyoung for him.